Former Fatties: Any success? What is the cutoff?

[Yer_Blues]

I was curious for any former fatties or flabbies (male or female) what their experiences were like after they reach their goal weight or an ideal weight. Physically, the obstruction to dating may be gone, but what were the mental blocks still in place? Does self-confidence set in as success is had in the "new body", or is it as much of a struggle as it always is?

 

I'm not that far away from the goal now, and I'm far more than halfway done (lost over 100lbs within the last 18 months or so. Gotta kill the last 40-50 ideally, but I don't have any doubt that with enough time it'll happen. Nothing has prevented me from continuing my regimen so far (workload from college, emotional distress, fatigue), and the results haven't stopped.

 

As a person who hasn't had a relationship and has been horrifically obese since like age 6 or 7, the excitement is starting to set in that I might be potentially normal for the first time soon? However, the anxiety issues have gotten minimally better during this period, and I'm not sure if it all resolves itself.

 

At what point does one move forward from past weight? At what weight does a 19 year old start to actually throw himself on the market at without having to feel foolish or out of place?

 

Anything roughly related to the topic, I would love to hear.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Hi, I just wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss:) I've never been overweight, but I will say that dating is hard no matter what your weight. I never wanted to be put into this dating situation, unfortunately I am now.

 

I find it hard because I'm new to it all. I've met a lot of weird and some interesting people. Some *******s too. I say, just make sure you love yourself and self-confidence is a whole other part of work you have to do for yourself as well, when getting back into the dating scene. There is a lot of rejection and you have to learn to deal with it. NO matter what you look like.

 

Good luck to you;)

[Yer_Blues]

Hi, I just wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss:) I've never been overweight, but I will say that dating is hard no matter what your weight. I never wanted to be put into this dating situation, unfortunately I am now.

 

I find it hard because I'm new to it all. I've met a lot of weird and some interesting people. Some *******s too. I say, just make sure you love yourself and self-confidence is a whole other part of work you have to do for yourself as well, when getting back into the dating scene. There is a lot of rejection and you have to learn to deal with it. NO matter what you look like.

 

Good luck to you;)

Thanks, I appreciate it.

 

Self-confidence is brutal, because it only seems logical once you achieve something. I get the concept of self-esteem coming from within, and I am finally turning the corner on that one. I understand that taking charge and having positive, directed motivation leads to success and an increased sense of control, but how can one be self-confident in approaching dating? It is completely reliant on the other person's evaluation of you, and I don't think I've ever received a positive one. I haven't really "tried" though, because it is hard to expect success when you have never had it before.

 

I hopelessly got fatter and wallowed for years as a preteen/young teen before I realized I could ACTUALLY control it. This happened when all attempts stopped ending up in failure and I got return/results.

 

I hopelessly got more and more bitter about not being able to interact with the opposite sex. I've never actually had any success of control here. What is to make me think that my ability in other areas, which are all dependent on the self, will transfer into an arena where most factors being considered are beyond my control.

[kassy]

Congrats on losing the weight! Awesome!

 

Look it doesn't matter whether you are brad pitt some girls are still not going to be interested. But that shouldn't stop you, because it happens to everyone, it's not personal in a way.

 

Just really enjoy your new body, be proud of what you have done, develop your interests and get to the point where you think you are a catch. Once you get there, well if they don't like you they don't, but you will be able to keep it in perspective and realise the next one might.

 

Losing weight totally helps, but it's not the sure fire answer people often think. Why not start with just getting used to socialising with women. Work on getting happy and confident with your chat with the oposite sex... work on your dress sense, confidence and social skills with women... then when you find ones you like, ask them out. The worst they can do is say no... world isn't going to end, you'll be fine. Just go for it and enjoy your new body!

[Yer_Blues]

Congrats on losing the weight! Awesome!

 

Look it doesn't matter whether you are brad pitt some girls are still not going to be interested. But that shouldn't stop you, because it happens to everyone, it's not personal in a way.

 

Just really enjoy your new body, be proud of what you have done, develop your interests and get to the point where you think you are a catch. Once you get there, well if they don't like you they don't, but you will be able to keep it in perspective and realise the next one might.

 

Losing weight totally helps, but it's not the sure fire answer people often think. Why not start with just getting used to socialising with women. Work on getting happy and confident with your chat with the oposite sex... work on your dress sense, confidence and social skills with women... then when you find ones you like, ask them out. The worst they can do is say no... world isn't going to end, you'll be fine. Just go for it and enjoy your new body!

