Men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

[musemaj11]

Men start it and men end it.

 

Men generally do all the work and its their right whether they wanna continue or not.

 

It seems its a very very difficult concept for most women to understand that you cannot have the cake and eat it too.

[theBrokenMuse]

Men start it and men end it.

 

Men generally do all the work and its their right whether they wanna continue or not.

ARGH! Wayne is assimilating people. Run! Run for your lives!!

[musemaj11]

ARGH! Wayne is assimilating people. Run! Run for your lives!!

Most of the things that Wayne say are plain stupid, but some actually make sense.

[theBrokenMuse]

Most of the things that Wayne say are plain stupid, but some actually make sense.

Wayne only says the same crap over and over. Men do everything, women do nothing. It doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist to decipher how utterly oversimplified and exaggerated his version of reality is. Men = Good and Women = Bad. It's utterly infantile.

[112233]

it used to be the woman needed a man. many women had to depend on the man. She had his their kids, cooked his family meals, and went to bed with him they went to bed together. All throughout her their days.

 

FTFY.

 

Also, what a terrible life.

[elaina]

Ya well on the other hand, Women Sucking Men Dry Financially has been a Global Phenomenon for thousands of years.

 

 

Take out 'dry financially' n that statement wud sound a lot betta

 

Lol that was awesome (crude, but yeah, awesome!) Lol!!! (true too lol)

Edited December 9, 2010 by elaina

[Disillusioned]

Woggle and Waynebrady are right. To that, I'd add that the situation here in Los Angeles is just the opposite: the woman usually disappears without even a Dear John letter. Damned if I know why... maybe because women in this town want their freedom, or because the guy cramps their style, or some junk like that.

[112233]

She's very good at screening potential partners very fast, and with a high accuracy.

 

Actual science disputes this. In fact, women tend to require a lot more time than men to determine whether they are interested in a potential partner.

[In The Green]

Both genders these days are behaving very badly and without class. Our grandparents would be ashamed of our behavior.

 

I once gave my 90 yr old grandmother the low down on the current version of dating and her face was priceless.

[Chicago_Guy]

So... I think

This men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

So if a girl gives sex soon- Guy disappears

If she doesn’t give sex soon - Guy disappears

If she acts cool and collected/non-chalant- Guy disappears

If she appears a bit clingy- Guy disappears

 

Where does this end?

Why is this such a common theme especially in the world of online dating that after a few great dates, men become distant, disappear, stop calling….

 

If I am not wrong, over 40% of the threads on LS dating section is “why he didn’t text back”-“ why did he not answer” “ what went wrong”

Women are blaming themselves in some of these threads but wait a sec- the common denominator in these events is the Man!!!

 

I’d like to hear from men about this and especially the ones who have done the disappearing act themselves.

( doesn’t mean girls cant post, just curious to what do guys have to say about this)

 

I think that you forgot to mention these other scenarios that apply to early stages of dating:

 

If she has an entitled attitude- Guy disappears

If she behaves like a bitch- Guy disappears

If she exhibits boorish behavior- Guy disappears

 

I have done the disappearing act myself after being on a date with a woman who is self-centered, obnoxious, or otherwise not nice.

 

I don't know why you even started this thread, as women probably do the disappearing act more than men. Every guy I know has been on what seemed like good or at least decent dates at some point and then contacted the woman for a second or third date only to have the call go to voicemail and then they never hear back from the woman.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Chicago_Guy

[Sanman]

In a nutshell:

 

A guy takes the first step in a relationship, namely going to the lady he is interested in.

The girl will judge him, and if she sees him as attractive enough, will give him her interest and start flirting. She's very good at screening potential partners very fast, and with a high accuracy.

In other words, the average woman can choose, and she will be hit on alot compared to the actual number of relationships she will have in her life and she can eliminate all but the most attractive (attractive as in the total package, not just looks) men interested in her. She can be picky, since if she's not interested in a guy then there will always be the next one.

