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I'm thinking of breaking NC. Women's info greatly appreciated.

The Crow

By The Crow
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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The Crow New Member

The Crow

Posted
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So I was dating a girl for about 3 years. When we got together, she was a year into college, I was not currently in school. I had some bad luck with some stuff. No car, and I didn't have a job for a bit. I did get a job eventually. She still stood by my side. Now of course after awhile, her friends told her she should leave me etc, because of my situation. No in school etc, basically equals no positive future.

 

2 years go by, I end up having to move to Florida. Parents in Texas tell me that I need to leave. I have a dad that lives in Florida that got me a hook up on a cheap apartment in Florida. I tell the GF I am going here to save up money and better myself.

 

A year goes by and I can tell she is getting distant. I know the breakup is coming so I tell her that we should just end things. She does and 3 weeks later is dating this guy that she was talking to while I was in Florida. They are officially BF and GF. The break up was not bad between us. She basically told me she was tired of waiting for me to make progress. I told her I understood. (She is right after all.) So the break up was not a harsh one. And our relationship together was not bad. She said that basically my only flaw was the lack of motivation.

 

I went to visit Texas 2 months ago and we hung out. I could tell she was very confused. I stayed there a week. The last day I was not expecting her to contact me, she texts me and says she wants to hang out before I leave. We do and then I catch my flight back to Florida.

 

She texts me 2 days after and then I have not had any contact with her for just over 2 months.

 

I leave for Texas in 2 weeks. I am only staying for 2 weeks. I have her purse that she left at my apartment here in Florida a year ago when she came to visit me. She did mention that she wanted the purse 2 months ago when I saw her. I am thinking about using that as an excuse to break no contact. If I do see her, I intend on keeping things simple and very casual.

 

I feel like if I continue no contact, it will create a bigger void.

 

A girl friend of mine told me that I should contact her when I officially move back to Texas with all my stuff in order. That is when I have bought myself a car and I am back in school.

 

But again, that will be about 9 months from now. And to me, that will create a HUGE void and obstacle for me.

 

Btw, my Bday was December 4th and I didn't receive a call or text from her.

 

 

She is currently 22

I just turned 27

Her new BF is 19.

 

I feel like he is just the classic rebound relationship for her though.

 

 

 

Opinions?

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

Posted
Posted
Btw, my Bday was December 4th and I didn't receive a call or text from her.
That's all you need to know. You don't need to talk to her. She obviously knows when your birthday is, so her inaction speaks enough. Plus, she's seeing someone else. Even if you think it's a rebound, she's with someone else.

 

I would have a mutual friend or family member take her purse and give it to her. You really don't need to see her. All it will do is open up old wounds.

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The Crow New Member

The Crow

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yea, that was a pretty big deal to me. I feel like she is still trying to figure out what she wants.

 

Any more opinions? Suggestions?

cerridwen Established Member

cerridwen

Posted
Posted

"A girl friend of mine told me that I should contact her when I officially move back to Texas with all my stuff in order. That is when I have bought myself a car and I am back in school. But again, that will be about 9 months from now. And to me, that will create a HUGE void and obstacle for me."

 

Your girlfriend is right. What would make the biggest impression on your ex, is if you actually got yourself together and made it known it was in part to be with her. Don't play games about the purse. Be straight forward and tell her your plan to better yourself and why.

 

If you are serious about reconnecting and if you DO follow through on bettering yourself, make contact with your ex now and let her know you're actively working toward that goal. Don't let more time go by. But also be prepared if she says it's too little too late.

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

Posted
Posted

She's got a new man, so more than likely, she's 100% involved with him. Which, generally, is normal during the new stages in a relationship where you spend the bulk of your time together.

 

I'd focus on your school, your life, your ambitions. You can never guess what she wants, and she won't tell you. At least, not now.

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The Crow New Member

The Crow

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
"A girl friend of mine told me that I should contact her when I officially move back to Texas with all my stuff in order. That is when I have bought myself a car and I am back in school. But again, that will be about 9 months from now. And to me, that will create a HUGE void and obstacle for me."

 

Your girlfriend is right. What would make the biggest impression on your ex, is if you actually got yourself together and made it known it was in part to be with her. Don't play games about the purse. Be straight forward and tell her your plan to better yourself and why.

 

If you are serious about reconnecting and if you DO follow through on bettering yourself, make contact with your ex now and let her know you're actively working toward that goal. Don't let more time go by. But also be prepared if she says it's too little too late.