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

One question though. Do I wait until I have the new body (the one I would be satisfied/comfortable with), or do I go for it now? My only worry is that given the fact that I have social anxiety disorder and am still not really happy with my body yet, might the rejections, no matter how logically and positively I try to take them, worsen things? How does the chance of this working out compare with continuing my patterns of avoidance and just spending the next 9-12 months killing it at the gym, and THEN going out and giving this a try?

 

I'm a sophomore in college already, I wasted high school, and I don't really know if I want to squander the rest of this year on pure self-improvement or not.

[SmileFace]

Come on you are nineteen ,dating should really come natural at this age.

Please stop thinking as yourself as a body and think as yourself as a whole.I see no reason why you can't start dating now.

 

You move forward from the past weight when you are ready.

Personally I didn't start dating until I was down 50 pounds from my highest. I am now down about 115 from my highest. So I started dating when I was 19, I am now 20. I still have 30 pounds to go. Anyway to answer your question - dating should be exciting.

 

A little problem I have - I don't have the appearance of a person who goes to the gym 6 days a week. Even though my arms are to die for - thank you genetics. lol But please when dating it will be beneficial to you to date people who are like minded . You don't want to chance to fall back into old habits. Even though you seem very head strong. Just remember you did this for you . And congrads - all the best

 

If you like I will post a before and after picture in my profile.

[Knittress]

I've been up and down, but am usually on the high end of healthy or just a few pounds above. About five years ago I was bordering on obese, but I've been dieting the past several months and am now well within healthy range, even though I'm not 'ideal' just yet. And I definitely can't speak as a dude, but even as a chick it's WEIRD.

 

I have men throwing themselves at me, random strangers telling me I look pretty at least once a day, girls getting all insecure over their husbands. And just random comments about my hotness like I'm supposed to be some sort of power bitch or something. I handle it better than I did when I was younger (sweet nerdgirl here, no matter what I look like), and I like looking good, but it's still offputting. People also go out of their way to be nice and helpful to me now. There definitely is a dramatic difference in how I'm perceived as human being, and it's eeeeeeffed up. Why should weight matter THAT much?

Edited December 7, 2010 by Knittress

[kassy]

If you have an anxiety disorder you might want to give it a shot and see how you go, but if you find that rejections are making you gain weight, then it might be worth seeing a therapist about it and get back on the weightloss band wagon and get their help on how to deal with the anxiety.

 

I'd think that if you have difficulties socialising with women then that would be a good first step. If you are already fine with that then sure ask them out now... it's a crazy thing, the more you do it the less personally you take it if it doesn't work out. (I'm a chick so I think the equivalent for us is going on a date and liking the guy and he doesn't like you back).

 

But just try to think of dating as lots of little adventures... when you start you never know what's going to happen, so just enjoy it. Some of the funniest stories I have are of disasterous dates. If you date, they will happen. You just have to think "this will be funny in a weeks time" and carry on with your life.

 

You have done an amazing job so far with your weight loss so why not start to reap the benefits eh?

 

Best of luck! And don't forget to enjoy it!

[kassy]

Oh and most people feel foolish most of the time when dating, just remember the girl you are on a date with is probably just as nervous as you!

[Yer_Blues]

I've been up and down, but am usually on the high end of healthy or just a few pounds above. About five years ago I was bordering on obese, but I've been dieting the past several months and am now well within healthy range, even though I'm not 'ideal' just yet. And I definitely can't speak as a dude, but even as a chick it's WEIRD.

 

I have men throwing themselves at me, random strangers telling me I look pretty at least once a day, girls getting all insecure over their husbands. And just random comments about my hotness like I'm supposed to be some sort of power bitch or something. I handle it better than I did when I was younger (sweet nerdgirl here, no matter what I look like), and I like looking good, but it's still offputting. People also go out of their way to be nice and helpful to me now. There definitely is a dramatic difference in how I'm perceived as human being, and it's eeeeeeffed up. Why should weight matter THAT much?

Yeah, I can imagine. With what I've noticed on the male side, who does the approaching/escalating usually, is still pretty horrifying in regards to human nature. So for women, who are actively targeted by men if they are attractive, you must have thought you woke up one day and stopped being invisible.

