Break-Up or Not? I Am Very Lost.

[lost.lamb]

Hello everyone,

 

I am new here. Nice to meet you all.

I am truly lost and I am finally reaching out on this forum.

 

 

The problem concerns my boyfriend and I. There are so many problems that I don't know where to start.

 

The main problem for me is that I need more of his attention. The problem for him is that he needs more freedom even though he doesn't tell me that.

 

I don't know if I should end the relationship with him.

 

When he and I are hanging out together, most of the time it's great and he showers me with hugs and kisses. But when it comes to him keeping his word about contacting me when he and I aren't together, he breaks them 8 out of 10 times.

 

I'm growing tired of this never changing behavior because it hurts me deep inside.

 

I have tried to ask him to set a time to chat together every night, he told me that he has a life unlike me and never agreed to do it.

 

I have tried telling him that it hurts me when he cannot keep his word about reaching me and he would get defensive and tell me that I'm not normal.

 

Today he told me that he'd call me tonight, he is no where to be found and I think he just told his roommate to tell me that he is not there.

 

At the beginning of the relationship, he would initiate calls. He sleeps late and he would call me before I head to bed. It is almost one year now and I find that 9 out of ten times, I'm the one looking for him or calling him.

 

Him and I have had many bad fights but we are still together but I think this relationship is really falling apart. I think anytime now, he will break up with me.

 

Just yesterday he held onto me and asked me if I will ever leave him. I told him that I won't. He asked me if I love him and he said that he loves me more than I do but that's not true because out of all those times we were going to break up, I was the one who held on. Sometimes I would be the only one holding on.

 

I have a strong feeling that because I am always at his beck and call, he has taken me for granted and really stopped appreciating me.

 

He is not all at fault because I would get really mad at him when he couldn't keep his words. He told me that he would be afraid of me when I get mad. I have tried being more understanding and calm. In fact, I think I worked very hard as a girlfriend for him.

 

He and I had one real break up and I was about to give up on him. After two weeks, he and I met back up and he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Less than a week ago, he tried to break up with me because he thinks that something is wrong with him and then I took the bus in the morning to see him.

 

I find that I really am putting more effort into this relationship than him.

 

He should know that a person's promise means so much to me but he continues to break them and break my heart over and over and over. It never stops. And he tells me that I'm his girlfriend and I am supposed to trust him. I do trust him but how can I trust him fully when he cannot even help me feel secure in his words?

 

He doesn't like me asking him where he is going all the time, which I understand must be annoying but I do get very worried about him for various reasons that I won't type here because I am rambling.

 

I love him a lot but he is giving me mixed signals. I don't want to play games either because I want to be honest.

 

My family have asked me to head to China for work and the only reason why I am so firm on staying here is because of him.

 

I'm so lost.

 

What would you do if you were me? In the very few friends I have talked to about my sadness, they all told me to leave him. I love him too much to leave him and I always think that he will change.

 

And guys, would you know why he is acting this way now?

 

I apologize for the long blabber. I'm so lost and I don't know who to go to. My boyfriend doesn't like me going to talk to my friends about our relationship and I realized that I cannot listen to him about this because I have my feelings to tend to as well.

 

Thank you for your time. Any suggestions or help would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

Note: I should also add that he knows that I am not happy. When we last had our fight, he asked if if hate him and assumed that I do. He has been wanting to break up with me because he thinks that he is not good enough. Instead of telling me that over and over, why couldn't he just change himself and make himself good enough for me? It makes no sense.

Edited December 7, 2010 by lost.lamb

[East7]

Welcome on LS.

 

First, let me say, this is the wrong board for this kind of questions, you should look at Coping, Break-up Thread here : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f17/

 

Just a quick advice though (from a guy) :

 

Your BF doesn't sound to be in love with you, he is not investing in this relationship. It sounds like he is keeping you just to have a GF, not because he wants to keep this relationship. When he says he loves you his actions don't match with his words.

Not being attentive to you and disappearing without calling you is not what someone in love does. He is a deal-breaker.

The previous break-up should had been a wake-up call to him, but it doesn't seem he has changed, so sorry to say but I see massive Red Flags everywhere in your relationship.

[lost.lamb]

I apologize. I am going to post my thread in the right board. ^^;

 

Thank you for the advice East7. I wonder when he lost interest in me?

[siuys]

lost.lamb, welcome but yes, I think this may not be the right board for you... i quickly scanned your post, sounds like you're with mr unavailable! emotionally unavailable. he is not committed and you can't make someone commit. Get rid of him or be prepared for a lot of unnecessary pain.

[spice4life]

The on again off again nature of your relationship certainly sounds like an affair! Wrong board though...good luck!