The Christmas Tree Lot.

[tigressA]

Today I went shopping for a Christmas tree. Last night I had watched the Christmas episode of "Glee", and if anyone's familiar with it or has seen the episode, there's a scene where Rachel and Finn are in a Christmas tree lot and they end up singing "Last Christmas" (they broke up in the previous episode).

 

When I walked into the lot I heard a cover version of that same song over the speakers and I started to cry. I liken it to Star Gazer's Squaw moment. I was just thinking of the holidays 2 years ago, when I was with my ex (the one I dated for almost 2 years) and his family. The two of us had gone to pick a Christmas tree together. It was my first time ever picking a real tree. We got it back to the house and helped decorate it. Everyone who saw it said it was gorgeous, who picked it out? My ex and I would high-five each other. I was with them for nearly 4 weeks, on semester break, and we would wake up next to each other every morning...bicker about who would go downstairs and start the tea... He got me two of my favorite presents ever that year--a clip-on booklight and a set of satin sheets.

 

It's not him I miss, it's just that comfort--having someone you've been with for awhile, waking up with them, spending day in and day out with them. Urgh, I just feel this ache of loneliness. I know I'll have a relationship like this again someday...I just kind of wish I had it right now, hah.

[tinktronik]

((((huggs))) You'll make it through this Christmas, I promise. This time of year always brings up so many memories of the past for everyone.

[tigressA]

Thanks, Tink. I think a big part of it is that I still don't know where I'm going to be for Christmas. I kind of feel like I don't have my "own" place to go. I haven't seen my immediate family for over a year--not by choice, just circumstance. And I don't want to stay here because it's not my "own" place. Sigh...I hate the holidays this year.