26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hi everyone, I really need help figuring this out. Pleeeeaase, someone tell me what to do?! This is regarding the same guy that I have been referring to in all my posts so far. Here is the "closure" email that I sent to him after our last fight when I decided to end things due to his continual habit of emotionally shutting down: "I don't know what's going on with my computer, but I was on Facebook and went to the bathroom... when I came back this was pulled up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_II_of_Brazil I think someone has hacked into my computer or something, the only other explanation is that my cat did a wiki search. Anyhow, I felt compelled to read through this and it just made me think of you and not entirely sure why. Anyway, I wanted to send it to you just in case you found it interesting and also to let you know that I think you are on the verge of creating a great life for yourself. You and I are not right for each other and its terribly sad to me. I did fall pretty hard for you. I do not fall easily and not very often at all. I honestly think that a very large part of it is the fact that you are emotionally unavailable. You are the second man who I have loved who was closed off and unavailable to me. I have only ever loved two men. That says something about me. I need to work on whatever is causing this so that I can hopefully have a healthy relationship some day. I believe that I can work through my baggage because the first step in fixing a problem is accepting it's existance. I also have a great deal of faith in your ability to heal and get past your own baggage. I feel better about ending things this way, instead of just fading out. I love you, you are not right for me, you are going to be wonderful for someone someday, and I hope you can be wonderful to yourself too!" -me (below is his response): "26.2, I'm glad you wrote me. I hated the way things ended between us. I know we aren't right for each other, though for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. You're awesome. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, genuine, youthfully athletic with the warmth of a mother... I loved every minute that I spent with you when things went well. I know I'm emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with you. My reluctance to be with you, in part, was because I was aware that I could not offer what you are looking for and what you surely deserve. Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you. I hate the thought that we cannot be friends and spend time together. I'm sorry I hurt you. You too will be great for someone someday, and will have someone be great too you as well. You may think I haven't tried to contact you because I am angry or didn't care. In truth, it's because I assumed you are already dating someone and I can't deny that knowing that you are would hurt. I for the record, am not dating anyone, nor do I think I could. I know I'll see you again soon, but in case we never manage the mutual fortitude to speak our thoughts face to face, I would like you to know that I am here for you if you ever need a friend. Love, W P.S. I hope your leg is really ok. Seeing you with a hurt leg is like seeing a surgeon with a broken wrist." Anyway, I feel like he is toying with me or something. I cannot stand that he concluded with "Love, W"... I honestly sent the email for myself and didn't expect much of a reply if any. I figured if he did say something, it would be along the lines of "I'm sorry things didn't work out, hopefully we can be friends." It really would have helped me move on if the email was as emotionally detatched as he can be in person sometimes. But now this is pulling at my heartstrings and I can't get it out of my mind. What do I doooooo?!!!
Eeyore79 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I don't really understand the problem. He dumped you, he confirmed that he's emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship, so what more do you want? All the stuff about "you're beautiful, sexy, intelligent" etc is just him being nice and trying to soften the blow - if he thought you were that great he'd still be with you.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I don't really understand the problem. He dumped you, he confirmed that he's emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship, so what more do you want? All the stuff about "you're beautiful, sexy, intelligent" etc is just him being nice and trying to soften the blow - if he thought you were that great he'd still be with you. He didn't dump me. I did the dumping.
