Do women actually lead men on just for kicks?

[nice-easy-day]

I've noticed in here a big complaint... "she led me on"

 

Is that really true? Do women actually play games like that for an ego boost or is that just a myth? Women, have you ever done it purposely in the past?

 

My take is this: most of the time it's not a matter of being led on but rather you are just being considered, put on the shelf as an option, or friend zoned.

 

I've recently had this happen to me but I don't think she maliciously set out to hurt me. She was just being a girl. OR AM I BEING NAIVE?

[welikeincrowds]

Some people are naive, some people are careless, some people are severely ****ed up. It's up to you to judge whether the worst of those people are evil, or ultimately forgivable by nature of environmental consequence. Personally, I believe in evil. **** 'em. They can burn in hell.

[nice-easy-day]

Some people are naive, some people are careless, some people are severely ****ed up. It's up to you to judge whether the worst of those people are evil, or ultimately forgivable by nature of environmental consequence. Personally, I believe in evil. **** 'em. They can burn in hell.

 

Well said.

 

If there are people out there who would maliciously cause pain to the heart of another human being then yes, they can burn in hell.

 

Let me say this: I'd rather be punched square in the nose, kicked right in the balls and have my head repeatedly slammed in the car door before having my heart broke by some careless woman who only wanted an ego boost. Not too worry, they have theirs coming to them ten fold.

Edited December 8, 2010 by nice-easy-day

[welikeincrowds]

For the record, I agree with you, but note that I said people.

 

For every relationship where one was lead on, there was another person who was being lead, and that person was either naive, careless, or severely ****ed up.

[Mad Max]

I think it's more common than most will admit. When a woman gives you a fake number or uses you as a backup, that's leading a guy on.

[welikeincrowds]

I think it's more common than most will admit. When a woman gives you a fake number or uses you as a backup, that's leading a guy on.

 

You say that second sentence as though it's somehow evidence backing up your first. Yes, fake phone numbers and "being used as backup" (same thing, different wording) are examples of leading someone on. I'm sure it's as common as anyone with half a brain believes it is.

[nice-easy-day]

I was talking more about those one month wonders. Her phone number wasn't fake. But if she was dating another guy I hope he dogs her bad.

 

I understand that a woman has the right to change her mind about you at any time. She's just in the decision stage about you. Fine.

 

But seriously, you're telling me that some women (or men) actually use people because they get off by causing people pain? That is what I'm referring to here.

 

I've done the 2nd date screw a few times but it was mutual and we both got what we wanted. I'm talking about playing with someone's heart.

[LaraC]

I don't think it's something most women do, but no doubt there are a few out there who will, just as there are married men out there who live double lives and lead a woman on the side to believe she's "the one" without informing her about the wife and kids. But I don't think that's most guys either.

 

I've recently had this happen to me but I don't think she maliciously set out to hurt me. She was just being a girl. OR AM I BEING NAIVE?

 

Need more info about the circumstances to judge... but don't know about "just being a girl" part, you should ask her why, she feels, a relationship isn't going to work out if that is what will give you peace of mind.

[zengirl]

Some women? Well, probably. You can find someone on this planet who does just about anything.

 

I think a lot of the time it's likely just the girl trying to create feelings for a guy she's not all that attracted to. Then again, sometimes that happens. I've had friends say they didn't really dig a guy at first and then go on to fall for him. You never know.

 

OTOH, since someone mentioned it:

When a woman gives a fake number, that's generally because it was the only way she saw to get the man to go away. And I'm not sure I'd consider that "leading" a guy on, since I've never seen it happen without some hints to the guy to get away.

[TaraMaiden]

I've noticed in here a big complaint... "she led me on"

Where specifically?

I've been here a while, and I have never read this.

Could you cite an example/thread?

have women not said this about guys?

 

....

 

I've recently had this happen to me but I don't think she maliciously set out to hurt me. She was just being a girl. OR AM I BEING NAIVE?

 

So it DIDN'T recently happen to you.

 

And just what do you mean by 'she was just being a girl'?

 

Is that the same as a guy spreading his wild oats and wanting to get into a girl's briefs, because he's 'just being a boy'?

 

[phineas]

I think it's more common than most will admit. When a woman gives you a fake number or uses you as a backup, that's leading a guy on.

 

I've had women actually tell me they found me attractive, wanted to sleep with me but:

"don't want a relationship based on sex"

"want to take it slow"

blah blah blah. Then make excuses for why it hasn't happened.

 

They never wanted me, they just wanted me paying attention to them & them only because the hot jerk their secretly banging won't give them attention unless they want sex.