 

kassy- I would describe myself as having very much difficulty socializing with women. The only ones I can socialize with are the ones that I know are taken/I know through friends. I lose some sense of self whenever there are women present, like even if I am hanging with my best friends. I can't really seem to just let things flow. So if that is the first step, what is a realistic, goal oriented way to socialize with women? It's been a "priority" for me since I got to college (I even wrote down some things), but it never seems to just happen. I think if I could turn off all the anxiety, I would be fine with it. When I take a Klonopin or Valium, I feel like a charmer. All of the sudden I can walk around, look strangers in the eye on the sidewalk, answer questions in public, interact with the checkout person without stuttering or looking away. Problem is that these drugs are horrifically addicting, don't allow you to drink alcohol (COLLEGE), and have withdrawal symptoms akin to heroin.

 

I really want to just get that way naturally I guess. I want to like teach my body to stop reacting the way it does in these situations because it's entirely irrational. I've ever tried some hilarious things to conquer these fears, like exposing myself to intentional social awkwardness in public, but even after I clearly see that even the worst case scenario doesn't come close to warranting the fear response the body has, the body persists.

 

Thanks for helping me think through this. If anybody would be so kind, what type of girl do you think I should try to socialize with? Do I set my standards real low for now and just work on things? I'm still 215-220, but I'm a big person to begin with. Wide shoulders, big arms, big wrists, huge legs. People usually think my weight is a substantial bit lower, but they still aren't guessing 160 .

IDK what helps here, but I'm 5'9, have 35-36inch waist, no other significant negatives I can think of besides being a ginger, but not the freckleface/patchy kind.

 

So do I go for the nerdy girls, shy girls, overweight girls, and slightly below average girls? It's terrible, but I'm horny enough where it doesn't really matter. Or is it unhealthy to not always being going for people you find genuinely attractive? Sigh...

Edited December 7, 2010 by Yer_Blues

[krz12]

Can you see your toes?

[Yer_Blues]

Can you see your toes?

LOL, I feel sorry for the people who get it all in the gut. I always had my weight spread pretty evenly, and I wouldn't be surprised if a good portion of the extra weight remaining in my legs at this point.

[LaraC]

So do I go for the nerdy girls, shy girls, overweight girls, and slightly below average girls? It's terrible, but I'm horny enough where it doesn't really matter. Or is it unhealthy to not always being going for people you find genuinely attractive? Sigh...

 

 

Well I think you're lucky in that you've been able to observe much of the dating scene as an outsider and hopefully learned from watching others a few mistakes to avoid...

 

As far as the type of women you go after, I'd suggest reading the divorced / other man other woman threads - where you can see just how seemingly good relationships go so terribly wrong, and try to avoid those type of people at this early stage. I'd say don't focus on whether a girl is nerdy, overweight, below average etc - focus on who she is as a person, is she the type that would cheat on you or does she have innate qualities of being extremely loyal, does she like to party all the time or will she stay home with you, if she gets bored does she go out and meet new guys or occupy her time some other way, will she bail on you as soon as you run out of money, or do you want someone who will get you out of the house? These things are more important because once you start building a relationship it is hard to turn back without getting hurt and feeling as if you have wasted time, money and effort - so really try to understand their core personality as soon as possible and not focus on their looks or financial status as much.

 

But yes you should feel some attraction to the person, even if its just a little, if they are a real winner inside you will no doubt develop very strong feelings for them later and maybe even feel grateful that other guys don't realize what a gem you've discovered - they're too busy chasing after the hot girls who will cause them problems, likely cheat on them or take their money and run, etc. Not saying all women are like that but many are looking for the bigger, better deal, like if you hear them making jokes about a guy's 501k just run the other way.

[Yer_Blues]

So do I go for the nerdy girls, shy girls, overweight girls, and slightly below average girls? It's terrible, but I'm horny enough where it doesn't really matter. Or is it unhealthy to not always being going for people you find genuinely attractive? Sigh...

 

 

Well I think you're lucky in that you've been able to observe much of the dating scene as an outsider and hopefully learned from watching others a few mistakes to avoid...

 

As far as the type of women you go after, I'd suggest reading the divorced / other man other woman threads - where you can see just how seemingly good relationships go so terribly wrong, and try to avoid those type of people at this early stage. I'd say don't focus on whether a girl is nerdy, overweight, below average etc - focus on who she is as a person, is she the type that would cheat on you or does she have innate qualities of being extremely loyal, does she like to party all the time or will she stay home with you, if she gets bored does she go out and meet new guys or occupy her time some other way, will she bail on you as soon as you run out of money, or do you want someone who will get you out of the house? These things are more important because once you start building a relationship it is hard to turn back without getting hurt and feeling as if you have wasted time, money and effort - so really try to understand their core personality as soon as possible and not focus on their looks or financial status as much.

