samantha_123 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 This is what every couple needs in order to make a relationship work .... 1. Trust 2. Be a friend 3. Faith 4. Not be judemental 5. Be passionate 6. Patience 7. Un conditonal love 8. Communication 9. 60/40 10. Have laughter 11. Respect any suggestions to add to the list?
TaraMaiden Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 These all come under the qualities of Communication, Respect and Trust. This is the tripod that holds up the relationship. If one of those three "legs" is broken or damaged, it will never ever be as good as new. It takes Effort, and it takes Commitment from both sides, equally, and each is equally responsible for the upkeep and maintenance. And it's a 24/7 job. Complacency should never figure.
theBrokenMuse Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 This is what every couple needs in order to make a relationship work .... 1. Trust 2. Be a friend 3. Faith 4. Not be judemental 5. Be passionate 6. Patience 7. Un conditonal love 8. Communication 9. 60/40 10. Have laughter 11. Respect any suggestions to add to the list? I'd remove both faith and unconditional love from that list, personally.
Author samantha_123 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Loyalty........ Thanks thats a good one to add to my list....
Author samantha_123 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 I'd remove both faith and unconditional love from that list, personally. Why would you remove faith? You have to have faith in that person and also faith means faithfull... Whe remove unconditional love from the list ? Wouldnt you want somebody to love you if your rich or poor ? healthly or unhealthly?
Author samantha_123 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 These all come under the qualities of Communication, Respect and Trust. This is the tripod that holds up the relationship. If one of those three "legs" is broken or damaged, it will never ever be as good as new. It takes Effort, and it takes Commitment from both sides, equally, and each is equally responsible for the upkeep and maintenance. And it's a 24/7 job. Complacency should never figure. Its true when my ex blocked me from his myspace it changed how I felt about him ... I had underlined anger because of that, it hurt me and made me wonder what he was hidding from me... He would locked his computer and his phone ... I dont think people really understand the impact of things.... I've learned alot from my him for my next relationship I will not put up with.... In many ways he never respected with my opinions and the way I looked ... He would always point out how "fat I was" pulling at my gut ... making me feel bad about myself... things like this does change how a person feels about there SO....
Feelin Frisky Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Unconditional love IS a condition. That should be enough to strike it from the list because everything else plus loyalty is plenty. No body is perfect and we should expect some conditions for our loyaty, trust, patience, friendship, passion, communication, respect. They are our investment in each other.
Author samantha_123 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) yes please:) .................... 60/40 is the qualities that you want in your SO let me give you an example 60 percent is the qualities that YOU like in a SO 40 percent is qualities that YOU don’t like in a SO Example # 1 60 percent: He’s trusting, loves me for me, he’s educated, smart, goal oriented 40 percent: Is what flaws he has he drinks to much and smokes, does drugs, party’s to much …. And when the 60/40 goes to 70/50 that’s problems will starting within the relationship … And the SO decides to leave the relationship… Edited December 10, 2010 by samantha_123
Author samantha_123 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) Unconditional love IS a condition. That should be enough to strike it from the list because everything else plus loyalty is plenty. No body is perfect and we should expect some conditions for our loyaty, trust, patience, friendship, passion, communication, respect. They are our investment in each other. Yes you are right nobody is perfect ... thats why my ex is going to suffer later when hes trying to find a SO... He broke up with me because I wasnt perfect and lost sight of my good qualities .... Not every person is as accepting as you are with your SO... I accepted all of my ex's flaws and understood he was not perfect but he couldnt accept my flaws .... Edited December 10, 2010 by samantha_123
Author samantha_123 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Want to expand on this one? I just posted an example of this fourm... this will help ...
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Unconditional love IS a condition. That should be enough to strike it from the list because everything else plus loyalty is plenty. No body is perfect and we should expect some conditions for our loyaty, trust, patience, friendship, passion, communication, respect. They are our investment in each other. Humankind in general is Loved Unconditionally. Your partner is loved Conditionally AND unconditionally.......
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Why would you remove faith? You have to have faith in that person and also faith means faithfull... Whe remove unconditional love from the list ? Wouldnt you want somebody to love you if your rich or poor ? healthly or unhealthly? I agree with bmuse. unconditional love is loving someone regardless of their actions. I would not want to love (or expect to be loved by) someone who cheated on me or betrayed me. People need to be accountable for their actions and 'unconditional love' can be unhealthy. What about women (and men) who stay in abusive relationships and won't leave because of their love for their partner? Faith and faithful are not the same thing. To have faith in something is to believe in something without logical reason to. Faith is what the religious hold for their god or deity. It's not always a bad thing but it's not always a good thing either. There's nothing wrong with being careful and watching your back.
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I agree with bmuse. unconditional love is loving someone regardless of their actions. I would not want to love (or expect to be loved by) someone who cheated on me or betrayed me. People need to be accountable for their actions and 'unconditional love' can be unhealthy. What about women (and men) who stay in abusive relationships and won't leave because of their love for their partner? Unconditional Love is never unhealthy. The kind of Love you're describing, isn't Love at all. It's a neediness or a desire to be accepted, a complete lack of self-worth and self-esteem. It's the kind of emotion manifested by somebody who's downtrodden and has lost a sense of self-perception. Unconditional Love is Loving someone regardless of their actions, but it is also not necessarily agreeing with, or condoning their actions. For example, a person could Love their brother unconditionally, but if he's a crack addict, they could hate that aspect of their character, and condemn it. They wouldn't support it, simply because they loved them. Do you see what I mean? Faith and faithful are not the same thing. To have faith in something is to believe in something without logical reason to. Faith is what the religious hold for their god or deity. It's not always a bad thing but it's not always a good thing either. There's nothing wrong with being careful and watching your back. Yup, I'll definitely second that!
