slamma19 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) I'm 19 1/2, he's 18. We were dating for a year and a half, but broke up 2 months ago because he said he didn't feel the same anymore. Have been in NC for the past 2 weeks. In 4 days he leaves for South Africa for a month. Two girls (one 17, one 16) have told him that they like him, and he seems to be hanging out with both of them (rebound I'm guessing? He's the type of person who would like that kind of attention, and I don't see how he could have moved on already). I personally believe that if we just start over things would really work, because we both have learned from our mistakes and have grown a lot in the past 2 months. I wrote him a poem and have compiled a list of some of our amazing experiences/cute moments together, and I've been planning on giving them plus an album of pictures of us to him before he leaves, then go NC again for the month that he's gone. I plan to tell him that if while he's gone he finds that he does miss me and wants to try again, to contact me, and if not, then we will continue going our separate ways. I know I'll be missing him terribly over the holidays because we were together and so in love this time last year. We spent Christmas with each other's families and we held a New Year's party together. I am, though, prepared to not have him come back to me because I've become pretty indifferent about the situation. That doesn't mean I don't still see a potential future for us. Is this a bad idea?? I just really think he needs a reminder of how beautiful our relationship was. I know we're young, and I'm not expecting this to last forever, but I still don't seen the harm in trying again anyways, because then I'll at least have the piece of mind that we did so. I just want to give him something to think about while he's gone. Please tell me if I'm about to make a bad decision. P.s. I should probably add that I already made the mistake of begging/pleading when we first broke up, were in NC for a short while, also tried being friends for a bit, but now in NC. =( Edited December 8, 2010 by slamma19
alwayshoping Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) i think its a bad idea. 2 months really isnt enough for him to miss you enough to realise the shortcomings in the relationship and try fix it. As other LS'ers have said it normally takes years before a successful get back together happens. In my opinion though, i think the idea is really sweet. But if he dumped you then you showing him all the good times in the relationship will seem clingy and will make him run further. He needs to realise it on his own, otherwise it really wont mean as much to you if he ever comes back. Find someone who's lovely and would never leave you for a second let alone have you needing to remind them what they are missing! Its going to be hard but you sometimes have to let the things you love go free. If they dont come back then they never really loved you the way you think they did. Good luck x Edited December 9, 2010 by alwayshoping
Author slamma19 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 i think its a bad idea. 2 months really isnt enough for him to miss you enough to realise the shortcomings in the relationship and try fix it. As other LS'ers have said it normally takes years before a successful get back together happens. In my opinion though, i think the idea is really sweet. But if he dumped you then you showing him all the good times in the relationship will seem clingy and will make him run further. He needs to realise it on his own, otherwise it really wont mean as much to you if he ever comes back. Find someone who's lovely and would never leave you for a second let alone have you needing to remind them what they are missing! Its going to be hard but you sometimes have to let the things you love go free. If they dont come back then they never really loved you the way you think they did. Good luck x Even though I'll go NC again right after? And I'll be telling him to contact me if he ever feels he wants to try again, otherwise we'll continue going our separate ways. Basically saying that if I can't be his girlfriend then I can't be in his life.
nowwhatnow Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Even though I'll go NC again right after? And I'll be telling him to contact me if he ever feels he wants to try again, otherwise we'll continue going our separate ways. Basically saying that if I can't be his girlfriend then I can't be in his life. This is kinda what I was thinking, but I am the one who is leaving and he is the one who dumped me. I want to tell him that if he ever changes his mind I would want to know. But at the same time if I find someone while I'm away (even though the thought of being with someone else does not even seem possible) I am not saying we would for sure get back together. I do not want to be his back up. But if he truly wanted to get back together, I would want some sort of line of communication open so he would be able to. Its really hard. Let me know what you end up doing!
Author slamma19 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 This is kinda what I was thinking, but I am the one who is leaving and he is the one who dumped me. I want to tell him that if he ever changes his mind I would want to know. But at the same time if I find someone while I'm away (even though the thought of being with someone else does not even seem possible) I am not saying we would for sure get back together. I do not want to be his back up. But if he truly wanted to get back together, I would want some sort of line of communication open so he would be able to. Its really hard. Let me know what you end up doing! Yeah, I don't want him to be afraid to contact me, because I'm sure most dumpers don't want to swallow their pride and contact the dumpee. I want him to know I don't have any resentment or ill feelings toward him too. I just want this to be a good ending to everything, whether he comes back or not. I want my final words to be nice ones. At this point, I know I'll be okay without him, but I'm going to give him the poem/pictures just for the heck of it. Wish me luck!
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