 

But yes you should feel some attraction to the person, even if its just a little, if they are a real winner inside you will no doubt develop very strong feelings for them later and maybe even feel grateful that other guys don't realize what a gem you've discovered - they're too busy chasing after the hot girls who will cause them problems, likely cheat on them or take their money and run, etc. Not saying all women are like that but many are looking for the bigger, better deal, like if you hear them making jokes about a guy's 501k just run the other way.

Yeah in terms of a relationship, I totally agree. I guess I should specify. I'm looking for a relationship ultimately, but there's no doubt that at 19 random sex is going to come easier and that's the first step more likely than not.

 

For an actual relationship, attraction and compatibility is like everything. How "easy" someone is isn't really relevant if that person isn't desired at all, and I'm not investing time and emotion into something like that.

 

I do feel lucky, though, in that I am not very physically oriented in my attraction with females. It's far more quirky and based on little personality intricacies etc. The people I've crushed on in the past are BELOW average in attractiveness more often than not. The only thing I can't really be attracted to is overweight girls, and that's not anything that is their fault, it's simply that I hated myself too much when I was obese. I use the hatred to fuel my workouts. It's odd to make a soft spot for others now, even though I recognize the plight of the plump.

[carhill]

I remember losing about 40 lbs back in the 90's when I took up endurance cycling and it didn't change the rejection to approval ratio in any meaningful fashion. My personal reflection on that era is that, generally speaking, if a man doesn't match up with the general criteria of what is attractive to the women in his area, then he enjoys a relatively solitary romantic life. It wasn't until I started traveling in any volume that I realized how myopic the vision of my local contemporaries were. Now, years later, if I note similarities in this dynamic, I won't lament it for a moment. Planes are leaving every day

 

Oh, ftr, the woman I married (now my exW) was and still is obese, though not morbidly, meaning less than 100lbs overweight. My reflection on that period was that she 'settled' but I wasn't aware of that. I'm more aware now...

[Surrealist]

Yer Blues

 

Congratulations on your weight loss, a remarkable success.

 

A bit OT, when I first read your stated age on another thread, I thought you were joking that you are only 19 years old after the advice and insight you provided me on my thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3130199&postcount=16

 

 

I've seldom met teenagers as intelligent and articulate as yourself with such insights. You've clearly done a lot of thinking over the short number of years (my nephew to my younger sister is 19 years old) you been on the planet.

 

I was the opposite growing up, was very underweight and never liked by girls. As such I developed a type of body dysmorphia and though I have built myself up and get more attention now, my thinking, my deep level self-beliefs continue to cripple me with regard to feeling confident or even just barely confident enough, to approach women with a romantic agenda. The adverse childhood experiences were not just limited to girls not liking me though, I was bullied a lot throughout my entire school years and in retrospect now can say was physically abused by my father. Lots of **** combined that totally ****ed my self esteem and yet, for a number of years, I actually was in denial about it.

 

Saying that with relevance to your situation, going by my personal experiences (and I'm 40 years old now) your ability to be confident with women will have much less to do with your body than what you may believe, and more to do with your self-beliefs and esteem. However, that is not to suggest you cannot transition from a shy fat kid to a confident much better looking young adult. It's just been my experience however, that I have failed to transition accordingly.

 

The difference here may be, that you have realised this at a young age and now seeking to address the root cause, whereas I didn't. I merely looked at the physical / body aspects of it all, and while I do not doubt in the slightest it has benefited me to no end, it was NOT the panacea to all my dating and social interactions woes.

 

Hope this provides something to think about in your search to move forward from your weight issues.

Edited December 7, 2010 by Surrealist

[sumdude]

I've been somewhat overweight most of my life. But not nearly as much as my self image thought. Looking back at pics in my 20's I looked pretty good but didn't see myself that way. During my marriage I gained about 40 lbs to where I was getting into the obese range. Right after the ex left me I went hard core into weight loss and dropped 60 lbs. I almost reached my goal and was thinner at 40 that I ever was in my adult life. I did get more interest and it made things easier but it didn't change the fact that it was still more important to be confident and have good self esteem. My self image hadn't really caught up with the reality though. Taking control and making the changes helped with that. After a couple years I've slipped and am now back to about where I was when I met my ex by gaining back 20 lbs. Gonna get back to work on that.

