Men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

[LondonS]

So... I think

This men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

So if a girl gives sex soon- Guy disappears

If she doesn’t give sex soon - Guy disappears

If she acts cool and collected/non-chalant- Guy disappears

If she appears a bit clingy- Guy disappears

 

Where does this end?

Why is this such a common theme especially in the world of online dating that after a few great dates, men become distant, disappear, stop calling….

 

If I am not wrong, over 40% of the threads on LS dating section is “why he didn’t text back”-“ why did he not answer” “ what went wrong”

Women are blaming themselves in some of these threads but wait a sec- the common denominator in these events is the Man!!!

 

I’d like to hear from men about this and especially the ones who have done the disappearing act themselves.

( doesn’t mean girls cant post, just curious to what do guys have to say about this)

Edited December 8, 2010 by LondonS

[musemaj11]

Ya well on the other hand, Women Sucking Men Dry Financially has been a Global Phenomenon for thousands of years.

[phillyfan]

So... I think

This men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

So if a girl gives sex soon- Guy disappears

If she doesn’t give sex soon - Guy disappears

If she acts cool and collected/non-chalant- Guy disappears

If she appears a bit clingy- Guy disappears

 

Where does this end?

Why is this such a common theme especially in the world of online dating that after a few great dates, men become distant, disappear, stop calling….

 

If I am not wrong, over 40% of the threads on LS dating section is “why he didn’t text back”-“ why did he not answer” “ what went wrong”

Women are blaming themselves in some of these threads but wait a sec- the common denominator in these events is the Man!!!

 

I’d like to hear from men about this and especially the ones who have done the disappearing act themselves.

( doesn’t mean girls cant post, just curious to what do guys have to say about this)

 

I used to do the fade a lot - not cool of me. Guys who do this r just avoidin drama. They had fun, they dont want more, so they just stop contactin u, knowin that if they contact u theyll probably get some pissed girl ballin them out. They shud man up n be honest with u, but they dont.

[phillyfan]

Ya well on the other hand, Women Sucking Men Dry Financially has been a Global Phenomenon for thousands of years.

 

Take out 'dry financially' n that statement wud sound a lot betta

[waynesworld]

So... I think

This men disappearing is becoming a Global phenomenon

So if a girl gives sex soon- Guy disappears

If she doesn’t give sex soon - Guy disappears

If she acts cool and collected/non-chalant- Guy disappears

If she appears a bit clingy- Guy disappears

 

Where does this end?

Why is this such a common theme especially in the world of online dating that after a few great dates, men become distant, disappear, stop calling….

 

If I am not wrong, over 40% of the threads on LS dating section is “why he didn’t text back”-“ why did he not answer” “ what went wrong”

Women are blaming themselves in some of these threads but wait a sec- the common denominator in these events is the Man!!!

 

I’d like to hear from men about this and especially the ones who have done the disappearing act themselves.

( doesn’t mean girls cant post, just curious to what do guys have to say about this)

 

Your logic is flawed.

 

The common denominator is not "the Man". These are all different threads, and hence, different men. By your logic, I could just as easily say the common denominator is "the Woman" (there was a woman involved each time wasn't there?)

 

That said, I agree that the disappearing act is common. It's happened to several friends of mine recently. I'm guessing that these men are afraid of confrontation/drama or are just jerks.

 

The bottom line though is that it's a cowardly thing to do.

[Surrealist]

God forbid anyone suggest it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing.

 

So I won't suggest it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing for fear of getting labeled a mysogynist for suggesting it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing.

[SmileFace]

Take out 'dry financially' n that statement wud sound a lot betta

Exactly .........end

[EasyHeart]

It used to be that women were choosy about who they let between their legs.

[tinktronik]

I actually have a female friend who has had guys vanish during their dates with no explanation. At least three that I know of. That is just a really, really mean thing to do.

