My POF Journal ( Rate my Emails)

[BackUpOrGetStung]

It's too long, too boring, and it's painfully obvious that you just went line by line through her profile and responded with your thoughts. You want to use the person's profile as insight into their personality, not an exact representation of who they are. I normally didn't point out direct interests, I just greeted them, gave them a few general compliments(laid back, driven, outgoing, funny, etc.) on their personality which I used the profile to gather, tell them I liked what they had to say and to get back in touch if there's an interest.

[U1987]

It's too long, too boring, and it's painfully obvious that you just went line by line through her profile and responded with your thoughts.

 

I thought that was a good thing! Isn't that what girls want?

 

I thought girls are always complaining about guys not reading their profiles and just commenting on their pictures. This shows I actually took the time to read her profile and put some thought into my response. What other alternative is there?

[U1987]

It's too long, too boring, and it's painfully obvious that you just went line by line through her profile and responded with your thoughts. You want to use the person's profile as insight into their personality, not an exact representation of who they are. I normally didn't point out direct interests, I just greeted them, gave them a few general compliments(laid back, driven, outgoing, funny, etc.) on their personality which I used the profile to gather, tell them I liked what they had to say and to get back in touch if there's an interest.

 

Dude, I thought you said POF was easy. What's up?

[BackUpOrGetStung]

It is easy..if you think. What you did shows that you're desperate because you are spending so much time on a first message and talking to her like you know her. Get inside these girls' head for a minute. They are reading who knows how many messages that are just as obvious as yours, as to the person's intentions. If you make it seem like you liked her profile, but aren't pressed, you stand out. I've had girls state that they responded, solely because I seemed "normal" and it was a relief.

 

Remember when I said you have to make them feel special? Responding to their profile in a such a rote manner just sounds contrived..not genuine, even if everything you're saying is true. I don't know what else to tell you, except stop trying so hard. You can't expect that these girls are going to read an email and want to **** you. Let your goal be just to meet someone, or just to connect with someone, and be patient. Your initial messages to people are a bit overwhelming and it's too much for someone that's never met you to process. Initially, just keep it light, and compliment her based on what personality traits you think someone with her interests/job/field of study might have.

 

You're coming on too strong, trying too hard and it's obvious. Your initial message should come off as warm, direct, and nonchalant...I like you, we should talk, I don't give a **** if we don't though. The hardest part is not caring; once you don't give a ****, it's easy.

Edited December 14, 2010 by BackUpOrGetStung

[stuck with eharmony]

:lmao:

 

I'm sorry to say I almost feel bad for the OP.

 

 

I'm really rootin for the OP to get a girl. I'm a fan of his threads that he's put up here for the last few months.

[U1987]

I'm really having trouble grasping a lot of this. So much seems contradictory?

 

These aren't rhetorical questions, please answer them if you can.

 

It is easy..if you think. What you did shows that you're desperate because you are spending so much time on a first message and talking to her like you know her. Get inside these girls' head for a minute. They are reading who knows how many messages that are just as obvious as yours, as to the person's intentions.

 

It's a dating website. How could anyone's intentions not be obvious?

 

If you make it seem like you liked her profile, but aren't pressed, you stand out. I've had girls state that they responded, solely because I seemed "normal" and it was a relief.

I wrote that long one because I really felt like I had a lot in common with that girl (we're both in the biomedical fields, we both hate wannabe-martial-artists). You said you have to make a girl feel special. How can you write a "normal" email but make her feel special at the same time?

 

How "normal" were my other 6?

 

Would you be willing to provide an example of a good email?

 

Remember when I said you have to make them feel special? Responding to their profile in a such a rote manner just sounds contrived..not genuine, even if everything you're saying is true.

But I am being genuine; those emails are accurate depictions of the way I think and feel and speak. How is it "rote?"

 

I don't know what else to tell you, except stop trying so hard. You can't expect that these girls are going to read an email and want to **** you. Let your goal be just to meet someone, or just to connect with someone, and be patient. Your initial messages to people are a bit overwhelming and it's too much for someone that's never met you to process.

