Zansatsu vs. Dating Sites: I need female perspectives.

[Zansatsu]

Disclaimer: The tone of this post is meant to be a playful vent. I love and respect women when they are lovable and respectable, and sometimes when they aren't.

 

How do I get someone to message me back?

 

When I say someone, I mean anyone. It seems that no matter how many dating sites I'm on, how many "matches" I message, not a single one responds. It makes me want to put the sound of an air-horn blaring on my profile so at least they remember how annoying it was to look at it. I used to have at least a little luck with electronic dating sites, but now, when I actually want a date... I hear crickets and a lonesome howl somewhere off in the distance.

 

Maybe my problem is that I care... It seems that the more you want to grab a woman's attention, the less they actually want it. The amount of care is inversely proportional to the amount of returned interest.

 

Ok... that is an oversimplification... but that's what it feels like. And it's not like I send 1000 messages to someone. I message them once and only once. It's usually asking them about something I've read in their profile... and yes, I do actually take the time to read it before responding. I've tried compliments, making short coffee invites, and even bribery (steak, wine, limo[not really], etc.). I don't understand how they could be on a dating site without actually ever wanting to go on a date. Or maybe they are just holding out for the best. The problem with that is they don't give me a chance to even talk to them. And I've been told my appeal is stronger in person. I know I'm not James Friggin Dean, but I have had my fair share of attention.

 

What does it take to stir a lady up enough to want to respond to a stranger messaging them on an internet dating site? Are winks worthless? Are there any pictures I should stay away from posting (I have no shirtless pics.)? I've been told that posting a pic of myself with a cute girl, who of course is just a friend, helps. Any validity to this? I think at this point, I would stand on my head and sing "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" if I thought it would guarantee a response.

 

It's only slightly frustrating. >.<

 

Any and all advice welcome. Thanks!

[murah989]

When I was on POF for awhile I was running into the same luck as you. No one would ever reply to ANYTHING!!! After awhile I lost all hope until I got really drunk and decided that I'd start just having fun on POF.

 

I'd find someone I thought was cute, read there profile, find a common interest and message them.

 

Now the difference between my normal approach and my drunken stupor is that I didn't care whether they messaged me back or not. I was completely detached from the situation, and was more in it for my own enjoyment...and whats funny is that my writing tone reflected that.

 

There was once a Women on POF saying how her making an account was a joke, and how she will not respond to anyone who writes to her. So, being in my stupor, I messaged her with the following.

 

To Mrs. Never responds,

I bet you a cookie you'll respond to this.

 

Thats all i said...and guess what!? She responded XD

 

"Where's my cookie??? =p

 

The best part about this? I never asked her out, nor flirted with her, or did anything. My expectation was zero and I walked away on a high note.

 

Its all about having fun...don't bribe them, ask them out, or anything. You'd be surprised how often things will just develop.

[Zansatsu]

To Mrs. Never responds,

I bet you a cookie you'll respond to this.

 

Thats all i said...and guess what!? She responded XD

 

"Where's my cookie??? =p

 

Very slick. ROFL XD

 

In keeping with theme of this post, I also find it hilarious that just like the dating sites, not a single female has responded. Oh the irony! lol

[Cee]

Your current thread response rate is 50% male/50% female.

 

See, you got a woman to respond.

 

Guess, murah989's advice is already working.

[Zansatsu]

Your current thread response rate is 50% male/50% female.

 

See, you got a woman to respond.

 

Guess, murah989's advice is already working.

 

Awesome, so you have just proved the concept that I have to taunt or tease to get a reaction. The implied lesson here is so much more valuable than anything direct a woman could tell me.

 

Cryptic fun! >.<

[Cee]

I really haven't proved anything except I thought murah989's story and advice was funny and helpful. But here's my experience with online dating. Pure anecdotal evidence.

 

With online dating, I usually messaged the guy first. Only in 5% of the cases (1 in 20), I would respond to a man's first message. I wasn't rejecting those 95% of guys for bad messages. In fact, it hurt my heart to see these well crafted messages, but I saw something in the profile that showed lack of compatibility. Or I didn't feel a thrill by looking at their pic.

 

I think I'm like a lot of people. I'm particular. It's not that I want hot, rich guys. Quite the contrary. The issue for me mostly was politics, values, and like interests. Yeah, looks too. I won't lie about that. Usually, I had to go through 100 profiles to find 1 that I'd want to message.