 

I had only one guy who I saw for a little while that just poof was gone with no explanation. He was maybe a year younger than me and it really wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway.

[Lucky555]

well the times have changed in my view.

 

it used to be the woman needed a man. many women had to depend on the man. She had his kids, cooked his meal, and went to bed with him. All throughout her days. Women used to have trouble finding work because she was a woman ect i could go on and on. But this is just showing how far women have progressed in relation to Independence.

 

Women are much more independent. I think this changes the dynamics in many instances in dating. Women talk more about their wants and desires and want the guy to want the same thing. Maybe we women are more straightforward these days just because we know want we want and can take care of ourselves. We don't necessarily need a man to take care of us.

 

When i think back on my dating experiences (i am young) but have dated a lot, i think that many guys never have wanted for me to mention the word commitment. I have noticed many men shy men to confident men have wanted to LEAD the relationship. Now think back about women being more independent and Leading their own life...why can't a women be independent enough to lead the relationship or be equal in the relationship?

I have found many times the guy wants to lead and do this at his own pace. At first i didn't like a man leading because i knew i wanted to be on the same page and didnt understand this concept. I guess men like to know that they are in control and maybe it makes them feel more masculine? I dont know you tell me. But then as i dated more i let men lead more and found that the less i led the man the more he wanted to pursue a relationship. Mainly the less i cared about a man the more he wanted me. I dont understand this and i never stayed with these men since i didnt really want a relationship with them.

So i have thought a lot about it myself because i wondered how women got a man when they had nothing no career, no job, nothing going on for them...what could a man want from her or what could she do for the man. I notice the same thing..some men know they are not going to do any better and settle, the girl knows she settles and thinks well he is taking care of me, and a lot of times these women are basically doing things for the men..such as laundry, cooking, basically the domestic tasks.

 

So since im rather independent and i have found that if i let the man lead the man feels more in control and it seems like less pressure for him. I dont know what goes through a mans mind though. If i let him contact me i will check to see if i have time that day and if i dont i dont. If he is not going to be on the same page as me i dont see the any reason to let myself be in the relationship.

 

I guess the bottom line here is that you have to lead your own life. The guy will either stay or go. I'm not saying a relationship is to be neglected but it can't be your center of focus. If guys leave a date they are cowards. You were lucky he left. If the guy wants to date he will. But for some reason guys dont like aggressive women.

 

The more you want to have fun the more the guy wants you..but make sure you state what you are looking for. Just dont come out and say i want to be married or i want a boyfriend right now. Let the dating progress into more but be sure he is on the same page as you. if not then hes not worth it. And in the dating phase if you are interested in someone else by all means date the other guy. Unless a guy is on the same page as you then say ok i will be in a relationship and be committed to you. Don't just commit to the guy because hes friendly, has a good, job, and is handsome. Yes all great traits but you want the guy to match up to your needs!

As for guys leaving, let them leave and keep dating. be selective and be more patient sometimes.

Its not easy............I know but live a great life doing what u love to do. Maybe someone who loves the same things will walk in your life. Also, get out and meet people. im not an expert but thats just what i think.

[LondonS]

well the times have changed in my view.

 

it used to be the woman needed a man. many women had to depend on the man. She had his kids, cooked his meal, and went to bed with him. All throughout her days. Women used to have trouble finding work because she was a woman ect i could go on and on. But this is just showing how far women have progressed in relation to Independence.

 

Women are much more independent. I think this changes the dynamics in many instances in dating. Women talk more about their wants and desires and want the guy to want the same thing. Maybe we women are more straightforward these days just because we know want we want and can take care of ourselves. We don't necessarily need a man to take care of us.

 

When i think back on my dating experiences (i am young) but have dated a lot, i think that many guys never have wanted for me to mention the word commitment. I have noticed many men shy men to confident men have wanted to LEAD the relationship. Now think back about women being more independent and Leading their own life...why can't a women be independent enough to lead the relationship or be equal in the relationship?