 

I've learned recently that women who want to sleep with me, just come to my house & sleep with me.

 

Go figure.

[OpenBook]

But seriously, you're telling me that some women (or men) actually use people because they get off by causing people pain? That is what I'm referring to here.

 

I've done the 2nd date screw a few times but it was mutual and we both got what we wanted. I'm talking about playing with someone's heart.

 

Well, the heart tends to have a mind of its own - regardless of what the other person does. When we humans (men or women) become smitten with someone, we really tend to put the blinders on! Especially when it comes to evaluating the other person's interest in us.

 

As far as women (or men) "getting off" on others' pain, I don't think that's true in most cases. It's more like they just DON'T CARE about the other person that much; they're not that interested. If the other person is walking off a cliff because of them, they just watch 'em do it. But that's the point - the other person is walking off a cliff ON THEIR OWN STEAM. Nobody's holding a gun to their head.

[hydorclops]

Some women purposely lead men on strictly for the entertainment value of creating unhappiness? That would only appeal to a tiny percentage of sociopaths. Too much work, very little payoff.

 

It's not a trend. It's not something to watch out for.

[sally4sara]

I have too much other stuff to do. I've wanted less attention than I get quite a few times in my life. I often wear my husband's angry looking punk and metal band patch covered hoodie on the train just to encourage people to avoid me.

 

The only time I have been accused of this, I had no idea the guy was anything other than a friendly acquaintance when he got upset. In his mind, if I wasn't interested in dating him, I wouldn't have even smiled or spoken to him.

 

Seriously?

[AlektraClementine]

Some women purposely lead men on strictly for the entertainment value of creating unhappiness? That would only appeal to a tiny percentage of sociopaths. Too much work, very little payoff.

 

It's not a trend. It's not something to watch out for.

 

 

Precisely.

[sumdude]

Some women purposely lead men on strictly for the entertainment value of creating unhappiness? That would only appeal to a tiny percentage of sociopaths. Too much work, very little payoff.

 

It's not a trend. It's not something to watch out for.

 

Yeah, people going out to purposefully cause pain are rare. More often someone is just being self-centered, selfish and thoughtless. They get what they want and don't think about the effect on others much.

[carhill]

Yes, IME, some do, and, historically, they have been the same women who have been 'creative' with their relationship status. I also had a suspicion that a few were testing me for my exW but have no definitive proof. The clarity of that suspicion was evidenced by the clear *snap* of their interest being turned on and off like a light switch.

 

Another scenario is using another man as a tool to get something from their spouse or boyfriend, heretofore undisclosed. 'Oh, btw, um, I'm involved/married'. Uh, yeah, OK. A kick of a different sort, I suppose.

 

OP, I honestly don't think they set out to, maliciously and with forethought, hurt you. IMO, and perhaps more insidiously, they just don't care. Ultimately, with lots of unfortunate experience with this dynamic, that's been my take-away.

 

If I had some prior, I have no illusions about the true nature of women now. Whether they choose to act in such ways or not, they are *capable*. Great life lesson. Hopefully, you'll get it at a much younger age. Good luck

[fishtaco]

I think very few women out there do it maliciously to hurt someone. But many do it for their own convenience, be it ego boost, entertainment, or whatever. Of course men aren't any better.

 

I believe very few people are sadistic, but most people are selfish. But the end result is the same - if you're on the receiving end, you get hurt. We are judged based on our actions, not our intentions.

 

But it's not that big of a deal. You can always walk away if you're not getting what you want out of the association. Don't trust people prematurely, place a small bet and watch for return before putting down another bet. Common sense stuff. People should be the same way even outside of dating. Selfishness extends to every aspect of life.

[EasyHeart]

There may be a tiny number who do it for 'kicks', and more that do it for validation and ego boosting. But I think most of the time when a man perceives a woman as leading him on, she would explain it as "I was just being nice and the loser couldn't take a hint".

 

A lot of women still seem to prefer communicating with secret brain-wave messages, rather than with words and actions.

[e.clipse]

i do.

 

i don't do it purposely or with the intent to hurt anyone's feeling. at least, i don't think so. in my case, i truly enjoy having a guy court me. it is the attention, the knowledge that they desire me. it's a good feeling. this isn't the same as the douchebags that hit on me, thinking i will be a quick and easy lay, no. but rather, the guys who seem interested in me, as a whole, and decide to want to date me.

 

i like having little messages on my phone.

 

but then i get bored. and annoyed. they can try to get close, but i am not about to let just anyone in. if i find that they are really starting to like me or are beginning to invest themselves too much, i pull a disappearing stunt and ignore their attempts at communication. this usually results in me being branded a bitch.

