Fermentum Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 The situation is a complicated one, but I'll give a summary. I was with my ex for almost four years; we were still very much in love, but when I moved away to Grad School we agreed to break up. The idea (I thought) was to keep open reunification down the line when she likely moved to the say city. It was brutally hard, but the decision felt like the right one (we're young, 24, and I hate LDRs). What started amicably threatened to become unamicable as we kept way too much in touch, visiting each other, sleeping together and basically breaking up another two times. Finally, after the last one, I talked with her and said we either go NC or get back together, and she chose the former. I ended the conversation saying NC for six months. It's been 32 days NC today. I don't plan on breaking it soon, but can/should we transition from NC to LC? We're both seeing other people, and I now have no feelings of bitterness towards the situation or her. The time and distance were too great, and I know she is going through a LOT of the symptoms of GIGS and basically needs to define who she is and what she wants out of life; that was a big hesitancy for me for committing fully. Is it possible to transition to LC? Nothing face to face, but a email, for example? I'll really torn; it's over and I know it's over, but the original goal to end things on good terms got muddled by staying too much in touch and not letting go. I want us to have a positive relationship, and not become estranged exes. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 You should to all intents and purposes leave it at least for three months, or when you know she feels as relaxed, happy and unfazed about speaking to you, as you do to her. Whichever is the greater. And make sure you have a valid, legitimate and pertinent reason for breaking NC. Not a simple, "Hey how you doing?" That's just another way to crush the heart with your heel, and open healing wounds. Sorry.... What is GIGS?
Author Fermentum Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Sorry, here is the link. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/?highlight=Rebound After reading it a lot of her motivations (wanting the break up but still wanting to often keep in touch) became clearer. She's been in a relationship since she was 19, and I know she's looking at turning 25 and not feeling she has "found herself", defined what she wants, etc. homebrew's article highlighted that the break-up was the best thing at this juncture.
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Sorry.... What is GIGS? GIGS means Grass Is Green Syndrome. I don't believe in it.
swfc_77 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 what do you mean leandro, you dont believe in gigs? do you believe its not right? or simply that it doesn't exist?
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 what do you mean leandro, you dont believe in gigs? do you believe its not right? or simply that it doesn't exist? I just don't think it exist. I'm not trying to offend anyone.
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I just don't think it exist. I'm not trying to offend anyone. You don't believe that people leave other people, or cheat on them, because they perceive the new relationship as being better than the one they're currently in?
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 You don't believe that people leave other people, or cheat on them, because they perceive the new relationship as being better than the one they're currently in? well, a lot of people have said that on here. I guess I don't believe it because I've never done that.
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 well, a lot of people have said that on here. I guess I don't believe it because I've never done that. I've never skydived, gone skiing or juggled flaming torches. But I still believe those things exist...
Author Fermentum Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 I believe in GIGS. Some of its aspects I feel are valid: someone never having experienced being single on their own, feeling lost with no purpose, someone who didn't "experience" their college years and feels they need to sow their oats now, etc. But I also think that people will use it as an excuse to break up with someone to sleep with other people for a while before coming back to a relationship. So one size does not fit all.
Leandro Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I've never skydived, gone skiing or juggled flaming torches. But I still believe those things exist... lol well yea, you can really do that. you can see it, read about it and hear it. Shoot, you can actually die from it. I just don't believe in GIGS. Like I said earlier, these are my thoughts. I really hope this isn't going to start a huge 5-8 page argument. I don't want to go NC with you too PegNosePete.
swfc_77 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 no mate you didn't offend me. i just wondered. i dont believe in labelling it GIGS, what i do believe is that people get into relationships and look at whats going on i their life and feel they are missing out. people get scared and think they are too young and again, look at whats going on out side the relationship and want a piece of that, whatever it may be. i dont know, when i was in a relationship i was happy and settled even tho she was a bi-tch, when im not i feel a little lonely and wasted tbh. some people must feel lonely alone, then feel insecure in a relationship. they cant win.
alwayshoping Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 my 2 cents, hope i do not offend anyone. I know it exists! Just because you have not felt it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! I know what you mean by saying you haven't felt it so don't believe in it, but there must have been a time when you thought a job or other country or other car or the other side of the road would be better but then came to realise it wasn't? same thing but people sometimes feel it with relationships i guess! Ps im not trying to offend you, just wanted to comment because you have never felt it, and I haven't either but I know my ex did, I guess thats why I became a believer!
Leandro Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 LOL, I don't anyone is trying to offend anyone here. Everyone can see how every person has different views on different subjects. We all still friends?
PegNosePete Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 i dont believe in labelling it GIGS, what i do believe is that people get into relationships and look at whats going on i their life and feel they are missing out. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, has webbed feet and a duck's bill... then why not just call it a duck?
alwayshoping Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 agree with the above but it maybe just a member of the Anatidae family. Scientifically speaking, of course.
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