Movingthrough Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Hey everyone, first post but really glad I found this site. I'm sure I will have many posts to come. Was having a hard time with the title, but my situation was almost like a war movie where the guy comes back and feelings begin to rise from an ex. Well I wish I could explain the whole situation, but this would be an 11 page post if I did. I'm over 27 years old, I have had serious relationships with great girls, very good people. But I have never felt that "zing" that comes with a relationship, and makes you want to say I love you and plan a future. Really wish I could explain it more, but in a nut shell I met a girl that did that for me, a very fast moving intense relationship that I had never felt before. She was head over heals for me, and so was I to her. I dont want this to sound like the "typical" love thing, this was very much a first for me and very new. I had to leave for work due to a new job and would be gone for months, the anxiety that came with this new position and the fact that I was leaving ultimately lead to us breaking up. I was stunned and could not believe it. This girl told me she loved me, I said it to her, met the parents the whole nine, and this was the first time I ever did it. Months went by and when I came back she ended up calling me just saying congrats and hoped that I was doing ok, we talked for a while and it was a great conversation. The next day she sent me a message saying that she hasnt been able to think right and feels almost sick all of a sudden with how much she misses me. Weeks went on with us confessing how we felt, but we would clash because we would talk for a week then not talk for a week. I always had the idea she was dating someone but she played it off as nothing serious. About a week ago I finally messaged her and said that I could not do this if she was seeing someone. She responded basically saying that I just popped back in her life and things could not go back to normal this quickly, she didnt sound happy. Days went on and I felt good, I felt like I really fixed it and I knew I had to go NC. I was actually sitting at my house telling myself how great I felt when I logged onto facebook and saw something I did not want to see. I'm not a big facebook guy but I travel all the time, so it has been a great tool to stay in touch with family and friends. Problem is, even if you are not friends with someone you can still see things about them if one of YOUR friend comments on it. I logged on and saw a whole album of her and her guy, and it tore me up the second I saw it. This girl was very much "in love" with this guy and this was not "nothing serious". So basically, during this whole time she was telling me about her feelings and willing to meet up with me (we never did) she was very much having a life with this guy. It was good for me to see because it almost scared me straight and showed me the truth, but I find myself questioning everything. How could she say all the things she said to me before when we were together and move on so quickly? And I really feel she still has feelings for me, but because of the distance we never even had a chance. Throughout the day I think of her with this guy looking so much in love and doing all the things we wanted to do and I have no idea how to mentally combat that and it has been eating me up. I know in the long run its best, she has a reputation of lets just say doing her own thing so this doesnt surprise me and I was "blinded by love" before so I didnt see it. I'm so physically attracted to her though and I cant seem to kick it. This is like a movie to me though, I come back, the feelings come back up but she is with someone else perfectly happy... Sorry for the ramble and I know this is probably really simple - she is with someone else, not you, move on. I have not contacted her at all but just wanted to see what you guys think, or if anyone has dealt with this..
DustySaltus Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 This what brought me here in the first place, so I know all about the movie aspect: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t195734/ The person that you fell in love with and the person that she really is were. When the honeymoon ends, the relationship starts. Some people can't deal with that, they want to feel the honeymoon constantly....
Author Movingthrough Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 This what brought me here in the first place, so I know all about the movie aspect: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t195734/ The person that you fell in love with and the person that she really is were. When the honeymoon ends, the relationship starts. Some people can't deal with that, they want to feel the honeymoon constantly.... Thank you for the response. Its been a tough few days for me but not all bad. I can tell that I'm getting over it, I have always been the type that needs to see the reality to move on, which I did online with her. I do find myself questioning myself sometimes because they seem to be doing everything that I wanted to do with her, so I feel like I never even had the "chance" to do those things, which leads to "what did I do wrong?". Im very lucky because in the long run this would not have worked out, and its past the point of return now. I was able to see the truth with the person she is with, and get closure by telling her I cant contact her anymore. NC as of late has been no problem for me, I have literally said everything I can say. Never thought at my age that I would be dealing with feelings like this!
swfc_77 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 they want to feel the honeymoon constantly.... good advice and a good point, have you met my ex by any chance?
Author Movingthrough Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 they want to feel the honeymoon constantly.... good advice and a good point, have you met my ex by any chance? I can honestly say I never looked at it in the honeymoon way. She would contact me while with this guy and say things that you could tell were hard for her to say, so I took it as something she really felt. I can say at this point the hardest thing is the fact that it went from all this talk about feelings to nothing just like that..
