lilias Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hello all I am a 25 year old (soon to be 26) female. I'm a pretty shy, introverted person, and this has really affected me relationship-wise. I've had pretty much only disappointment when dating men. The only guys I date are usually from online dating sites, and nothing has come of any of it. For whatever reason, most of these guys never call me back after the first date. Also, since I am a virgin, I have been rejected for that reason also (its really a myth that men want virgins, most guys think its weird after like age 21) I don't really meet any men in real life who are interested. They all ignore me pretty much. Anytime I think someone is interested and I try to flirt back at them it seems to backfire and they avoid me. Now I am not totally unattractive, in fact most people tell me I am really pretty, so I don't think it's my appearance that it turning men off me. In all honesty I can't really tell what it is.I just feel like all of my youth is being wasted away single for no reason. I don't get to have a sex life like other females my age, and I don't get to love someone like most normal people do. This makes me so miserable that I can't stand it sometimes. Do you think I should just stop trying to date and try to force myself to not think about it? Because its all I think about on many days. I'm seriously tired of the disappointment that I keep experiencing. However, if I stop dating, I'm just going to get older and older and then there will REALLY be no men out there wanting me.
ihavelotsofcoconuts Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 HI there . First off let me tell you that the situation applies to men too so its not you. Second of all, NEVER QUIT. Guys are *******s (i would know i am one) and if you don't put out on the first date they lose interest. You see, a date (or several for that matter) is like a business transaction, everyone wants something from the other guy. You just want somebody to talk to and be nice and if it's worth it make love to. He just wants another piece of ass. 1) you're a virgin. therefore you lack the experience to please a man in bed. i suggest watching a whole lot of erotic (not porn on private spice...that ****'s just nasty) movies and try forming an ideea on what would you like to do. Explore your sexuality (masturbate whenever you feel the need), never refrain from standing naked in front of the mirror and looking at yourself and analysing yourself (if you don't like your body take some gym classes...but keep to them cause they take time...but they're TOTALLY worth it.) 2) if guys don't call you back that means that they're not interested. but here's the catch. i said i'm in the same sittuation and i am (i'm not exactly an expert in getting a quick date...i have to work the field for a while with one girl) and if i usually go like "hey would you like to go out for a cup of coffee, maybe we could talk some more?" and she rejects me (at first i'd be totally demoralised) but now i would care less (because it's all about exercise and experience). So guys don't call you back...big **** to brag about. Get yourself out there again girl. Get your girlfriends and go to a club. Go to a bar/coffe shop with a newspaper and try seeing if any guy starts giving you "the look". you know you want it. you just gotta get started 3) I'm comming back to the sexual part of the relationship because that's what most men what from women. I used to have this girlfriend who did not (but DID NOT) want to have sex (because she was not ready...so i waited and waited) but it turned out she was a total bitch so kicked out the door before i could experience sex with her (but i bet you it wouldn't have been quite good at all). How does this relate to you? EASY: Try going out with (i don't know how many...2,3,4) guys who aren't that "in the game" so to speak (because they are less pretentious) and try setting off and wanting to have sex with them (and please don't give me that fairy tale crap about the man who takes your virginity and he's the one). Once you get it going try expermenting as much as possible (oral sex for him - if you suck a man's dick right he'll be addicted to you REMEMBER-, get him to lick your clit -that's just extremely pleasurable -, 69, Toys, Masturbate in front of him while he does the same, lick his nipple while you're on top of him), you know...THE WORKS. But remember you have to enjoy it when you do it so it becomes like a habbit. (it's just like when i started playing football...i wasn't quite good at it, but when i got some experience i got good and i liked it and now every guy wants me on their team first...that'll be the case with you too) 4) You got to take care of that appearance girl. And i'm a med student with an A in nutrition so hear me out. No carbs after 8. Eat a lot of protein because that tonifies your muscles (and i mean leg muscles...and legs are beautiful in a woman) but have a regular diet (no chocolate because it has saturated fats which go right on the abs and thighs...except 85% which you can eat about 3 squares a day for brain support). Take a lot of vitamins (a b vitamin complex ), lecytin and omega 3 fatty acids as foot suplements because they strain the body of fats and "bad" cholesterol and give you a more lean look. (BUT REMEMBER you have to do this in corelation to the gym thingy...IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU WORK OUT 3 times minimum at the gym / week). Get a nice make-up kit, a nice lipstick, get yourself styled up. Buy a hairplate and straighen that hair so it has a much nicer appearance. Get a nice outfit (prefferably a dress if your not...well...fat) which puts emphasis on your nice areas (do you have breasts? do you have flat abs? do you have nice legs? etc) 5) put in a lot of work in the previous 4 steps and then try seeming interested in "some guy you like" and see how he reacts. until then, try doing what i suggested. -In today's society looks are everything so work on that first, -then get a dude with as much experience as you and just go to town with that bad boy (and by go to town i mean have wild-ass sex) -heck try working on more fronts at the same time (two dates in the same day...whatever you want...try being the bad ass chick for a while) -then you'll get the attention you deserve
artchick88 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 this fellow ^ said it all. Except, I don't think all guys are ******s or whatever degrading word it supposed to go there. In fact most men I know really care about the same things women do. You need to see yourself as sexy. That is the number one thing you need to do. Once you find yourself attractive, you will find someone else who finds you attractive. So whether that means hitting the gym, updating your style, or just simply accepting and loving the way you are, that is the answer. And remain calm. Once you find some sexiness and confidence, you will find a very kind man who likes it that you are a virgin. Good luck!
Surrealist Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hi lilias Don't worry you're in great company here. My dating success is about as impressive watching the grass grow, and I'm 40 years old!
musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I cant understand people are who over 21 and still painfully shy. I used to be chronically shy, but I noticed that after I passed 21, I gradually became much less shy.
Yer_Blues Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I cant understand people are who over 21 and still painfully shy. I used to be chronically shy, but I noticed that after I passed 21, I gradually became much less shy. How shy? Unable to talk on phones and get super nervous when you have to make eye contact/walk past people, or not the best conversationalist? I'm 19, and if all I have to do is wait for my prefrontal cortex to finish developing for this **** to go away, that would be fantastic. To the OP: I can never tell in these situations. It's just a sad fact that dating, especially on the female end, is very influenced by how attractive you are if you are not good at compensating on the social/first impression side.
ihavelotsofcoconuts Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 this fellow ^ said it all. Except, I don't think all guys are ******s or whatever degrading word it supposed to go there. In fact most men I know really care about the same things women do. ...if you watch scrubs then it's supposed to rhyme with dr mickhead ). it's not derogatory...every man is a d ickhead every now and then...the only thinks with his penis and only wants sex from a woman...that's what i meant
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