LexiB Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Started smdh when I read post number 3 and haven't stopped smdh since. The only difference is that my jaw is now on the floor from reading that you actually let this guy penetrate you after he blatantly ignored you for the past few weeks. You do realize that him telling you he did well on an exam and then whispering ''oh baby,baby'' in your ear as you did the deed, do not count as quality communications, right? I truly have no words...
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Started smdh when I read post number 3 and haven't stopped smdh since. The only difference is that my jaw is now on the floor from reading that you actually let this guy penetrate you after he blatantly ignored you for the past few weeks. You do realize that him telling you he did well on an exam and then whispering ''oh baby,baby'' in your ear as you did the deed, do not count as quality communications, right? I truly have no words... Yeah, I did pay attention to the quality of communication yesterday, and it was mostly small talk. Another good observation.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I thought it was looked down on to withhold sex as punishment?
tigressA Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 So I hear. Really, though, I will work on it and seek out better treatment, and he'll either be willing to offer it or not. Dating isn't always pretty, especially when things are unstable like this. It can be very hard. Hopefully the worst is behind me, but if nothing changes and he takes me for granted, I'll end it. (Yes, "it". Sue me, wording-criticizers. ) I don't like disrespect any more than you guys do. I'm trying to be patient and give him a chance. If it isn't meant to be, that's okay. You really shouldn't bother seeking better treatment from this guy. You're not going to get it. He has absolutely no incentive to treat you better, since he doesn't care enough about you in the first place to be concerned about losing you. Apply what you've learned here to the next relationship you're in. Don't waste any more time on this guy!!! And yes, dating can be hard. It can be hard to find a person who you click well with and who also treats you well. But once you find that, it's easy. It shouldn't be this hard when you're with someone! When it's this hard, it means that the person you're with isn't right for you and instead of wasting any more time on them, you should end it and find someone who IS right!
Surrealist Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Just to offer up a perspective from a guy, well, I agree with all the female posters here, This guy has no interest in you other than an occasional easy fling. What you do with that is your choice.
SmileFace Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I thought it was looked down on to withhold sex as punishment? Yes but you shouldn't give it out like a free coupon .
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 Yes but you shouldn't give it out like a free coupon . Ah, so he's supposed to earn it, then! Good point. Got it.
tigressA Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Just to offer up a perspective from a guy, well, I agree with all the female posters here, This guy has no interest in you other than an occasional easy fling. Yep, and it's easy to find an occasional easy fling if you're skilled enough, and it appears that this guy is. GC, you are just one out of a million to this guy. You are not in any way special to him. You're just a hole to stick his d*ck in every so often, and he'll say or do just enough to get to keep doing it when he wants. And just enough, for you, equals: --Ignoring you for weeks, even after your trying multiple times, through multiple avenues, to get ahold of him --Only talking to you a couple of times after you cornered him, and not even really asking about you--just talking about how he did well on an exam --Making last-minute plans for a meet-up If you want to keep up with something like that, that's your choice. But if you really want better treatment, you will quit with this guy altogether and find someone else.
SmileFace Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Ah, so he's supposed to earn it, then! Good point. Got it. No he doesn't have to earn it. No one should need to earn sex. It should be a mutual thing.I mean if you enjoyed having sex with him , just for the fact of having sex . Woohoo. That is A-ok. But you seem to be looking for a relationship and I am pretty sure he isn't.
tigressA Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Are you trolling??? >_< Please don't tell me you are. Surely you cannot be that silly on the subject matter. I think she just may be. But whether or not she is, I officially give up on this thread. >_<
LexiB Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I thought it was looked down on to withhold sex as punishment? Whatever your views on using sex as a punishment, it certainly shouldn't be granted as a reward [yes, it is a privilege], to someone who's treated you so poorly. It'd be one thing if both of you were just looking for a good time but that's clearly not the case. The fact that he'd sleep with you knowing that 1. you're hoping for serious relationship with him, and 2. his feelings for you are lukewarm at best is pretty shady, to say the least.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 No he doesn't have to earn it. No one should need to earn sex. It should be a mutual thing.I mean if you enjoyed having sex with him , just for the fact of having sex . Woohoo. That is A-ok. But you seem to be looking for a relationship and I am pretty sure he isn't. Yes, I did enjoy it. Ooh, I just looked at his "looking for" on OkCupid. Your post made me want to check. His "looking for" lists "new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners". Wow. I should have looked at that closer. I guess I interpreted long-term dating to mean he's looking for a relationship. Maybe that isn't the case. I should ask him about that....
