Completely Lost

[Foolish1018]

Hi, I've been lurking for a while, and finally decided to share my LONG story. I'm happily married, and have been in a rock solid relationship w/my H for almost 15 years. About 3 months ago, a friendly IM relationship I had w/a co-worker who is over a decade younger than I am, slowly turned towards flirting. I wasn't too concerned over our chats, b/c I knew I had no interest and I'd never do something like that! We are both married.

 

I know it takes two, and I am certainly responsible for letting this flirtation get so out of control. He pursued me very aggressively, and about halfway through our relationship, we escalated to what he wanted - just a kiss. Yeah, right! My worst fears were confirmed, we are both in love with one another, and we both want more.

 

Since my brain seems to have completely fled my body, I somehow think that I can love both men, have two separate relationships, and do it long term. Yup, I want to have my cake and eat it too! I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I can be so stupid...

 

While our relationship has escalated to some touching, we have never taken it past that point yet. He has made some attempts to meet me after work, but every time, something comes up last minute. I don't buy it, I think he's scared and lying. When I told him that, he erupted and shut us down. I was devastated, yet relieved. Three days later, we were back in the same place, except now we aren't having any real physical contact like before. When it came up in conversation, he gave me a line about how he can no longer do that without resisting the urge to go all the way, so that's why he doesn't do it (Since we work together, we don't want to get caught, for obvious reasons). He also has a potential job opportunity coming up, so I was again relieved, thinking that putting some distance would end this relationship. He already told me that he fully intends on continuing it, regardless of where we work.

 

In recent days I've limited our contact at work significantly, and it's obvious he doesn't know what to do about it, yet he won't give in and contact me to ask what's up. I hate playing games, but I'm trying to take some control back, and I'm hoping that if I take the initiative, this relationship will fade away. I really want to re-commit to my marriage and move on from this mess, but my love for this MM really does amazing things to my willpower!

 

The MM is basically a kid, and I think on some level he was just looking for some harmless office flirtation, got involved way over his head, and is now scrambling for a way out, but doesn't want to take that way out when it's offerred. It's almost like he can't or won't take responsibility for his share of the mess we've made. I also think that even though he says he wants to escalate our relationship to the next level, he would only do it if there were some other factor in place, like if we were drunk or something, so he could confess to his wife BUT have an excuse (like he was seduced). I will not do that. I also very much doubt that he will ever make a move, even though he freely admits and says that he loves me.

 

I don't even know what questions to ask, or what to do! I'm currently treating this as if I've ended the relationship, and I'm trying to move on, but I know he'll be back, and when he's around me, when he touches me, I turn to mush and will do whatever he wants.

 

The only thing I can say for sure is that I have a completely different perspective on cheating/infidelity - If you told me I'd be the OW or that I would betray my H like this, I would have told you how crazy you are! Now? Wow, it's amazing how easy it is to make such damaging mistakes, and how your heart can become your worst enemy...

[calliope]

Hi, I've been lurking for a while, and finally decided to share my LONG story. I'm happily married, and have been in a rock solid relationship w/my H for almost 15 years. About 3 months ago, a friendly IM relationship I had w/a co-worker who is over a decade younger than I am, slowly turned towards flirting. I wasn't too concerned over our chats, b/c I knew I had no interest and I'd never do something like that! We are both married.

 

I know it takes two, and I am certainly responsible for letting this flirtation get so out of control. He pursued me very aggressively, and about halfway through our relationship, we escalated to what he wanted - just a kiss. Yeah, right! My worst fears were confirmed, we are both in love with one another, and we both want more.

 

Since my brain seems to have completely fled my body, I somehow think that I can love both men, have two separate relationships, and do it long term. Yup, I want to have my cake and eat it too! I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I can be so stupid...