 

 

Seems reasonable. I am also ready to accept the fact that she may not want to be with me.

 

I don't know if it is a big deal, but I was her first. IE, real relationship and I was the first person that she was physically intimate with.

 

 

Any more opinions? If I see people leaning more towards one suggestion than the other, then that is what I am going to do.

 

I have 2 weeks before I am in Texas and I have been debating on what to do. I won't deny that I have feelings for this girl. But at the same time, I will not let myself fall into a deep depression and not make good on my personal promise to better myself and succeed in life.

Edited by The Crow
Graceful Established Member

Graceful

Posted
Posted
Seems reasonable. I am also ready to accept the fact that she may not want to be with me.

 

I don't know if it is a big deal, but I was her first. IE, real relationship and I was the first person that she was physically intimate with.

 

 

Any more opinions? If I see people leaning more towards one suggestion than the other, then that is what I am going to do.

 

I have 2 weeks before I am in Texas and I have been debating on what to do. I won't deny that I have feelings for this girl. But at the same time, I will not let myself fall into a deep depression and not make good on my personal promise to better myself and succeed in life.

 

Hi,

I'm a little concerned about what you said about falling into a depression, which is often what happens when people break NC. It just opens up the wounds, and opens you to being very vulnerable when you can't afford to be. I think the fact she didn't send you any communication for your b-day speaks volumes (and I am sorry if that hurt you) --- this is so tough, b/c I would be wavering on it, too.

Can you get someone to drop off the purse? Why not have a friend drop off the purse and put a holiday card INSIDE THE PURSE. :)

 

Say a few words in the card like you hope she is doing well, you wanted to give her purse back to her and wish her a happy new year. Just keep it simple. Tell her you hope the new year brings her the best.

 

If you do this, and don't hear from her, it will give you all the information you need to move on. When you think of returning to school and bettering yourself, do it for YOU, and YOUR future. That is the person you are investing in, not her.

 

Get yourself together, work hard, and if you make progress on your life in 9 months to a year, worry about it then. I am one of those people who believes if you are meant to be together, 9 months will not be the factor that takes you apart for ever.

 

Insofar as being her "first" ... that is not a reason to stay with someone. If anything, some people believe their "first" is a special person and a special time, but that it's not necessarily "the one" -- many people want to meet and experience other people and date before they settle down.

 

Good luck. You sound like you have your heart in the right place, but you have to motivate yourself and once you begin to do that, your self esteem will go up and so will your confidence. This girl might not be so important to you once that happens. :)

suzyq63 New Member

suzyq63

Posted
Posted

Sounds like she has totally moved on and so should you. She knew your birthday; she knows how to contact you to retrieve her purse. You deserve so much more than some ghost to continually torment you. There are real women in FL or TX or wherever you end up, and you will find someone who doesn't play games and who will be good to you. NC is the best and only way to go and move on. You deserve better.

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The Crow New Member

The Crow

Posted
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Posted (edited)

 

Can you get someone to drop off the purse? Why not have a friend drop off the purse and put a holiday card INSIDE THE PURSE. :)

 

 

I am thinking that this is what I am going to do. I am friends with a girl that I have known for awhile that happens to work at the same place as my GF.

 

I think I am going to give the purse to our mutual friend since that mutual friend of mine is going to this get together I have planned with myself and friends when I get to Texas in 2 weeks. I don't know if I am going to do the whole letter thing, but I may put something small in there.

 

It's this little Domo figure. She often mentioned the stuffed one I got her a lot. She really liked it. So I think the little Domo might make a pretty significant impact. (Both stuffed version and the little one pictured in the link below. They are actually the ones I own.)

 

2kge53.jpg

 

 

More opinions on the matter would be appreciated.

Edited by The Crow
Don_da_Ho Established Member

Don_da_Ho

Posted
Posted
She texts me 2 days after and then I have not had any contact with her for just over 2 months. I have her purse that she left at my apartment here in Florida a year ago when she came to visit me. She did mention that she wanted the purse 2 months ago when I saw her. I am thinking about using that as an excuse to break no contact. If I do see her, I intend on keeping things simple and very casual.

I feel like if I continue no contact, it will create a bigger void.

 

A girl friend of mine told me that I should contact her when I officially move back to Texas with all my stuff in order. That is when I have bought myself a car and I am back in school.