poorguy Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Just noticed your thread. Dude this is a classic way that a lot of woman break up. Mine did the same exact thing. We broke up she moved on the next week (only I found out) but apparently her feelings toward me hadn't changed. She told me even though she moved on she is still in love with me and always thinks about me blah blah. It's just one big joke. They do that to keep you on a string. I still don't know why you would want to bother doing that to someone that you loved. My advice is go NC like you have. Eventually the new guy will loose his shine sooner then later and she'll come snooping around. By then though hopefully you can tell her how much you love her and always think about her. THEN you can tell her all about your new girlfriend
Author Movingthrough Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Just noticed your thread. Dude this is a classic way that a lot of woman break up. Mine did the same exact thing. We broke up she moved on the next week (only I found out) but apparently her feelings toward me hadn't changed. She told me even though she moved on she is still in love with me and always thinks about me blah blah. It's just one big joke. They do that to keep you on a string. I still don't know why you would want to bother doing that to someone that you loved. My advice is go NC like you have. Eventually the new guy will loose his shine sooner then later and she'll come snooping around. By then though hopefully you can tell her how much you love her and always think about her. THEN you can tell her all about your new girlfriend Its funny because every one thinks thats it always B.S and them just trying to be nice whatever, but I did not pursue once I came home. I was polite and respectful when she first called (once I was home) but I would wake up to texts that were not lovey dovey or easy for her to write, I could tell that she truly felt torn. The hardest part is I know for a fact that if I lived there she would not be with that guy, plus I believe (because I have done this too) that if you have something good in front of your face, you will not give that up for something that is far away and "might" work out. Its hard because I know I will hear from her again, and to be honest I'm not looking forward to it, but my ego wants to hear back because then I know that I'am still on her mind. Dont know what day it is but its been a couple weeks on NC, I actually havent thought once about contacting her, I really have already said everything.
poorguy Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Whatever you do do not contact her because it will only make you feel terrible. Listen I'm sure your on her mind, I'm sure she may be torn-that's all natural for her to feel. The thing is though is that she is seeing someone who obviously got her attention-and that's ok. I'm just saying that she will try to keep you in communication while she's transitioning into a new relationship-that's what happens. What it comes down to is let it run it's course only without the benefit of you being there for her. Does he love you? I'm sure she does but like you said she is torn so you have to disappear for now
Author Movingthrough Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Whatever you do do not contact her because it will only make you feel terrible. Listen I'm sure your on her mind, I'm sure she may be torn-that's all natural for her to feel. The thing is though is that she is seeing someone who obviously got her attention-and that's ok. I'm just saying that she will try to keep you in communication while she's transitioning into a new relationship-that's what happens. What it comes down to is let it run it's course only without the benefit of you being there for her. Does he love you? I'm sure she does but like you said she is torn so you have to disappear for now I really appreciate your responses, I was hoping to find someone who has been down this road before. I think your last sentence sums it up the best, I know with no doubt that I cant be around right now, and part of me thinks this had to happen no matter what. As far as the NC, there is no problem there, like I said I really have nothing else I could say. When this is all done I'm going to write something up to help people deal with this and one of the things I will say is before you go NC make sure you have it all out first. I kind of broke the rules and waited a while to go no NC, but I took every route you could take to try and make it work or at least find out the problem and when you do that THEN go NC, you have nothing more to say and NC is a lot easier. Right now my main issue is just that mental state of like "wow this is really over and I'm not hearing from her". I have dated here and there since her and every one of them has failed, I feel most of it is probably because of my ex but I'm really starting to see that I need to relax and take time for me because with the way things are going its almost "showing" me that I need to relax..
poorguy Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I have been down this same exact street before so you know. I feel for you because my whole story went very similiar to your. I totally undertsand the "wow it's over part"-that's a tough one...You have other parts your going to go through too. If you read on here about NC it's all anyone really talks about because it's so poowerful. I do think it's good that you said what you needed to say though and there's nothing wrong with what you've tried to do. I will tell you though in about 2 or 3 onths of total NC she start fishing with you. That's what mine started to do. We've been broken up a total of 6 months now. So needless to say at this point I will respond if I feel like it..Sometimes she fiinds random BS to text or email and sometimes it's not so random. So down the road once you are a little better with everything you can talk a little. Mine started going crazy about our sex life and how she was dreaming about it nonstop..and of course complaining about the new guy..Man if I had his email address I would love to forward it lol-I wouldn't bother
Author Movingthrough Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 I have been down this same exact street before so you know. I feel for you because my whole story went very similiar to your. I totally undertsand the "wow it's over part"-that's a tough one...You have other parts your going to go through too. If you read on here about NC it's all anyone really talks about because it's so poowerful. I do think it's good that you said what you needed to say though and there's nothing wrong with what you've tried to do. I will tell you though in about 2 or 3 onths of total NC she start fishing with you. That's what mine started to do. We've been broken up a total of 6 months now. So needless to say at this point I will respond if I feel like it..Sometimes she fiinds random BS to text or email and sometimes it's not so random. So down the road once you are a little better with everything you can talk a little. Mine started going crazy about our sex life and how she was dreaming about it nonstop..and of course complaining about the new guy..Man if I had his email address I would love to forward it lol-I wouldn't bother I know in my head I will hear from her again, we actually never had any drama. When it ended I was full of anxiety from a new job and while it wasnt all me, it was not the greatest thing at the moment, so in some ways it made sense. I was gone for months after we broke up and she always contacted me just checking up, I never responded. At one point she asked me to please not cut her completely out of her life. Didnt respond. Even since I have been home, I have told her multiple times I was done, and she still responded. I know the feelings are there, but my head is telling me it DONE, yes I meant to put that in caps. But the other side of me is like man come on, I will hear from her soon. It was funny, because before I NC'd her, she wanted to meet up with me. Sometimes I feel like I should have played it cool and went with it, but I would have had to be in that mindset of no feelings. I know that if I saw her I would have made her think wow I really do like this guy. But I didnt like the idea of doing that while she had a guy. So what happened to you man? She contacted you after a few months? Is anything coming from it?
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