I have found many times the guy wants to lead and do this at his own pace. At first i didn't like a man leading because i knew i wanted to be on the same page and didnt understand this concept. I guess men like to know that they are in control and maybe it makes them feel more masculine? I dont know you tell me. But then as i dated more i let men lead more and found that the less i led the man the more he wanted to pursue a relationship. Mainly the less i cared about a man the more he wanted me. I dont understand this and i never stayed with these men since i didnt really want a relationship with them.

So i have thought a lot about it myself because i wondered how women got a man when they had nothing no career, no job, nothing going on for them...what could a man want from her or what could she do for the man. I notice the same thing..some men know they are not going to do any better and settle, the girl knows she settles and thinks well he is taking care of me, and a lot of times these women are basically doing things for the men..such as laundry, cooking, basically the domestic tasks.

 

So since im rather independent and i have found that if i let the man lead the man feels more in control and it seems like less pressure for him. I dont know what goes through a mans mind though. If i let him contact me i will check to see if i have time that day and if i dont i dont. If he is not going to be on the same page as me i dont see the any reason to let myself be in the relationship.

 

I guess the bottom line here is that you have to lead your own life. The guy will either stay or go. I'm not saying a relationship is to be neglected but it can't be your center of focus. If guys leave a date they are cowards. You were lucky he left. If the guy wants to date he will. But for some reason guys dont like aggressive women.

 

The more you want to have fun the more the guy wants you..but make sure you state what you are looking for. Just dont come out and say i want to be married or i want a boyfriend right now. Let the dating progress into more but be sure he is on the same page as you. if not then hes not worth it. And in the dating phase if you are interested in someone else by all means date the other guy. Unless a guy is on the same page as you then say ok i will be in a relationship and be committed to you. Don't just commit to the guy because hes friendly, has a good, job, and is handsome. Yes all great traits but you want the guy to match up to your needs!

As for guys leaving, let them leave and keep dating. be selective and be more patient sometimes.

Its not easy............I know but live a great life doing what u love to do. Maybe someone who loves the same things will walk in your life. Also, get out and meet people. im not an expert but thats just what i think.

 

Thanks for this - you have some good points there

[LondonS]

God forbid anyone suggest it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing.

 

So I won't suggest it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing for fear of getting labeled a mysogynist for suggesting it might have something to do with the types of guys you women are pursuing.

 

Its so difficult to tell, all the guys atleast "act" nice courting and the minute a woman shows interest, Poof !!

[Woggle]

It's actually women leaving. Men might be more hesitant to commit but once they do they are there. On the other hand women initiate 75% of divorces so maybe men are afraid of that.

[waynebrady]

I don't know but why would women care about men leaving? I mean the man, most likely initiated contact from the start so why would you care? He started it, he ended it. I don't see how that can be hurtful for a woman.

[waynebrady]

It's actually women leaving. Men might be more hesitant to commit but once they do they are there. On the other hand women initiate 75% of divorces so maybe men are afraid of that.

 

True, and it's much more hurful for the man if the woman leaves than vice versa. The man initiated first contact, put in all the effort into making it to a relationship, and put in all the effort to convince the woman to marry him and then it still doesn't work out and the woman files for divorce. If a man files for divorce I honestly don't see why a woman would be hurt, she didn't put in the effort into making it to a relationship and a marriage... the man did.

[theBrokenMuse]

He started it, he ended it. I don't see how that can be hurtful for a woman.

I donno, perhaps because of something called the middle... but of course we'll just continue to ignore that so you can go on rehashing of the same tired complaints you make involving the utterly heartless monsters known as womankind who have never done anything good for a man ever in the history of the known world especially if it involves interacting with them.

[Woggle]

Plenty of women have done good and they are not monsters but you can't deny the overall trend happening today.

[waynebrady]

I donno, perhaps because of something called the middle...

