musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Come on guys, why is everyone acting like you know better about the situation than her? Im pretty sure she is in a better position to make a judgment than any of us.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 You wanted advice as to why you have NOT heard from him. So I gave it. Now if you want to ignore the advice that myself and others have given you, that is YOUR decision. But you will look desperate. Period. Im not ignoring the other advice. nor am i trying to fight with anyone. i just always hate that one negative person on a thread. theres always that one. its just so cliche and vague to give advice along the lines of "hes not that into you. girlfriend move on! youre better than that! dont call that man! move on!" i feel like im watching sex and the city. im hurt and confused and in tremendous shock that they guy that i thought i was going to end up hurting ended up hurting me - and i have a nagging feeling that this isnt over and there was a misunderstanding. id love a guy's perspective but i guess theyre nowhere to be found.
SmileFace Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Come on guys, why is everyone acting like you know better about the situation than her? Im pretty sure she is in a better position to make a judgment than any of us. HA you are probaly right. I wash my hands with this .
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Come on guys, why is everyone acting like you know better about the situation than her? Im pretty sure she is in a better position to make a judgment than any of us. Her situation is classic "he isn't into her", he got what he wanted, he is a player, etc etc etc. Just calling it how I see it.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Im not ignoring the other advice. nor am i trying to fight with anyone. i just always hate that one negative person on a thread. theres always that one. its just so cliche and vague to give advice along the lines of "hes not that into you. girlfriend move on! youre better than that! dont call that man! move on!" i feel like im watching sex and the city. im hurt and confused and in tremendous shock that they guy that i thought i was going to end up hurting ended up hurting me - and i have a nagging feeling that this isnt over and there was a misunderstanding. id love a guy's perspective but i guess theyre nowhere to be found. Good luck.
Girlygirl1977 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 My only other comment is that when a guy comes on really strong in the beginning and really likes you, you want to try to pace it back a little bit. THat's more bc he doesn't know you so much yet and so it isn't based on much. I think there is nothing you did wrong and also you had 3yrs of no sex i think you said - so you were a bit more "wanting" on the sex on that date. I just think if 2wks past and you only had 2 dates and you met him online (vs knew him before and had history), then you shouldn't try to do much now. It is harder said than done I know when you have feelings. I think it also means you should wait for sex going forward bc I think that's also the reason you have some attachment.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I think it is one of two reasons but both do not benefit from you contacting him: 1) He is a player and he got what he wanted. Even if he doesn't seem like a player, this may just mean he is a really good one. 2) He had sex and then realized the relationship moved to quickly. He doesn't feel it is right in timing bc you don't really know each other. This can make some guys recoil. Sometimes after sex, they expect a woman to get clingy too and recoil so that they have space (but not for 2wks!). I think you should have given him more room to contact you after the first date too so you could have see his initiative. It seemed like you put in a bit of contacting to get things to happen. So in case 2 - he just didn't feel like it was right bc it happened to soon. He didn't feel as close to you as he should have felt and so he bails. Some guys also do have a madonna/whore complex a bit in this variety so that if the sex happens to early, they eject too. They just feel it wasn't special bc it happened too soon and it cheapens it to them. With this variety, it reduces your value a bit in their eyes. All in all - there is nothing can do. As you said sometimes marriages come even with first date sex (though i feel it is more exception). It is better to pace sex with the emotional connection so that the sex isnt' ahead of that. Ultimately there is no formula. Action to be taken) None! He knows where to find you if he wants you. Move on is my recommendation! i agree very much with 2. EXCEPT. i guess i shoulda made this clearer. he called/texted me a lot after the first date. i didnt chase or anything at all. he kept telling me that hed love to see me sooner than or second planned date and i told him i probably couldnt cause of work....then i thought itd be sweet to invite him to that show. but this was days later. in fact his first text to me after the date was elaborate and how he doesnt want to scare me off and all i said was "it was nice". so yea i felt a little bad.
