abust1 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I had far from a typical upbringing, with my mom dying when I was a baby and my dad when I was 13. I was then raised by stepmother who I basically had no connection with. In my attempts to get back on the dating scene after a 5 year relationship ended early this year, I've noticed that when the inevitable questions about parents comes up, I tell girls my history and at least twice it has seemed to turn them off. Even if we were getting along GREAT before this came up. I'm 30. I have a couple questions. 1. Ladies - If a guy tells you he has a background like this, does it scare you off? 2. Should I try to hide this stuff until we are a bit further along or just tell the truth whenever it comes up and accept that it might scare some women off but I wouldn't want to be with those types anyway?
Futuregirl Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) Hey, I find that often it doesn't come up in the beginning... especially if I'm not worrying about it. I would be discreet about it at first, but not intentionally "hide" it. Sort of like when you have a boss who is a jerk and everyone is politically correct about it and they discreetly say "he's a little high strung" and they leave it at that. You could be discreet about your background until the time becomes appropriate for that level of sharing. People open up in phases anyway and that's pretty personal. If someone asked me outright I would answer their questions or tell them what they need to know. Just the facts. The things I think they need to know most though are things that would affect them... such as an existing relative who is a pain, an ongoing struggle I have with someone... If everything is in the past and it won't affect them now, it's not need to know info imo To answer your questions 1. It depends on what he seems to want from telling me. Is he venting, using me as a therapist, trying to manipulate my sympathies? Is he using his past to blame for present behaviour? If he's just giving me the facts as relevant to our conversation then NO it would not scare me. 2. Keep it to yourself unless the situation cries out for you to mention it. Like you are asked a question. I wouldn't lie. I would then state the facts and only those related to the question or the situation. I wouldn't pour it all on her. Then I would observe HER... we are all a product of our pasts... if she likes and respects you the way you are now, she has no need to judge. Edited December 8, 2010 by Futuregirl
zengirl Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I had far from a typical upbringing, with my mom dying when I was a baby and my dad when I was 13. I was then raised by stepmother who I basically had no connection with. In my attempts to get back on the dating scene after a 5 year relationship ended early this year, I've noticed that when the inevitable questions about parents comes up, I tell girls my history and at least twice it has seemed to turn them off. Even if we were getting along GREAT before this came up. I'm 30. I have a couple questions. 1. Ladies - If a guy tells you he has a background like this, does it scare you off? 2. Should I try to hide this stuff until we are a bit further along or just tell the truth whenever it comes up and accept that it might scare some women off but I wouldn't want to be with those types anyway? Never try to hide it, but you can hold off if you like. Spilling it like the girl is your therapist or something is weird, of course, but lies are worse. It wouldn't bother me. My boyfriend and I both come from "broken homes" and had some childhood drama, he more than I. We're both healthy and well-adjusted. It might turn off some of the Picket Fence kids who cannot imagine a family different from their own. I suppose I've never dug that kind of isolationism -- not against people with traditional families, but people who can't understand other points of view besides the ones they were raised with.
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