Tom Crick Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Have you had it? You know, the one where you decide you're exclusively dating and that's it? I only ask because the guy I started seeing back in October, well, we're still going, with him making plans - and the suggestion - that we spend Christmas together, as well as dropping in on each other's families together, but part of me still isn't sure that we are exclusive. I daren't ask, of course, that's a touch too needy and uncertain and I've done well enough, thank you very much, on confidence and just the right side of cool. Don't want to blow it by suddenly buckling and turning to him, teary-eyed, ask, 'are we together?' So I shan't. But I would like your opinions on whether we're missing a bit by not having 'The' Conversation. He's referred to our 'relationship' a couple of times, and has changed his role from unsubstantiated to 'your boyfriend' a few times as well. Oh, and I have crippling insecurity which may explain the above post! Cheers TC
Madgick1 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I've only had it once. The other two times it was implied when we moved in together. The once I had it, I said: "Hey, I'm making an assumption, but just wanted to check. You are still seeing other women, right?" He said no. I said, "Is that by accident or the way you want it? The reason I'm asking is I assumed you were seeing others; but we seem to spend all our time together and maybe we want to try the exclusive thing for a while and see how that works for us?" He said he assumed that's what we were doing and seemed a bit miffed (oh well, I can't read minds). I said cheerfully, "All right, I'd like that too. If you change your mind, let me know." He said, "If you change your mind, you let me know too." He sulked a bit, but I was cheerful and he got over it. The other two it was just clear early on that we were; I forget how I knew, but I think it was the exchange of the 'you're the only man/woman for me, you're the greatest' type thing that makes the conversation not necessary.
Author Tom Crick Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Hi Madgick, Ta for this. I think it's still tentative, early stages and although we've had the 'relationship' word and the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' word and the, 'would you like to come and have Sunday lunch with me and my mum?' sentence, which I did, I still can't nail the feeling that until we have it, I won't feel 'secure.' But then I don't know when I'll feel secure. I think the underlying fact for me, is that other people tell me to relax, to chill, that everything is going well and I don't need to question it, but if he misses an 'x' off a text, I go into meltdown. Hmmm. Food for thought! Cheers TC
Lakeside_runner Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I usually had it but just because I wanted it. I am pretty old fashioned in that aspect... With my current GF, when things became intensely physical one evening we kinda admitted that we are not seeing anyone else. Now for the BF/GF talk - a whole different story. This one is actually pretty funny. I wanted to ask her if it's ok with her if I refer to her as my girlfriend. This is because one evening we were supposed to go to a hockey game (her and I) and I had another invitation to dinner with friends and when I was telling my friends that I won't go to their place for dinner I kinda didn't know how to refer to her. I ended up by saying "a girl I am currently seeing" but this wasn't the way I felt about her. So I started telling her the story by saying "So, there is this guy, and he invited me to dinner..." etc. and the more I talked the more I realized that she's just waiting for me to say "So in conclusion - I'm secretly gay!". :lmao: Poor girl was shocked But after I finally got to the point I got one of the best kisses ever!
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