actedsooner Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 so I am going on my 10 month of separation. 2 months into the separation I discovered my husband was now seeing a girl he had meet several months prior to our separation, and coincidently she happened to be my boss' exgirlfriend! I knew they had meet at a yoga class previously and helped out their teacher with a project but I never socialized with them together, mostly because I didn't know they were meeting for coffees, and going out for dinners after yoga, my husband just said he and the yoga group were having dinners. then I discovered that she was staying with him at my house while I was out roaming from parents to sisters to house sitting to live as he worked from home and it made more sense for him to stay in our house and could take care of our dog. My husband and I see each other at least every 3 days as we share a dog and neither of us expects the other to give that up as we know how much we each love him. When I found out he had basically cheated on me, not physsically untill we had separated- 1 month into our separation and he was off of weekend getaways with her, but emotionally cheated on me, I did nothing but get upset, we yelled and fought and yelled and cried. she was staying at my house, but I never took her things and threw them on the lawn, I never confronted her to put a face to her BF's wife. Now I know it takes 2 for a marriage to work and or fail. we were in a very bad spot, we had been struggling for over a year financially and living in a house torn apart from renos. he tells me he still loves me and questions if the pain he feels right how is worth the hope that he'll find what was missing in our relationship. I feel I have to maintain a decent relationship with him as we are still splitting up assets and he is trying to buy me out of the house which is the best financial option but we are going on month 6 of him getting his financial crap together. I was in the " i want him back stage" for a long time and I am now in the revenge stage. and all I want to do is make my presence known to his new GF and get in the middle of their relationship. And I feel people should know that this chick went after a married man, was staying with him while his wife's clothes hung in the closet. I want her to feel humiliated, like I do. she preaches she that she is this go do gooder, yoga practicing, organic eating person yet she has no ethics when it comes to dating a married man, I don't care what my husband told her, no one should be involved with a married person untill the writing is clear on the wall and when the wife's belongings are in the house and the wife is still coming by the house the writing ain't done. ANyways so now I'm so angry with my self for not confronting this GF months ago, for not putting my face into her conscience. Apparently she doesn't even feel like she was a mistress! now all I want to do is break them up. Angry at myself for not going crazy earlier and kicking him out of the house, changing the locks, keeping our dog. His life hasn't changed one bit! what do I do? all I want to do is confront his new GF and get in between them....
ladydesigner Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 kicking him out of the house, changing the locks, keeping our dog. I think you should do this, then file for D! I wouldn't stand for that sh*t in my own house. Sorry but I say F them.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 ANyways so now I'm so angry with my self for not confronting this GF months ago, for not putting my face into her conscience. someone who spreads 'em for someone elses husband has no conscience. wouldn't have mattered one iota to her. now if the intention was to make her think you might go medieval on her ass, then that might be satisfying;) Apparently she doesn't even feel like she was a mistress! hence....no conscience. I rest my case there. now all I want to do is break them up. Angry at myself for not going crazy earlier and kicking him out of the house, changing the locks, keeping our dog. His life hasn't changed one bit! trust me...it will. with someone that will get bored with having sex with the same woman after the relationship gets age on it, he'll be looking to better deal her....and as someone who doesn't mind boning another woman's husband....she just may be boning another MM in the future. what do I do? all I want to do is confront his new GF and get in between them.... you do nothing. the best revenge is living well. Find a guy that is genuine and better than your X in every way, and you will have your revenge.
Carrot2000 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) she preaches she that she is this go do gooder, yoga practicing, organic eating person yet she has no ethics when it comes to dating a married man She probably also uses Tom's of Maine deodorant and has funky armpits. Trust me, your husband is suffering because he has to smell her stinky azz! Every time you see your husband, make sure you look extra hot and act like you could care less about him or his life. It'll drive him crazy to think you've moved on (which you probably need to do anyway) and may have another man (which you probably need to do anyway). Edited December 8, 2010 by Carrot2000
What_Next Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 actedsooner this thread brings some very strong emotions to the surface for me. My wife cheated, I had my D-day etc. However, before I was 100% sure (I was about 99.99999999999999%) sure I started using online dating sites. Well I met someone (well I met more than 1 person, but only slept with 1) and we had a "relationship". There's little doubt it could be classified as a revenge affair. What did it get me? Well it brought MORE hurt and MORE PAIN. Take the high road. The best "revenge" is living well. Read that statement, make it a mantra. Read it again and again and again. I wish I had.
