Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Well, at least now you have got that out of your system and next time you should be able to hold it for another 3 years. LOL. i prob could. i cant really do it with a guy im not into or dating anyway.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i totally agree with that. a lot of great relationships i know of started with sex, and theyre together because both parties wanted more than that. i guess i am just kicking myself because, upon further though, i feel like he thought I was the player and that took me off my pedestal. when wed fool around or when hed kiss me hed seem self-conscious and ask me if i was into it. i was. but i know what he meant. he meant was into it in my HEART. I can tell you i am 100% positive that this guy is not a player. even when we were done and were going to bed, he seemed hurt that i didnt immediately cuddle. he wouldnt let me go even when i had to pee. lol. he was so needy, but it was sweet, since im so used to guys....well....guys that do THIS but guys that you expect to do THIS. This is why I am still in such shock Please DON'T contact him. He didn't "forget" about you. He knows where and how to find you. Save your dignity and respect.......... I am starting to think i need to contact him so we can clear some things up.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Or!, he is such a player that he got you to think he is not a player. Lol this kind messed up. When I say this..... if so, he belongs in a mental institution!
musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i totally agree with that. a lot of great relationships i know of started with sex, and theyre together because both parties wanted more than that. i guess i am just kicking myself because, upon further though, i feel like he thought I was the player and that took me off my pedestal. when wed fool around or when hed kiss me hed seem self-conscious and ask me if i was into it. i was. but i know what he meant. he meant was into it in my HEART. I can tell you i am 100% positive that this guy is not a player. even when we were done and were going to bed, he seemed hurt that i didnt immediately cuddle. he wouldnt let me go even when i had to pee. lol. he was so needy, but it was sweet, since im so used to guys....well....guys that do THIS but guys that you expect to do THIS. This is why I am still in such shock. I am starting to think i need to contact him so we can clear some things up. Lol, he sounds like the drama queen type. Do you really want someone like that? :confused:
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Please DON'T contact him. He didn't "forget" about you. He knows where and how to find you. Save your dignity and respect.......... I am starting to think i need to contact him so we can clear some things up. I dont know. i think i could do it in a way that i save my dignity. im good at that. it wouldnt be to have a "talk" or anything confrontational. just see if he wants to get coffee and take it from there. light and breezy. i mean, ive barely contacted the guy so its not like he could see me as annoying. ya know? ive lost plenty of guys this way when all i needed to do was reassure them that i was into them. (i have this bad habit of keeping a "wall" up to prevent this stuff from happening but in turn the "wall" is what makes them leave anyway.)
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I dont know. i think i could do it in a way that i save my dignity. im good at that. it wouldnt be to have a "talk" or anything confrontational. just see if he wants to get coffee and take it from there. light and breezy. i mean, ive barely contacted the guy so its not like he could see me as annoying. ya know? ive lost plenty of guys this way when all i needed to do was reassure them that i was into them. (i have this bad habit of keeping a "wall" up to prevent this stuff from happening but in turn the "wall" is what makes them leave anyway.) Your gonna do what your gonna do but I think that would be a bad move.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Lol, he sounds like the drama queen type. Do you really want someone like that? :confused: lol i know. thats what i thought when i met him. but i dunno. it was refreshing. im so used to the "i dont want a relationship -im scared of public displays of affection-please give me my freedom" type dudes. this guy was mature and knew what he wanted - and made sure right off the bat that i was on the same page.