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Girl take it from a guy who used to be a playa - the real playas, well, u don think theyre a playa, thats why theyve got SERIOUS game. He is just a d*ck, if ud had sex on date 10 he'd be gone date 11, if u had sex date 1, hed be gone date 2, u get it? Dont let anyone start makin u think u put out too quick - serious, girls get crazy about that, if a guy likes u he doesnt care how quick it is, if he is a playa he'll just play u until he gets it, then u wont see him for dust. Giveaway sign - bad manners wit u after u had sex - i.e. makin u feel cold - if he had cold feet and was a real man he'd be straight up and tell u, and u know why he was distant? He was on a call to someone else likely anotha girl or somethin when he was out walkin his dog. And what a jackass , couldnt even pick up the phone, he did the classic slow fade instead. Total jerk, 10yrs lata I bet u he'll be on that datin website still, pickin up the girls with his 'only lookin for marriage' line. Serious, I used to be this dude take it from a man who knows.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 My only other comment is that when a guy comes on really strong in the beginning and really likes you, you want to try to pace it back a little bit. THat's more bc he doesn't know you so much yet and so it isn't based on much. totally. i remembered hearing that once a long time ago and it popped into my head on our first date. which is why i played it cool and told him i like my independence, etc.. and then responded to his thank you text with just "it was nice". then i waited 4 days and felt bad so i invited him to that show.
LondonS Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Classic player indeed They just know how to act alll innocent. Dont contact him really dont !!!
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Girl take it from a guy who used to be a playa - the real playas, well, u don think theyre a playa, thats why theyve got SERIOUS game. He is just a d*ck, if ud had sex on date 10 he'd be gone date 11, if u had sex date 1, hed be gone date 2, u get it? Dont let anyone start makin u think u put out too quick - serious, girls get crazy about that, if a guy likes u he doesnt care how quick it is, if he is a playa he'll just play u until he gets it, then u wont see him for dust. Giveaway sign - bad manners wit u after u had sex - i.e. makin u feel cold - if he had cold feet and was a real man he'd be straight up and tell u, and u know why he was distant? He was on a call to someone else likely anotha girl or somethin when he was out walkin his dog. And what a jackass , couldnt even pick up the phone, he did the classic slow fade instead. Total jerk, 10yrs lata I bet u he'll be on that datin website still, pickin up the girls with his 'only lookin for marriage' line. Serious, I used to be this dude take it from a man who knows. thanks! im confused tho....bad manners after sex? no way! he was a little puppy dog after sex. cuddled like crazy. held my hand over his heart. wouldnt let me out of bed! told me to stay at his place all day. etc... he asked me to come out and walk his dog with him. his phone was on his nightstand right next to me. def not a player. i didnt even have the urge to spy while he was out! thats how serious this was. i do agree about the sex not ruining things unless that was ALL he wanted. BIG believer in that. BUT I DO agree with the madonna/whore complex thing - this may be the case with him, considering he is close with his mother and very needy and obsessed with finding love.
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I dont know. i think i could do it in a way that i save my dignity. im good at that. it wouldnt be to have a "talk" or anything confrontational. just see if he wants to get coffee and take it from there. light and breezy. i mean, ive barely contacted the guy so its not like he could see me as annoying. ya know? ive lost plenty of guys this way when all i needed to do was reassure them that i was into them. (i have this bad habit of keeping a "wall" up to prevent this stuff from happening but in turn the "wall" is what makes them leave anyway.) Girl...dont be that girl. Every girl playd by a playa tries this approach. U think it makes u look cool. It dont. It is standard response, hes used to it. U r thinkin about bein all cool and ways to get back in touch, while Hes like a dog, sniffin around, lookin for the next leg to hump. LOL :D
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 thanks! im confused tho....bad manners after sex? no way! he was a little puppy dog after sex. cuddled like crazy. held my hand over his heart. wouldnt let me out of bed! told me to stay at his place all day. etc... he asked me to come out and walk his dog with him. his phone was on his nightstand right next to me. def not a player. i didnt even have the urge to spy while he was out! thats how serious this was. i do agree about the sex not ruining things unless that was ALL he wanted. BIG believer in that. BUT I DO agree with the madonna/whore complex thing - this may be the case with him, considering he is close with his mother and very needy and obsessed with finding love. Girl please he is a total playa - Ive had a lot of love from these moves LOL Bad manners, I mean gettin quiet so u feel walk of shame-like when u leave his place, then doin the slow fade, esp when he knows ull see his datin profile. Not cool. Dirty dog, believe it.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 So 4 pages on, and you're still thinking this guy is into you? Come on, it's two weeks already, if a guy disappeared on me, I would have chalked it to bad timing and move on. Also, any guy who is so lovey dovey on the first date, I really question his motives. I don't like being put on a pedestal, and what romantic interest a potential date has in me, I want him to build up those feelings gradually- not playing me hot and cold like this guy had done.
