Author GooseChaser Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 I agree with Star, it is not that he doesn't have the time for you, it is that he is not making the time for you. I would be more understanding if he was actually in medical school doing his internship, but come on. Biology??!!? Last semester my boyfriend took Thermodynamic physics in conjunction with Quantum Physics II and worked in a lab for one of his professors. Yet you better believe every single night he was skyping with me for hours on end. You deserve better than that, GC. I agree completely, especially with the bolded section.
Star Gazer Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I agree completely, especially with the bolded section. Why do you smile in this situation? It's kinda weird that you're so happy when you're being treated so poorly.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 Why do you smile in this situation? It's kinda weird that you're so happy when you're being treated so poorly. The smiley relates to my acknowledgment of a good point. Anyway, I'm a complete and happy person, even without a guy. It's part of being healthy.
tigressA Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 This guy doesn't want to make you a priority at all, GC. Why would you even want to talk to him to salvage whatever you two had going? Clearly it wasn't worth much to him since he isn't making time for you on his own and he hasn't for the last month or more. Part of being emotionally healthy is realizing when someone isn't interested in you and moving on instead of pushing them into giving you crumbs, which is what you've been doing.
FearandLoathing Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Anyway, I'm a complete and happy person, even without a guy. It's part of being healthy. Sorry, but there is NOTHING healthy about analyzing this the way you are and letting someone treat you like this. Come on, you're a smart girl so get your freaking head out of the clouds and see this for what it is. He's NOT interested - you slept with him, he got what he wanted, now it's over. This entire thread is like a joke, you post and then just come in here and be all nice and agree with everyone but you're quite obviously not doing anything about the situation. Quite obviously since you've posted threads exactly like this before -_- I would suggest moving on but I think before you do that you need to take a good, hard look at yourself and figure out why you allow yourself to be treated like this. It makes you look dumb and you know you're not, so why let other people think it.
Star Gazer Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Anyway, I'm a complete and happy person, even without a guy. It's part of being healthy. I disagree. The thought process you've demonstrated in this thread is not healthy.
northern_sky Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 GC, your approach to this dating experience reminds me of my own romantic troubles. Although I'm more experienced, with a few serious relationships under my belt, and a lot less naive than you are, I still put up with dumb %%$$ too often when I really like a guy. I hope you have the strength to ignore this guy if he contacts you again. His communication style is inexcusable, even if he is insanely busy. And don't think it will change, cause it won't. I worry you will be tempted to give him another change. In fact, I'm pretty sure you will. How old are you btw? You seem very young. I think that's part of the problem.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 GC, your approach to this dating experience reminds me of my own romantic troubles. Although I'm more experienced, with a few serious relationships under my belt, and a lot less naive than you are, I still put up with dumb %%$$ too often when I really like a guy. I hope you have the strength to ignore this guy if he contacts you again. His communication style is inexcusable, even if he is insanely busy. And don't think it will change, cause it won't. I worry you will be tempted to give him another change. In fact, I'm pretty sure you will. How old are you btw? You seem very young. I think that's part of the problem. Thank you for responding tactfully and not commenting on my healthiness or lack thereof. I appreciate that. (To be fair, I set myself up for that. I made it too easy.) Before this whole situation, there was no problem with communication. This just came out of nowhere. I'd like to think that it wouldn't happen again, but that's probably wishful thinking. I should have known when I got involved with him that he was a busy person, but that's in the past now, so if I have a problem with it, the solution is clear. I eliminate the problem (communication), or I leave. In the case that I gave it another chance, had the talk, and it happened again, I would be able to leave then too. I'm completely aware of what's happening and of the fact that it's bad. I'm 21 and inexperienced. These are valuable life experiences and lessons, and I embrace that.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Sorry, but there is NOTHING healthy about analyzing this the way you are and letting someone treat you like this. Come on, you're a smart girl so get your freaking head out of the clouds and see this for what it is. He's NOT interested - you slept with him, he got what he wanted, now it's over. This entire thread is like a joke, you post and then just come in here and be all nice and agree with everyone but you're quite obviously not doing anything about the situation. Quite obviously since you've posted threads exactly like this before -_- I would suggest moving on but I think before you do that you need to take a good, hard look at yourself and figure out why you allow yourself to be treated like this. It makes you look dumb and you know you're not, so why let other people think it. Trust me, I'm not always happy with my head in the clouds, and sometimes I do see messages that anger me. This is a risk I have to take when I ask for people's opinions, because of course sometimes I won't like what they say. I still am willing to consider them though, because they are valuable insights too. When things anger me, I don't let it get to me, though, and always treat others the way I would like to be treated. I'm just diplomatic that way. You don't want to see me get hostile, I'm sure, so let's not worry about that anymore, and I'll continue being nice.
