NadiaY Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I dated my highschool sweetheart for more than 5 years. We were young and our relationship was exceptionally rocky. When I left for university, our long distance relationship didn't last. In some misunderstanding, he had to make a decision between his new GF and me. He chose her, which has been his life's greatest regret. I thought that was the end for us, moved on and was so angry that I didn't speak to him again. In my time away, I found who I was and grew to become a mature and accomplished young woman. I found a new love who, for all intensive purposes, was perfect. 7 years later, I've returned home. I decided to make amends and contacted him. He had also matured and had really become a wonderful person. He has a new GF, who acted as I did 10 years ago. They broke up constantly. I spent countless hours helping them through their relationship problems and constantly worked to put them back together. I met up with my Ex and my feelings for him flooded back. His did as well. When we hugged the first time, he cried. I realized how much I loved him, and I realized that I no longer could go on with my current relationship. I broke it off with my BF even though I had no expectations of getting back together with my Ex. While my Ex and his new GF were broken up, we met up and enjoyed each other's company. Initially I refused making love and warned him that I did not want to become emotionally attached since he was going back to his GF soon. He said it was too late, because he was and had always been emotionally attached to me. Somehow, I believed that he had decided to choose me. Turns out, I hounded enough sense into his GF and encouraged her to send an e-mail which made my Ex give in and get back together with her. It made me infinitely sad. I wanted to cut him out of my life, but he convinced me that we could be friends. That was certainly a mistake. In the next two weeks, I groveled at their mercy. I begged him to dump her. His answer? He did not want to ruin his current relationship and if she dumps him again in the future, he would make it work with me. We decided to meet up ever Sunday as friends. Last Sunday, I got a text message from him which said he could not meet with me that day. I didn't hear from him all day and got worried, so I showed up at his house. When he drove me home, he told me that his parents have asked him not to see me again because they did not want him to be in a love triangle. We sat in the car and cried together. He just promised me that the next opportunity he got, he would take it and start a relationship with me. It's Wednesday now, and I haven't heard a peep from him... not an e-mail, not a call, not even see him on MSN. I don't really know how to deal with the situation. On one hand, it seems ridiculous. He's 27 and his parents are dictating his relationships? On the other hand, I'm just sad and feeling hopeless. Am I a dog that can be tossed aside when not convenient? Or maybe he's the one with better sense and I was just a relationship wrecker?
Quiet Storm Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) There is nothing more that you can you do. He told you that he doesn’t want to be with you right now. You are the fall-back girl. He chose someone else over you in high school and he is choosing someone else over you now. He may like your company, he may enjoy the sex, but he doesn’t want to be with you. He told you that he only wanted to be friends. Why did you think it was okay to go to his house after he said he couldn’t meet with you? If he did entertain thoughts of being with you, you showing up unannounced killed it right there. Stalkerish. This guy wanted a friend with benefits, nothing more. Understand that some men say things to get regular sex and adoration. They will be nice and sweet when they have a need that they want met. They may even believe those feelings in that moment. But once their need has been met…well, those feelings disappear until the next time they want to take you off the shelf. But you intruded on his real life a little too much. You are too much of a risk now. In his mind, you are no longer a benefit. You are a liability. Instead of focusing on him, focus on you. Don’t allow yourself to be used like this. You are worth more than being his back-up plan. Don’t let his opinion of you and the way he treated you diminish your value. Your value has nothing to do with his actions. Edited December 8, 2010 by Quiet Storm
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