 

While our relationship has escalated to some touching, we have never taken it past that point yet. He has made some attempts to meet me after work, but every time, something comes up last minute. I don't buy it, I think he's scared and lying. When I told him that, he erupted and shut us down. I was devastated, yet relieved. Three days later, we were back in the same place, except now we aren't having any real physical contact like before. When it came up in conversation, he gave me a line about how he can no longer do that without resisting the urge to go all the way, so that's why he doesn't do it (Since we work together, we don't want to get caught, for obvious reasons). He also has a potential job opportunity coming up, so I was again relieved, thinking that putting some distance would end this relationship. He already told me that he fully intends on continuing it, regardless of where we work.

 

In recent days I've limited our contact at work significantly, and it's obvious he doesn't know what to do about it, yet he won't give in and contact me to ask what's up. I hate playing games, but I'm trying to take some control back, and I'm hoping that if I take the initiative, this relationship will fade away. I really want to re-commit to my marriage and move on from this mess, but my love for this MM really does amazing things to my willpower!

 

The MM is basically a kid, and I think on some level he was just looking for some harmless office flirtation, got involved way over his head, and is now scrambling for a way out, but doesn't want to take that way out when it's offerred. It's almost like he can't or won't take responsibility for his share of the mess we've made. I also think that even though he says he wants to escalate our relationship to the next level, he would only do it if there were some other factor in place, like if we were drunk or something, so he could confess to his wife BUT have an excuse (like he was seduced). I will not do that. I also very much doubt that he will ever make a move, even though he freely admits and says that he loves me.

 

I don't even know what questions to ask, or what to do! I'm currently treating this as if I've ended the relationship, and I'm trying to move on, but I know he'll be back, and when he's around me, when he touches me, I turn to mush and will do whatever he wants.

 

The only thing I can say for sure is that I have a completely different perspective on cheating/infidelity - If you told me I'd be the OW or that I would betray my H like this, I would have told you how crazy you are! Now? Wow, it's amazing how easy it is to make such damaging mistakes, and how your heart can become your worst enemy...

Run away and don't let it go any further. I'm 16 mos into A with someone I work with.

 

It started as EA long before it became PA, but by the time it did it was too late, because we were both already hooked on each other.

 

I came here only yesterday because believe me...it's not worth the heartache. If you want to stay in your marriage - stay away from him.

[2sure]

The MM is basically a kid, and I think on some level he was just looking for some harmless office flirtation, got involved way over his head, and is now scrambling for a way out, but doesn't want to take that way out when it's offerred.

 

I think you nailed it.

[jwi71]

I'm happily married, and have been in a rock solid relationship w/my H for almost 15 years.

 

Ok, so YOU are the problem.

And lets face it, your M is in a very real crisis and your "rock solid" M is not so solid.

First question: what does your MM offer you that your H cannot?

 

I know it takes two, and I am certainly responsible for letting this flirtation get so out of control. He pursued me very aggressively, and about halfway through our relationship, we escalated to what he wanted - just a kiss. Yeah, right! My worst fears were confirmed, we are both in love with one another, and we both want more.

It escalated into what you BOTH wanted.

So...second question: Why not file for D and have an open, honest R with him?

 

Since my brain seems to have completely fled my body, I somehow think that I can love both men, have two separate relationships, and do it long term. Yup, I want to have my cake and eat it too! I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I can be so stupid...

Why is that stupid?

You want to be selfish which is completely human.

 

(Since we work together, we don't want to get caught, for obvious reasons).

YOu don't want to get caught because you work together?

I would think the primary reason would be based on your H.

I find it rather telling.

 

He also has a potential job opportunity coming up, so I was again relieved, thinking that putting some distance would end this relationship. He already told me that he fully intends on continuing it, regardless of where we work.

My first reaction to this is: it allows you to begin a PA as you won't be worried about getting caught at work anymore.

 

In recent days I've limited our contact at work significantly, and it's obvious he doesn't know what to do about it, yet he won't give in and contact me to ask what's up. I hate playing games, but I'm trying to take some control back, and I'm hoping that if I take the initiative, this relationship will fade away

You contradict yourself.

You say you are limiting contact to "keep control" and get him running after you. Then you say its to end the A.

Which is it?

 

. I really want to re-commit to my marriage and move on from this mess, but my love for this MM really does amazing things to my willpower!