 

And I'm batting 1,000 with not converting any dates to LTRs. And that's why I disabled my profile. Online dating is hell, imo.

[Zansatsu]

I really haven't proved anything except I thought murah989's story and advice was funny and helpful. But here's my experience with online dating. Pure anecdotal evidence.

 

With online dating, I usually messaged the guy first. Only in 5% of the cases (1 in 20), I would respond to a man's first message. I wasn't rejecting those 95% of guys for bad messages. In fact, it hurt my heart to see these well crafted messages, but I saw something in the profile that showed lack of compatibility. Or I didn't feel a thrill by looking at their pic.

 

I think I'm like a lot of people. I'm particular. It's not that I want hot, rich guys. Quite the contrary. The issue for me mostly was politics, values, and like interests. Yeah, looks too. I won't lie about that. Usually, I had to go through 100 profiles to find 1 that I'd want to message.

 

And I'm batting 1,000 with not converting any dates to LTRs. And that's why I disabled my profile. Online dating is hell, imo.

 

I can see where you are coming from. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't alone in this respect before declaring dating sites hogwashery much like diamond and deodorant commercials. I guess I was just hoping to try my luck again after meeting my ex on Match... but maybe that's why she's my ex.

 

Still, the taunting concept got you to expand on your comment, so I'd say it was an effective tactic... still. And if not, as long as I'm nice, it's just playful.

 

Thanks for responding.

[fishtaco]

Well, seems like the strategy to go to for men, is:

 

1) Keep message short and relevant to the women's profile

2) Spam as many women as you possibly can

3) Focus on women that recently signed up, they're more likely to respond

 

I also have heard that on pay sites, people tend to be more serious about it and response percentage is higher. But that could also be just propaganda put out by their marketing department.

 

From my perspective, use these sites at most as a secondary way to meet women. For me, I don't even use them at all. I have my profile up, but after messing with it for a bit, I decided it was a very high work low return way of meeting women. Now if I actually enjoyed reading all these profiles that list "laughing" as one of the things they like to do, as if they were super villains, then okay, I could keep mucking in there. But I rather go out and be social, even if I don't get any numbers, at least I had a fun time.

 

This weekend I walked up to the hottest chick at a club like an over confident douchebag and got her number. Even if it's a fake number (I'll call her later, we'll find out real quick), I had fun flirting, and I got to practiced my dog and pony show. On a dating site, chicks like that would have her inbox flooded with messages from men, and I would have zero chance. Plus if I'm home on the computer, I better be playing a damn good video game.

 

Real life dating is absolutely better than internet dating. My perspective anyway.

[Zansatsu]

Now if I actually enjoyed reading all these profiles that list "laughing" as one of the things they like to do, as if they were super villains, then okay, I could keep mucking in there.

 

That is incredibly true. You made me laugh out loud.

 

Well, seems like the strategy to go to for men, is:

 

1) Keep message short and relevant to the women's profile

2) Spam as many women as you possibly can

3) Focus on women that recently signed up, they're more likely to respond

 

I also have heard that on pay sites, people tend to be more serious about it and response percentage is higher. But that could also be just propaganda put out by their marketing department.

 

From my perspective, use these sites at most as a secondary way to meet women.

 

It sucks that it works like that, but you are right. It's a lot of work. And as for it being propaganda, I am definitely beginning to think so.

 

But I rather go out and be social, even if I don't get any numbers, at least I had a fun time... Real life dating is absolutely better than internet dating. My perspective anyway.

 

The club and bar scene has to be one of the worst places for me. Crowded, smoky, loud, and not to mention the women are used to being hit on. It only took me a half-dozen times of getting the "What do you want?" look before I finally just wrote that off as too much work too.

 

But you have distilled it down to the basics: "Choose your poison."

 

Thanks for the perspective.

[Seamless74]

Its really not rocket science have good pics... doesnt really matter what you say if your pics are good enough.

[RovingReporter]

Its really not rocket science have good pics... doesnt really matter what you say if your pics are good enough.

 

 

Exactly, don't put some some weird photo of you glaring into a mirror holding your cell phone, picture of your dog or your car and especially no photos with other women.