Butterflying Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 How do I withold intimacy, therefore my feelings, from the man who feels the same about me as I feel for him? How do I keep him in my life as a friend, and date other men who don't even compare to him? How do I date other men who only want sex with me when this man wants all of me? He knows me better than anyone else. He cares how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. He literally has all the qualities on the list I put on my "vision board" for my life partner. So how do I keep him at bay when we both want to take things to the next level?
skydiveaddict Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Why would you want to "keep him at bay" If you feel the same about each other, why not go for it?
skydiveaddict Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Ha? No seriously, ha? Seriously dude, I don't understand her question. why the "ha?"
810 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 skydiveaddict, i don't think surrealist's reply was intended for you...because my first reaction after reading the OP was just like his. lolz
nice-easy-day Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Simple. You don't. I don't wish to be mean, but you deserve to lose this guy. (unless I'm misunderstanding what you're trying to say)
Author Butterflying Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Why would you want to "keep him at bay" If you feel the same about each other, why not go for it? It just so happens, in the same way that you can fall in love with a person who is a little different than you expected (different race, a physical disability, different religion, member of the family that rivals your family)... It just so happens that he is married. I'm saying it this way because him being married is sorta like a handicap. I feel that rejecting him because of his marital status would be no different than rejecting a person who has a disability. At the same time, this is serious. Neither of us want to have an affair so we've decided to put a lot of distance between us to prevent it. I don't even know how these feelings developed. We met at a social event and exchnaged numbers simply for the purpose of sharing ideas about a business deal we're both interested in. I knew he was married since the day we met. It was never a secret. But over time, the more we've gotten to know each other, our feelings developed into this attraction for each other. And right away, as soon as we realized it, we talked about it. Now I'm just soooo frustrated wondering how to handle this. A friendship might not even be possible with him. But if we never see or hear from each other again, a part of me would be missing.
Surrealist Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Seriously dude, I don't understand her question. why the "ha?" That's exactly what I don't understand either!
skydiveaddict Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) It just so happens that he is married. Sorry about that Butterfly, I didn't know. Now I understand. I'm sure it must be painful for you, but you are doing the right thing. I admire your courage. Edited December 8, 2010 by skydiveaddict
welikeincrowds Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 It just so happens that he is married. I was waiting for this. I feel that rejecting him because of his marital status would be no different than rejecting a person who has a disability. It's not the same. At the risk of sounding coarse: someone in a wheelchair can still commit to you. Someone who is married cannot. a part of me would be missingA part of you that is sustained on chemicals and imagination, that can be recreated in anyone else just as easily. It sounds from your short description that he is not evil. It is your responsibility to protect your heart. If you don't go no contact with him, then that is the path you've chosen, including all the repercussions that come with it. I don't believe you can (or should) be the girl on the side. Do you?
reservoirdog1 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 It just so happens, in the same way that you can fall in love with a person who is a little different than you expected (different race, a physical disability, different religion, member of the family that rivals your family)... It just so happens that he is married. I'm saying it this way because him being married is sorta like a handicap. I feel that rejecting him because of his marital status would be no different than rejecting a person who has a disability. At the same time, this is serious. Neither of us want to have an affair so we've decided to put a lot of distance between us to prevent it. I don't even know how these feelings developed. We met at a social event and exchnaged numbers simply for the purpose of sharing ideas about a business deal we're both interested in. I knew he was married since the day we met. It was never a secret. But over time, the more we've gotten to know each other, our feelings developed into this attraction for each other. And right away, as soon as we realized it, we talked about it. Now I'm just soooo frustrated wondering how to handle this. A friendship might not even be possible with him. But if we never see or hear from each other again, a part of me would be missing. If you never see or hear from him again, you'll still be a whole person. You'll be sad for awhile, to be sure. But there won't be a piece of you missing. Rejecting somebody because they're married is VERY different from rejecting somebody because of a disability. Being with somebody who has a disability doesn't risk hurting an innocent third person (or people, if they have kids). Being with somebody who's married does carry that risk. I suspect that friendship isn't going to be possible. Presumably you're single. But he's not. And a strong mutual attraction in that kind of situation risks screwing up his life because of his marriage, and screwing up your life because of his likely inability to fully commit to you. The situation sucks, no doubt about it. But for your long-term well-being, you may have to simply close the door on further communication with him. That's what it comes down to, I'm afraid.