 

My ex was a petite and very attractive woman and loved me the way I was then (albeit until things crashed and burned 7 years later). My weight gain played a part but it wasn't the root cause because relationships are complicated. I'm once again at about the same weight so it's not a huge obstacle yet it makes some difference. More about the way I feel about myself which is the key. There are plenty of men carrying some extra weight with wonderful attractive women and vice versa. Obviously once you get into extremes that changes.

 

It's really easy to go back to old habits. You're young so you have a head start in breaking the cycle. The danger lies in reaching the goal and then saying "OK I did it" and backing off a bit. The goal is changing your lifestyle permanently.

Edited December 7, 2010 by sumdude

[Yer_Blues]

Yer Blues

 

Congratulations on your weight loss, a remarkable success.

 

A bit OT, when I first read your stated age on another thread, I thought you were joking that you are only 19 years old after the advice and insight you provided me on my thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3130199&postcount=16

 

 

I've seldom met teenagers as intelligent and articulate as yourself with such insights. You've clearly done a lot of thinking over the short number of years (my nephew to my younger sister is 19 years old) you been on the planet.

 

I was the opposite growing up, was very underweight and never liked by girls. As such I developed a type of body dysmorphia and though I have built myself up and get more attention now, my thinking, my deep level self-beliefs continue to cripple me with regard to feeling confident or even just barely confident enough, to approach women with a romantic agenda. The adverse childhood experiences were not just limited to girls not liking me though, I was bullied a lot throughout my entire school years and in retrospect now can say was physically abused by my father. Lots of **** combined that totally ****ed my self esteem and yet, for a number of years, I actually was in denial about it.

 

Saying that with relevance to your situation, going by my personal experiences (and I'm 40 years old now) your ability to be confident with women will have much less to do with your body than what you may believe, and more to do with your self-beliefs and esteem. However, that is not to suggest you cannot transition from a shy fat kid to a confident much better looking young adult. It's just been my experience however, that I have failed to transition accordingly.

 

The difference here may be, that you have realised this at a young age and now seeking to address the root cause, whereas I didn't. I merely looked at the physical / body aspects of it all, and while I do not doubt in the slightest it has benefited me to no end, it was NOT the panacea to all my dating and social interactions woes.

 

Hope this provides something to think about in your search to move forward from your weight issues.

Yeah it does. I feel sometimes like focusing too much on the weight is almost like just the easy way out compared with focusing on the thought patterns I need to forcefully change. Also, I'm kind of coming to the realization that having to lose the weight first is just a justification for social phobia. I can't help but fear that I will find new justifications for not approaching or interacting with new people once the weight is gone.

 

Still, the pragmatic, cynical person in me doesn't really know if I'm fit/attractive enough just yet to actually have anybody desire an approach. And I'm not real sure I can overcome that with personality or confidence in social situations just yet.

[Surrealist]

Yeah it does. I feel sometimes like focusing too much on the weight is almost like just the easy way out compared with focusing on the thought patterns I need to forcefully change. Also, I'm kind of coming to the realization that having to lose the weight first is just a justification for social phobia. I can't help but fear that I will find new justifications for not approaching or interacting with new people once the weight is gone.

 

Still, the pragmatic, cynical person in me doesn't really know if I'm fit/attractive enough just yet to actually have anybody desire an approach. And I'm not real sure I can overcome that with personality or confidence in social situations just yet.

 

Certainly, if you feel your weight issues are the prominent reason that is arresting your confidence to approach, by all means soldier on and lose that weight! I would never want to discourage someone from doing that, as you may well grow in confidence and overcome and succeed greatly in dating simply as a result of that alone. There's countless numbers of people who have done likewise. My experience as I have outlined is much less common, and there are probably other issues that have affected me. Keep up the good work!

[Yer_Blues]

My ex was a petite and very attractive woman and loved me the way I was then (albeit until things crashed and burned 7 years later). My weight gain played a part but it wasn't the root cause because relationships are complicated. I'm once again at about the same weight so it's not a huge obstacle yet it makes some difference. More about the way I feel about myself which is the key. There are plenty of men carrying some extra weight with wonderful attractive women and vice versa. Obviously once you get into extremes that changes.

