murah989 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 If anyones had a chance to read my previous posts on my dates with "C" then you'll know that things went waaay south on me. But for some reason I just can't get over it! It's frustrating for me that I put so much trust in a girl just to get disappointed. Why would someone talk to you for over a month, give you great signals, go out on four dates, and then drop you like a hot potato just because " they're too busy for a relationship"?...I'm calling BS on this one guys. I feel lead on I've had no contact with this girl for about a week now, but a part of me still wants to contact her and try again. My gut tells me to just wait and contact her again in the coming weeks just to say hello. But I'm afraid that by telling her I didn't want to be friends, I sunk a ship I can never rebuild. Any advice?
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 NO--telling her you didn't want to be friends was a good thing. Throughout life, I've been friends with guys I've dated only to have them act really jealous and stupid when I became interested in another guy. I realized that men only remain your friend because they are hoping to eventually get with you or something. Which to me is just ridiculous. I had zero interest in ever being with my date-turned-friends. The girl dated you and 1 ) realized she was just not that into you...it's not a big deal...she wasn't leading you on...she was just exploring her interest levels...that's what dating is about. or 2) Got afraid and backed off. One week is no kind of time. Just try to date someone else. Give her a call in 6 weeks if you're still interested.
Author murah989 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 NO--telling her you didn't want to be friends was a good thing. Throughout life, I've been friends with guys I've dated only to have them act really jealous and stupid when I became interested in another guy. I realized that men only remain your friend because they are hoping to eventually get with you or something. Which to me is just ridiculous. I had zero interest in ever being with my date-turned-friends. . Thanks for your reply. Just a quick thought came to mind. This was my first time going on a date with someone from an online website so I mean its not like I've known this girl for awhile. While I obviously agree with what you just said, sometimes it makes me really sad because I wish that we as men could go down the "friend" route and just be satisfied. I can totally attest to being that "hoping" friend...so much so that I wasted being a girls friend for 10 years with the hope of one day dating her!!!! I was heartbroken when I found out she was getting married to someone else. I vowed that any rejection from then on out would be greeted by the ban hammer! I guess a part of me wants to date this girl again..yet at the same time, I want to erase any attraction I ever had with this woman from my mind, and just be like " hey lets go bowling" or something like that. Perhaps that would make me feel less alone right now lol.
Sammy88 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I wouldn't contact here if I were you. She told you that she wasn't ready for a relationship because she isn't. Sure it would be great if you could abandon all romantic feelings for her and just be her friend, but is that realistic? You are not only going to torture yourself, but you might end up getting a second rejection which is only going to hurt you more. I'm a pretty needy person, so I can understand what you are feeling. My advise is to leave it alone. You are only going to prolong your suffering by trying to talk to her. You did the right thing by walking away from it. Rely on friends to help you feel better when you feel lonely. Hope that helps =)
zig Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) I was going through the EXACT same thing. Things were going fine and she got busy on me. I expressed my feelings to her but I only got "she's not going to label our relationship and wants to see where things go first". I felt strung along just like you man. Crazy thing is she always showed 'some' interest. I'll never know what happened but my gut feeling is that I didn't move fast enough initially on her and she wrote me off. So I had to move on because I knew any additional chasing would just push her away further. There was no breakup or anything, we just stopped talking to each other at the same time. Problem is, like you, I really like this girl and want to give it another chance. I plan to give her a call in about three months and see if I can spark something up again. In the mean time I start looking for other girls, hobbies, and improve myself. I suggest you let this girl go. You said you want to give it another chance and that's fine but a week isn't long enough! Give it a few months and if you're still thinking about her and think you can handle it, go ahead and give her a call. In the mean time she might call you. Edited December 7, 2010 by zig
walktheline Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Been there too. Leave her alone and give it at minimum a couple of months before you even consider contacting her and even then keep your expectations extremely low. In the mean time spend time with friends and keep your options open, at least that's what I've been doing and I think I found someone else that's pretty much made me forget about the other.
SignalFlare Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 As tempting as it is to do the friend thing, it's the wrong thing to do. As Sammy88 said, you're just going to torture yourself. Guys are lucky in that it's a lot easier for them to distract themselves from past relationships and move on with their lives. Just indulge in your hobbies or find some other people to date.
lovebitme Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Been there too. Leave her alone and give it at minimum a couple of months before you even consider contacting her and even then keep your expectations extremely low. In the mean time spend time with friends and keep your options open, at least that's what I've been doing and I think I found someone else that's pretty much made me forget about the other. That's usually the way it goes- you end up finding someone else or realize the person wasn't the one for you. Personally I don't have any problem with holding onto a little hope. It helps me to heal to know one day I have the option of trying to make contact again. It gives me something to look forward to and keeps me from depression. The most important part of this is that you're going forward with your life in the mean time. OP just realize that you need to give it at LEAST a couple of months before you try again like walktheline said. So put her in back of your mind if you have to but write her off for now. It's the only way you'll ever have a chance with this girl... or other girls you'll be meeting in the future. Never get stuck on one girl.
lovebitme Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 As tempting as it is to do the friend thing, it's the wrong thing to do. As Sammy88 said, you're just going to torture yourself. Second that. You have a much better chance with this girl by dropping out of site and trying again in a few months. The friend thing rarely works. Don't go down that road... I've tried it and it's a world of hell.
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