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 So 4 pages on, and you're still thinking this guy is into you? Come on, it's two weeks already, if a guy disappeared on me, I would have chalked it to bad timing and move on. Also, any guy who is so lovey dovey on the first date, I really question his motives. I don't like being put on a pedestal, and what romantic interest a potential date has in me, I want him to build up those feelings gradually- not playing me hot and cold like this guy had done. Yea I even dropped the L bomb on one girl on date 1 to get her into bed once. I know what a d**k, that was yrs back, would neva do that now. Oh yea, any guy with a madonna whore complex - is seriously f**ked up, dont date a guy like that.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 So 4 pages on, and you're still thinking this guy is into you? Come on, it's two weeks already, if a guy disappeared on me, I would have chalked it to bad timing and move on. Also, any guy who is so lovey dovey on the first date, I really question his motives. I don't like being put on a pedestal, and what romantic interest a potential date has in me, I want him to build up those feelings gradually- not playing me hot and cold like this guy had done. i never said i think hes still into me. its pretty damn obvious hes not. im just kicking myself for ruining this, thats all. finally, a good guy comes along and i effing sabotage it with my fear. as usual. Phillyfan! he is not a player! trust me!
Girlygirl1977 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i never said i think hes still into me. its pretty damn obvious hes not. im just kicking myself for ruining this, thats all. finally, a good guy comes along and i effing sabotage it with my fear. as usual. Phillyfan! he is not a player! trust me! I don't think he is as good a guy as you think. He disappeared on you without an explanation. . .
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i never said i think hes still into me. its pretty damn obvious hes not. im just kicking myself for ruining this, thats all. finally, a good guy comes along and i effing sabotage it with my fear. as usual. Phillyfan! he is not a player! trust me! lol! good guy? wtf?! omg. delusional.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 i never said i think hes still into me. its pretty damn obvious hes not. im just kicking myself for ruining this, thats all. finally, a good guy comes along and i effing sabotage it with my fear. as usual. Phillyfan! he is not a player! trust me! oh yea. and i DEFINITELY questioned his motives with the lovey dovey-ness. definitely. thats why he had to chase my ass right after the date. lol. thats why i had the wall up. protecting myself. He wanted to take me out on real dates. but no. i wanted to go over his house. this guy had no intentions of using me. i can tell you that for sure.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Can someone "kill" this thread? goodness fionah. you dont know him OR me. cant people just have conversations? just chill out or leave the thread.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 goodness fionah. you dont know him OR me. cant people just have conversations? just chill out or leave the thread. I'm just astounded by your clueless attitude.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I don't think he is as good a guy as you think. He disappeared on you without an explanation. . . yea. i know. but im slowly starting to realize why he disappeared.
Girlygirl1977 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I think you are very trusting - bc you dont' question his motives at all. So I do think he may have been a player. . .just really good. Doesn't it upset you that he walked with no explanation? In the end, he doesn't seem to care about your feelings. If he is 36 - he knows the drill and has perfected his pitch at this point. He also knows that a woman coudl feel used after sex and so if he wanted to be caring - he could have actually exited with an explanation. Or continued even and said let's take it slowly from here on out. I just think you need to look at this in a different way - the guy is no angel like your eyes are seeing now!
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i never said i think hes still into me. its pretty damn obvious hes not. im just kicking myself for ruining this, thats all. finally, a good guy comes along and i effing sabotage it with my fear. as usual. Phillyfan! he is not a player! trust me! LOL girl u r too funny - u sound like a nice girl, dont take it personal, he wasnt all that, hes gona do the same to thenext girl....see, how he was wit u, this is standard action for gettin a girl hooked. 1) blast her with the love 2) have sex 3) keep the door open for some more sex but u mite not need to chase that up as ull be chasin the next skirt already. PLAYA dont hate the playa hate the game LOL And the more u say he aint a playa, the more ure showin uve been played...true fact.
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