Nukulus Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hey all, hope everyone is having a good evening so far! Anyway, I just wanted get your opinions and advice. Just a bit of background info, I'm a grad student that works at a university building providing tech support among other things. Through this I meet a lot of people my age, both men and women. In addition, being in a relatively small university town I often see people out at bars/clubs/restaurants/coffee shops/etc. I see people that I both know, and people that I just recognize. Anywho, last night I was at a bar just shooting some pool with a friend of mine. I went to the bar to get a drink and noticed a girl that I had recognized as working/having class in the same building I worked at. I didn't say anything. About 30 minutes later I went back for another drink and she actually initiated a conversation. We made some small talk, and did our introductions while I waited for my beer. I didn't want to linger so I said bye and went back to playing pool. After my last game had ended my friend and I went back up to the bar and me and the girl started talking again. I should note at this point that she was relatively intoxicated and became more so as the evening went on. Anyways her and her friends were celebrating passing an exam. She decides to buy me a drink. All the while making comments like: "Will you do a shot of ________with me?" and when I agreed "Are you sure? Because if you can you're my kind of guy/man!" She is pretty touchy feely and very flirty, I flirt back and all is well. We chat about what she does, when she graduates, etc, etc. Anywho in most cases I would be pretty sure of myself at this point, but there are a couple caveats. 1. If I were to leave for the restroom she would start talking and flirting with some other guy(s), though when I came back she would come back to me eventually. 2. She was drunk and getting more intoxicated by the minute. 3. Given her state of sobriety, and the fact that I work in the same building (news travels fast) I backed off a bit on the flirting and potentially making a move. I just don't really agree with taking advantage of girls when they're like that. Anyway, the night ends with her losing her purse. I help her look, but we never find it. Next morning I wake up to find a FB message from her thanking me for helping to look for her purse saying she really appreciates it. We were not FB friends and we didn't know each others last name so she had to put some effort into finding me. Anyway I sent a brief message back and friended her. So what do you all think? Given that it's the end of the semester and I'm sure she's heading home next week I figured I would just play it by ear and see how friendly she is when she isn't intoxicated? Just wondering about any potential for dating type interest, and if not that's cool too I'm all for having new friends as well. p.s. FWIW she isn't listed as being in a relationship on facebook (but that doesn't really mean anything) and some of her past profile pics are with her and what I assume to be her boyfriend... though there hasn't been any pics of them together since may. We're both 24 btw. 1 more side note... she also shares an office with a girl that I was "talking" to for a couple of weeks at the begginning of the summer. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Thanks all, sorry for the huge post!
Sabali Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) So what do you all think? Given that it's the end of the semester and I'm sure she's heading home next week I figured I would just play it by ear and see how friendly she is when she isn't intoxicated? Just wondering about any potential for dating type interest, and if not that's cool too I'm all for having new friends as well. First, there is potential here. She gave good signals and the most important one was reaching out to you on the reality internet show "Facebook." The most important thing here is don't play $#!t by ear. Be aggressive. Now. Don't wait until you she how she is when she "isn't" intoxicated. Find out. You have to contact her. Given her state of sobriety, and the fact that I work in the same building (news travels fast) I backed off a bit on the flirting and potentially making a move. I just don't really agree with taking advantage of girls when they're like that. Okay, you're "nice." Fine. Just consider a couple of things. She is an adult. Yes, she may have been clearly intoxicated but don't assume just because someone is intoxicated that they still don't have good judgment when it comes to hooking up. I have been p!$$y drunk and at no time could you get me to bang someone I wouldn't have if I was sober. I can recall more than one situation in which I was intoxicated and alone with a woman who was intoxicated and right as I began to unzip the zipper on those jeans, alarms went off all over the place and 20 men in black suits suddenly showed up, stuck guns to my head and apprehended me. In other words, the women suddenly, miraculously "sobered up." My point is this: so what... She was drunk. That doesn't mean you can't get her phone number. That doesn't mean that you couldn't have gone home with her and socialized more. That doesn't mean she would have given it up to you. Fine, don't try to screw her. I am just calling you on this because some guys will find any reason to not drive things home when they want to pick up a woman. You can be worried about news traveling fast at school but don't be surprised if your professors have already hit it. But it is very nice of you to think about those things. Here is what you should do: Message her on Facebook since you don't have her number and don't run into her everyday and the more time pass, the more tough this will become for you. Normally, I wouldn't advocate anything but a voice interaction for this but she sent you a message first and these are extenuating circumstances. Leave a simple message that says "give me your number so that I can call you." Say it just like that. Don't ask for it and don't say anything else. If she replies with anything else other than her number or anything other than a rejection, repeat the above message. You will get it by your second request. When you call her, ask her out. Don't start chatting it up on the phone. Talk for a couple of minutes then set up a date. Make it a short meet up and see how she is when she is sober. On the next date, take her out on a date that involves drinking. I am just kidding about the last part but I know someone who would plan it in that order. Edited December 9, 2010 by Sabali
Author Nukulus Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Thanks for the reply,,, Anyways, I suppose you could call me a nice guy, but i'm also not afraid to go for it, if the circumstances are right. I should probably clarify that when I say I don't agree with taking advantage- I mean when some girl is so far gone that she is having issues forming sentences and I'm in a relatively sober state. If we're both drunk or whatever, then all bets are off. I can do aggressive... Though I think I'll see if I can't catch her in person at work tomorrow or friday before I send her a fb message asking for a number or whatever. If not I'll defintely message her. Thanks!
welikeincrowds Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I mean when some girl is so far gone that she is having issues forming sentences and I'm in a relatively sober state That would be so unattractive to me. Unless I couldn't form sentences either. I hope you're not one of those people who becomes attracted just by virtue of being given attention.
Sabali Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I can do aggressive... Though I think I'll see if I can't catch her in person at work tomorrow or friday before I send her a fb message asking for a number or whatever. If not I'll defintely message her. Thanks! Sounds good. High five.
Author Nukulus Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 No no... Not at all... I've seen her around and I've always though she was attractive. I just never had a reason to talk to her before yesterday. I also know she is a Ph.D. student and was out celebrating with her classmates for passing an exam that allows them to achieve their placement for their 4th year. So I know for a fact that she doesn't get out drinking much. Anyway I've also been there... I think most of us had nights when we've had a bit too much and were in rare form.
Sabali Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 . Anyway I've also been there... I think most of us had nights when we've had a bit too much and were in rare form. Personally, every time I have "been there" was by a mistake or miscalculation on how much food was in my stomach and how much alcohol I was able to take in. I normally like to be firing on all cylinders at any given time and whenever I realize out one cylinder is being sacrificed, I stop drinking immediately but everyone likes to let their hair down every now and then and sometimes the drunk state just ambushes you.
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