Lying with statistics

[ASPIE]

3%---One of the numbers used to frighten women and quoted over all the internet is only 3% of women end with their lovers.

 

This was based on a sample so small (around 35) and so biased it was absolutely meaningless. It is like you go out into some random part of your neigbourhood and ask 30 people who will win the election or oscars or whatever. They may not be a goood guide

 

Your sample of 35 is a poor representation of america: as is Jen Halpens saying 3% will marry the mistress# Another women running a book on saving your marriage came up with a similar statistic: i will so believe her

[Owl]

The bottom line is that you can go out and find a study that supports what you want it to say on pretty much anything...there are enough studies done out there that are completely biased or conducted so un-scientifcally that the 'data' they present is so far skewed from reality as to be completely ludicrous.

 

Or...you can even do like most of these "studies" do, conduct your own study and just flat out lie about the results.

 

Or, even better...you can always just flat out ignore statistics anyway, and hope that you're one of the "lucky few".

[ASPIE]

the bottom line is you can be evidence ignorant or not. You can choose to ignore all studies because you say they don't apply to me. or you can grasp the idea that statistics apply to populations and are the best tool we have for making hard decisions like: should birth control be available

 

If you don't understand how evidence can help inform decision and go beyond anecdote and heartfelt pleas, i am very worried.

[2sure]

Regarding infidelity and even divorce, so much is not admitted to, revealed, or discussed there is no way to use accurate figures.

[ASPIE]

this is admitting defeat.

 

Homosexuality and child abuse are much more difficult to address than infidelity. That doesn't mean you give up and go home.

 

We have very good evidence that many really, good nice kind people are unfaithful; that infidelity often ends in really happy sucessful relations and why should we just say this is peanuts?

 

we know 50% of marriages end

 

we know 64% of marriages experience infidelity

 

lovers and mistresses are not serial killers and child molesters..anything more than 59% of americans do is normal. Get over it.

[2sure]

I dont generally see anyone comparing affair partners to killers or child molesters. I dont see any evidence at all anywhere that a happy relationship is the result of an affair except very infrequently. Sure, a lot of marriages end , many because of infidelity, but not because of an affair partner.

 

There are a few affair partners here on and off who are happy with their status...but most of them are here struggling to understand how they got into the situation and how to end it one way or another.

 

Many many people, relationships , and marriages have experienced infidelity first hand or been an eye witness to it. Many people in relationships choose to have open relationships. But thats a choice that cannot be forced on a partner by withholding your decisions. Its not the infidelity that creates the real crisis, its the complete betrayal. Most BS come to the conclusion that the OM or OW could have been anyone.

 

Just because infidelity happens frequently doesnt mean the pain of those involved is not valid.

[Owl]

what is the saying... "there are 3 kinds of lies... lies... damned lies... and statistics"

 

but I do find it interesting that for all you seem dead set against statistics, you seem to be more than happy to trot them out when they suit your purposes.

 

 

(myself, i hate statistics... didn't like them when I took a stats course in university and I don't like them now)

 

I gotta go with FS on this one...

 

I just read the OP's other thread where they quoted the heck outta statistics...and then come here complain against a specific one that they don't like???

 

Sorry...NON SEQUITER.

[TaraMaiden]

I love these wild claims by skin cream and cosmetic manufacturers... they make claims, then the small print at the base of the screen reads something like -

 

(78% of 50 women agreed....)

 

That's 39.

 

What about the other 21.....?

[2sure]

I work using stats, surveys, polls every single day. I use them to reflect the information I want. Thats what they are for. Their only use is market research and by that I mean that those of us in marketing use them to influence the market.

[2sure]

Oh, and you know whats really bizarre? When people participate in market research or surveys - whether for a product , service, or political party...they LIE. We dont know why, they just do. I think its really funny.

[TigerCub]

In the words of Homer Simpson "Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that." :laugh:

[WTFBBQ]

Another sock puppet.

[herenow]

I think when it comes to infidelity the number can be off just due to the nature of the action.

 

I have always said that, IMO, the 3% is probably underestimated. I'm sure there are situations where a couple gets divorced and the BS never knows that the new spouse was an OW or OM.

 

This proves to me that people can and do leave a marriage they fall in love with another person.

 

If you are saying that there is often success when two people fall in love during an affair, what is the excuse for not getting a divorce?

 

If so many people do it and are happy, then these excuses we hear all the time, kids, money, etc.. can't be all that realistic. Cant have it both ways.

