tlind Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 How to "Get Over It". How do you do it? I really am asking an honest question, because my situation is I'm beating myself up over something that happened a long time ago. I told a friend of over 10 years that I "loved" her, she smiled in my face then pretty much cut all contact with me accusing me of talking trash about her... Now I'm a bigger person and can admit that I f****d up and did say some stupid, drunk things about her, and I'm sure the person who told her made up or stretched a lot of what I said (I still don't know if what he told her was true). Also, she was in a relationship at the time of my confession and I kept trying to talk to her about "How I never said anything that was meant to be hurtful, etc..." I can NOW see how that is extremely disrespectful to someone in a relationship, but at the time was real naive about it and I beat myself up every single day for it, for a year and a half now. I hate it. I'm still really good friends with her brother but being that close to someone that can and does talk to her, but refuses to talk to me constantly has me in a hurt state. I want to forget about it because it's not healthy. I used to be easy going, fun spirited, nothing could phase me, everyone liked being around my fun nature. Now I'm stressed, anxious, snap at people, dislike myself, probably depressed to some level, have become a recluse and honestly feel like no girl is ever going to want me because if a girl I've known for close to 15 years doesn't even want to talk anymore, why would someone else. I know this thinking is irrational, but it's so ingrained into me that it's becoming very hard to break. I do not like who I'm becoming and just want my old fun loving self back. I've thought about ending my friendship with her brother, because it just hurts me to much because I can't focus my efforts elsewhere and talking to him somehow keeps me hanging onto hope about his sister. Especially since he likes to mess with my feelings... One day he tells me she loves me, the next day he says she doesn't like me. One day he tells me she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, a couple months later he says, she said "you should have come in and said hello", then later on I get un-invited to his fiancees birthday party because his sister is going to be there and he doesn't want it to be awkward for her. I just feel like he's messing with me... he has been a really good friend, but he is a bs'er, but swears he's never made up any of this. I've tried putting my friendship on hold with him, but he told me to never contact him again if I did. He doesn't want to see that I need to get over this and not talking to him for a few months will help me do that. He still tells me that everything is fine between me and her, yet not hearing it from her I can't or don't want to trust what he says. I've thought about reaching out to her and wondering if she's still mad or would like to be friends again, but the thought of her not responding would just hurt me to much. I just want her friendship and forgiveness of a stupid, drunk, naive person. Sorry, it's long, I'm rambling more then actually making sentences. I've seriously thought about going to a doctor to try and prescribe some medication to help with my stress and anxiety among other things. Being friends with him has me torn about trying to re-establish contact with her for friendship or if she'll constantly not want anything to do with me. Plus I feel so bad for what I did, that I just want her to be happy even if that means, me not being friends with her. Whereas if I cut contact with him, I feel like I can just forget about that part of my past and genuinely move on (albeit with hurt feelings deep inside, but without the confusion of what to do) So, again how do you get over something and forget about it? What has worked for you in the past?
Cee Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 It sounds like it's time to dump the brother. He doesn't sound like a good friend and is messing with your head. His reaction to you wanting a break sounded cold and selfish to me. I'd let him go. Once you go NC with the brother, the full grieving process can begin. And after the grieving comes the healing.
Author tlind Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 It sounds like it's time to dump the brother. He doesn't sound like a good friend and is messing with your head. His reaction to you wanting a break sounded cold and selfish to me. I'd let him go. Once you go NC with the brother, the full grieving process can begin. And after the grieving comes the healing. Not only that, but he even tells me how her and her boyfriend are having problems and at one point that the two of them even broke up. His Text, (these are fake names): Sandy and Tom broke up, haha it's about time. I just thought you'd want to know. Don't say anything okay. Like Why The F*** would you tell me this. I was fairly harsh to him, and he replied with "Whatever, I didn't mean anything by it." He keeps telling me that they're having problems and I'll have a chance if they ever break up for good. Apparently "You don't even realize the things I've done to not make this not awkward between the two of you" but all his efforts are further driving me to despise him and a family I once loved like my own. It sucks to lose one friend, but to lose one of my best friends to, not to mention him and his whole family used to be like a second family to me growing up. Now...things just ain't the same. Unrequited Love...SUCKS. But deep down I know your advice is the proper one to follow. I just have to be strong enough to implement it. Thank you.
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