I have seen examples of people with extra weight in happy relationships with mature partners multiple times and I always took some comfort in it. I just don't know if any of that will apply to me for a number of years. The youth of the country are pretty body/sex focused, it's not really been filtered like I think it may have been in previous times when young people were developing.

 

 

It's really easy to go back to old habits. You're young so you have a head start in breaking the cycle. The danger lies in reaching the goal and then saying "OK I did it" and backing off a bit. The goal is changing your lifestyle permanently.

I've seen multiple family members back off and put it back on. I've seen the statistics about putting it back on, so I'm really taking a proactive approach with exercise routines. I know that with my personality, food is sometimes going to be more desirable than the negative consequences of it. I'm just aware of those consequences and am willing to compensate in pure exertion on the exercise side. I'm also really pushing myself as hard as I can when I exercise as opposed to just setting goals or time limits. I do pretty much an improvised form of interval training if you are familiar, but with longer intervals. Keep the heart rate at 180-190 for as sustained amount of time as possible pretty much...

 

I like to run to the runners high atleast once every workout. The entire time after the body signals me that it's had enough and it really needs to stop soon has completely transformed some of my thought processes as as whole. I get like this pleasurable feeling of control on the treadmill when I just decide not to stop and keep going, and it transfers over. I have gotten a huge confidence boost from this more than anything I've ever gotten from anybody's approval, because it is so directly self-generated. For this reason, I don't really think I will stop running when I reach the goal because I like it too much. It's something I always wanted to be able to do when I was younger. I grew up and continue to be a huge sports fan, and the weight really kept me from participating. Now I feel like running as an activity is just part of something I've worked to acquire.

 

 

Certainly, if you feel your weight issues are the prominent reason that is arresting your confidence to approach, by all means soldier on and lose that weight! I would never want to discourage someone from doing that, as you may well grow in confidence and overcome and succeed greatly in dating simply as a result of that alone. There's countless numbers of people who have done likewise. My experience as I have outlined is much less common, and there are probably other issues that have affected me. Keep up the good work!

I made a decision that no matter what, I will soldier on in the weight department. There is no good that can come of me stopping, and there is no bad that can come of me continuing. I really want to do it and don't even worry about losing motivation on that front anymore.

 

However, I've got some really horrific thought patterns about myself that have been ingrained for a long time. The source isn't the weight, the weight was the cause of the source. It's isolation and an inability to communicate with anybody in real life who is my age on what I would consider to be a significant level. Now, that bitterness may have some negative side effects and automatic behaviors/thoughts that my eventual skinny, healthy self is going to have to begrudgingly tackle. However, I'm not sure I'm really keen on waiting. There's work to be done on all fronts

Edited December 7, 2010 by Yer_Blues

[kassy]

Ok I think you should just get more confortable being around women in general to start, and then move to dating, unless you meet someone you want to date then just go for it.

 

I don't know much about you so the advice is limited to what I know. You don't want to date overweight women. I think that is pretty fair as their eating habits and lifestyles are less likely to be compatible with your current lifestyle. And you like running. Why not take the running to the next level and join a social running club? If you can make your workouts turn into a social event it will really help you with the lifestyle change.

 

I think you'd also be surprised, a lot of the people at the running club will be very supportive, and also very impressed if you turn up and stick with it. Could be a great way to make friends both guys and girls who will be supportive of your weight loss and life changes. The hardest will be going the first time, maybe talk to the coach on the phone or email before hand explain what sort of shape you are in, even tell him you are pretty nervous... it'll be fine, everyone is nervous on the first day.

 

I would also really recommend you enter into a 5km or 10km running race. Racing is brilliant, the sense of achievement and satisfaction from finishing is amazing. Also it doesn't matter at the beginning if you need to walk part or even most of it, just do it. I promise you'll be hooked! The first time you race it is just to finish... time is not important at all:) In fact the slower it is the easier it is to make your second race a personal best hehe

 

How does that sound?

Edited December 8, 2010 by kassy

[Yer_Blues]

Ok I think you should just get more confortable being around women in general to start, and then move to dating, unless you meet someone you want to date then just go for it.

 

I don't know much about you so the advice is limited to what I know. You don't want to date overweight women. I think that is pretty fair as their eating habits and lifestyles are less likely to be compatible with your current lifestyle. And you like running. Why not take the running to the next level and join a social running club? If you can make your workouts turn into a social event it will really help you with the lifestyle change.