[Mimolicious]

Oh, and you know whats really bizarre? When people participate in market research or surveys - whether for a product , service, or political party...they LIE. We dont know why, they just do. I think its really funny.

 

 

Cause they feel that the "goody bag" is going to come fuller if they lie.

 

This happens a lot in places where they conduct focus/research groups for cosmetics. LOL!

 

But why don't we take our own little LS survey?! The % of those who come here and feel like these A's are sent from hell, may be bit alarming. I'm just saying...

[East7]

If we put statistics apart, there are so many barriers/factors that explain why only a few APs/MAPs end up in a long-lasting relationship :

 

Single AP :

 

- Thrown under the bus, thus pain and resentment.

- No more trusting MM/MW thus no more wanting a R with them.

 

Married AP :

 

- No motivation to leave the M

- The guilt of leaving spouses and family overweights the love for OP.

- Wanting to give the kids a 2 parents family

- Preserving Lifestyle, standard of living.

- And if divorce, long process, indecisiveness and guilt.

 

Experience has shown that even those MAP who move out and go to live with their OP, are full of guilt, inconsistent feelings, go back and forth between BS and OP which makes life a hell to both. Some WS end up blaming the fOP for wrecking their marriage.

 

It is much more possible in reality that both MAP and OP end up finding someone else rather than settle together. Because it is easier to start a scratch new relationship that one with emotional baggage.

 

I have thought a lot about MW which I loved and I still miss. We hadn't a clear closure. She made me believe that if we weren't together it was my fault (distance) and that because her H is a good father.

She may as well end up divorced in 1 year or 2 and come to contact me but 1/ I don't know if I want her back, 2/ and I may be with someone else.

 

So that's why it is not impossible but it is very difficult that APs end up together. Statistics are not crazy

[TigerCub]

If we put statistics apart, there are so many barriers/factors that explain why only a few APs/MAPs end up in a long-lasting relationship :

 

Single AP :

 

- Thrown under the bus, thus pain and resentment.

- No more trusting MM/MW thus no more wanting a R with them.

 

Married AP :

 

- No motivation to leave the M

- The guilt of leaving spouses and family overweights the love for OP.

- Wanting to give the kids a 2 parents family

- Preserving Lifestyle, standard of living.

- And if divorce, long process, indecisiveness and guilt.

 

Experience has shown that even those MAP who move out and go to live with their OP, are full of guilt, inconsistent feelings, go back and forth between BS and OP which makes life a hell to both. Some WS end up blaming the fOP for wrecking their marriage.

 

It is much more possible in reality that both MAP and OP end up finding someone else rather than settle together. Because it is easier to start a scratch new relationship that one with emotional baggage.

 

I have thought a lot about MW which I loved and I still miss. We hadn't a clear closure. She made me believe that if we weren't together it was my fault (distance) and that because her H is a good father.

She may as well end up divorced in 1 year or 2 and come to contact me but 1/ I don't know if I want her back, 2/ and I may be with someone else.

 

So that's why it is not impossible but it is very difficult that APs end up together. Statistics are not crazy

 

Well thought out response East - I totally get what you're saying.

 

ETA: Even if the AP never gets thrown under the bus - there is also resentment due to thinking "Why can't you love me enough to choose me" - I know that's how I felt at some point when I was in an A - its very self destructive and it builds a lot of hurt/resentment towards the mAP.

Edited December 8, 2010 by TigerCub

[Mimolicious]

If we put statistics apart, there are so many barriers/factors that explain why only a few APs/MAPs end up in a long-lasting relationship :

 

Single AP :

 

- Thrown under the bus, thus pain and resentment.

- No more trusting MM/MW thus no more wanting a R with them.

 

Married AP :

 

- No motivation to leave the M

- The guilt of leaving spouses and family overweights the love for OP.

- Wanting to give the kids a 2 parents family

- Preserving Lifestyle, standard of living.

- And if divorce, long process, indecisiveness and guilt.

 

Experience has shown that even those MAP who move out and go to live with their OP, are full of guilt, inconsistent feelings, go back and forth between BS and OP which makes life a hell to both. Some WS end up blaming the fOP for wrecking their marriage.

 

It is much more possible in reality that both MAP and OP end up finding someone else rather than settle together. Because it is easier to start a scratch new relationship that one with emotional baggage.

 

I have thought a lot about MW which I loved and I still miss. We hadn't a clear closure. She made me believe that if we weren't together it was my fault (distance) and that because her H is a good father.

She may as well end up divorced in 1 year or 2 and come to contact me but 1/ I don't know if I want her back, 2/ and I may be with someone else.

