c2sellit Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 My g/f recently told me she needed a break from me...She said it would only be a month or 2 but I was really upset...She says she loves me and wants to be married to me but is confused at the moment we have been dating for 4 years she says she feels smothered at the moment and just wants things to be like they were in high school (we are 19)....I told her the whole 9 times out of 10 breaks usually end in breakups and she was like not this one we will defy those odds I was really hurt and I was like Im going to lose you she was like no your not getting rid of me that easy...I will be back!.....She says im pretty controlling at times and just wants time to do "girl things" like go to the movies and shopping with her friends....Should I be worried? Is the relationship over? She seems to be sincere about it...I basically told her that I will set her free and if our love is true we will be back together in no time!....She said the break wouldnt last long 2 months at the max but she also said I would rather tell you it be 2 months and be shorter then tell you a few weeks and it be alot longer....Shows promise im just confused...Anyone want to help me out?
Fofinha Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 I believe that at 19 it is normal to want to spend time with friends rather than in a serious long term relationship. If she is requesting the time apart, you really have no other choice but to let her go for now. Like you said, if she really loves you, she will be back.
Author c2sellit Posted March 12, 2004 Author Posted March 12, 2004 thank you fofinha...Everyone around me is telling me it is basically over and that she is seeing someone else and it has gotten under my skin...But deep down I trust her and I know she will be back....We have a weird relationship and if she didnt want to be w/ me she would be blunt about it and flat out tell me...She has a mean streak to her lol....I think everything will be ok...She is young and needs to find herself.....We are not severing off all ties either we will talk on the phone occasionally so that shows she doesnt want to blow it off....At least she says she sees me in her future she just needs to figure out what she wants now......You know? The main thing is that I dont want to let her go but if I dont it WILL ruin us.....
emptydude Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 Sorry man, But to tell you the honest truth, it's over. My gf, whom I had been dating for 8 years, told me the same thing about a month ago. And she just broke up with me last week. She's lost interest in you plain and simple. I know that's hard to hear, but it's the truth. And it's nothing against you, she's just young and wants to explore things. Most likely, she's also fallen out of love with you at this point, and she just doesn't know how to tell you she doesn't want to be with you without feeling guilty. Do yourself a favor and end it now. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for even more heartache. I'm 26 now, and my ex is 23, so we had been dating since we were both 19 and 16 respectively. If she's telling you this now, she probably starting feeling different about you about 2-3 months ago. Believe me, it's a world of torture and torment, and there's nothing you can do but try and move on with your life. In fact, when I saw my ex this week in person to confirm it, she told me that she had been feeling like this for 5 months or so. And then when I eventually told her we could be friends, she got really happy, and had the audacity to say, "Can I hook you up with one of my friends. Can I come to your wedding in the future and be your bride's maid?" So believe me man, in her mind, it's already over, just leave now so that you won't have to face the "indifferent, cold shoulder" response from her. Good luck.
Author c2sellit Posted March 12, 2004 Author Posted March 12, 2004 See the reason I still think their is hope....My g/f said she needed a break and gave me a time period didnt say I will call you when im ready she said 2 months and I was like thats a long time...But she said I would rather tell you 2 months and it be shorter than tell you a couple of weeks and be longer..Valid point...Plus we had some heated arguments in which she could have ended right their and then...She even said it she was like if I didnt want to date you anymore I would tell you to **** off...We had plenty of this since this whole thing and she still w/ me....She claims we will "defy the odds" by getting back together....She is a pretty blunt straight forward person I think she wouldnt play games w/ me....Everyone I talk to seems to have pretty different opinions though....I think their might be hope by the facts stated above....Plus the fact she told me a time frame is promising as well instead of "I dont know how long it will take"
emptydude Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 c2sellit, I really hope this is true for you, i really really do. But I think you're in denial. She most likely has already eyed someone and has given you a timeframe because she wants to see how for that relationship might go. Believe me, the whole over the top statement of, "we'll defy the odds", is just a way of stringing you along, and not feel so guilty about what she's going to do to you. My ex told me, "I know you ARE the one for me in my life! I know that we're going to get through this and that I AM going to marry you!" But it's all a self-deluding crock. It's also cruel in a way because they're not being completely truthful to you. From here on out she's going to look for an excuse, any small excuse, as the trigger to finally go through and break up with you. My ex even told me a week after she "wanted time", when things were supposedly "back to normal", that she thought she was being stupid and apologized. Guess what? She still broke up with me. But you know I hope your situation is different, it's just that there are way too many signals coming from her to ignore.
Author c2sellit Posted March 12, 2004 Author Posted March 12, 2004 I want to trust her and believe all of this but the only thing I can really do is wait and see who knows maybe we will be together again....Id also like to add she said if this break doesnt fix anything then ohh well she will just be w/ me even if she is unhappy (even though I dont want that) she says she loves me and wants to be w/ me.
Sundaymorning Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 honestly, if someone in a relationship wants a break or a breakup- ITS OVER. they are just too kind to say hey lets break up and move on.
Author c2sellit Posted March 12, 2004 Author Posted March 12, 2004 Originally posted by Sundaymorning honestly, if someone in a relationship wants a break or a breakup- ITS OVER. they are just too kind to say hey lets break up and move on. Thats the thing! She isnt really a "nice" person lol....She is blunt about whatever and doesnt care...thats the way she is....Which is why I think it will be different.
Sundaymorning Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 Do you want someone who does not want you right now because it is not convenient for her? Honestly, what we tell you will not matter. You will feel and beleive as you wish. It just takes experience to really learn, as you must need, shoot, as I am glad I have!