 

however, i don't mean to. truthfully, i would like a steady relationship. i do want someone to be close to me. to be "mine," so to speak, but i can't. as soon as i see that something serious may develop, i panic and have flashbacks to the horrible things i went through in my last relationship. i get some kind of sick feeling in my stomach, and i can no longer continue.

 

sure, i could be honest and tell them this, but i am not very open with my feelings. i feel stupid, especially when it is a good guy because i know i am self-sabbotaging. i can't face them, so i say nothing.

 

i really don't want to lead anyone on. any guy who i give my contact information to, i--at first--genuinely want to get to know. but then i get scared and recoil and turn to stone. each time, i think..."maybe this time!" but it never is; i never can.

 

so i end up leading them all on. including myself.

[irc333]

I had a woman friendzone me once, then after I stopped staying in touch with her, she would call me up and even flirt with me, then ask me to go dancing iwth her and another friend, she had a "flirty tone".....turns out she actually admitted to "Enjoying my attention".

 

So she would lead me on, because she knew I would try to give her attention.

[dispatch3d]

eclipse,

 

Would you respond better if there was minimal texting/messaging and they just asked you out rather than dance around a bit and then ask you out?

[nice-easy-day]

Well, the heart tends to have a mind of its own - regardless of what the other person does. When we humans (men or women) become smitten with someone, we really tend to put the blinders on! Especially when it comes to evaluating the other person's interest in us.

 

As far as women (or men) "getting off" on others' pain, I don't think that's true in most cases. It's more like they just DON'T CARE about the other person that much; they're not that interested. If the other person is walking off a cliff because of them, they just watch 'em do it. But that's the point - the other person is walking off a cliff ON THEIR OWN STEAM. Nobody's holding a gun to their head.

 

Very well written. I think that pretty much sums up my OP.

 

It's very hard to evaluate the other persons interest in you when you have a crush. 'The girl' that caused me to write this post gave ALL the indications the first three weeks that she was into me. I have no doubt about that. But then it died.

 

So I can either get pissed off at her because she led me on or simply just give her grace that she considered me at first but decided no. ***** happens in life and you move on. That's how I see the situation.

 

I want to be able to trust people and take them at their word. She told me right from the beginning that she would never lead anyone on and always tell them if she wasn't interested. Well guess what... she never told me that. It just fizzled to the point where I broke contact with her. So what's up with that? See where I'm going with all this?

 

Where do you draw the line with open trust in someone vs. having your guard up like everyone is out to hurt you? You have to trust someone at some point or you'll end up lonely.

[dispatch3d]

with the above girl, I think you should just not get involved in the drama game. Meaning don't think about the whys or hows, or put any kind of meaning into anything she did. Honestly who gives a ****. She's stalling so much that it's no longer fun, so then you stop contact.

[nice-easy-day]

i do.

 

i don't do it purposely or with the intent to hurt anyone's feeling. at least, i don't think so. in my case, i truly enjoy having a guy court me. it is the attention, the knowledge that they desire me. it's a good feeling. this isn't the same as the douchebags that hit on me, thinking i will be a quick and easy lay, no. but rather, the guys who seem interested in me, as a whole, and decide to want to date me.

 

i like having little messages on my phone.

 

but then i get bored. and annoyed. they can try to get close, but i am not about to let just anyone in. if i find that they are really starting to like me or are beginning to invest themselves too much, i pull a disappearing stunt and ignore their attempts at communication. this usually results in me being branded a bitch.

 

however, i don't mean to. truthfully, i would like a steady relationship. i do want someone to be close to me. to be "mine," so to speak, but i can't. as soon as i see that something serious may develop, i panic and have flashbacks to the horrible things i went through in my last relationship. i get some kind of sick feeling in my stomach, and i can no longer continue.

 

sure, i could be honest and tell them this, but i am not very open with my feelings. i feel stupid, especially when it is a good guy because i know i am self-sabbotaging. i can't face them, so i say nothing.

 

i really don't want to lead anyone on. any guy who i give my contact information to, i--at first--genuinely want to get to know. but then i get scared and recoil and turn to stone. each time, i think..."maybe this time!" but it never is; i never can.

 

so i end up leading them all on. including myself.

 

I was hoping someone would admit it. I don' think it makes you a bad person eclipse but you should really try to tone it down a little. A persons heart it not something to mess with.

 

But honestly, I've done the same thing that you have with women but to a lesser extent. I think we all do it to a certain degree.