murah989 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 The Best thing to do right now is nothing, because there really isn't anything more to say or do. From what I'm understanding from this, you ended the relationship because he was consistently detached emotionally from you. So we've already established that You weren't happy secondly, by sending him a "closure e-mail" it prompted him to respond. Luckily the relationship didn't burn down in hellfire, so contact from his point on view was welcomed..... It's times like these that reflection is necessary to really gain the most amount of perspective as to why the relationship ended, as well as pushing towards the healing process. In his case, he might have taken this as a way to reflect on himself and his past actions; which he seems to have done. When I read what he wrote all I see is regret, shame, and pain. Don't get back together with him based on just 1 e-mail though. It may pull at your heart strings, and you may be sitting there thinking if you should get back together with him...but DONT!! Right now he's healing and growing as a person. He's learning that he has baggage which needs to be sorted out, and that no one except himself can help. Wait a looong time before you even consider contacting him again. And when you do, get a feel for how he's improved. If you like what you see take it from there. If not, then its time to move on.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 The Best thing to do right now is nothing, because there really isn't anything more to say or do. From what I'm understanding from this, you ended the relationship because he was consistently detached emotionally from you. So we've already established that You weren't happy secondly, by sending him a "closure e-mail" it prompted him to respond. Luckily the relationship didn't burn down in hellfire, so contact from his point on view was welcomed..... It's times like these that reflection is necessary to really gain the most amount of perspective as to why the relationship ended, as well as pushing towards the healing process. In his case, he might have taken this as a way to reflect on himself and his past actions; which he seems to have done. When I read what he wrote all I see is regret, shame, and pain. Don't get back together with him based on just 1 e-mail though. It may pull at your heart strings, and you may be sitting there thinking if you should get back together with him...but DONT!! Right now he's healing and growing as a person. He's learning that he has baggage which needs to be sorted out, and that no one except himself can help. Wait a looong time before you even consider contacting him again. And when you do, get a feel for how he's improved. If you like what you see take it from there. If not, then its time to move on. Thank you for your thoughts . I'm definitely planning to leave him alone, just wondering if it will slowly fade away... He came up to me and initiated a conversation yesterday at work and I was very reserved. I had to keep looking away because his eyes looked so sad . But you are right, I was not happy in the relationship. I just f-ing love him and it sucks. It was also the best sex I've ever had in my life, that figures!
tinktronik Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 From his email I got that he was okay with the break up and relieved. He agrees that you are not right together but thinks you are a good person and hopes you the best in the future. Don't jump back on that bandwagon OP, there is no sustainable interest there. Leave that email as it is and spend a good time NC. Perhaps you will run into this man eventually but don't contact him.
murah989 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Thank you for your thoughts . I'm definitely planning to leave him alone, just wondering if it will slowly fade away... He came up to me and initiated a conversation yesterday at work and I was very reserved. I had to keep looking away because his eyes looked so sad . But you are right, I was not happy in the relationship. I just f-ing love him and it sucks. It was also the best sex I've ever had in my life, that figures! You both were obviously on two different wavelengths. I think this is another situation where you loved the IDEA of him more than his actually personality. This is something you need to reflect on so that your next relationship is more successful and sorry about the sex, God knows I've been in your situation a few times myself =P. Not to make you feel insignificant, but even if the sex was good, don't ever become F*** buddies with an ex. Brings back the pain. Cheers!
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 From his email I got that he was okay with the break up and relieved. He agrees that you are not right together but thinks you are a good person and hopes you the best in the future. Don't jump back on that bandwagon OP, there is no sustainable interest there. Leave that email as it is and spend a good time NC. Perhaps you will run into this man eventually but don't contact him. You know, I would have agreed with you entirely except for the line "Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you." and the ending it with "Love." If he is relieved and uninterested, then those words were entirely unnecessary and even cruel. He could have left out the part about how much he's been thinking about me and he could have ended with "sincerely" or "hope the best for you" or a dozen other neutral phrases. So if you think he's relieved, do you also feel that he's messing with me just because he can?
lovebitme Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I didn't see anything in the email that suggested he's hanging on. You should accept the relationship to be over. It really sucks I know, we've all been there. I wouldn't contact him again.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I think you are reading things into his email that were not intended. Signing with "love" is common and in a breakup probably just signifies that he feels warmly towards you. You told him you loved him point blank right in your break up email And he wants you to know that he thinks about you. Not necessarily yearning to be back together ... maybe reflecting on why things did not work out or something. Obviously you were close and then it ended, so lots of people would have their recent ex on their mind hourly. I really don't think he was toying with you and you may be reading something into that email that you wish was there, but is not. It actually sounds like the two of you have handled this sad and difficult situation very well.
tinktronik Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 You know, I would have agreed with you entirely except for the line "Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you." and the ending it with "Love." If he is relieved and uninterested, then those words were entirely unnecessary and even cruel. He could have left out the part about how much he's been thinking about me and he could have ended with "sincerely" or "hope the best for you" or a dozen other neutral phrases. So if you think he's relieved, do you also feel that he's messing with me just because he can? You did dump him. This is very likely his 'jab" for that. He is probably not even doing it in complete awareness. But keep in mind that the major tone of his email was of relief and agreement.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Well, it seems that the majority of you feel that he was relieved for this to be over, but trying to be gentle and nice to me in response. It definitely hurts, to say the least, but I think I needed to hear everyone's outside opinion of the tone of the email. Thank you all very much! It is so easy to read into words when you want them to mean something ... I will write again if anything new comes up with the situation. But I am definitely taking the NC advice!