 

So that's why it is not impossible but it is very difficult that APs end up together. Statistics are not crazy

 

Bingo! Very well said E7. I can relate to the top, for sure.

[Fight4Me]

In the words of Homer Simpson "Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that." :laugh:

 

:lmao:Thanks, now I have coffee all over my laptop!

 

If we put statistics apart, there are so many barriers/factors that explain why only a few APs/MAPs end up in a long-lasting relationship :

 

Single AP :

 

- Thrown under the bus, thus pain and resentment.

- No more trusting MM/MW thus no more wanting a R with them.

 

Married AP :

 

- No motivation to leave the M

- The guilt of leaving spouses and family overweights the love for OP.

- Wanting to give the kids a 2 parents family

- Preserving Lifestyle, standard of living.

- And if divorce, long process, indecisiveness and guilt.

 

Experience has shown that even those MAP who move out and go to live with their OP, are full of guilt, inconsistent feelings, go back and forth between BS and OP which makes life a hell to both. Some WS end up blaming the fOP for wrecking their marriage.

 

It is much more possible in reality that both MAP and OP end up finding someone else rather than settle together. Because it is easier to start a scratch new relationship that one with emotional baggage.

 

I have thought a lot about MW which I loved and I still miss. We hadn't a clear closure. She made me believe that if we weren't together it was my fault (distance) and that because her H is a good father.

She may as well end up divorced in 1 year or 2 and come to contact me but 1/ I don't know if I want her back, 2/ and I may be with someone else.

 

So that's why it is not impossible but it is very difficult that APs end up together. Statistics are not crazy

 

You nailed it, and the paragraph I bolded is the most insightful imho. The reasoning being that there are so many obstacles already in place, like their relationship being tainted in the eyes of family members, etc. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but it doesn't take statistics to conclude that the odds are greatly against the success of a relationship that began as an EMA. It's just logic.

[TigerCub]

:lmao:Thanks, now I have coffee all over my laptop!

 

HA HA - yeah I love that quote!

[Kismetly]

this is admitting defeat.

 

Homosexuality and child abuse are much more difficult to address than infidelity. That doesn't mean you give up and go home.

.

 

Please tell me you didn't just put homosexuality and childabuse in the same category????

[TigerCub]

Please tell me you didn't just put homosexuality and childabuse in the same category????

 

I'm sure if you look hard enough you'll find stats that prove all gays are child molesters

[phillyfan]

3%---One of the numbers used to frighten women and quoted over all the internet is only 3% of women end with their lovers.

 

This was based on a sample so small (around 35) and so biased it was absolutely meaningless. It is like you go out into some random part of your neigbourhood and ask 30 people who will win the election or oscars or whatever. They may not be a goood guide

 

Your sample of 35 is a poor representation of america: as is Jen Halpens saying 3% will marry the mistress# Another women running a book on saving your marriage came up with a similar statistic: i will so believe her

 

Dude if 99% of affairs worked out, I still wudnt have one...I am not gona steal anotha mans wife, period. So who cares about stats one way or the other.

[WTFBBQ]

3%---One of the numbers used to frighten women and quoted over all the internet is only 3% of women end with their lovers.

Frightens you doesn't it?

[NoIDidn't]

3%---One of the numbers used to frighten women and quoted over all the internet is only 3% of women end with their lovers.

 

This was based on a sample so small (around 35) and so biased it was absolutely meaningless. It is like you go out into some random part of your neigbourhood and ask 30 people who will win the election or oscars or whatever. They may not be a goood guide

 

Your sample of 35 is a poor representation of america: as is Jen Halpens saying 3% will marry the mistress# Another women running a book on saving your marriage came up with a similar statistic: i will so believe her

 

Not sure where you got your data from, but the "35" you mention is incorrect. The study that the 3% comes from was from a study of business men in airports and the sample size was closer to 1400.

 

Most studies are done with a little over 1000 as the sample size. The problem with the study was that business men is hardly a "random" sample and they don't represent larger society. They would have been better off surveying people in a mall.

[NoIDidn't]

 

we know 50% of marriages end

 

we know 64% of marriages experience infidelity

 

Actually the statistics on divorce aren't completely accurate either. They are based on total marriages performed in a year vs. total divorces in that same year.

 

If we keep the formula the way it is used only tallying the current year, in years where divorces outnumber marriages, the results would be even more skewed than they already are.

 

Many use the 50% number because some studies say anywhere from 41% to 61% of first time marriages end in divorce.