 

Like I said, what do you think about my other 6 then?

 

Initially, just keep it light, and compliment her based on what personality traits you think someone with her interests/job/field of study might have.

 

You're coming on too strong, trying too hard and it's obvious. Your initial message should come off as warm, direct, and nonchalant...I like you, we should talk, I don't give a **** if we don't though. The hardest part is not caring; once you don't give a ****, it's easy.

Really? That's all you have to type? What happened to "making her feel special?"

 

Like I said, none of these are sarcastic or rhetorical questions. Please answer them if you can.

[Crazy Magnet]

I wish I would have saved messages that peaked my interest but I have long deleted everything,

 

Keep in mind on POF any cute girl is getting tons of messages. I stopped responding to anyone I didn't initiate contact with because it was so overwhelming.

 

Is your point on POF to get a gf or to get laid?

[U1987]

I wish I would have saved messages that peaked my interest but I have long deleted everything,

 

Keep in mind on POF any cute girl is getting tons of messages. I stopped responding to anyone I didn't initiate contact with because it was so overwhelming.

 

Is your point on POF to get a gf or to get laid?

 

At the very most, I'm looking for very short flings, but if you are going to, please don't suggest Adult Friend Finder or Craigslist. Craigslist took down their adult personals page after that psycho used it to lure, rob and murder than those women, and my Adult Friend Finder experience is posted here here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t254000/)

[dispatch3d]

So you're a terrible singer? That means you're awesome at karaoke. And I too get easily amused and laugh at everything; I think my friends and coworkers think I'm crazy cuz of it.

 

What's good?

 

Why are you talking about her? You don't ****ing care about her, remember? Seriously, just talk about whether you suck or are awesome at singing, or just talk about something completely unrelated. Stop giving compliments like "that means your awesome at x". It's like she wrote something negative and you still found a way to put her on a pedestal by complimenting her.

 

2

 

Hey, that's cool you like alt-rock and hip hop; I'm a huge Phoenix and Kings of Leon fan, and my old band used to do rock-style interpretations of hip-hop songs.

 

Are you musically talented at all?

 

(PS, Karaoke and Guitar Hero don't count)

 

If you took out the first sentence this would be great. Then add in a few of the songs you played. Meh I'd be okay with it. The question is offensive. Don't be offensive or insulting to girls you don't know ("are you musically talented at all?"). I realize what you are trying to do here, but this is an insult.

 

3

 

Title: I'm pretty laid back...

Message: ...with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

 

Probably your best message and it is completely devoid of content haha. Still not awful. Should have added more though (she isn't going to respond because you made some clever rap).

 

4

 

Title: MMA guys are tools...

Message: Glad I'm not the only person who thinks so. Seriously, one of my old friends is an MMA buff and he would always try to show off his "killer new move" to me and everyone, and it was sooooo annoying.

 

Most of the time, something got broken (like a coffee table or a guitar) or he ended up hurting someone or himself. We would call him "Mac" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

 

Pretty cool that you're a surgical tech. I'm a molecular biology student myself. It's fun and it's a challenge, but it can be pretty gross at times.

 

I'm sure you've had Micro. We were working with Clostridium once; I don't know if you've handled them, but those little guys smell like the devil's underwear. One kid took a whiff of the petri dish and just instantly hurled; no hesitation, just like a reflex. It was pretty vile, but in hindsight it was pretty funny.

 

What's the grossest thing you had to handle in school?

 

Agreeing with her here is super lame. Super duper lame. I would have went with, "But you still want to **** them. hahaha" It should offend her slightly, but she'll still reply (you aren't being a dick to her really, and you can continue on a good theme if she does (who she will and won't ****).

 

I think a 50% first message response is reasonable. It seems like i get close to that now (admittedly haven't send out any messages in at least 2 weeks, but my response rate went up a lot a little while ago).