LexiB Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 Are you trolling??? >_< Please don't tell me you are. Surely you cannot be that silly on the subject matter. I'd actually prefer it if she was...
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I'd actually prefer it if she was... Let's just say I was trolling. I take back the thing about making him earn it.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 If he isn't looking for a relationship, I have to decide if that is a dealbreaker for me. I enjoy spending time with him, but my first reaction is that it would be. This would be a good reason to end it, if we aren't looking for the same things.
renogirl4 Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 If he isn't looking for a relationship, I have to decide if that is a dealbreaker for me. I enjoy spending time with him, but my first reaction is that it would be. This would be a good reason to end it, if we aren't looking for the same things. The only thing I want to say is Please close this thread! Because now its seems like you just want attention.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I think she just may be. But whether or not she is, I officially give up on this thread. >_< Thanks for your help, Tigress. I thought you made good posts.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 The only thing I want to say is Please close this thread! Because now its seems like you just want attention. Sure, I could do that. Is there a moderator I would talk to, or do I just let it die? Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your support and concern! I'll do what I have to do.
elaina Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 You really shouldn't bother seeking better treatment from this guy. You're not going to get it. He has absolutely no incentive to treat you better, since he doesn't care enough about you in the first place to be concerned about losing you. Apply what you've learned here to the next relationship you're in. Don't waste any more time on this guy!!! And yes, dating can be hard. It can be hard to find a person who you click well with and who also treats you well. But once you find that, it's easy. It shouldn't be this hard when you're with someone! When it's this hard, it means that the person you're with isn't right for you and instead of wasting any more time on them, you should end it and find someone who IS right! Totally true. GC, I know it's hard, but let him go. Please. There are good guys who will not treat you like ****. It makes me so mad how he's treating you, and how you let him!!! Let him go. Just to offer up a perspective from a guy, well, I agree with all the female posters here, This guy has no interest in you other than an occasional easy fling. What you do with that is your choice. At least listen to Surrealist here... he's a guy, since you don't listen to us.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) Ah... it's been a while. Hello again! I'd like to start by saying that I feel that I have a clearer view on the situation now. All of your advice has been very helpful in doing that, so I appreciate that. Some of it might be hard to hear, but it's still important to face it. Now, for the update. I haven't seen him for almost three weeks now. What a shock. () I was gone for about a week, including Christmas. I sent him a "Merry Christmas" text, but he didn't respond. One rationalization I have for that is that I didn't personalize it specifically to him, so he may have felt that it was sent to everyone and he didn't have to reply. (On New Year's Day, I sent a "Happy New Years, [Name]," and he reciprocated. More on NYE later.) I got a response from him the day after Christmas after sending a message saying my vacation was going well and asking how his went. That was encouraging. Other than that, it indeed feels like he's throwing me the minimal amount of crumbs I need to stay interested, as you guys say. On one occasion, I called him twice, he didn't pick up the phone on either one, and I left a voice message on each call asking him to please call me back. He never did. Later I sent a text message in the aims of sending a more happy and approachable tone, rather than resentful or whatever, as inspired by a book which suggested that men respond better to that. It might have actually done some good, because he responded, apologizing for not answering, though he gave his usual "busy" excuse and said he hasn't been ignoring me... really. I didn't see him on New Year's Eve. I didn't bother asking him out for it, because I figured that if he really wanted to see me, he would have asked. It was disappointing that he didn't want to see me, considering that I was gone for Christmas, but I had no problem enjoying my holidays without him anyway. That New Year's Day, I got impatient and sent a message asking if he would like to go out that week, while we were still on break from school. No answer. I sent a copy of the message to him a few days later, so I would know for sure that he had seen it. No change. That night, I sent one more message. I said that it was okay if he was busy, but I'd like to introduce him to my brother in the