UCFKevin Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 I have to agree with the others. It's over. There is, of course, the possibility that she WILL come back to you, but the liklihood ain't there. She'll taste her freedom and she'll enjoy it and while she may SAY she's going to come back to you, she may change her mind and decide, "Y'know what? Nevermind. We're done." You'll have done all that pining and waiting for NOTHING. Don't do what I did. Just walk away. Accept that it's over, because if you don't, you will never begin to recover.
faux Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 She has a right to do any of those "girl things" she would want to do while in a relationship with you. She does not have to take a break from you in order to do such things. I for one do not believe in the entire "break" thing. It is simply another, more confusing and hurtful way of ending a relationship. It puts the individual who still wants to be in the relationship in a very uncomfortable and unfair position I feel. For all intents and purposes I would not wait around worrying for this girl. Go about and do whatever it is you feel that you want to do. If she is miraculously serious and is only intending to take a specified time period away from you then let her decide on that. It is her decision and right in a relationship. If you still care for her, keep the open space if she wants to come back. Expect however, that she may not decide to come back. Don't pass someone else up who might show an interest though! You might meet someone who would try to work issues out with you rather than abandon you with lame excuses. I personally feel if she had these issues she could have worked them out with you and communicated better in the relationship. Lengthy discussions would have prevented such problems from happening. It sounds to me however that she was not willing to work, is torturing you and will not come back. Again, she had every right to bring this up to you during the relationship, and every right to have time to herself when you two were exclusive. If you want to try to explain this to her go ahead. If she says she understands don't buy it. If she's left you she obviously doesn't and you may wish to try to move on now, sooner than later, to lessen the blow.
hurtingandconfused Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 But to tell you the honest truth, it's over. My ex gave me 2 weeks(on the break.) She told me that after that second week we can go out for dinner. However, she gave me her final decision a little early, and she said it was over. She loved me and was the nicest (so I thought) person out there. We were together for 3 years I'm 21 she's 20. Not to give your hopes up, but I also believe that you should end it and move on. Take care, hopefully this will all work out.
Author c2sellit Posted March 13, 2004 Author Posted March 13, 2004 Ok I did a little investigation work...I got online on a s/n I made up and messaged my g/f's best friend and read.... ********** : Got a boyfriend? ********** : why? ********** : Just asking ********** : I'm seeing someone, but I don't think I would call him my bf ********** : do you have a gf? ********** : Ohh....Me and my g/f are fighting :-\...She wants a break but I think she wants to leave me!... ********** : hmm ********** : Sucks...But thats life ********** : yeah, so how long have you been with her? ********** : around 7 months ********** : damn and she wants a break already? ********** : yeah.... ********** : What do you think???... ********** : yeah that kinda does seem like she wants to leave ********** : BreakBreak ups usually ********** : most of the time, but not always ********** : Have any experience in that field? lol ********** : one of my friends and her bf are in the same situation, and I have no doubts that she will go back to him once he gives her some time ********** : but they've been together alot longer than you and your chick ********** : does she want to break it off w/ him? ********** : I don't think she wants to never be with him again, she just needs time to herself, bc its been so long since shes had it ********** : I hope my g/f is the same way....Im just afraid that she wont come back and might be seeing someone else.... ********** : yeah well usually during breaks you see other ppl ********** : so just do the same, you never know you might meet someone you are more into than her ********** : Is your friend?...What are some signs I should look for? ********** : is my friend what? ********** : going to see other people? ********** : okay seriously, if I didn't know better I would say that this is my friends bf ********** : bc this is all too ironic ********** No...Im just asking....We dont even have to talk about this Coming from the girls best friend...It is obvious she is going to go out w/ other people but now atleast I know she will come back! what do you guys think?
UCFKevin Posted March 13, 2004 Posted March 13, 2004 Dude. Baaaaaaad idea going to her best friend. Your GF or whatever she is is NOT going to be pleased about that.
Author c2sellit Posted March 13, 2004 Author Posted March 13, 2004 I made up a name noway anyone will know...Im still talking to her best friend as another person!...She isnt even suspicious anymore but what do you guys think now?????
UCFKevin Posted March 13, 2004 Posted March 13, 2004 I dunno....you're kinda going behind her back, not very cool.
Author c2sellit Posted March 13, 2004 Author Posted March 13, 2004 True...But atleast I now know she isnt leaving me you know? I should have trusted her when she said she needed space and we will be back together in no time......Thats what I regret but now I know we will be
Fofinha Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I once dated a guy for a year. I became confused and thought I needed space before going any further. I told him I needed a break to explore myself but that I would be back. We both moved on. I guess it was less painful to do so. We did not communicate all that time we were apart. I called him up a year later because I wanted to see him again. Today, we are happily married, have a house, a dog and are thinking of children..............
emptydude Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Originally posted by Fofinha I once dated a guy for a year. I became confused and thought I needed space before going any further. I told him I needed a break to explore myself but that I would be back. We both moved on. I guess it was less painful to do so. We did not communicate all that time we were apart. I called him up a year later because I wanted to see him again. Today, we are happily married, have a house, a dog and are thinking of children.............. At the time, did you feel as though you were falling out of love with him?
UCFKevin Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Wonderful question. I'm all ears. Eyes. Whatever.
Hendrix Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 yea, my break-up started off with a break! - "jus give it a few weeks" and it just sucks im still in the gettin over phase (again) she came back for a week, and then felt the same way as before then broke back up, So I just dont know anymore, anyways - LONG story.... ( read hard breakup thread) But Jus give her time, + i dont trust my gf Best friend! as bad as that may sound but i dont think talking to their friends is the best thing to do...
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