misippe Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hi everyone, I am in a long distance relationship for about a year now, and we began to talk about moving. We both live in two completely different countries, and moving is a big step. My girlfriend - fiance by now - has always been enthousiastic about moving to my country. We have a better future in my country, than in hers (fiancially, healthcare, etc...), and so we more or less took it for granted that she would be the one to move. Now, the moving was planned about two months from now, and suddenly she freaked out. She's having serious doubts about moving, doubts about me (I am worth all that trouble?), and she's even suggesting a breakup, because if she really can't move, our relationship is in a dead-end street. I love her, and she loves me. I suggested her, that I am prepared to move to her country, at least for a while, just so we can be together and be more sure about each other, but it didn't help... the doubts are still there. My question is: has any of you ever had an experience with these feelings (stress and fear of moving), and how should I deal with it? Everyone is welcome to give his or her opinion. Thank you very much.
aerogurl87 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I've been going through what your girlfriend has been going through lately. My boyfriend and I, like you and your girlfriend, are in different countries. And although they're side by side, where he lives is a lot different than my home state. I'm supposed to be moving next month and for the past 2 weeks or so I've been having these frequent freakouts about what if things don't work, what if I hate it there, what if he hates me being there, etc. Not to mention that giving up the life you've always known to be somewhere completely different is a big challenge and can be very scary. I'd always been happy about moving to my boyfriend's country and still am, but I think the reality sinking in that it's going to happen is somewhat scary and stressful. I doubt your girlfriend really wants things to end with you, but she's probably just overwhelmed right now. I know that's what I told my boyfriend when I told him the other week that I was having second thoughts. It wasn't about him or our relationship, it was about the fear of the unknown. Now the more we've talked about how I feel and ways we can deal with it, the better I've become about being ready to make the big move. So just talk to your girlfriend/fiance and reassure her about everything.
apple25 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I am in a similar situation, it's not different countries just about a 6 hour drive. We have been talking about me making the moving to where he lives. Sometimes I am all for it and other times I get freaked out b/c like your gf said what if it doesn't work out. I think the best thing and what makes me feel the most reassured is when he tells me it's okay and he wants to be with me, that no other girls compare, that is going to work out, etc. I know it might not but I still think it's worth it to move for him.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 happened to me but my boyfriend was the one having cold feet. i applied for a tourist visa to visit him supposedly for christmas and it had really been a turning point for us. i got scared that he might not pursue me anymore...he told me he was still planning to visit me here in japan then began talking about applying for a fiancee visa to reassure me. however i think he felt the pressure when he was supposed to send in the application for it. he just shocked me one day that we needed to talk and i didn't know he was having these doubts. i told him that i could not do anything about the distance, so it will really take a careful decision, determination, will and patience for us to make this work. then i told him if he feels pressured, then maybe we should postpone the visa application and just go on with our original plan -- for him to visit me here and enjoy each other's company and take it from there. after a couple of weeks and bonding with each other, he fell in love all over again. just give her assurance. talk to her about what's making her scared. don't pressure her into anything yet, give her more time if she really needs to, to reassess her feelings.
Author misippe Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Thank you very much. Your comments are quite positive, so I hope by giving her time to think, things will turn out fine...
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