westrock Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 You know, I would have agreed with you entirely except for the line "Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you." and the ending it with "Love." If he is relieved and uninterested, then those words were entirely unnecessary and even cruel. He could have left out the part about how much he's been thinking about me and he could have ended with "sincerely" or "hope the best for you" or a dozen other neutral phrases. So if you think he's relieved, do you also feel that he's messing with me just because he can? I don't think he's messing with you. I think he meant what he wrote. People who are emotionally unavailable still have these feelings. It's just that they also have unresolved emotional issues from their past that are causing them even more pain than the positive feelings they felt with you. In order to cope they emotionally shut down (or become emotionally unavailable). It sounds like to me that he feels guilty for what he has done and realizes you deserve better treatment from a guy. However, he doesn't know how to overcome his issues so instead of seeing you become more hurt he is just accepting that you are walking away as the least painful way to proceed. He is probably relieved because he knows he won't be causing you more pain. I haven't read your back story, but his actions have something to do with his upbringing as a child or a past relationship or a tremendous loss he suffered. It's actually very sad, but there is really not much you can do. He has to deal with this himself. He needs therapy. I give him credit for at least admitting that he is emotionally unavailable. Most people in that situation would deny it.
spice4life Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hi everyone, I really need help figuring this out. Pleeeeaase, someone tell me what to do?! This is regarding the same guy that I have been referring to in all my posts so far. Here is the "closure" email that I sent to him after our last fight when I decided to end things due to his continual habit of emotionally shutting down: "I don't know what's going on with my computer, but I was on Facebook and went to the bathroom... when I came back this was pulled up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_II_of_Brazil I think someone has hacked into my computer or something, the only other explanation is that my cat did a wiki search. Anyhow, I felt compelled to read through this and it just made me think of you and not entirely sure why. Anyway, I wanted to send it to you just in case you found it interesting and also to let you know that I think you are on the verge of creating a great life for yourself. You and I are not right for each other and its terribly sad to me. I did fall pretty hard for you. I do not fall easily and not very often at all. I honestly think that a very large part of it is the fact that you are emotionally unavailable. You are the second man who I have loved who was closed off and unavailable to me. I have only ever loved two men. That says something about me. I need to work on whatever is causing this so that I can hopefully have a healthy relationship some day. I believe that I can work through my baggage because the first step in fixing a problem is accepting it's existance. I also have a great deal of faith in your ability to heal and get past your own baggage. I feel better about ending things this way, instead of just fading out. I love you, you are not right for me, you are going to be wonderful for someone someday, and I hope you can be wonderful to yourself too!" -me (below is his response): "26.2, I'm glad you wrote me. I hated the way things ended between us. I know we aren't right for each other, though for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. You're awesome. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, genuine, youthfully athletic with the warmth of a mother... I loved every minute that I spent with you when things went well. I know I'm emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with you. My reluctance to be with you, in part, was because I was aware that I could not offer what you are looking for and what you surely deserve. Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you. I hate the thought that we cannot be friends and spend time together. I'm sorry I hurt you. You too will be great for someone someday, and will have someone be great too you as well. You may think I haven't tried to contact you because I am angry or didn't care. In truth, it's because I assumed you are already dating someone and I can't deny that knowing that you are would hurt. I for the record, am not dating anyone, nor do I think I could. I know I'll see you again soon, but in case we never manage the mutual fortitude to speak our thoughts face to face, I would like you to know that I am here for you if you ever need a friend. Love, W P.S. I hope your leg is really ok. Seeing you with a hurt leg is like seeing a surgeon with a broken wrist." Anyway, I feel like he is toying with me or something. I cannot stand that he concluded with "Love, W"... I honestly sent the email for myself and didn't expect much of a reply if any. I figured if he did say something, it would be along the lines of "I'm sorry things didn't work out, hopefully we can be friends." It really would have helped me move on if the email was as emotionally detatched as he can be in person sometimes. But now this is pulling at my heartstrings and I can't get it out of my mind. What do I doooooo?!!! I'm not saying this to be harsh, but I think you might be looking at this with your heart strings. He basically told you that he agrees it will not work out. I know that has got to hurt like h@ll, but don't try to over analyze it. Guys are very straight forward and tell you exactly how they feel. Believe what he is really saying and don't try to read anything into it.