Ok, if you want to recommit to your M then tell your H that your M is facing the mother of all crises: that you are in love with another man. Tell him you want to recommit to your M and to him and you want and need his love and support to do so. Then go to IC and MC.

 

Of course, you will likely have to resign and go NC with the MM. I say this because you are "too weak" to end it and a valid strategy for not giving into temptation is to eliminate access to the temptation. You can work on the emotions behind that "temptation" in IC and MC.

 

The MM is basically a kid, and I think on some level he was just looking for some harmless office flirtation, got involved way over his head, and is now scrambling for a way out, but doesn't want to take that way out when it's offerred. It's almost like he can't or won't take responsibility for his share of the mess we've made.

Playing games isn't taking responsibility. Its acting like a kid yourself.

And really...what "way out" did you "offer"? I'm not seeing it - I see an attempt to pull back TO GET HIM CHASING...but no real effort on your part.

Sorry, you say you are taking responsibility but you aren't ACTING like it.

 

I don't even know what questions to ask, or what to do! I'm currently treating this as if I've ended the relationship, and I'm trying to move on, but I know he'll be back, and when he's around me, when he touches me, I turn to mush and will do whatever he wants.

Then the A isn't over. If you WANT it to be over you take EVERY step to end it. You haven't. In fact, you have already set it up so you can get physical and NOT take responsibility (I turn to mush aka "its not my fault - I can't control myself). Sorry, you DO write and think well - but act like the kid you claim he is.

 

The only thing I can say for sure is that I have a completely different perspective on cheating/infidelity - If you told me I'd be the OW or that I would betray my H like this, I would have told you how crazy you are! Now? Wow, it's amazing how easy it is to make such damaging mistakes, and how your heart can become your worst enemy...

1) Cheating ISN'T a mistake. You have planned and orchestrated a campaign of lies, omissions and deceit upon your H and the MM's W. Take responsibility for what YOU do and say. Claiming its a mistake is a lame attempt and washing YOUR hands of YOUR role. Own it.

 

2) If it was this easy then your M wasn't nearly as rock solid as you think.

 

YOu have two choices in my view.

 

1) Try and contain this yourself. Well, tbh, you aren't very good at it. No one is so its not a personal attack. In fact, it would be WAY more alarming if you COULD. You don't go to IC and learn and grow as a woman - as a person. YOu and your H don;t go to MC to help strenthen critical weak bonds. The M and whatever "its missing" stays the same and the <whatever> you need continues unfulfilled. The lack of truly addressing what is missing within yourself and the M makes a repeat performance MORE likely. And you'll be here again.

 

2) Confess to your H and try to save this sinking ship of a M (you're cheating on your H so yes, its sinking). You can try and recommit to each other in MC. You can get a better understanding of yourself in IC. Maybe, the M gets better. Maybe not. But the problems in your and your M come to the surface and you can face them TOGETHER. There is finality one way or the other - this ends.

 

Your life, you choose.

Good luck to you...this path you are on is NOT easy and fraught with peril.

It DOES end. No matter what the outcome you WILL be happy again. I recommend path number 2 - confess in MC, go to IC and try to address the PROBLEMS in your life - not run away from them and NOT address them.

 

Good luck.

[xxoo]

Ok, if you want to recommit to your M then tell your H that your M is facing the mother of all crises: that you are in love with another man. Tell him you want to recommit to your M and to him and you want and need his love and support to do so. Then go to IC and MC.

 

If you love your H as you say, do this today. Your H, the person you betrayed, is also the one person who can best save you from continuing on this destructive path. Time to put on your big-girl panties and do the right thing!

[Foolish1018]

Ok, so YOU are the problem.

And lets face it, your M is in a very real crisis and your "rock solid" M is not so solid.

First question: what does your MM offer you that your H cannot?

 

It escalated into what you BOTH wanted.

So...second question: Why not file for D and have an open, honest R with him?

 

Why is that stupid?

You want to be selfish which is completely human.

 

YOu don't want to get caught because you work together?