[U1987]

Don't be offensive or insulting to girls you don't know ("are you musically talented at all?"). I realize what you are trying to do here, but this is an insult.... ...Agreeing with her here is super lame. Super duper lame. I would have went with, "But you still want to **** them. hahaha" It should offend her slightly

 

Dude... ... ...

[BackUpOrGetStung]

It's a dating website. How could anyone's intentions not be obvious?

 

Intentions are not obvious because you can be looking for anything and it's a lot easier to get laid if you have girls thinking you want a relationship, even if you don't, and girls are aware of this. In fact, it's exactly what you're doing and it's transparent. All of that aside, you can put whatever you want with no way to verify anything.

 

I wrote that long one because I really felt like I had a lot in common with that girl.How can you write a "normal" email but make her feel special at the same time?

 

Doesn't matter how much you think you have in common, keep your first messages light. You want her to read your profile, and can tell her about yourself in subsequent emails. You showing too much, too soon, and that's why it's obvious that you are trying so hard. It's basically like screaming, "PICK ME, I'M INTERESTING", when that's what your profile is for, so you really just need to get them to look at and like your profile, which is why you keep it light. You're not trying to write a "normal email that makes her feel special", you're trying to write a special email, from a normal person.

 

But I am being genuine; those emails are accurate depictions of the way I think and feel and speak. How is it "rote?"

 

First, don't insult my intelligence, you are not being genuine, and you are not going to trick me with semantics. You are portraying yourself as someone who sees a potential deep connection in order for them to think you like them so they will **** you quicker, with someone you are admittedly only trying to ****. It doesn't matter if everything you're saying is true, that doesn't make your intentions genuine. Your actions aligning with your words is genuine.

 

Whether you are being genuine or not, you are also giving too much information about yourself and they don't want to read all of that, not initially at least..you gotta remember how many messages they have to read, as I'm sure you're only going for attractive women. Remember, you want them to read your profile and let that do the real talking for you.

 

Really? That's all you have to type? What happened to "making her feel special?"

 

You have to not give a **** about the outcome, and move on. You have to make her feel special quickly, and then be on your way; not like she can have you and do what she wants with you, already. When you send those long involved messages, telling all about yourself, that says you are either A) clingy, desperate, probably selfish or B) faking so you can get in her pants and both are equally repulsive to a girl. So, to recap, make her feel special quickly, then be on your way.

 

Like I said, what do you think about my other 6 then?

 

Your other six weren't quite as bad because they were short, but they were still boring and seemed like your were grasping for something to talk about. In the first message, don't talk about yourself at all, or what you have in common. It should just direct them to your profile, so that they can find those common interests on their own and want to get back in touch with you. Also, the title should never be anything but laid back greeting, either "Hi/Hey, how are you?" or "Hi/Hey <insert name if she gives it>". Hi or Hey should be based on the person's demeanor.

 

Your last message should read something like this:

 

Subject: Hey, how are you?

 

Message: Your profile stood off the page; you come off as sharp and laid back, and I can really appreciate your humor. I think we'd enjoy each other's company, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!

 

 

U1987

 

Those three sentences accomplish everything you need. They show interest, they compliment, they show you read the profile, and the last one shows that you don't care about the outcome because you're being nice to her, without knowing if she's going to respond or not.

Edited December 14, 2010 by BackUpOrGetStung

[U1987]

 

First, don't insult my intelligence, you are not being genuine, and you are not going to trick me with semantics. You are portraying yourself as someone who sees a potential deep connection in order for them to think you like them so they will **** you quicker, with someone you are admittedly only trying to ****. It doesn't matter if everything you're saying is true, that doesn't make your intentions genuine. Your actions aligning with your words is genuine.

 

Dude! I have long admitted that I'm lying about "looking for a relationship" on my profile! What I'm saying is those messages I typed are really how I think; those are the things I think are interesting and talk about. Those are genuine.

