Is it normal for guys to ogle someone else in front of girlfriend?

[odisea]

I have a really important question...Is it normal for my boyfriend to be saying how hot another woman is when I am sitting right next to him? Most of the time the comment is being made to me, when we are watching a movie together. To show him I am not insecure, a lot of the time I ask him if he thinks someone is pretty..like Nicole Kidman the other night when we saw Cold Mountain..so I do invite him to tell me if he thinks someone is attractive or not. BUT, sometimes he sounds as if he lusting after someone instead of just admiring her looks. Last night just as an example we were watching TV and Britney Spears came on and he all the sudden said in an excited way..."OH my god, she is sooooo hot..Oh god!" That to me sounds more like lust than simply admiring, and I felt kinda invisible when he said that, and when he's acted like that a few other times about other actresses etc. He has never given me a compliment by the way, so that's why I feel invisible when he acts like that. Does the way I feel make any sense? Should I say something to him? Is that just the way guys are?

[Sundaymorning]

oh man, you are going to get hounded on this website for asking this.....i feel bad for you cause you dont deserve it, no one does.

 

What you will hear is, and what I think is: you need to let him know it bothers you. If you really do not want to ask if he thinks so-and-so is cute, do not ask. You need to set your boundaries and if he does not respect them, give him the boot. If he does, keep him.

 

 

good luck

[End of my rope]

So do you never make a comment about a hot guy in front of him? It just sounds to me like he's just trying to make you jealous.

[P1xie]

You poor girl soon they will be saying that you're insecure and if you try to change him you will then be controlling. Guys are visual it's natural etc.

 

Whatever! It's rude for him to do that to you and disrespectful. Is it only during movies or when you two go out? Like checking out waitresses?

[Miss_Prolixity]

Hi Odisea,

 

You're right, there's nothing wrong with admiring other people's attractiveness/beauty. As we're all fascinated by beautiful things, whether it be: people, homes, cars, scenery, etc.

 

But I think there can be a fine line about it, too. If your significant other is deliberately over-reacting about someones appearance and "oogling" them right in front of you-- it could mean they're trying to get a rise out of you or creating jealousy. And to me that is disrespectful.

 

Of course there's nothing wrong with commenting on an attractive male or female, but there are limits. I think since this makes you feel uncomfortable in certain situations (Brittney Spears) you should definitely communicate how you feel. Let him know you don't mind that he appreciates beautiful women, but he doesn't necassarily have go to an extreme either.

[gaia]

How would he react if you did that with a guy? Try it and see.

 

Seriously, I think it is disrespectful and I would have it out with him.

[gaia]

I have just replied to an identical thread! Why are there two of them?

[caretoo]

Personally, i don't find anything offensive about it when it relates to actors/performers. I think it can be kind of fun. Maybe he, you, we do it to let our partner know what we find attractive, sexy, etc. without coming right out and telling them. We also could be searching for their preferences.

 

Maybe he secretly wants you to grow your hair longer or wear hotter clothing for him. This is how he is telling you. ? If he overly does it with friends of yours then I would question his motives a bit more. If he knows it hurts you then he should find another way to let you know.

 

You say he never compliments you? I think that is strange. But sometimes men are so oblivious!

 

What do you think of Antonio B.? Is he HOT or what???

[mach3]

My Ex used to get really upset about me "staring" at girls. I would never say a word, but am very observant. Sometimes I guess I do "stare" - but it's not ogling, as I'm smart enough not to do that while with another girl. But it was quite a double standard, because she never had a problem hanging around with or chatting up guys. I think if he is being rude about it - ie "she is smoking hot" - that's BS. But if he just says something polite like "She's pretty", especially in regards to a celebrity, it's OK.

[Fritz]

Well, it was britney spears (she is attractive, in a trampy, hussy, phony, tarted up record selling sex symbol way) so perhaps he was being sarcastic?

 

I'd don't think you're wrong in thinking its rude/disrespectful to ogle like that though. Appreciating beauty is one thing, out and out drooling is another.

[yes]

do it right back, girl!! just last night i was at the movies with this guy, and he commented on a few actresses. so when a hot actor came on screen, i commented too. and the guy i was with immediately started asking 'what abt ME? don't u like ME?', etc - no more comments abt actresses

 

-yes

[Tony T]

Not only is it rude but it's grounds for breaking up if it happens a second time.

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by odisea

Should I say something to him?

 

Odisea - Don't say anything to him. Just laugh it off or perhaps you can agree with him -- 'Yup, she's hot'.

 

But when you see an attractive actor, say, 'damn he's hot - i bet he has a big d!ck'.

 

~V

[bad_boys_are_hott]

My b/f & I wen't to the movies to see "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days", he commented on the fact that Kate Hudson was pretty. Then I commented on how handsome Matthew McConaughey was. Give it to him right back!! Once, there was this girl that came over to his house (who knows why, she's a major flirt!) & he looked out his window & was like, "Damn, Whitney's looking good today." Then he just looked over at me with a smile & said that he was just playing. Those are really the only times he's made those remarks. Both times he told me I was more beautiful. Not just that but he's always telling me how "beautiful" I am. I guess, that's why it didn't bother me so much b/c I knew that he thought I was beautiful too, or as he puts it "more beautiful". In your case, he doesn't tell you, instead he rejects your beauty only to recognize other's right in front of you. Now that IS disrespectful!! The next time he makes one of his infamous comments, just simply ask him why he can always tell you how beautiful other women are but he can never tell you your attractive. That's not stupid or childish! It does sound to me like he's trying to make you jealous, (I know that was what my b/f was doing, but he was mainly playing!) It's little things like this that if carried on will only hurt you more, maybe he is oblivious & doesn't realize it's bothering you. I wouldn't just out of the blue hound him about it. Just next time, let him know...