I would think the primary reason would be based on your H.

I find it rather telling.

 

My first reaction to this is: it allows you to begin a PA as you won't be worried about getting caught at work anymore.

 

You contradict yourself.

You say you are limiting contact to "keep control" and get him running after you. Then you say its to end the A.

Which is it?

 

Ok, if you want to recommit to your M then tell your H that your M is facing the mother of all crises: that you are in love with another man. Tell him you want to recommit to your M and to him and you want and need his love and support to do so. Then go to IC and MC.

 

Of course, you will likely have to resign and go NC with the MM. I say this because you are "too weak" to end it and a valid strategy for not giving into temptation is to eliminate access to the temptation. You can work on the emotions behind that "temptation" in IC and MC.

 

Playing games isn't taking responsibility. Its acting like a kid yourself.

And really...what "way out" did you "offer"? I'm not seeing it - I see an attempt to pull back TO GET HIM CHASING...but no real effort on your part.

Sorry, you say you are taking responsibility but you aren't ACTING like it.

 

Then the A isn't over. If you WANT it to be over you take EVERY step to end it. You haven't. In fact, you have already set it up so you can get physical and NOT take responsibility (I turn to mush aka "its not my fault - I can't control myself). Sorry, you DO write and think well - but act like the kid you claim he is.

 

1) Cheating ISN'T a mistake. You have planned and orchestrated a campaign of lies, omissions and deceit upon your H and the MM's W. Take responsibility for what YOU do and say. Claiming its a mistake is a lame attempt and washing YOUR hands of YOUR role. Own it.

 

2) If it was this easy then your M wasn't nearly as rock solid as you think.

 

YOu have two choices in my view.

 

1) Try and contain this yourself. Well, tbh, you aren't very good at it. No one is so its not a personal attack. In fact, it would be WAY more alarming if you COULD. You don't go to IC and learn and grow as a woman - as a person. YOu and your H don;t go to MC to help strenthen critical weak bonds. The M and whatever "its missing" stays the same and the <whatever> you need continues unfulfilled. The lack of truly addressing what is missing within yourself and the M makes a repeat performance MORE likely. And you'll be here again.

 

2) Confess to your H and try to save this sinking ship of a M (you're cheating on your H so yes, its sinking). You can try and recommit to each other in MC. You can get a better understanding of yourself in IC. Maybe, the M gets better. Maybe not. But the problems in your and your M come to the surface and you can face them TOGETHER. There is finality one way or the other - this ends.

 

Your life, you choose.

Good luck to you...this path you are on is NOT easy and fraught with peril.

It DOES end. No matter what the outcome you WILL be happy again. I recommend path number 2 - confess in MC, go to IC and try to address the PROBLEMS in your life - not run away from them and NOT address them.

 

Good luck.

 

Ouch! But well deserved. I probably should also point out that I am the type of person who never puts herself first, and is always there to clean up the messes other people leave behind. I have been feeling really overloaded as of late, especially since my sibling literally dumped my mom on my doorstep a few months back, and I'm the only person left to visit her in the facility I had to put her in (late stages of dementia). H has had tons of medical issues recently as well, and he's always been in IC for his own slew of issues, so I've always been the "strong" one. It gets tiring, and yet, I still take on more and more. But I'm not asking for pity, just trying to give you some insight into me.

 

And part of me has always wondered what it would be like to be w/another man. H was my first boyfriend, first everything. I don't regret the choices I've made w/him, but you know, sometimes you wonder about the road not taken. MM comes from a similar background, so that made it seem safe, we'd both be the second person each other has had.

 

But you are right, clearly, my M is not as rock solid as I thought it was. What I meant was that it was rock solid, until recently. And this may be a crisis more so of me than my M, I do feel like I'm in a full mid-life crisis, complete with an A w/a younger MM and all! I'll also freely admit that it feels great to be desired by a younger man, an ego snack that I can still catch the eye of someone so young.