 

Now, since most attempts to seduce a girl get rejected, a man cannot be picky. If he only tried to seduce the women he is most attracted to, odds are that he will be alone or have a very limited number of relationships.

Fortunately, nature helps men not to be picky. An average man will be seeing relationship potential in most women. Let that sink in for a moment ladies, if you're average looking a majority of single men will find you suitable for a relationship upon first impression. The reason is that men are very bad at judging people in a short time.

 

Since he is so bad at judging if women are suitable for relationships early on, he will judge if his partner is suitable for a long term relationship once the relationship has actually started.

 

If seduction is successfull, relationship will follow. Women will end up in a relationship with a partner who is carefully screened and approved, while men on the other hand, will end up in a relationship with someone they didn't find revolting. Once the man does get to know his partner better, chances are way higher that his partner is totally not what he was looking for.

 

 

I don't have statistics to proof this, but I would bet a considerable amount of money that most relationship that get ended early on (say under 3 months) were broken off by the man, and that this mechanism is the reason.

 

 

 

PS. Heterosexual seduction and relationship is by definition a process involving both men and women, each of them with a different skillset, a different starting position and different rules. Saying an effect of seduction is the fault of only one sex is ignorant.

 

I agree with some of what is said, I would add a few things. I don't think either sex is better at initially picking a mate. If either party disappears, it is usually to avoid the conflict of a break-up. There is also the added bonus of having another chance with the person later on. This is a huge help in multi-dating because you can focus on the person you like and then get back in with someone you like less later on if it doesn't work with your top choice. I have been on both ends of this. I used to try to limit this behavior to women with whom I have been on three dates or less, but I am more direct now as I more interested in serious relationships. Remember, just because you had a great date, it does not mean he/she did not have an even better date the next night, that he/she found you attractive, that he/she is that into you. It is even easier to do this with online dating as yu don't really have ties to the other person.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Sanman

[Woggle]

Woggle and Waynebrady are right. To that, I'd add that the situation here in Los Angeles is just the opposite: the woman usually disappears without even a Dear John letter. Damned if I know why... maybe because women in this town want their freedom, or because the guy cramps their style, or some junk like that.

 

Watch the same people who complain about men turn around and call these women empowered feminists.

[Ometeotl]

well the times have changed in my view.

 

it used to be the woman needed a man. many women had to depend on the man. She had his kids, cooked his meal, and went to bed with him. All throughout her days. Women used to have trouble finding work because she was a woman ect i could go on and on. But this is just showing how far women have progressed in relation to Independence.

 

Women are much more independent. I think this changes the dynamics in many instances in dating. Women talk more about their wants and desires and want the guy to want the same thing. Maybe we women are more straightforward these days just because we know want we want and can take care of ourselves. We don't necessarily need a man to take care of us.

 

When i think back on my dating experiences (i am young) but have dated a lot, i think that many guys never have wanted for me to mention the word commitment. I have noticed many men shy men to confident men have wanted to LEAD the relationship. Now think back about women being more independent and Leading their own life...why can't a women be independent enough to lead the relationship or be equal in the relationship?

I have found many times the guy wants to lead and do this at his own pace. At first i didn't like a man leading because i knew i wanted to be on the same page and didnt understand this concept. I guess men like to know that they are in control and maybe it makes them feel more masculine? I dont know you tell me. But then as i dated more i let men lead more and found that the less i led the man the more he wanted to pursue a relationship. Mainly the less i cared about a man the more he wanted me. I dont understand this and i never stayed with these men since i didnt really want a relationship with them.

So i have thought a lot about it myself because i wondered how women got a man when they had nothing no career, no job, nothing going on for them...what could a man want from her or what could she do for the man. I notice the same thing..some men know they are not going to do any better and settle, the girl knows she settles and thinks well he is taking care of me, and a lot of times these women are basically doing things for the men..such as laundry, cooking, basically the domestic tasks.