 

The middle? Men put in the effort from beggining to the end. As a woman you get into relationships easy and you have it easy in the relationships, easy come easy go. Why be upset about losing something you didn't put any effort in?

[theBrokenMuse]

Plenty of women have done good and they are not monsters but you can't deny the overall trend happening today.

Unfortunately, our race is one that is riddled with crappy individuals. You have been romantically involved with messed up females but there are men out there that rival your ex in lack of character, integrity and human decency, believe me. However we all have to try and remain objective enough not to not allow our sour experiences to turn us into crappy people ourselves.

[zengirl]

True, and it's much more hurful for the man if the woman leaves than vice versa. The man initiated first contact, put in all the effort into making it to a relationship, and put in all the effort to convince the woman to marry him and then it still doesn't work out and the woman files for divorce. If a man files for divorce I honestly don't see why a woman would be hurt, she didn't put in the effort into making it to a relationship and a marriage... the man did.

 

I don't know but why would women care about men leaving? I mean the man, most likely initiated contact from the start so why would you care? He started it, he ended it. I don't see how that can be hurtful for a woman.

 

That's a bizzare view. I contacted my boyfriend first. Does that mean that if I stop taking his calls abruptly, he shouldn't be upset? And that it's not rude or hurtful to do so?

[theBrokenMuse]

The middle? Men put in the effort from beggining to the end. As a woman you get into relationships easy and you have it easy in the relationships, easy come easy go. Why be upset about losing something you didn't put any effort in?

I can't answer questions that are to play out inside an irrational fantasy of your own creation. I could answer that question based how I perceive relationship dynamics from a different perspective from the one you claim to believe in but that would not interest you because it's not anti-female.

[Jynxx]

In a nutshell:

 

A guy takes the first step in a relationship, namely going to the lady he is interested in.

The girl will judge him, and if she sees him as attractive enough, will give him her interest and start flirting. She's very good at screening potential partners very fast, and with a high accuracy.

In other words, the average woman can choose, and she will be hit on alot compared to the actual number of relationships she will have in her life and she can eliminate all but the most attractive (attractive as in the total package, not just looks) men interested in her. She can be picky, since if she's not interested in a guy then there will always be the next one.

 

Now, since most attempts to seduce a girl get rejected, a man cannot be picky. If he only tried to seduce the women he is most attracted to, odds are that he will be alone or have a very limited number of relationships.

Fortunately, nature helps men not to be picky. An average man will be seeing relationship potential in most women. Let that sink in for a moment ladies, if you're average looking a majority of single men will find you suitable for a relationship upon first impression. The reason is that men are very bad at judging people in a short time.

 

Since he is so bad at judging if women are suitable for relationships early on, he will judge if his partner is suitable for a long term relationship once the relationship has actually started.

 

If seduction is successfull, relationship will follow. Women will end up in a relationship with a partner who is carefully screened and approved, while men on the other hand, will end up in a relationship with someone they didn't find revolting. Once the man does get to know his partner better, chances are way higher that his partner is totally not what he was looking for.

 

 

I don't have statistics to proof this, but I would bet a considerable amount of money that most relationship that get ended early on (say under 3 months) were broken off by the man, and that this mechanism is the reason.

 

 

 

PS. Heterosexual seduction and relationship is by definition a process involving both men and women, each of them with a different skillset, a different starting position and different rules. Saying an effect of seduction is the fault of only one sex is ignorant.

[sally4sara]

Men disappearing is not some new phenomenon. It wasn't even new in the 60s when it became more common through the "free love" hippie culture.

[zengirl]

In a nutshell:

 

A guy takes the first step in a relationship, namely going to the lady he is interested in.

The girl will judge him, and if she sees him as attractive enough, will give him her interest and start flirting. She's very good at screening potential partners very fast, and with a high accuracy.

In other words, the average woman can choose, and she will be hit on alot compared to the actual number of relationships she will have in her life and she can eliminate all but the most attractive (attractive as in the total package, not just looks) men interested in her. She can be picky, since if she's not interested in a guy then there will always be the next one.