 

As for how it escalated into that first kiss, I may come off as a little naiive here, but I did not expect it to happen, and was shocked when it did. His first texts to me after it happened were actally funny, b/c he saw the shock and surprise in my face. Whoops. But each time we have kissed since then, yup, I'm all there. Guilty as charged.

 

You are also right, I am acting like a kid, hell, I feel like one! Sometimes I don't think I'm in an A, it's more like a high school relationship! Maybe I'm just trying to relive a part of my life that I missed out on when younger. Actually, that's a real strong possibility, cause I clearly don't know how to act like an adult when it comes to this stuff.

 

I don't want a "real" relationship w/my MM. I don't want him to leave his W. We are both clear on that much, at least. We have very little in common, other than a strong sexual attraction, plus whatever details we have shared about our personal lives. I know better - this would fail in the real world, and it's not what either of us want. I guess we both feel like there is more to it, that we can both be happy in our respective M's, yet still get something from each other in an A. I live in a very grey area these days...

 

Oh, and to clarify on not getting caught at work, it's b/c everyone knows we are married to other people, hell, most of the folks we work with have met our respective spouses! Getting caught wouldn't mean we'd lose our jobs (although I'm assuming they would not support the A), it would mean that we'd have a very explosive D-Day, which neither of us want.

 

I'm not sure I'm ready to end the A.

[bentnotbroken]

Acting like a kid, feeling like a kid...doesn't make you a kid. If all of this is fine for you...why not give your H the same option of screwing around and finding his childhood again? I mean what's good for the gander must be good for the goose right?

[Foolish1018]

Acting like a kid, feeling like a kid...doesn't make you a kid. If all of this is fine for you...why not give your H the same option of screwing around and finding his childhood again? I mean what's good for the gander must be good for the goose right?

 

Heh. If he ever came to me with a confession of a similar indiscretion, my response would be WAY different from what it would have been before this mess I created. I've walked the mile in those shoes...

 

We did have a heart to heart the other night, which is what prompted me to at least try to limit contact w/my MM for now. I apologized for being so moody, and we went out and discussed some things we have both been feeling. We agreed that we need to communicate more, which is true. I wanted to come clean about the A, but I think that would benefit me more than him. He's often told me that if I ever betrayed him, he'd kill himself. I do not think he was joking or exxagerating in the least...

[bentnotbroken]

Heh. If he ever came to me with a confession of a similar indiscretion, my response would be WAY different from what it would have been before this mess I created. I've walked the mile in those shoes...

 

We did have a heart to heart the other night, which is what prompted me to at least try to limit contact w/my MM for now. I apologized for being so moody, and we went out and discussed some things we have both been feeling. We agreed that we need to communicate more, which is true. I wanted to come clean about the A, but I think that would benefit me more than him. He's often told me that if I ever betrayed him, he'd kill himself. I do not think he was joking or exxagerating in the least...

 

 

Uh-huh.

[Foolish1018]

Uh-huh.

 

Yeah, I know...

[Spark1111]

Kill himself?

 

And still you like the ego boost from the attentions of a younger man way more than the love your H has shown you all these years, where a betrayal by you would cause him to potentially kill himself because his pain would be so great?

 

I'm......speechless.

 

And the younger man, if caught, would claim alcohol made him do it? How mature.

 

Well, I guess enjoy yourself is the only thing I can say. You seem intent on doing so anyway.

 

As for work.....my H had an affair with a co-worker. They thought they were so slick and no one in the office knew.....

 

BUT EVERY woman in that building had a sense of how inappropriate their relationship was. Couldn't keep that sexual electricity off the radar...;ike teens in high school. They just could not see it or did not want to see it.

 

You realize you are having all this "fun" at the very real expense of your H and his W?

 

Do you REALLY believe no one suspects, and that no spouse will find out?

 

You are in for a big surprise. Keep reading here, please......

 

Those very hormones that make you feel 17 again, also cloud your perceptions and your judgement. It happens every day that an affair is discovered. And now what was just "fun" has caused untold pain, tears, rage and devastation.

 

Ready for that consequence?

 

If so, enjoy having your cake and eating it too.