Star Gazer Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Before this whole situation, there was no problem with communication. This just came out of nowhere. I'd like to think that it wouldn't happen again, but that's probably wishful thinking. I should have known when I got involved with him that he was a busy person, but that's in the past now, so if I have a problem with it, the solution is clear. I eliminate the problem (communication), or I leave. What you're not understanding here is that it's not that he's busy that's the problem. We are ALL busy, yet we make time for those important to us. Even the President of the United States makes time for his wife. The problem here isn't that he's busy, it's that he's simply no longer interested. There's also no relationship here for you to "leave." He's already long gone.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 What you're not understanding here is that it's not that he's busy that's the problem. We are ALL busy, yet we make time for those important to us. Even the President of the United States makes time for his wife. The problem here isn't that he's busy, it's that he's simply no longer interested. There's also no relationship here for you to "leave." He's already long gone. The President of the United States is married to his wife. It's a very different situation. I'm not even in a relationship.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Goose Chaser, have you considered that you may have sex too quickly and easily? That seems to have been a problem for you in the past... Yes. Actually, I used to have a rule that I would only have sex while in a relationship, but I guess I've slacked off on that these days. Maybe I should re-institute it.
Author GooseChaser Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I'm not going to die if I don't make a decision this moment to move on, so I'm going to take a few days to think about it. I'm also going to talk about it with a counselor tonight. I think that will be very helpful too. I appreciate everyone's input! Thank you!
Author GooseChaser Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) Update. I texted him a few days ago, saying that I was getting ready for my last final and the arrival of my brother from his university across the country. I also said that I would be free starting on Friday. He replied with "Nice". Well, that's something. I was hoping to avoid calling him, and my brother coming home helped, but I got impatient and called today. I left him a voice message, and he called back a minute later. We talked for about five minutes. He sounded happy to hear from me, and we talked about school and life. He said that he thinks he got high grades in Calculus and Biology, and is hoping that he scored high enough in his Chemistry final to raise his grade by a letter. He also told me about his plans for the day: a visit to his grandma, and Christmas tree-decorating. I in turn told him about how things have been going for me, staying positive for the moment. (I'd rather have the serious talk about feelings in person.) Then there was a pause for a few moments, and then he said he'd better get going. I said that it was good talking to him, and he said it was good talking to me too. No plans for the future yet, unfortunately, so I guess I just have to wait for him to call. He knows I'm available, and I've reached out more than enough, so the ball's in his court now. It's something positive that he is responding, at least. I'm leaving on a trip to see my grandma and relatives for Christmas in a few days, so if I don't hear from him by then, he just won't get a chance to see me until I'm back. After that, we'll see what happens. I have been talking about all of this with my family, a good friend, and a counselor. My mom and counselor are optimistic, though the counselor is a bit less so from caution. My friend thinks I should give up on him. I didn't give her the full story, though, so I'm not sure if that would change her opinion. Probably not, haha, but you never know. She's home from college, so maybe I'll see her soon. Whatever happens, happens. I'll be okay. Approaching week 6. Not good. Edited December 19, 2010 by GooseChaser
Els Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 GC... You sound like the kind of girl many guys who are fed up of drama would kill to have. Understanding, non-demanding, low-maintenance... except you overdo it! And with the wrong people!! What is so special about this guy that you allow yourself to be treated so frivolously?
Author GooseChaser Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) GC... You sound like the kind of girl many guys who are fed up of drama would kill to have. Understanding, non-demanding, low-maintenance... except you overdo it! And with the wrong people!! What is so special about this guy that you allow yourself to be treated so frivolously? I suppose a big part of it is my inexperience and fear of losing him. I already am not totally sure how much I should ask for from a guy, so I go to the extreme and ask for too little. What can I expect at this stage? A bit more effort on his part? Regular phone calls on his end? Would it be a bad idea for me to ask him if anything's wrong, considering it's been 5 and a half weeks since we've seen each other? It's just ridiculous. Edited December 19, 2010 by GooseChaser
Yer_Blues Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 GC... You sound like the kind of girl many guys who are fed up of drama would kill to have. Understanding, non-demanding, low-maintenance... except you overdo it! And with the wrong people!! What is so special about this guy that you allow yourself to be treated so frivolously? Honestly, I agree with this read 100%. GC, your posts are hard to read for the desperate, inexperienced male... there is a ton of people out there looking for self-aware, down to earth intelligent females.