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Maybe I am dense but I totally see something different. I feel he definitely wants to get back together with you but is doing that trick of agreeing with the break-up in order to get you back interested! He made sure to mention that he was not dating anyone...also he tried to fish and see if you were seeing someone...that's a giveaway that he is still interested. Also--you still want to be with him...hence the reason why you're checking to see if he wants to be with you... However I think I need to read the back story in order to know for sure. (ok I just checked your old posts) ... all I can say is WOW. 26.2, I am actually going to do a kind deed today and give you some much needed advice. You seem to have an awesome boyfriend/whatever he was to you right now....And you're letting your low self-esteem ruin the relationship because somewhere deep down inside you don't think you deserve to be loved. You are constantly testing his commitment to you and you can't see the forest for the trees. He spends loads of time with you...he says things like --running with you is the best day of his life ...so he doesn't call or text you too often -->big deal. He is like 80% of the men on the planet. So far he has done NOTHING to warrant all the post you have been writing. This website is full of post of people going on about when someone will call and why so-and-so didn't meet up for coffee...You on the other hand lucked out...you fell for a guy and he fell for you. Now just relax and enjoy getting to know each other. What you call intuition...is really your low sense of self-worth eating at you...and telling yourself...he can't love you. There is a saying..."he can't love you, if you don't love you". Good luck.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Yep, unfortunately I tend to always look at things with my heartstrings! Uggh! I can never see straight in relationships But I also think that I am too intense for most people. I know this one failed in part due to my over-anxiousness and that he knew I had strong feelings from the get-go. With the 2 men for whom I have fallen head-over-heels, I was super intense and emotional, always available, and obviously lovestruck. With the first one, who was back in hs/college, things went the exact same way. I ended things because he was not invested in the relationship and I was tired of chasing. But then, right after that, he freaked out and begged me to stay, asked me to marry him, and said I'd ruin his life if I left. I walked away because I felt like he just wanted what he couldn't have at that point. However, the first love still contacts me through myspace and remembers every little detail of the relationship that I have forgotton. I don't expect that to happen with W, though. If it did, I would just think the same, he was surprised I let him go and would want me back just to soothe his ego. All the guys who want to be with me and stay in a relationship are the ones who I could take or leave and they probably like me because they sense that attitude. Damn, this game is retarded!
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Maybe I am dense but I totally see something different. I feel he definitely wants to get back together with you but is doing that trick of agreeing with the break-up in order to get you back interested! He made sure to mention that he was not dating anyone...also he tried to fish and see if you were seeing someone...that's a giveaway that he is still interested. Also--you still want to be with him...hence the reason why you're checking to see if he wants to be with you... However I think I need to read the back story in order to know for sure. (ok I just checked your old posts) ... all I can say is WOW. 26.2, I am actually going to do a kind deed today and give you some much needed advice. You seem to have an awesome boyfriend/whatever he was to you right now....And you're letting your low self-esteem ruin the relationship because somewhere deep down inside you don't think you deserve to be loved. You are constantly testing his commitment to you and you can't see the forest for the trees. He spends loads of time with you...he says things like --running with you is the best day of his life ...so he doesn't call or text you too often -->big deal. He is like 80% of the men on the planet. So far he has done NOTHING to warrant all the post you have been writing. This website is full of post of people going on about when someone will call and why so-and-so didn't meet up for coffee...You on the other hand lucked out...you fell for a guy and he fell for you. Now just relax and enjoy getting to know each other. What you call intuition...is really your low sense of self-worth eating at you...and telling yourself...he can't love you. There is a saying..."he can't love you, if you don't love you". Good luck. Duskcrush, There is much more to the story... I appreciate your post and I truly hope you are right but I really, really feel that he is not that into me. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I am and have been waaaay into him and he knows it. I need/want to back off from him right now. If we both still want each other after some good time has passed, then maybe it will work out. You are very right about the low self worth though. I know I need to work on that... that's probably the key I need to be able to sustain a good relationship. You are a sweetheart, thank you for being kind and thoughtful in your response, it made my day!