 

If not, end it NOW.

[pureinheart]

Ouch! But well deserved. I probably should also point out that I am the type of person who never puts herself first, and is always there to clean up the messes other people leave behind. I have been feeling really overloaded as of late, especially since my sibling literally dumped my mom on my doorstep a few months back, and I'm the only person left to visit her in the facility I had to put her in (late stages of dementia). H has had tons of medical issues recently as well, and he's always been in IC for his own slew of issues, so I've always been the "strong" one. It gets tiring, and yet, I still take on more and more. But I'm not asking for pity, just trying to give you some insight into me.

 

And part of me has always wondered what it would be like to be w/another man. H was my first boyfriend, first everything. I don't regret the choices I've made w/him, but you know, sometimes you wonder about the road not taken. MM comes from a similar background, so that made it seem safe, we'd both be the second person each other has had.

 

But you are right, clearly, my M is not as rock solid as I thought it was. What I meant was that it was rock solid, until recently. And this may be a crisis more so of me than my M, I do feel like I'm in a full mid-life crisis, complete with an A w/a younger MM and all! I'll also freely admit that it feels great to be desired by a younger man, an ego snack that I can still catch the eye of someone so young.

 

As for how it escalated into that first kiss, I may come off as a little naiive here, but I did not expect it to happen, and was shocked when it did. His first texts to me after it happened were actally funny, b/c he saw the shock and surprise in my face. Whoops. But each time we have kissed since then, yup, I'm all there. Guilty as charged.

 

You are also right, I am acting like a kid, hell, I feel like one! Sometimes I don't think I'm in an A, it's more like a high school relationship! Maybe I'm just trying to relive a part of my life that I missed out on when younger. Actually, that's a real strong possibility, cause I clearly don't know how to act like an adult when it comes to this stuff.

 

I don't want a "real" relationship w/my MM. I don't want him to leave his W. We are both clear on that much, at least. We have very little in common, other than a strong sexual attraction, plus whatever details we have shared about our personal lives. I know better - this would fail in the real world, and it's not what either of us want. I guess we both feel like there is more to it, that we can both be happy in our respective M's, yet still get something from each other in an A. I live in a very grey area these days...

 

Oh, and to clarify on not getting caught at work, it's b/c everyone knows we are married to other people, hell, most of the folks we work with have met our respective spouses! Getting caught wouldn't mean we'd lose our jobs (although I'm assuming they would not support the A), it would mean that we'd have a very explosive D-Day, which neither of us want.

 

I'm not sure I'm ready to end the A.

 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))), you are not foolish...if you don't mind I'll call you foolish no more (FNM)...k...

 

Oh my heart goes out to you...you have a lot on your plate girl ...you remind me of me back from 20's to 40's, I had so much responsibility, and no help...it's really easy to sit back and judge another person, but you need someone (s) to just give you a hug.

 

Priddy much JW is the best, he will never judge you and will just give you his unbiased opinion based on the info given, I respect him a great deal. If you get any mean posts/replies I want to ask you to just disregard them and please keep posting ...you need support my dear, and you are going through a lot.

 

Please just hang in there and keep posting....(((((((hugs again:)))))))

Edited December 9, 2010 by pureinheart

[bentnotbroken]

((((((((((hugs)))))))))), you are not foolish...if you don't mind I'll call you foolish no more (FNM)...k...

 

Oh my heart goes out to you...you have a lot on your plate girl ...you remind me of me back from 20's to 40's, I had so much responsibility, and no help...it's really easy to sit back and judge another person, but you need someone (s) to just give you a hug.

 

Priddy much JW is the best, he will never judge you and will just give you his unbiased opinion based on the info given, I respect him a great deal. If you get any mean posts/replies I want to ask you to just disregard them and please keep posting ...you need support my dear, and you are going through a lot.

 

Please just hang in there and keep posting....(((((((hugs again:)))))))

 

 

Where do I get a board badge?

[Foolish1018]

((((((((((hugs)))))))))), you are not foolish...if you don't mind I'll call you foolish no more (FNM)...k...