renogirl4 Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) Gc, I've read this entire thread and the situation sounds pitiful.. I'm sorry... Ill go back and respond about a comment about facebook.. you stated that he's not that active just because he hasn't updated his status etc since Dec 4? I am on Facebook everyday and haven't posted an update in a few weeks. And when I comment on photos, or play games, I delete it off my profile. I hate people knowing who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about. The fact that he's not responding to text messages but have the time to go on facebook is beyond me.. Secondly , why are you giving this guy so much power over you. You haven't had a real convo over the phone in weeks, and when you do have a convo its for a few mins. The fact that you told him that you are free Friday and his response is 'nice' .. doesn't sound like someone who is interested. It seems like you are holding on to any little thing.. for gods sake you were satisfied that he even responded back , even though it was a one worded response. Seems like he is returning calls just to be cordial. Lastly, how do you have a fear of losing him, when you don't see him or talk to him? Isn't it just the same as being alone? Please stop giving this guy all the power and talk to this guy. Stop saying that you will wait a few days and see if he calls, and after that if he doesn't wait another week after you come home from vaca blah blah blah.. point is.. you are giving him all the power over you.. grow some balls girl! And let this guy go, because he has let you go! So to answer your question to the thread if there's hope? No! Edited December 19, 2010 by renogirl4
Author GooseChaser Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) I sent him a message today. It basically says that it's been a long time since we've seen each other and asks if anything is wrong. I also said that I miss him. I sent the message almost four hours ago, at 10 AM PST, and he has not responded. If nothing was wrong, he would have responded immediately to that message. That confirms it. Something is very, very wrong. I'm going to wait and see if he calls before I get back home from my vacation. If I don't hear from him, he can consider the exclusivity done. (I might even decide to do so if he does call.) He doesn't deserve it right now, because I am clearly not a high priority to him. That also means I shouldn't make him my number one priority either. I'm going to start dating other people. I'm waiting until after Christmas because it's silly to start dating right before a big trip, and even sillier to do that on the trip, being a state away. Edited December 19, 2010 by GooseChaser
Star Gazer Posted December 19, 2010 Posted December 19, 2010 I sent him a message today. It basically says that it's been a long time since we've seen each other and asks if anything is wrong. I also said that I miss him. I sent the message almost four hours ago, at 10 AM PST, and he has not responded. If nothing was wrong, he would have responded immediately to that message. I'm not sure what you mean by "nothing wrong," but if by "nothing wrong" you mean that he would have responded IF he's still interested, you're right. I'm going to wait and see if he calls before I get back home from my vacation. If I don't hear from him, he can consider the exclusivity done. He doesn't deserve it right now, because I am clearly not a high priority to him. That also means I shouldn't make him my number one priority either. I'm going to start dating other people. I'm waiting until after Christmas because it's silly to start dating right before a big trip, and even sillier to do that on the trip, being a state away. Why continue to wait? Why not end it NOW? Just because you end exclusivity now doesn't mean you have to start dating right away. You're prolonging the inevitable...
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 He answered! He apologized and said he is free to meet up tonight, so we can meet up then. About time! We've got a few things to talk about, I think.... This is going to be interesting.
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 He answered! He apologized and said he is free to meet up tonight, so we can meet up then. About time! We've got a few things to talk about, I think.... This is going to be interesting. You're accepting a last minute meet up??
Author GooseChaser Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 You're accepting a last minute meet up?? It's not optimal, yes, but there are a few reasons I would do that. For one, I haven't seen him in five weeks. Second, if you think about it, in my text message to him I was sorta fishing for a date. By asking me out for tonight, he is only trying to give me what I hinted for, which is to see him ASAP. Our other dates have been planned in advance, so I can make an exception for tonight. It helps that I don't have school to worry about too.
tigressA Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 In my opinion you shouldn't even bother meeting up with this guy due to his near-total neglect of you. He already knows he has you under his thumb--you tolerated his lack of contact, and are accepting last-minute plans. He's throwing you mere crumbs and you're snapping them up like a little lapdog. Because of what you've tolerated from him so far, he knows that he doesn't have to change anything to keep you around, so you telling him what you want/need out of him will likely lead to him dumping you. Or he'll just say, "Okay, sure babe" and continue to ignore you like he has been for the last 5 weeks.
Undine Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 This was actually quite painful to read. GooseChaser, you say you don't know what to expect from a relationship. Let me tell you, this is not it. Why are you turning a deaf ear to all the advice in this thread?
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