SmileFace Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I dont know. i think i could do it in a way that i save my dignity. im good at that. it wouldnt be to have a "talk" or anything confrontational. just see if he wants to get coffee and take it from there. light and breezy. i mean, ive barely contacted the guy so its not like he could see me as annoying. ya know? ive lost plenty of guys this way when all i needed to do was reassure them that i was into them. (i have this bad habit of keeping a "wall" up to prevent this stuff from happening but in turn the "wall" is what makes them leave anyway.) How would this work You - "want to get some coffee" Him - " Yeah , um ok" At coffee You - "So why did you not contact me for two weeks" Him - "My cat was sick
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Your gonna do what your gonna do but I think that would be a bad move. no i hear ya. i would normally agree with you. i may not. it has been 2 weeks though. and i wouldnt do it for at least another week. id have to come up with something really perfect or i just wont.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 no i hear ya. i would normally agree with you. i may not. it has been 2 weeks though. and i wouldnt do it for at least another week. id have to come up with something really perfect or i just wont. "its been 2 weeks"....EXACTLY! He has moved on.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 How would this work You - "want to get some coffee" Him - " Yeah , um ok" At coffee You - "So why did you not contact me for two weeks" Him - "My cat was sick lol. no i def wouldnt confront him. im pretty sure that him just agreeing to go for coffee or a drink and gauging his actions would answer my questions. i would be showing him that i have a sincere interest in him and that i can also be really chill and non-confrontational - like the opposite of most chicks hes prob used to.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 lol. no i def wouldnt confront him. im pretty sure that him just agreeing to go for coffee or a drink and gauging his actions would answer my questions. i would be showing him that i have a sincere interest in him and that i can also be really chill and non-confrontational - like the opposite of most chicks hes prob used to. Men don't like to be chased. If he had a sincere interest in you, he wouldn't have disappeared.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 "its been 2 weeks"....EXACTLY! He has moved on. yea but wtf. why? how? im still stunned. this guy was my "underdog in a romantic comedy nerd" lol. he was all making sure i wasnt gonna just use him and hurt him. "i dont want to scare you away" blah blah.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 yea but wtf. why? how? im still stunned. this guy was my "underdog in a romantic comedy nerd" lol. he was all making sure i wasnt gonna just use him and hurt him. "i dont want to scare you away" blah blah. Why? Because he is NOT interested!
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Men don't like to be chased. If he had a sincere interest in you, he wouldn't have disappeared. i know they dont. and i never chase them . ive just had a habit in the past of a guy losing interest, only to find out that it was because they felt rejected by ME and they thought i wasnt into them. I protect myself. then later on wed talk about it and id be stunned because i was so hurt by them walking away, when all i needed to do was show them i liked them. that sucks too.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 i know they dont. and i never chase them . ive just had a habit in the past of a guy losing interest, only to find out that it was because they felt rejected by ME and they thought i wasnt into them. I protect myself. then later on wed talk about it and id be stunned because i was so hurt by them walking away, when all i needed to do was show them i liked them. that sucks too. I don't think this is one of those situations.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Why? Because he is NOT interested! but he was SO interested just days before and SO concerned that I wasnt interested in him. doesnt add up.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I don't think this is one of those situations. really? im starting to definitely think it is.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 but he was SO interested just days before and SO concerned that I wasnt interested in him. doesnt add up. I give up.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 does anyone have any other insight thats not ridiculously cliche? every situation is unique. im talking about real experiences, not pop culture.
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I give up. thank you. i could have gotten better advice from my 12 yr old neice.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 thank you. i could have gotten better advice from my 12 yr old neice. Oh really? lol. I was just being honest and real with you. But if you want to go "there" - I feel like I was giving advice to a 12 year old. Have a nice day!
Author lolarose Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Oh really? lol. I was just being honest and real with you. But if you want to go "there" I feel like I was giving advice to a 12 year old. Have a nice day! if i wanted that advice my post would have asked. is this guy into me? i know hes not interested. thats not the point of this thread.
Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 if i wanted that advice my post would have asked. is this guy into me? i know hes not interested. thats not the point of this thread. You wanted advice as to why you have NOT heard from him. So I gave it. Now if you want to ignore the advice that myself and others have given you, that is YOUR decision. But you will look desperate. Period.
Girlygirl1977 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I think it is one of two reasons but both do not benefit from you contacting him: 1) He is a player and he got what he wanted. Even if he doesn't seem like a player, this may just mean he is a really good one. 2) He had sex and then realized the relationship moved to quickly. He doesn't feel it is right in timing bc you don't really know each other. This can make some guys recoil. Sometimes after sex, they expect a woman to get clingy too and recoil so that they have space (but not for 2wks!). I think you should have given him more room to contact you after the first date too so you could have see his initiative. It seemed like you put in a bit of contacting to get things to happen. So in case 2 - he just didn't feel like it was right bc it happened to soon. He didn't feel as close to you as he should have felt and so he bails. Some guys also do have a madonna/whore complex a bit in this variety so that if the sex happens to early, they eject too. They just feel it wasn't special bc it happened too soon and it cheapens it to them. With this variety, it reduces your value a bit in their eyes. All in all - there is nothing can do. As you said sometimes marriages come even with first date sex (though i feel it is more exception). It is better to pace sex with the emotional connection so that the sex isnt' ahead of that. Ultimately there is no formula. Action to be taken) None! He knows where to find you if he wants you. Move on is my recommendation!
Recommended Posts