 

Now, since most attempts to seduce a girl get rejected, a man cannot be picky. If he only tried to seduce the women he is most attracted to, odds are that he will be alone or have a very limited number of relationships.

Fortunately, nature helps men not to be picky. An average man will be seeing relationship potential in most women. Let that sink in for a moment ladies, if you're average looking a majority of single men will find you suitable for a relationship upon first impression. The reason is that men are very bad at judging people in a short time.

 

Since he is so bad at judging if women are suitable for relationships early on, he will judge if his partner is suitable for a long term relationship once the relationship has actually started.

 

If seduction is successfull, relationship will follow. Women will end up in a relationship with a partner who is carefully screened and approved, while men on the other hand, will end up in a relationship with someone they didn't find revolting. Once the man does get to know his partner better, chances are way higher that his partner is totally not what he was looking for.

 

 

I don't have statistics to proof this, but I would bet a considerable amount of money that most relationship that get ended early on (say under 3 months) were broken off by the man, and that this mechanism is the reason.

 

 

 

PS. Heterosexual seduction and relationship is by definition a process involving both men and women, each of them with a different skillset, a different starting position and different rules. Saying an effect of seduction is the fault of only one sex is ignorant.

 

I think this is a possible idea. . .except I'd also add:

 

People (men and women, but men tend to take this role in relationships more than women) enjoy chasing things more than they enjoy getting them sometimes. It's like children who think the wrapping paper is more fun than the presents. Women simply think about relationships more. Women think about being in the relationship. Men think about the chasing, getting stage more than the being there stage. This is on average of course.

[deebeechrisyo]

In a nutshell:

 

A guy takes the first step in a relationship, namely going to the lady he is interested in.

The girl will judge him, and if she sees him as attractive enough, will give him her interest and start flirting. She's very good at screening potential partners very fast, and with a high accuracy.

In other words, the average woman can choose, and she will be hit on alot compared to the actual number of relationships she will have in her life and she can eliminate all but the most attractive (attractive as in the total package, not just looks) men interested in her. She can be picky, since if she's not interested in a guy then there will always be the next one.

 

Now, since most attempts to seduce a girl get rejected, a man cannot be picky. If he only tried to seduce the women he is most attracted to, odds are that he will be alone or have a very limited number of relationships.

Fortunately, nature helps men not to be picky. An average man will be seeing relationship potential in most women. Let that sink in for a moment ladies, if you're average looking a majority of single men will find you suitable for a relationship upon first impression. The reason is that men are very bad at judging people in a short time.

 

Since he is so bad at judging if women are suitable for relationships early on, he will judge if his partner is suitable for a long term relationship once the relationship has actually started.

 

If seduction is successfull, relationship will follow. Women will end up in a relationship with a partner who is carefully screened and approved, while men on the other hand, will end up in a relationship with someone they didn't find revolting. Once the man does get to know his partner better, chances are way higher that his partner is totally not what he was looking for.

 

 

I don't have statistics to proof this, but I would bet a considerable amount of money that most relationship that get ended early on (say under 3 months) were broken off by the man, and that this mechanism is the reason.

 

 

 

PS. Heterosexual seduction and relationship is by definition a process involving both men and women, each of them with a different skillset, a different starting position and different rules. Saying an effect of seduction is the fault of only one sex is ignorant.

 

Absolutely disagree. If women are so good at screening partners then why are there so many abusive relationships out there? Also, men generally don't hit on girls with the goal of getting into a relationship. Most of the time they are out for sex, and may just happen to get into a relationship from the aftermath.

 

You make it seem like men are so desperate for a relationship, but those "average" girls are actually pretty awesome. They are attractive, have really cool, laid-back personalities, not to mention they don't chase after bartenders, they don't do coke in club bathrooms, and they don't have 10 other guys they are piling through while dating you.