 

Oh my heart goes out to you...you have a lot on your plate girl ...you remind me of me back from 20's to 40's, I had so much responsibility, and no help...it's really easy to sit back and judge another person, but you need someone (s) to just give you a hug.

 

Priddy much JW is the best, he will never judge you and will just give you his unbiased opinion based on the info given, I respect him a great deal. If you get any mean posts/replies I want to ask you to just disregard them and please keep posting ...you need support my dear, and you are going through a lot.

 

Please just hang in there and keep posting....(((((((hugs again:)))))))

 

Thanks for the hugs and support, I do appreciate it. Today is my third day of cutting off the communication and flirting, I hope I can continue in this fashion. I was OK till this morning, I feel really emotional today, like I want to yell at him and/or just spontaneously burst into tears. I'm also incredibly nervous about the company holiday party next week. I have a feeling he'll show up, since it's another "safe" way to interact with me. If I wasn't the meeting manager, I'd completely skip the party to avoid him, but I have to be the first one there and the last one to leave, so that could be trouble. However, I have confided in one person here at work, who I know won't tell anyone else, and she's been very supportive in helping me stay away. H is away on a business trip next week, and she's welcomed me to hang out with her and her SO at the party. She'll probably also stay w/me till the end if I ask her to. She doesn't condone what I've done, but she wants to help me turn this around, and her advice and support has been very helpful too.

 

As to the comments about being blinded at work, I can assure you that is not the case. This industry is incredibly male dominated, women make up less than 4% of this company, and most people would be surprised that the MM and I even know each other. We both have access to places that are under lock and key, so any interactions we have had were done out of sight, before regular work hours, etc. Security cameras have even been deactivated as needed - we are both VERY careful. But w/a little luck and resolve, this will all be moot anyhow. If I can get through the next few weeks, the office shuts down for the holidays. Hopefully by the time 2011 rolls around, this will be a distant memory, and we'll both move on...

[Silvio]

Stop now and dont ever look back. Most all affairs start out with a little flirting and that "High School Feeling"and most end with terrible heartache and sorrow. Save yourself and your spouse and learn from this experience.

[pureinheart]

Thanks for the hugs and support, I do appreciate it. Today is my third day of cutting off the communication and flirting, I hope I can continue in this fashion. I was OK till this morning, I feel really emotional today, like I want to yell at him and/or just spontaneously burst into tears. I'm also incredibly nervous about the company holiday party next week. I have a feeling he'll show up, since it's another "safe" way to interact with me. If I wasn't the meeting manager, I'd completely skip the party to avoid him, but I have to be the first one there and the last one to leave, so that could be trouble. However, I have confided in one person here at work, who I know won't tell anyone else, and she's been very supportive in helping me stay away. H is away on a business trip next week, and she's welcomed me to hang out with her and her SO at the party. She'll probably also stay w/me till the end if I ask her to. She doesn't condone what I've done, but she wants to help me turn this around, and her advice and support has been very helpful too.

 

As to the comments about being blinded at work, I can assure you that is not the case. This industry is incredibly male dominated, women make up less than 4% of this company, and most people would be surprised that the MM and I even know each other. We both have access to places that are under lock and key, so any interactions we have had were done out of sight, before regular work hours, etc. Security cameras have even been deactivated as needed - we are both VERY careful. But w/a little luck and resolve, this will all be moot anyhow. If I can get through the next few weeks, the office shuts down for the holidays. Hopefully by the time 2011 rolls around, this will be a distant memory, and we'll both move on...

 

ExDM and me met and got together at work also...it's just soooo hard. Our industry was also male dominated and high security.

 

I understand how he made you feel...we can feel so dead in our marriages at times (or all of the time). As God as my witness I'll never get married again only to go through that again. Being single is hard, but that is sufficating, as I remember all too well.

 

2011 will be a good year, and that doesn't make much sense to me as the number 11 means disorganization...but it's like out of the disorganization will come reorganization, which in turn will set us up for what we were meant for.

 

How are you doing right now, what are your feelings?