 

So since im rather independent and i have found that if i let the man lead the man feels more in control and it seems like less pressure for him. I dont know what goes through a mans mind though. If i let him contact me i will check to see if i have time that day and if i dont i dont. If he is not going to be on the same page as me i dont see the any reason to let myself be in the relationship.

 

I guess the bottom line here is that you have to lead your own life. The guy will either stay or go. I'm not saying a relationship is to be neglected but it can't be your center of focus. If guys leave a date they are cowards. You were lucky he left. If the guy wants to date he will. But for some reason guys dont like aggressive women.

 

The more you want to have fun the more the guy wants you..but make sure you state what you are looking for. Just dont come out and say i want to be married or i want a boyfriend right now. Let the dating progress into more but be sure he is on the same page as you. if not then hes not worth it. And in the dating phase if you are interested in someone else by all means date the other guy. Unless a guy is on the same page as you then say ok i will be in a relationship and be committed to you. Don't just commit to the guy because hes friendly, has a good, job, and is handsome. Yes all great traits but you want the guy to match up to your needs!

As for guys leaving, let them leave and keep dating. be selective and be more patient sometimes.

Its not easy............I know but live a great life doing what u love to do. Maybe someone who loves the same things will walk in your life. Also, get out and meet people. im not an expert but thats just what i think.

 

OP, I did that once, although it was simply because I was super busy and had to keep all eyes on me for that portion of my life.

 

I actually have been meaning to give her a call, and tell her that I am still alive.

 

but ya^ to this post

 

If we break down a relationship, it boils down to how we are relating to the other person, crazy leap I know.

 

There is a philosophical argument that there is innate power in a relationship due fulfilling each others wants and needs while not making too many personal sacrifices.

I do believe that this is where things get tricky and where power must be guided by principals, some people like to have power-OVER(domination), some people want power-AGAINST(leverage), but generally in a healthy relationship we would like to have power-WITH (mutuality). Power-With is the power that comes from working together in mutuality and equality, it is in mutuality and equality that is the most powerful, because you are acting as a team, and we know teams do better when they have a common goal and work together (this is power-with).

 

So ya, I say, if they disappear, then just forget about them. If they try and make a resurgence, they should be held accountable for the disappearing act and be willing to explain. Then maybe you can understand the person better, maybe work though the issues with them and they can do the same and figure out what yall really want, go team!

Edited December 9, 2010 by Ometeotl

[Disillusioned]

Watch the same people who complain about men turn around and call these women empowered feminists.

 

That's about the most accurate description I've ever heard of the whole sorry situation.

[LondonS]

Actual science disputes this. In fact, women tend to require a lot more time than men to determine whether they are interested in a potential partner.

Exactly and when after all that time, once they make up their mind: Guy dissapears!!!

[sumdude]

I used to do the fade a lot - not cool of me. Guys who do this r just avoidin drama. They had fun, they dont want more, so they just stop contactin u, knowin that if they contact u theyll probably get some pissed girl ballin them out. They shud man up n be honest with u, but they dont.

 

Yeah, I've done it too.. just wasn't attracted enough to them. Since then I've moved up to actually telling them I'm not interested anymore. Both get the same result in the end though.

 

As far as men vs. women disappearing? My ex wife disappeared with a bunch of our belongings between dropping me off at work in the morning and lunch....

[flying]

Watch the same people who complain about men turn around and call these women empowered feminists.

 

Well, I for one am still watching and waiting for this. Hasn't happened yet, from what I see.

 

Where's that "chick" Megandoll when you need her, eh? "She" was always reliable for agreeing with the worst fears of LS men. Funny how good "she" was at that.

[LondonS]

Yeah, I've done it too.. just wasn't attracted enough to them. Since then I've moved up to actually telling them I'm not interested anymore. Both get the same result in the end though.

 

As far as men vs. women disappearing? My ex wife disappeared with a bunch of our belongings between dropping me off at work in the morning and lunch....