next two weeks before he flies away for college. In response to that an hour later, he apologized for being a jerk, saying that he had been oh-so-busy doing stuff for family. He also said that Tuesday and Wednesday would be busy all day for him, but after that he wasn't sure what his week would look like. In other words, he's been stalling for quite a while now. What's really fascinating is that he seems to have NO free time at all to see me during the winter break. I only saw him once, right at the beginning of it. It's especially interesting considering how "busy" he always is during the school year-- you'd think that he would have some free time during the vacation. Apparently not... heh. I'm very unimpressed. How very convenient for him that now his school and work excuses will be returning shortly. Adding to that, if he really wanted to see me, it wouldn't matter if he didn't know what his schedule would be like for a week or if he was "busy"; he would be able to make time anyway. He isn't doing that. I tried to call him twice last night. I didn't leave messages this time. On the second attempt, I believe he actually sent me to voice mail. It felt like he had stabbed me. This time, I got upset over it. Rather than taking it out on him, as I had the urge to, I went out for smoothies with my mom. Unsurprisingly, I still haven't heard back from him. At this point, I don't really want to. I just want to do my own thing and forget about him. Overall, I'm getting really sick of his terrible behavior. Even three weeks is a long time to wait, and I have no idea when I'll hear from him again. He responds to calls and messages sporadically, sometimes never answering a request for contact. He's totally taking me for granted, and probably feels that I will always be waiting around for him. Yes, I am patient, but he's really pushing his luck. I guess I have to decide what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not. As for my future plans regarding this, I will not try to contact him again; it's in his court now. I will fight the urge and focus on myself. Why think about him all the time when he's clearly not thinking about me? I will live my life, keep busy, and focus on my own happiness. It will also help that school is starting soon. That will really help distract me, and I enjoy learning anyway. :] I would like to have a good talk with him about our issues in-person and try to work it out-- which would be for his benefit-- before I give up on him, but he's making it difficult by not being available. I guess I just have to leave him alone for now. On the bright side, I've learned a few things from this. I've learned that it is important to establish good communication early on in dating. That includes good conversations, getting to know each other well, and using communication media such as phones and texts. I think in this case, we may have focused too much on infatuation and physical attraction, and too little on that clear, honest communication. I've learned that men and women react to stress differently-- men often withdraw into their "caves," and women like to talk it out with others. Sometimes people do need space. Also, if a man is interested, he will call, so there's no reason to worry excessively about it. I also shouldn't be the one to contact all the time, but I should instead let them show interest by doing the calling themselves. When you let him call, you let him miss you and feel a desire to call or see you. If he doesn't call, you don't have to take it personally; he's just not that into you. Time for me to take the hint! Edited January 7, 2011 by GooseChaser
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 There has not been a more clear cut situation than this. This guy is not interested unfortunately. Stop contacting him and move on.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Why doesn't he just end it if he isn't interested? Is it that he doesn't have the heart to, and he's dragging it on to delay it? Do men do this often when they want things to end?
Cracker Jack Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 He probably hasn't ended it because he simply doesn't care enough about the situation to even bother with it. And it's something both genders do in general. They likely just think the person will get the point and move on. That's what it sounds like here.
Author GooseChaser Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 He probably hasn't ended it because he simply doesn't care enough about the situation to even bother with it. Haha, good point! I'll keep that in mind.
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Why doesn't he just end it if he isn't interested? Is it that he doesn't have the heart to, and he's dragging it on to delay it? Do men do this often when they want things to end? This is his way of ending it. He is not making an effort to see you or talk to you or contact you. It's over. This is his version of it's over. Unfortunately this is how many people do things some times. You have to accept it and move on. He doesn't care about you. I hate to be tough be it seems you need bluntness.
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