 

I really did have a friend who always tries to show off his martial arts moves and makes a fool of himself.

 

I really did have a classmate who puked while working with foul smelling bacteria.

 

You're saying I'm not being genuine "even if what I say is true." What does that mean? How can that be?

 

Why did you say this was easy? This isn't easy at all.

[SmileFace]

Title: I'm pretty laid back...

Message: ...with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

 

Best one yet --- lmao

[BackUpOrGetStung]

Dude! I have long admitted that I'm lying about "looking for a relationship" on my profile! What I'm saying is those messages I typed are really how I think; those are the things I think are interesting and talk about. Those are genuine.

 

I really did have a friend who always tries to show off his martial arts moves and makes a fool of himself.

 

I really did have a classmate who puked while working with foul smelling bacteria.

 

You're saying I'm not being genuine "even if what I say is true." What does that mean? How can that be?

 

Why did you say this was easy? This isn't easy at all.

 

I apologize for saying it was easy. What I meant is that it was very easy, for me, and I'm telling you how to go about it conceptually.

 

It isn't genuine, because you are just looking for something in common to point out and say, "Hey, look what we have in common", and it's obvious, because that's what all dumbasses that want to get laid and don't know how to talk to women do. You are getting frustrated, because they see right through what you're doing. You are trying to speak to someone and relate to them like you know them, when you don't..it's annoying, presumptuous, and a sign of terrible social skills. It doesn't matter if you really have a friend or a classmate that did this or that, that's too much irrelevant information, at least for someone that you've never spoken with. They have all these guys swooning over them, trying to explain why they're the best.

 

What didn't you like about my initial message that I gave you? I'd also like to hear what some of the ladies on her think about my advice so far, if you're still watching this thread.

Edited December 14, 2010 by BackUpOrGetStung

[U1987]

What didn't you like about my initial message that I gave you?

 

You said you should make a girl feel special in your first message, but this is what you suggested.

 

Your profile stood off the page; you come off as sharp and laid back, and I can really appreciate your humor. I think we'd enjoy each other's company, so let me know if you want to chat more. Have a good one!

 

How does this message make a girl feel special? It's so generic and vague; it's cut-and-copy. You could send this to a million (literally, a million) girls. Wouldn't girls be able to sense that? Most of the advice I've read early on warns against cut-and-copy first emails. Has this ever worked for you?

[U1987]

They show interest, they compliment, they show you read the profile

 

How does it show I read the profile. I could copy, paste and send that message to anybody. Also, dispatch3d is telling me NOT to compliment or show interest. I'm wondering if you have anything to say to him?

[U1987]

Anyway, new round coming up.

 

A girl who moved from the Midwest to studied allied health, "LOOOOOOOOVES coffee" and "HATE HATE HATE" country music.

 

Title: Hey

Message: I don't think ANYONE likes country.

 

PS, I'm a bit of a caffeine fiend myself.

 

What do you do for fun?

 

A hipster girl who also has performed on stage in a band (plays guitar, piano and drums)

 

Title: Wait... girl drummers are REAL?

Message: I thought girl drummers were just an urban legend; you know, from the movies, like "Scott Pilgrim" and ****.

 

Anyway, cool you play keys and guitar. You should mix the 2; get a keytar.

 

I actually play bass myself; classic rock and pop covers mostly, plus some rock-style interpretations of R&B and hiphop songs.

 

What type of music do you play

[BackUpOrGetStung]

How does this message make a girl feel special? It's so generic and vague; it's cut-and-copy. You could send this to a million (literally, a million) girls. Wouldn't girls be able to sense that? Most of the advice I've read early on warns against cut-and-copy first emails. Has this ever worked for you?

 

Exactly! Generic and vague, emphasis on vague. People don't give a **** about the personal details of your life or really what you have to say in general initially, THEY DON'T KNOW YOU! For the last time, the goal of the initial message should be to direct her to your profile. And yes, I tried sending messages like yours for a while and once I changed, I was getting responses left and right. Just try it, you've got nothing to lose..these last two that you posted were terrible as well.