turnstone Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 you do nothing. the best revenge is living well. Find a guy that is genuine and better than your X in every way, and you will have your revenge. QFT actedsooner, this truly is the best revenge, but often times its difficult to realise it fully until you're much further down the line and you've gained some physical and emotional space. Anything you do that could be considered vindictive - i.e. an action that is taken deliberately to hurt the OW or your H, with no benefit to you other than knowing they are hurt, will only make you look bad to everyone including people outside the situation. You don't want that, you want to keep your dignity and your poise. Besides, although it sounds harsh, other people don't really care what she is and what she's done. If you 'exposed' her, they'd gossip about it for a few days or even weeks, but if they liked her before, they'd find excuses for her and if they didn't like her already, then its irrelevant if they find out something else negative about her. And you may get a rep as vengeful and bitter. Now I believe that part of being able to maintain the dignified image is not allowing your H any further control over your life and it sounds as though he still has that - you are allowing him to tell you that he still loves you etc.. There is no need to show him any anger about it - that'd give him even more control - but he has no right to tell you something that is in direct contradiction to his actions. It is painful and confusing for you and you would prefer it if he would stop and just move forward with buying you out and signing the divorce papers. Remember, there is no down side to behaving better than your H and his OW have.
seren Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) you do nothing. the best revenge is living well. Find a guy that is genuine and better than your X in every way, and you will have your revenge. Yes to this Dexter, possible the best thing regarding what to do I have read. Edited December 8, 2010 by seren edit
TigerCub Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 ANyways so now I'm so angry with my self for not confronting this GF months ago...Angry at myself for not going crazy earlier I don't think you should be angry at yourself for being the bigger person and having class. If you had gone crazy on them, all it would have done is give her a story to tell her friends... Honestly, I can understand your anger towards the whole situation, but never regret that you carried yourself with dignity and class. all I want to do is confront his new GF and get in between them.... I've heard of that before, it becomes a competition, but you may want to ask yourself if you actually want someone like him back in your life - if not, is it really worth all the effort? Hold your head up high, and treat yourself, and live your life well, and find yourself a better man than your ex ever was. Good luck
Spark1111 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Acted sooner, you have been given some great advice here! You CANNOT make someone love you. You CANNOT make someone feel guilty. Why fuel their affair drama with more ammo by playing the crazed, vindictive wife? Because that is all you will really accomplish. And it will probably have them bonding more closely as they discuss what you did or didn't do. Take yourself completely out of the triangle. As long as he can place a halo on her head, they will BOTH enjoy placing the devil horns on your head. It will make him feel justified in throwing you over for her. She will help him to do this, either by her sympathy or her hope for a future. It's a lose-lose for you. Win-win is to place a big smile on your face and get busy with you and your life. Stay calm and happy and gracious and kind with both him and her. Why? So they can stop demonizing you. So they can face each other squarely without the illicit tension of fighting you, the big bad wifey, who is causing so much pain for them. So he can stop using your antics as his excuse to be with her. What do you gain? A whole helluva lot of personal dignity and self-respect.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 you do nothing. the best revenge is living well. Find a guy that is genuine and better than your X in every way, and you will have your revenge. Yes to this Dexter, possible the best thing regarding what to do I have read. and its true, I can attest to that. Not that its any measurement of who is better, but my x-wife is jealous that my new girlfriend has bigger boobs than her (my X's fair weather friends told me this)
Mimolicious Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Dexter- you a hotmess but I love it! lol! Yes, take he high road but before you pack your Louies, please make it final. Get a D! Don't waste your energy on these two. BTW- she is not his GF, she is his mistress. He is still M to you, please at least make sure she knows her title.
Author actedsooner Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 wow, first time for me ever on a forum, thanks for all your responses. I still feel like wanting to get between them, hopefully that will go away with time, but at some point she and I will run into each other, my city isn't that big, and I;d like to be on the initiating end of it and not prepared. My H and I are slowly getting to the final points on out separation and the fun:( part of splitting assets up, of course Im the one taking the hit financially on this,( not sure why the split has to be equal when I;m the one who historically has put all the money into the relationship.) And I've said I can't continue to see him avery 2-3 days to pick up and drop off our dog so that will be changing to. thanks for your advice and I'll do my best to try and stop imagining ways to get revenge on the OW, (she really is an annoying person and needs her hollier than thou attitude removed)
YellowShark Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I'll do my best to try and stop imagining ways to get revenge on the OW, (she really is an annoying person and needs her hollier than thou attitude removed) She doesn't need ANYTHING removed. Don't crawl down in the gutter with them to "get revenge." Take the high road and dismiss them from your life. Be a better person than they are. That is the best revenge. Trust me, they'll implode eventually when their affair fog wears off and the reality of day-to-day life sets in. By that time you'll have moved on and be happier and healthier. Don't turn yourself into the crazy revenge lady!
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