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Unconditional Love is never unhealthy. The kind of Love you're describing, isn't Love at all. It's a neediness or a desire to be accepted, a complete lack of self-worth and self-esteem. It's the kind of emotion manifested by somebody who's downtrodden and has lost a sense of self-perception. Unconditional Love is Loving someone regardless of their actions, but it is also not necessarily agreeing with, or condoning their actions. For example, a person could Love their brother unconditionally, but if he's a crack addict, they could hate that aspect of their character, and condemn it. They wouldn't support it, simply because they loved them. Do you see what I mean? Okay, sort of. I'm still a bit confused by the semantics. Is unconditional love the same as everlasting love? I'd understand a character flaw but what if the person really hurt or wronged you?
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Okay, sort of. I'm still a bit confused by the semantics. Is unconditional love the same as everlasting love? No. There's no such thing as 'everlasting' Love. By virtue of the fact that relationships end, in one way or another, 'everlasting' love is a misnomer. Lifetime love is a possibility, but even then, you haven't known a SO ALL your life..... And emotional Love changes over time. The passion and 'frisson' you feel for a person initially, mellows and develops into something different over time. Nothing is permanent. Unconditional love is having an empathy for another person, and wishing them freedom from physical and mental/psychological/emotional harm, whether they've asked for it or not, or know you're giving it or not. But that doesn't mean you have to even like the person. (2 examples: if you are the first at the scene of an accident, and you realise that one of the victims is a person you dislike intensely - would you leave them in pain and torment for that reason? I would presume not. The Dalai Lama had developed and cultivated Unconditional Love for the Chinese - but he would refuse invitations to take tea with them, any time soon....) These are examples of Unconditional Love - the inherent desire to see others free from harm and suffering. I'd understand a character flaw but what if the person really hurt or wronged you? See above. A person with a good heart will lay those feelings aside should the other person be in dire need of help.... The thing to remember is that all negative actions (mental, verbal or physical) come from a root of Pain and Fear. Whenever something is thought/said/done that is hurtful or unkind, it has been for a sense of personal satisfaction and self-promotion. (this is fear of loss of identity, loss of control and the desire to be validated. if we are not 'heard' and recognised, how can we be worth anything?) We want to be considered important, and we want to be accepted. Everyone wants to be understood, appreciated and loved. It's a natural desire to be acknowledged. If we feel for any reason that this is not being done, we feel hurt and slighted. And this is how we enter into Romantic Relationships. We want to find someone who will view us as the most important person in their lives, and the someone who will do whatever it takes to make us happy. we want that person to validate us, and cement our identity. What we forget, is that they want the same thing. And sometimes, conflict arises, as perusal of this forum will all too foten sadly show.... Sometimes there is simply poor communication. Sometimes the relationship is so dysfunctional that it's damaging - dangerous or life-threatening, even. Including these, and anything in between, is when the Fear and Pain manifest. Am I making any sense at all.....?
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Everyone wants to be understood, appreciated and loved. Do you think it's a natural desire to want to be loved in a romantic sense or is love between friends or a parent and child enough. Or does the same type of love exist in all types of relationships and the dynamic of a relationship is a separate thing all together? Am I making any sense at all.....? Absolutely. I love what you wrote!
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Do you think it's a natural desire to want to be loved in a romantic sense.... No, I don't think that it's natural. I think it's conditioning, or taught.... It's a trait or phenomenon that is not inherent in everyone. For example, cultures that arrange marriages, establish relationships after the wedding has taken place. And marriage once, was a contract between two families which was of advantageous mutual financial benefit. Many marriages 'then and now' were for convenience. I think we get much Romantic influence from Poetry, prose, and other forms of literature and media which promote certain Romantic ideals which an awful lot of people are disappointed to find exist as a rarity, and not as a norm.... Hollywood is an amazingly prolific producer of such indoctrination or illusion. I'd like to see Harry and Sally ten years down the line when Harry's son is a wilful obstinate teenager.... Or Pretty Woman a few years down the line when gravity takes over and her millionaire Lover needs more diversion and stimulation from a younger model..... .....or is love between friends or a parent and child enough. For some, for many and varied reasons, it may well be. There are countless reasons why this might be so, but many find fulfilment in other ways. Or does the same type of love exist in all types of relationships and the dynamic of a relationship is a separate thing all together? No, I don't think the same kind of love can even exist even for one partner to another, from the same person.... we learn certain things about others, and certain things about ourselves, with every encounter. Sometimes we put these experiences to good use, and develop as people. At other times we go into a 'repeat' pattern, because it's all we know how to do, and stepping out of the cycle is both unknown and scary (there's that 'fear' factor again!) The dynamics of a relationship depend on the maturity of the protagonists. Providing people can construct a relationship, give and take, and work together, communicating effectively, the dynamics remain healthy, more often than not. There is some pulling and pushing, and maybe a bit of power play, and sometimes this leads to a more level-headed understanding of the other person's needs, as well as our own. Sometimes - it doesn't. And that's when the dynamics fall apart, and Romantic love isn't enough. it might even fade all together.... Absolutely. I love what you wrote! Thank goodness.....! there are times when I think I'm just chuggling along in babble-mode..... Thank you!
TaraMaiden Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I thought this thread had disappeared.... (during Forum downtime....)
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