I do not dissapear on men- I tell them the reason why I can not continue seeing them in a polite email/text etc.. Its only mature and gives other person the closure. I can not understand why men just can not write one email and do the same?

sorry about your wife- thats very out of order for her to do that.

[harmfulsweetz]

I've had it happen to me.

 

The worst thing of it all is, the wondering if they'll decide to make contact or not. I'd much rather people were honest in what they want rather than just taking the easy way out and not bothering to let people know the deal.

 

I don't think it's a new thing, people pull disappearing acts on each other all the time, it all boils down to the same thing-lack of interest.

 

I honestly do not see why this thread seems to be taking another (yet again) gender war. LondonS is quite right, on LS, there are countless threads by women about men who disappeared. It happens to men too, and my advice would remain the same regardless. It's a pretty sh*tty thing to do on either side. So do we really need the one upmanship which is so prevalent and apparent on LS these days here? It's not tit for tat.

[9Lives]

well the times have changed in my view.

 

it used to be the woman needed a man. many women had to depend on the man. She had his kids, cooked his meal, and went to bed with him. All throughout her days. Women used to have trouble finding work because she was a woman ect i could go on and on. But this is just showing how far women have progressed in relation to Independence.

 

Women are much more independent. I think this changes the dynamics in many instances in dating. Women talk more about their wants and desires and want the guy to want the same thing. Maybe we women are more straightforward these days just because we know want we want and can take care of ourselves. We don't necessarily need a man to take care of us.

 

When i think back on my dating experiences (i am young) but have dated a lot, i think that many guys never have wanted for me to mention the word commitment. I have noticed many men shy men to confident men have wanted to LEAD the relationship. Now think back about women being more independent and Leading their own life...why can't a women be independent enough to lead the relationship or be equal in the relationship?

I have found many times the guy wants to lead and do this at his own pace. At first i didn't like a man leading because i knew i wanted to be on the same page and didnt understand this concept. I guess men like to know that they are in control and maybe it makes them feel more masculine? I dont know you tell me. But then as i dated more i let men lead more and found that the less i led the man the more he wanted to pursue a relationship. Mainly the less i cared about a man the more he wanted me. I dont understand this and i never stayed with these men since i didnt really want a relationship with them.

So i have thought a lot about it myself because i wondered how women got a man when they had nothing no career, no job, nothing going on for them...what could a man want from her or what could she do for the man. I notice the same thing..some men know they are not going to do any better and settle, the girl knows she settles and thinks well he is taking care of me, and a lot of times these women are basically doing things for the men..such as laundry, cooking, basically the domestic tasks.

 

So since im rather independent and i have found that if i let the man lead the man feels more in control and it seems like less pressure for him. I dont know what goes through a mans mind though. If i let him contact me i will check to see if i have time that day and if i dont i dont. If he is not going to be on the same page as me i dont see the any reason to let myself be in the relationship.

 

I guess the bottom line here is that you have to lead your own life. The guy will either stay or go. I'm not saying a relationship is to be neglected but it can't be your center of focus. If guys leave a date they are cowards. You were lucky he left. If the guy wants to date he will. But for some reason guys dont like aggressive women.

 

The more you want to have fun the more the guy wants you..but make sure you state what you are looking for. Just dont come out and say i want to be married or i want a boyfriend right now. Let the dating progress into more but be sure he is on the same page as you. if not then hes not worth it. And in the dating phase if you are interested in someone else by all means date the other guy. Unless a guy is on the same page as you then say ok i will be in a relationship and be committed to you. Don't just commit to the guy because hes friendly, has a good, job, and is handsome. Yes all great traits but you want the guy to match up to your needs!

As for guys leaving, let them leave and keep dating. be selective and be more patient sometimes.

Its not easy............I know but live a great life doing what u love to do. Maybe someone who loves the same things will walk in your life. Also, get out and meet people. im not an expert but thats just what i think.

 

Lucky, I think you are 100% right. These men will stay or go. Who the hell knows. If they leave, so be it