michee Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be.
KarmasTestDummy Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be. I have made it a point to be nothing but dignified and accepting with MM. Sure there have been times when I wanted to throw a fit or act incredibly selfish and childish saying "What about me?" but haven't. He already has enough drama and four children at home to deal with every day, I'd like to stand out in his mind, even if it's his last impression as I walk away that I handled myself very maturely and took the high road to avoid conflict.
4321sn Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Yes I have. Many many times. I think that in some ways this affair has brought out both the best and the worst in us as individuals. It is an extremely tense situation and more often than not we both behave like children from time to time. Ive said "Im done" many times when I didnt mean it out of anger and frustration. We are constantly saying sorry to one another. We both know that the sorrys are getting old though and sorry loses its meaning when you keep doing the things you apologise for. We try to forgive one another because we know this situation is far from idea at this moment.
spice4life Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I broke contact a few times, but never begged and pleaded. That's not my style, I think my pride gets in the way. :| I know I know....pride is not such a great thing. Workin on it though. I agree that A's bring the best and worst out in you, no doubt there. I ended it sooo many times and I am amazed that he wanted me back after that. Still trying to figure that out. The last time I actually apologized and said being in an A was too hard for me even though I love him. I told him I couldn't keep bailing on him like that since it was my problem not his. He made it clear he was content where he was at (staying M) and I decided that since I couldn't deal with it I had to let him go. It wasn't fair to me or him to keep ending it when I was the one who couldn't handle being in an A. So yes, it brought out childish behavior and I finally had to own up to what I could handle and what I couldn't...no matter how I felt about him.
Fieldsofgold Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be. Oh. Yeah. My xBF presented himself as single and available, when he was actually married with an OW. When I found out, I was soooo angry. I told him off and dumped his butt. Bit then I couldn't let go of the anger. I stewed about it for months. Tried to figure out why he did it. Repeatedly resisted the urge to contact him and ask him why? WHY???!!! Resisted the urge to send him hate txts/e-mails. Lots of childish, counter-productive behavior-thoughts. I couldn't figure out why, aa I'm usually a fairly logical, rational person. Recently I think I realized why. I am an abuse survivor. His lies were a form of abuse. (trust abuse, love abuse, etc.) I think my anger toward him, and my inability to let it go, was tied to the previous abuse.
siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Broke NC once. The A brought out my neediness but no childish behaviour as such. I guess you could call it childish - maybe my inner child screaming for love and connection I don't know! I think the A/R was hard enough as it is without adding more drama. There were times when I felt very angry and I let him know in an email, but never in an abusive sort of way. I contemplated telling his W as I got revengeful but that didn't last as I just don't want to be a revengeful person.
Fieldsofgold Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Broke NC once. The A brought out my neediness but no childish behaviour as such. I guess you could call it childish - maybe my inner child screaming for love and connection I don't know! I think the A/R was hard enough as it is without adding more drama. There were times when I felt very angry and I let him know in an email, but never in an abusive sort of way. I contemplated telling his W as I got revengeful but that didn't last as I just don't want to be a revengeful person. I had no qualms about telling the W, but I didn't have to. The kids who told me, while I was telling him off, told her and his OW. I drove to W's house a few days later and apologized to her in person. I wanted her to clearly understand that I did not know he was M. The telling him off part - I sure wasn't dignified about that. I started out very calm and proper - but the teens who informed me about him, also drove me to his house. When he told the young man to take off his ball cap - that he would not tolerate that sort of rude, ill-mannered, disrespectful behavior in his house - honey, I lost a hinge! (I was grateful that the teens were 18 and 19!) There were a few times in the subsequent weeks when I responded snarkily to his groveling txt msgs. Childish of me. But I really wanted to send him hate mail quite often, which of course I didn't. And I wanted to quiz him -- why? What did he hope to accomplish? What did he plan to do with a his promises? What an @ss! Fortunately, other than the initial break-up, I didn't do too badly - but I sure had the urge to!
Foolish1018 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be. YES! Not groveling per se, but certainly playing manipulation games and finding satisfaction when he comes crawling back - it's like payback for hurting me. And the I'm sorrys get old fast - he throws that out so often, but he never makes it up to me. Yet another sign that I need to move on. Speaking of which, I do find comfort in music, and Christina Perri's "Jar of Hearts" has been really helpful. Might want to listen to that a few times...
Author michee Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 It's funny you mention that song...when I hear it I think of my MM.
Hazyhead Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be. Not so much grovel (managed to restrain myself despite the urge to) but gave him the benefit of far too many doubts. Ironically it was always him that grovelled! And I would believe him... over and over. I look back now and think, how did he put that on? The crocodile tears and clutching paws? What a great actor. Still... I'm glad looking back that I didn't do it... it's the one thing I have!
TigerCub Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Just curious if anyone else out there has acted very immature with AP. I mean digressing to say and do childlike things. For example..when the AP say's it's over and you pretty much grovel and beg 4 it not to be. Beg and Grovel? HELL NO!!! I was the one that kept ending it with him. I did cry a lot however - and that's so not like me to just burst into tears so easily. That "Relationship" stirred a lot of emotions in me and it actually dredged up a LOT of childhood issues that I thought I'd let die. - Dealt with that stuff in therapy tho But as far as acting childish - I don't think I did. And as far as begging - I'd NEVER in my life want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me - I'd never beg anyone to stay.
spice4life Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Beg and Grovel? HELL NO!!! I was the one that kept ending it with him. I did cry a lot however - and that's so not like me to just burst into tears so easily. That "Relationship" stirred a lot of emotions in me and it actually dredged up a LOT of childhood issues that I thought I'd let die. - Dealt with that stuff in therapy tho But as far as acting childish - I don't think I did. And as far as begging - I'd NEVER in my life want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me - I'd never beg anyone to stay. Ditto ditto ditto! I totally agree and can really identify with is post - especially the last paragraph! I would never ever be with someone who doesn't want to be with me either. I guess, for me, the beinng childish part was the constant ending. I don't think I did anything childish beyond that.
BB07 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 NO crying and begging for me, and yes there was a time a long, long time ago, when I did act like a doormat. That still pisses me off..........at ME! There was also times when I first found out what a lying POS snake in the grass that he really was that I wanted to bargain with myself a bit about what I would tolerate and what I wouldn't, but........that stage is a part of grief and I passed it and there is no way in hell I'd bargain now, with him or with myself. The best thing I've ever done is regained my dignity and self respect by leaving him the hell alone. He will not steal another minute of my love. He didn't deserve it then and he sure as hell doesn't deserve it now.
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