 

How does it show I read the profile. I could copy, paste and send that message to anybody. Also, dispatch3d is telling me NOT to compliment or show interest. I'm wondering if you have anything to say to him?

 

You have to pick and choose the compliment and make sure it matches the personality/profiile. You should pick a trait that fairly unique to throw in with a generic one..you just need to show that you get the gist of their profile and aren't just responding to the pictures; I doubt the girls remember half of what they put on their profile. I have nothing against dispatch3d, but I know I'd never get a girl using any of his methods, I can't say whether he has or not. I think a distinction needs to be made between complimenting and flattery. Complimenting is frank and matter of fact, flattery is fake and lame. The interest that you show should be a fleeting interest, hence the excited good bye, whereas you always leave the door hanging open waiting, I slam it shut, but make sure they know it's unlocked. She's now thinking, why isn't he sitting on his hands waiting for my reply like the 97 other guys I got messages from today?

 

I'm also interested to see what you're profile looks like. I'm guessing it comes off as lame and as your messages. I don't mean to insult you, but literally every single message you send just screams desperation. You are trying way too hard, just think about what you said about my message; you can send it to a million girls because...it's EASY. Basically, that same message got me into a double digit number pants in 3 months.

[dispatch3d]

I can get first replies with maybe half, but they tend to just peter off. So yeah, very low turnover (you are doing better! ).

 

If these 6-7 don't work out for you, I think you should be taking a different method to do things. It seems like you are just trying to do the same thing over and over again.

[U1987]

 

Exactly! Generic and vague, emphasis on vague. People don't give a **** about the personal details of your life or really what you have to say in general initially, THEY DON'T KNOW YOU! For the last time, the goal of the initial message should be to direct her to your profile. And yes, I tried sending messages like yours for a while and once I changed, I was getting responses left and right. Just try it, you've got nothing to lose..these last two that you posted were terrible as well.

 

You're saying that with all the barely-literate jackasses "hollerin" at girls in text-speak on online dating sites, mine are terrible?

 

I'm also interested to see what you're profile looks like.

My profile was copied from Phillyfan's suggestion word-for-word.

 

I play bass in a band and love the feelin of an audience havin fun listenin to us - its my biggest passion!So I'd love to meet a cool,fun girl who'd put up with comin to watch me on stage at the weekends

 

I Love the sun, love the snow, winter hiking is a dam cool challenge - and I've travelled to loads of cool countries-life is an adventure for me and if u are a cool girl, I bet it is for u too.

 

Work full time in a science field - I like the mental challenge - cant be all about the music.

 

Oh yea and the important part - I'm fairly easy on the eye - dirty blond in surf season but brown by winter, (insert height, whatever here).

So if u like the sound of all this then hit me up with a msg and I'll take u out for the best coffee in town.

I'm guessing it comes off as lame and as your messages. I don't mean to insult you, but literally every single message you send just screams desperation.

How do they "scream desperation?"

 

This is desperate.

Hey you don't know me and I'm sure tonnes and tonnes of guys text you every day, but I see you're pictures and I think you're one of the most beautiful girls in the whole world. Even though I'm not a lot, it would mean so so so much to me if you take the time to write back. Please write back soon.

That is desperate. How is asking what type of music a girl plays or what she does for fun "desperate" or "indicitive of bad social skills?" Literally; HOW?

[irc333]

It isn't genuine, because you are just looking for something in common to point out and say, "Hey, look what we have in common", and it's obvious, because that's what all dumbasses that want to get laid and don't know how to talk to women do. You are getting frustrated, because they see right through what you're doing. You are trying to speak to someone and relate to them like you know them, when you don't..it's annoying, presumptuous, and a sign of terrible social skills.

 

I wouldn't say that actually, you can make it known you have something in common without making that an announcement that you do.