 

But again, that will be about 9 months from now. And to me, that will create a HUGE void and obstacle for me.

 

Btw, my Bday was December 4th and I didn't receive a call or text from her.

 

Bro, Bro, Bro. You have no motivation in life, you move away and you're surprised when she gets a new guy. I think she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you and has already made up her mind.

 

You're just like the typical guy, thinking that if you're out of sight she will forget you or it will widen the gap. Believe me, if that was going to happen, it's going to happen anyway no matter what you do. In fact, contacting her will most likely push her further away and just cement her decision that she was correct in breaking up with you.

 

Good job in trying to rationalize contacting her though, with the "gap", sending the purse back with the hope of opening communication, the bit about your B-day and that she's rebounding. All poor excuses for contacting her when you shouldn't. Sorry Bro, I do empathize with you, but I think it's best for you, and time, to move on and find a new girl.

dk.bnz.chi Established Member

dk.bnz.chi

Posted
Posted

you're 27 and her new bf is 19? what does that tell you about her? what does that tell you about yourself?

are you worse than a 19 year old? dude,just leave that stupid girl. she has obviously no idea what's up and down

dk.bnz.chi Established Member

dk.bnz.chi

Posted
Posted

i forgot to add that you have no idea either.

if a girl ever left me for a 19 year old ,i would be checking myself if i didn't grow a p...y by mistake in all this years. i'm sure you did

Graceful Established Member

Graceful

Posted
Posted
I am thinking that this is what I am going to do. I am friends with a girl that I have known for awhile that happens to work at the same place as my GF.

 

I think I am going to give the purse to our mutual friend since that mutual friend of mine is going to this get together I have planned with myself and friends when I get to Texas in 2 weeks. I don't know if I am going to do the whole letter thing, but I may put something small in there.

 

It's this little Domo figure. She often mentioned the stuffed one I got her a lot. She really liked it. So I think the little Domo might make a pretty significant impact. (Both stuffed version and the little one pictured in the link below. They are actually the ones I own.)

 

More opinions on the matter would be appreciated.

 

I would not recommend a gift AT ALL. No gift, that's not appropriate and makes you look lame, rather than thoughtful.

 

A card is enough. And you're right, no note in the card. Just say that you wanted her to have her purse back, and happy new year.

 

I think you will run the risk of setting yourself up for feeling bad if you make any more gestures toward her. But I respect the idea you want to make one last gesture, but make it small.

 

She is seeing someone else, I don't care if he is 19 or 29 or 39, she is seeing someone else. You're not even close to being ready to be in a r/l with anyone right now. Use this time to get yourself together, and find out that you can be independent and have self worth without a girlfriend. As I told you before, when you get yourself together, I honestly don't think you will even want your ex back at all.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Dude, Getting your life to together, getting back into school getting a car, a good job..etc. If you're doing all that for her, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

 

She's 22 and her boyfriend is 19. Translation, she's young and he's young and they are having fun while you're waiting on the sidelines hoping to get into the game. Sorry to be blunt.

 

Get your life together FOR YOU! Not for anyone else. Once you start accomplishing the goals that you set yourself up for, you'll start to like the independence you made, and your self esteem and your confidence will soar through the roof. Have one woman tell me that I'm wrong. They love a man that is happy, successful, driven and confident. Women seem to be drawn to this type of man. So, you will have opportunities open up for you and your EX will see this and realise that funboy is only that, someone that's fun. By the time she realises this, I hope that you have been able to move on and she'll realize that she missed out.

 

The best revenge any guy or girl can have on an EX is to be successful and lead a good and happy life.

Movingthrough Established Member

Movingthrough

Posted
Posted

As you can see in my post I put up the other day, I'm also dealing with having feelings for an Ex that is with someone else. Mine was a little different because she kept telling me her feelings are there for me, which leads to confusion.

 

What I have found out as each day goes by (this is what the other posters have said) if someone is with someone then they are with someone. Yeah usually its a rebound thing but most people will not leave what they are currently with just to "see" if it will work out with an ex. It was a hard thing for me to focus on but its the truth. In my personal opinion, if she knows you have the feelings, knows your getting yourself back in order, then she knows and basically the ball is in her court.

 

As far as the birthday thing, yeah that probably is a big deal, its funny because mine is coming up and I'm pretty sure I wont hear from my ex either, it is what it is man..

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