 

I think you'd also be surprised, a lot of the people at the running club will be very supportive, and also very impressed if you turn up and stick with it. Could be a great way to make friends both guys and girls who will be supportive of your weight loss and life changes. The hardest will be going the first time, maybe talk to the coach on the phone or email before hand explain what sort of shape you are in, even tell him you are pretty nervous... it'll be fine, everyone is nervous on the first day.

 

I would also really recommend you enter into a 5km or 10km running race. Racing is brilliant, the sense of achievement and satisfaction from finishing is amazing. Also it doesn't matter at the beginning if you need to walk part or even most of it, just do it. I promise you'll be hooked! The first time you race it is just to finish... time is not important at all:) In fact the slower it is the easier it is to make your second race a personal best hehe

 

How does that sound?

I've been doing 5km worth of running every workout session, so thats an idea I hadn't even thought of to do it in a race environment.

 

How fast do most people run in these races? I'm usually not 100% steady state on the treadmill, so I don't know how fast I could do it and not have to stop, but I'm guessing like 6-6.5mph. Where would that leave me compared to the people actually doing these things regularly?

[Futuregirl]

hmm.. well..

for one, the dating scene was not like I had fantasized about. I had to read a lot about it. I suggest you do the same if you're behind on that one.

For two, it can be difficult to have a real concept of how attractive you are.

I became really attractive but had no idea so I dated guys who were less attractive and then they tried to pull me down. I didn't know what I had to bargain with.. and who was in my league. Hmm.. also in my mind I'm still big even though I'm like size 0-2. So my advice on this one is to make sure you build confidence in your appearance and in yourself. You're probably a lot hotter than you think (RIGHT NOW, even though you haven't reached your goal -yes! You don't have to look like airbrushed models to be really hot. That's not real). Take risks... I had to look at hot guys right in the eye and flirt with guys, to get a sense for who is in my league. I used to avoid the hot ones. If one hot one doesn't appear receptive don't worry, you need a lot of data. Eventually you'll get a feel for it.

 

BTW congrats.. You did it and now that means you can do all sorts of things in life

[Yer_Blues]

it can be difficult to have a real concept of how attractive you are.

I became really attractive but had no idea so I dated guys who were less attractive and then they tried to pull me down. I didn't know what I had to bargain with.. and who was in my league. Hmm.. also in my mind I'm still big even though I'm like size 0-2. So my advice on this one is to make sure you build confidence in your appearance and in yourself. You're probably a lot hotter than you think (RIGHT NOW, even though you haven't reached your goal -yes! You don't have to look like airbrushed models to be really hot. That's not real). Take risks... I had to look at hot guys right in the eye and flirt with guys, to get a sense for who is in my league. I used to avoid the hot ones. If one hot one doesn't appear receptive don't worry, you need a lot of data. Eventually you'll get a feel for it.

 

BTW congrats.. You did it and now that means you can do all sorts of things in life

You really hit it on the head here. I have no idea what league, if any, I'm in. I can't honestly comprehend myself as attractive in any facet, I've just never gotten positive feedback once about my appearance. I've no idea if I can sexually attract people at all.

 

People do say that I overestimate how "fat" I am now and don't recognize my progress for what it is, but I'm just a real perfectionist about it. I don't know if they are lying and think they are just being friendly (I grew a hatred for these people when I was real fat and they just denied the implications of it to try to make me feel better). My discomfort with myself fuels my motivation to work harder at the gym, but it makes me appreciate the results less possibly.

 

I wish I could get easy feedback on my appearance, but there is no clear way. Male friends can't tell/don't care, and I'm not close enough to any female friends to get constructive feedback. The approach would be a lot easier if I actually believed I was attractive to some people and wasn't working my way out of a hole from the beginning of a conversation/encounter.

[kassy]

If you find a social race around your area, often there are lots of races on all the time, then you should be totally fine with that time. And if it is a bigger social race there will be people who are doing it with friends and walking it or just slowly jogging. So then you'll do really well.

 

If you find a race you think would be good, then enter it, and maybe go and run the course a few weeks before the race so you know when there is a hill or when you are getting to the end of the race and can start picking up the pace.

 

It's also quite easy to talk to people after the race as you can usually start with how their race went, tell them it's your first race... ask if there are any running clubs or what other races are coming up etc etc

 

Honestly I think you'll really enjoy it and get a lot of satisfaction from it!