 

For me, if there's some obscure interest she likes, I'd state, "Hey, I like Monty Python, too....what were your favorite movies....I liked the part in the Holy Grail where ..blalh blah blah..."

 

That's how you present it, you can get them into a conversation about the Monty Python flicks. That's applying what you have in common with her.

 

Nothing socially lacking there one bit.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You're trying too hard, you are completely unnatural in your efforts, and anyone can perceive this instantly through your written word.

 

The belabored way you come here and ask people to give you verbiage that you can use is putting tons of useless steps between you and any women.

 

You want to get laid. The ONLY way you are going to accomplish this through a "normal" dating site is to post pictures of your incredible hottness (NOT of your throbbing member, please) and hope that some gal rises to the bait.

 

Like I said before, though, the percentage of guys who manage to get pretty girls to have sex with them just for laffs is MiINISCULE. FYI, it's kind of strange the way you seem to think that you are going to be able to accomplish this just by figuring out the right words. Exactly what are you offering these elusive girls? WHY are they supposed to be interested in having a casual sexual relationship with you? If they want to be FWB, or even just get laid, most of them probably have some guys in their lives who are more than willing to roll around with them for fun, NSA. They don't need to find random guys on a dating website for this. Are you aware of this truth?

 

There is no recipe for connecting with other human beings on any level. No matter how hard you keep struggling to find the magic recipe, you will never succeed, because there is not one.

 

Clearly you need to work on your social skills. You are in college, you should be able to meet girls IRL. Since this is not happening, I think you have actual work to do on yourself to make yourself more able to function successfully on any level with women.

 

Or, if you won't, just pay for sex. Because that is probably the only way you are going to get what you're after.

[Sarah1977]

 

Like I said before, though, the percentage of guys who manage to get pretty girls to have sex with them just for laffs is MiINISCULE. FYI, it's kind of strange the way you seem to think that you are going to be able to accomplish this just by figuring out the right words. Exactly what are you offering these elusive girls? WHY are they supposed to be interested in having a casual sexual relationship with you? If they want to be FWB, or even just get laid, most of them probably have some guys in their lives who are more than willing to roll around with them for fun, NSA. They don't need to find random guys on a dating website for this. Are you aware of this truth?

 

 

 

EXACTLY!

 

I have literally HANDFULS of men I could call any time I wanted for a ONS or a FWB relationship and I'm not even a hot girl. Why the OP thinks some girl is going to be choose him to screw via a dating website when they can just choose one of their friends and feel confident in the knowledge that the friend is: Discreet, disease free, and can please them sexually is beyond me. This is never going to happen for him. Never, ever, ever. The way to have a FWB situation is to make platonic friends with a lot of girls and wait for their boyfriends to dump them. Period.

[dispatch3d]

lol how is talking about how difficult it is for a girl to agree to casual sex helping anyone?

 

Furthermore, he's not even at the point he can request such a thing. He's not even getting conversations going/a first reply.

 

Easy to spill "you need more social skills" without actually talking about what to physically type. Fyi the internet has nothing to do with social skills .

 

Did the dudes message pan out at all (other guy who was saying this is how it works blablabla?

 

He could be dealing from a different age range.

[U1987]

Exactly what are you offering these elusive girls?

Our time together. What else am I supposed to offer?

WHY are they supposed to be interested in having a casual sexual relationship with you?

Because I would want her and she would want me.

 

If they want to be FWB, or even just get laid, most of them probably have some guys in their lives who are more than willing to roll around with them for fun, NSA. They don't need to find random guys on a dating website for this. Are you aware of this truth?

I don't believe this is true. And if it is, it shouldn't be like this.

 

 

Clearly you need to work on your social skills. You are in college, you should be able to meet girls IRL. Since this is not happening, I think you have actual work to do on yourself to make yourself more able to function successfully on any level with women.

Like dispat3d said, MUCH easier said than done?

 

WHAT AND HOW do I do what I have to improve my social skills.

 

That's a bit of a harder question, isn't it?