lovebitme Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Yep, unfortunately I tend to always look at things with my heartstrings! Uggh! I can never see straight in relationships But I also think that I am too intense for most people. I know this one failed in part due to my over-anxiousness and that he knew I had strong feelings from the get-go. With the 2 men for whom I have fallen head-over-heels, I was super intense and emotional, always available, and obviously lovestruck. With the first one, who was back in hs/college, things went the exact same way. I ended things because he was not invested in the relationship and I was tired of chasing. But then, right after that, he freaked out and begged me to stay, asked me to marry him, and said I'd ruin his life if I left. I walked away because I felt like he just wanted what he couldn't have at that point. However, the first love still contacts me through myspace and remembers every little detail of the relationship that I have forgotton. I don't expect that to happen with W, though. If it did, I would just think the same, he was surprised I let him go and would want me back just to soothe his ego. All the guys who want to be with me and stay in a relationship are the ones who I could take or leave and they probably like me because they sense that attitude. Damn, this game is retarded! If the game is retarted then stop playing it. Remember you broke up with him. What do you expect him to do? It seems to me that you're trying to change him or manipulate him by playing these games and the truth is it's not going to work. Either you can stay with him and accept him as he is or dump him and move to someone who can meet your expectations. If he's not emotionally there it's going to be a long road and a lot of work to break through to him and you may never be able to do it. Are you willing to put in that kind of risk and effort in a relationship? It's your choice. Not every guy in the world is going to come crawling back when they get dumped. Even if they love the girl. They accept the person wants to move on and let's them go. You told him you want to move on.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 If the game is retarted then stop playing it. Remember you broke up with him. What do you expect him to do? It seems to me that you're trying to change him or manipulate him by playing these games and the truth is it's not going to work. Either you can stay with him and accept him as he is or dump him and move to someone who can meet your expectations. If he's not emotionally there it's going to be a long road and a lot of work to break through to him and you may never be able to do it. Are you willing to put in that kind of risk and effort in a relationship? It's your choice. Not every guy in the world is going to come crawling back when they get dumped. Even if they love the girl. They accept the person wants to move on and let's them go. You told him you want to move on. I do not want him to crawl back to me and I am actually not playing a game with him at all. I am very straight-forward with my emotions, its all right there on my sleeve (unfortunately). The game I'm referring to is the one that I perceive and there has been no evidence to prove it contrary: Each guy that I have loved passionately and with my whole heart has pushed me away and every single guy who I have been slightly interested in but never invested, has persued me like a champ. If there isn't something to this, then I am certainly cursed. Ok, so maybe it isn't a game, it's human nature. I think it sucks. In any case, this is a situation in which I love this man to the point where I really and honestly just want him to be happy. I cannot make him happy. He always had a distant look in his eyes and it pained him to look me in my eyes when we started to get close emotionally. I let him go not to test him or because I want him to chase me, but because I finally realized that I can't make it better and the problems we were having were making us both feel worse than we were apart.
fishtaco Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 This is why men and women communicate differently. I saw his response as confirming that you two are not compatible, and you are right that he is not emotionally available, and he's sorry, but he thinks very highly of you. But you read it as him playing games or something. He took the same tone as your email to him, and pretty much confirmed everything thing you said. If his email is confusing and game playing, then so was yours. To me, I just see two people reaching for a closure, in a very nice manner. In fact, I need to do a closure this week too. Maybe you can write one for me. I'll pay you. Just kidding. I'm going to do it via phone call or face to face.
phillyfan Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hi everyone, I really need help figuring this out. Pleeeeaase, someone tell me what to do?! This is regarding the same guy that I have been referring to in all my posts so far. Here is the "closure" email that I sent to him after our last fight when I decided to end things due to his continual habit of emotionally shutting down: "I don't know what's going on with my computer, but I was on Facebook and went to the bathroom... when I came back this was pulled up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_II_of_Brazil I think someone has hacked into my computer or something, the only other explanation is that my cat did a wiki search. Anyhow, I felt compelled to read through this and it just made me think of you and not entirely sure why. Anyway, I wanted to send it to you just in case you found it interesting and also to let you know that I think you are on the verge of creating a great life for yourself. You and I are not right for each other and its terribly sad to me. I did fall pretty hard for you. I do not fall easily and not very often at all. I honestly think that a very large part of it is the fact that you are emotionally unavailable. You are the second man who I have loved who was closed off and unavailable to me. I have only ever loved two men. That says something about me. I need to work on whatever is causing this so that I can hopefully have a healthy relationship some day. I believe that I can work through my baggage because the first step in fixing a problem is accepting it's existance. I also have a great deal of faith in your ability to heal and get past your own baggage. I feel better about ending things this way, instead of just fading out. I love you, you are not right for me, you are going to be wonderful for someone someday, and I hope you can be wonderful to yourself too!" -me (below is his response): "26.2, I'm glad you wrote me. I hated the way things ended between us. I know we aren't right for each other, though for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. You're awesome. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, genuine, youthfully athletic with the warmth of a mother... I loved every minute that I spent with you when things went well. I know I'm emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with you. My reluctance to be with you, in part, was because I was aware that I could not offer what you are looking for and what you surely deserve. Not an hour has gone by since you left that day that I have not thought about you. I hate the thought that we cannot be friends and spend time together. I'm sorry I hurt you. You too will be great for someone someday, and will have someone be great too you as well. You may think I haven't tried to contact you because I am angry or didn't care. In truth, it's because I assumed you are already dating someone and I can't deny that knowing that you are would hurt. I for the record, am not dating anyone, nor do I think I could. I know I'll see you again soon, but in case we never manage the mutual fortitude to speak our thoughts face to face, I would like you to know that I am here for you if you ever need a friend. Love, W P.S. I hope your leg is really ok. Seeing you with a hurt leg is like seeing a surgeon with a broken wrist." Anyway, I feel like he is toying with me or something. I cannot stand that he concluded with "Love, W"... I honestly sent the email for myself and didn't expect much of a reply if any. I figured if he did say something, it would be along the lines of "I'm sorry things didn't work out, hopefully we can be friends." It really would have helped me move on if the email was as emotionally detatched as he can be in person sometimes. But now this is pulling at my heartstrings and I can't get it out of my mind. What do I doooooo?!!! The warmth of a mother?! Dude WTF is that. Forget the rest he is just bein smooth, he did a slow fade so ud dump him so he wudnt have to feel like the bad guy by dumpin you. Whcih in a way is nice as it makes u feel more dignity and self respect so at least he put a bit of thought into it.
Author 26.2 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 This is why men and women communicate differently. I saw his response as confirming that you two are not compatible, and you are right that he is not emotionally available, and he's sorry, but he thinks very highly of you. But you read it as him playing games or something. He took the same tone as your email to him, and pretty much confirmed everything thing you said. If his email is confusing and game playing, then so was yours. To me, I just see two people reaching for a closure, in a very nice manner. In fact, I need to do a closure this week too. Maybe you can write one for me. I'll pay you. Just kidding. I'm going to do it via phone call or face to face. The reason I saw it as confusing is because this is the most emotion I have seen out of him thus far (at least toward me). He has not expressed much affection at all. It just seemed odd that such a thoughtful response would come at the end. Anyway, it doesn't really matter at this point because regardless of what he truly feels, my actions need to be the same: No contact. By the way, I will absolutely write any kind of email, text, etc. for payment, lol! Just don't ask me to be able to speak out loud and make sense!
Author 26.2 Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 So I caved and texted him today. I was going through some ups and downs through the past week and felt like I was doing well with the NC. However, today I went to the grocery store and bought this yogart that I never buy (his favorite) and I guess I did it subconsciously because it didn't strike me at the time at all! But when I got home and started putting stuff away, I looked at the yogurt and it caused a wave of sadness It was really bizarre that I bought it in the first place, I think my mind is so attached to him, that even if I put a big bandaid over everything, the inner me is still reaching for him. F*** I love him So, I sent him only this: :-/ He replied: Wassup? I didn't say anything because it just seemed like such a cold reply. But a few minutes later he texted again. And this is what happened: Him: Are you ok? Me: Not yet. Him: Me neither :/ Me: I bought your yogurt today and its making me sad. Him: Yeah. I've been trying not to think about you... not very successful. Me: I miss you. Him: I miss you too. I've tried to leave you alone because I thought you might be dating someone else... But I really miss you. Me: I don't know what to do. (20 minutes pass) Me: Do you? Him: I know what I want to do... Me: What? Then he called me. However, my kids and I were in the middle of a heated game of Candyland and there was a lot of yelling. I asked if I could call him back. He said that he would be done at the gym around 9:30. We just got off the phone. Basically, he said that he still wants to see me and that he knows that he kept closing off but that he thought he was doing better. I explained to him that I just kept feeling like he wasn't all that attracted to me because he would turn me down for affection sometimes. He said that he was very very attracted to me and that hadn't changed. He said, he doesn't know why, but sometimes it was like too much of a good thing and he had to back off. He said that he knows he has intimacy problems and that he doesn't want to be this way for the rest of his life but that he doesn't know how long it will take for him to break through this problem. So, he had to get off the phone for a bit but is supposed to call me back shortly. I really have no idea what to do! I love him, but he is so obviously broken and I know I can't fix him. Does anyone think that he has a chance of getting past this?
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