OceanGirl Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 GC, say would you say that there is a point in killing a person that's already dead?
Author GooseChaser Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 GC, say would you say that there is a point in killing a person that's already dead? That reminds me of a few things: in a video game when someone "over-kills" a character, which can be humorous, and the phrase, "beating a dead horse." Beating a dead horse isn't uncommon, especially on the internet. :3 I see what you're trying to say, though. The answer that you're trying to go for is "no." That's true. :]
northern_sky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) I can relate to some of what you're going through. I tend to let guys string me along if I really like them. But I'm also totally aware that it's going on, while you come off as very naive. Surely your age plays a role, but it seems to go beyond what is normal for an 18 year old. I'm trying to figure out why you seem oblivious when a guy isn't interested. I wonder if you had a father who was sometimes neglectful or had a weird style of affection, and this has caused you to perceive this behavior as normal love and to be OK with accepting crumbs. Edited January 8, 2011 by northern_sky
Jannah Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I haven't read the entire thread, but it typically isn't a good sign when/if a guy doesn't make an effort to see a woman for several weeks after they've slept together.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I haven't read the entire thread, but it typically isn't a good sign when/if a guy doesn't make an effort to see a woman for several weeks after they've slept together. Hehe. Yes! People are telling me that I should just ignore him and not make contact anymore and let things die, but in that case, what harm would it do to send a message saying that it was over? Is it just pointless to spend the energy to do that?
northern_sky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Is it just pointless to spend the energy to do that? Yes..............
Jannah Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Hehe. Yes! People are telling me that I should just ignore him and not make contact anymore and let things die, but in that case, what harm would it do to send a message saying that it was over? Is it just pointless to spend the energy to do that? I like to give a person the benefit of a doubt first and foremost, in which case I would mention to him that his lack of initiative in wanting to see you again and following through with it has caused you uncertainty. I don't know how long you two dated but it's best to at least have some understanding, for yourself and for him, versus walking away blindly.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I like to give a person the benefit of a doubt first and foremost, in which case I would mention to him that his lack of initiative in wanting to see you again and following through with it has caused you uncertainty. I don't know how long you two dated but it's best to at least have some understanding, for yourself and for him, versus walking away blindly. I do too. That sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll try that.
Lovegood Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I don't really think you need to send him a message telling him that "it" is over. He's been sending you the message loud and clear through his actions. I promise you - if you move on he probably won't even notice, let alone be angry with you for not informing him first. I don't consider this a relationship, I don't even consider this exclusivity. If you're dating exclusively, you need the dating part. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don't let this guy hold you back anymore.
Star Gazer Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I like to give a person the benefit of a doubt first and foremost, in which case I would mention to him that his lack of initiative in wanting to see you again and following through with it has caused you uncertainty. I don't know how long you two dated but it's best to at least have some understanding, for yourself and for him, versus walking away blindly. Why are you encouraging her to hold on?? Please, Jannah. Please. Read the entire thread before commenting. You do this so often. Please, just read the thread.
Jannah Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Why are you encouraging her to hold on?? Please, Jannah. Please. Read the entire thread before commenting. You do this so often. Please, just read the thread. I am not encouraging her to hold on, I am encouring her to be assertive versus disappearing and not communicating her needs, which may not be important for this relationship, but for future relationships...
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I am not encouraging her to hold on, I am encouring her to be assertive versus disappearing and not communicating her needs, which may not be important for this relationship, but for future relationships... Well, last time she posted about this guy, an even greater time had lapsed since their last date ... if I recall correctly, he absolutely did not initiate any contact with her whatsoever. So, she pretty much did what you are advising her to do now. When, at last he responded to one of her communications, it resulted in him inviting her over immediately. They had sex ... and now she has been calling, texting, etc. for the past 4 weeks with no results. GooseChaser, nobody is picking on your use of language. What is getting really concerning is your apparent inability to gauge what is happening between you and this person even though every single sign is grossly obvious, and you even see all the signs and share them here. What is up with that? It almost seems as if you are baiting the other members of LS. And, by the way, "hehehe" and ":p" are not really appropriate responses to people who are trying to reach out to you and have an ADULT discussion.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 People are telling me that I should just ignore him Yeah! I'm busy ignoring Johnny Depp right now. But do you think I should send him a message saying it's over? Oh. Wait. Johnny Depp is not aware of my existence. But still, shouldn't I let him know? It's his loss, after all.
