Break-Up or Not? I Am Very Lost.

[lost.lamb]

Hello everyone,

 

I am new here. Nice to meet you all.

I am truly lost and I am finally reaching out on this forum.

 

 

The problem concerns my boyfriend and I. There are so many problems that I don't know where to start.

 

The main problem for me is that I need more of his attention. The problem for him is that he needs more freedom even though he doesn't tell me that.

 

I don't know if I should end the relationship with him.

 

When he and I are hanging out together, most of the time it's great and he showers me with hugs and kisses. But when it comes to him keeping his word about contacting me when he and I aren't together, he breaks them 8 out of 10 times.

 

I'm growing tired of this never changing behavior because it hurts me deep inside.

 

I have tried to ask him to set a time to chat together every night, he told me that he has a life unlike me and never agreed to do it.

 

I have tried telling him that it hurts me when he cannot keep his word about reaching me and he would get defensive and tell me that I'm not normal.

 

Today he told me that he'd call me tonight, he is no where to be found and I think he just told his roommate to tell me that he is not there.

 

At the beginning of the relationship, he would initiate calls. He sleeps late and he would call me before I head to bed. It is almost one year now and I find that 9 out of ten times, I'm the one looking for him or calling him.

 

Him and I have had many bad fights but we are still together but I think this relationship is really falling apart. I think anytime now, he will break up with me.

 

Just yesterday he held onto me and asked me if I will ever leave him. I told him that I won't. He asked me if I love him and he said that he loves me more than I do but that's not true because out of all those times we were going to break up, I was the one who held on. Sometimes I would be the only one holding on.

 

I have a strong feeling that because I am always at his beck and call, he has taken me for granted and really stopped appreciating me.

 

He is not all at fault because I would get really mad at him when he couldn't keep his words. He told me that he would be afraid of me when I get mad. I have tried being more understanding and calm. In fact, I think I worked very hard as a girlfriend for him.

 

He and I had one real break up and I was about to give up on him. After two weeks, he and I met back up and he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Less than a week ago, he tried to break up with me because he thinks that something is wrong with him and then I took the bus in the morning to see him.

 

I find that I really am putting more effort into this relationship than him.

 

He should know that a person's promise means so much to me but he continues to break them and break my heart over and over and over. It never stops. And he tells me that I'm his girlfriend and I am supposed to trust him. I do trust him but how can I trust him fully when he cannot even help me feel secure in his words?

 

He doesn't like me asking him where he is going all the time, which I understand must be annoying but I do get very worried about him for various reasons that I won't type here because I am rambling.

 

I love him a lot but he is giving me mixed signals. I don't want to play games either because I want to be honest.

 

My family have asked me to head to China for work and the only reason why I am so firm on staying here is because of him.

 

I'm so lost.

 

What would you do if you were me? In the very few friends I have talked to about my sadness, they all told me to leave him. I love him too much to leave him and I always think that he will change.

 

And guys, would you know why he is acting this way now?

 

I apologize for the long blabber. I'm so lost and I don't know who to go to. My boyfriend doesn't like me going to talk to my friends about our relationship and I realized that I cannot listen to him about this because I have my feelings to tend to as well.

 

Thank you for your time. Any suggestions or help would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

Note: I should also add that he knows that I am not happy. When we last had our fight, he asked if if hate him and assumed that I do. He has been wanting to break up with me because he thinks that he is not good enough. Instead of telling me that over and over, why couldn't he just change himself and make himself good enough for me? It makes no sense.

[lost.lamb]

I plan to ask him to go with me to couple counseling tomorrow. If he refuses, I think I really am calling it quits. He never keep his word. It hurts so much.

[dk.bnz.chi]

how old are u both and how long the relationship?

[lost.lamb]

Hi. My ex is 19 and I am 25. He and I were in the relationship for nearly a year before we broke up the day before yesterday.

 

I guess I should fill you in on what happened.

 

I begged him to see a relationship counselor with me and I offered to pay. He and I had an argument and that resulted in him not trying to find me for five days. I didn't try to look for him either because I thought that he wanted to be left alone. He did tell me that he would never dump me again so I assumed that he just wanted time alone. That was not the case. During the counseling session, his words slipped and he said that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I couldn't believe my ears so I asked him if he wanted to be with me anymore. He said no.

 

So without giving all of the details, I'll just tell you that I wanted to be left alone with the counselor for some comfort and that was the last time I saw him.

 

There were a couple of lessons that I have learned from this relationship. One being that there was an age gap and according to my counselor, he is not mature enough yet. Second, I shouldn't have held on so hard and for so long when he was always wanting to leave. Lastly, I deserve better. Although I still love him very much and my tears flow without me trying, I should have known that a relationship takes two to make things work.