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 This is a joke. It is time to boycott Disney.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Sorry, but I can't feel bad for you that you fell for a married man. I understand that you can't control the chemicals in your body, but there are two scenarios here: 1. You knew he was married beforehand - You are willing to destroy a family and potentially break the heart of his wife to be with this guy. 2. You did not know he was married - This guy is a douche and you really should not feel sorry for yourself nor should you pine over someone like this. And the part about him wanting to take things to the next level with you but he can't: I know three girls here who have all dated or are dating married men, and all three were fed lines similar to you.
westrock Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 He literally has all the qualities on the list I put on my "vision board" for my life partner. Add one more quality to your vision board for your life partner and put it at the top of the list: he is single
Author Butterflying Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 A part of you that is sustained on chemicals and imagination, that can be recreated in anyone else just as easily. Very well said. Thank you. I believe this. It's just really hard to accept right now.
Author Butterflying Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Add one more quality to your vision board for your life partner and put it at the top of the list: he is single LOL. "Single" is already on the list. It's just that all the single men I've found so far, being single is the ONLY trait they possess on the list. For example, I date a single guy on occasion who doesn't want a committed relationship. He's caring, honest, respectful, ect ect. But we don't spend much time together because of his lack of commitment. So a man being single doesn't automatically make him the "right" man for me either. I'm just looking for someone who makes me happy, doesn't hurt me, so I can make happy in return.
DuskCrush Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Well you did the right thing...you distanced yourself and prevented an affair. Don't beat yourself up about this...you can't help who you like but you do have control over what you do with those emotions. Good luck finding love...it's out there...don't compromise your ideals.
Surrealist Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 LOL. "Single" is already on the list. It's just that all the single men I've found so far, being single is the ONLY trait they possess on the list. For example, I date a single guy on occasion who doesn't want a committed relationship. He's caring, honest, respectful, ect ect. But we don't spend much time together because of his lack of commitment. So a man being single doesn't automatically make him the "right" man for me either. I'm just looking for someone who makes me happy, doesn't hurt me, so I can make happy in return. Being single is not a preference to you finding a partner, it is a pre-requisite. So even though a single guy does not necessarily mean he is right for you, no probs, but someone who is in a relationship or marriage is also not right for you regardless of how many boxes they can tick on your list of requirements.
Mellisa Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 It just so happens, in the same way that you can fall in love with a person who is a little different than you expected (different race, a physical disability, different religion, member of the family that rivals your family)... It just so happens that he is married. I'm saying it this way because him being married is sorta like a handicap. I feel that rejecting him because of his marital status would be no different than rejecting a person who has a disability. At the same time, this is serious. Neither of us want to have an affair so we've decided to put a lot of distance between us to prevent it. I don't even know how these feelings developed. We met at a social event and exchnaged numbers simply for the purpose of sharing ideas about a business deal we're both interested in. I knew he was married since the day we met. It was never a secret. But over time, the more we've gotten to know each other, our feelings developed into this attraction for each other. And right away, as soon as we realized it, we talked about it. Now I'm just soooo frustrated wondering how to handle this. A friendship might not even be possible with him. But if we never see or hear from each other again, a part of me would be missing. Any chance he might consider getting a divorce to be with you? If he wont, clearly,he doesnt like or want you enough and what you think you two had could be all in your head.Maybe in your illusions or dreams you two are so in love and so right for each other, but the reality is he's married to another woman who he wont leave just for you.Therefore he's not the one for you.That's what you need to remind yourself from time to time.And also there are plenty of eligible men out there,maybe you just havent met the ones yet.Doesnt mean you shouldnt open your mind and heart to it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 LOL. "Single" is already on the list. It's just that all the single men I've found so far, being single is the ONLY trait they possess on the list. For example, I date a single guy on occasion who doesn't want a committed relationship. He's caring, honest, respectful, ect ect. But we don't spend much time together because of his lack of commitment. So a man being single doesn't automatically make him the "right" man for me either. I'm just looking for someone who makes me happy, doesn't hurt me, so I can make happy in return. Hmm... any chance that you were able to develop feelings for this guy because he is "safe"?
Recommended Posts