LexiB Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I don't really think you need to send him a message telling him that "it" is over. He's been sending you the message loud and clear through his actions. I promise you - if you move on he probably won't even notice, let alone be angry with you for not informing him first. I don't consider this a relationship, I don't even consider this exclusivity. If you're dating exclusively, you need the dating part. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don't let this guy hold you back anymore. Yup. Goose, you mentioned in an earlier post that you think he's ''taking you for granted''. To take a person for granted, you have to have some desire that he or she will be there when you want them to be. He, just doesn't give a s--t. When was the last time he ever contacted you without any solicitation whatsoever? Even men who just want a girl as a booty call will voluntarily shoot her text once in a while to touch base. That is what keeping someone on the hook looks like - it's a minimal, pathetic level of contact but it's active and unprompted. At this point, he's not taking you for granted, keeping you on the hook, stringing you along, leading you on or giving you crumbs. He's done with you. The fact that he responds to every third or fourth attempt at communication you make with him is just his way of trying not to be a *complete* d-ck about it.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Ahahahaha! Hey guys! Hey guys! Guess what? He's just RSVPed on Facebook to an apartment-warming party later this month, which is being thrown by one of his female friends. This particular female friend is the same one that organized a group movie night. Of course, I have a good hunch I won't be invited. Haha, they must be the best of friends.... He can make plans way ahead of time with her and the others, but apparently he's incapable of doing the same for me! Not to mention ignoring calls! Ahahahahaha And of course, there's no rush at all to introduce me to them, of course not; I'm just a stuffed animal to be picked up, played with, and put away again at his convenience, eh? Ahaha. Ha. :mad: Grrr.... I really must be nothing to him. Keep the gloating down, please. I know, no surprises here.... Edited January 9, 2011 by GooseChaser
Cracker Jack Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Ahahahaha! Hey guys! Hey guys! Guess what? He's just RSVPed on Facebook to an apartment-warming party later this month, which is being thrown by one of his female friends. This particular female friend is the same one that organized a group movie night. Of course, I have a good hunch I won't be invited. Haha, they must be the best of friends.... He can make plans way ahead of time with her and the others, but apparently he's incapable of doing the same for me! Not to mention ignoring calls! Ahahahahaha And of course, there's no rush at all to introduce me to them, of course not; I'm just a stuffed animal to be picked up, played with, and put away again at his convenience, eh? Ahaha. Ha. :mad: Grrr.... I really must be nothing to him. Keep the gloating down, please. I know, no surprises here.... Hoping this is the final straw....
Author GooseChaser Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) @ LisaLee: Right! @ Cracker Jack: Yes, I think it is. Thanks for the support, everyone! Edited January 9, 2011 by GooseChaser
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Goose, nobody will be gloating. This facebook RSVP is really nothing. For YOUR sake, I hope you can walk away now. Just move on from something that seemed to have promise and then fizzled away.
Lovegood Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Keep the gloating down, please. I know, no surprises here.... Nobody is going to gloat. I think we all just want you to do what is best for you.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Goose, nobody will be gloating. This facebook RSVP is really nothing. For YOUR sake, I hope you can walk away now. Just move on from something that seemed to have promise and then fizzled away. I know it's not really that big a deal. It's just a party with his friends. I don't have a problem with guys having friends and doing things with them. The main thing is that it helps to show how low on his list of priorities I am. I'm working on it. It isn't easy to do, you know. Don't worry, I'll get there.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Nobody is going to gloat. I think we all just want you to do what is best for you. I know you guys are just trying to help, as well as what you said, and I appreciate that.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 What sucks is that he has not taken the initiative to invite you to this party to meet said friends. Maybe it's just me, but meeting each others' friends and family is an important step in a relationship. Forward on, Goosey... Exactly! I appreciate your understanding too!
Author GooseChaser Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) For this update, I'll give a summary of the events of the last few weeks. I sent a message asking how he had been doing. He apologized for being out of touch, gave the usual busy excuse, and told me that he would give me a call the next day and maybe organize a get-together where we would talk. I said okay. He never called. That night, he apologized for not calling, saying that an old friend was in town that he hadn't seen for a good amount of time. The next morning I said okay, and told him that I was busy all day, but I would be free the next day to meet up. He said it sounded good. He never set a time. The next day I sent him a message in the afternoon inquiring about the meeting time. I had to resend it six hours later because he didn't answer the first time. He responded to let me know that he was blowing me off. He apologized and said that he had "forgotten" that he had made plans with friends. He didn't invite me to come along, and he didn't set a new date. A week later, I texted asking if he still wanted to talk. He didn't respond. The next day-- yesterday-- I finally ended it, sending a final message for closure. What a nightmare. I let all of my disappointment and anger out of my system yesterday. I'm proud of myself for restraining myself and not getting nasty with him. I stayed classy and didn't sink to his level. I'm also proud that I grew a backbone and finally stood up for myself; I got to show that I have self-respect, that I value myself, and that I won't put up with being treated badly anymore. I'm doing well now, and feeling better already. Now that I don't have to worry about him anymore, I have more time for myself, and I'm taking full advantage of that. I've learned a lot from the experience, and I know that it will help me in the future. Thank you for the help and support, everyone! It's over! Edited January 25, 2011 by GooseChaser
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 While I'm sorry you had to go through all of this for the past few months to get here, I'm so glad you finally reached your final destination. You gotta remember not to keep a wishbone where your backbone ought to be. Onwards and upwards!!
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