Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Here's my thread from a few days ago http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255929/ Last time I saw him (Nov 29) we ended on a good note and he said that he wanted to hang out either Monday (today) or Tuesday. We weren't going to be able to hang out any earlier than that because he had a lot of very important stuff for school that was due today. Well, I haven't heard from him. I know he's "around" because I saw that he logged into a website today that we both visit. I would think that if he at least wanted to hang out tomorrow that he would have called tonight But now it's late and I'm really hurt that he hasn't called. I was really trying hard have faith in him because otherwise everything has been going smoothly. But now that's crumbled. I'm really hurt and disappointed and angry and confused. I just don't know what happened Any opinions?
GooseChaser Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I personally would give him a call. It wouldn't hurt. Don't make yourself wait by the phone for him. If you did call him, it would also be a good idea to let him know how you feel. Do what you think is best, though. I wish you the best!
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Yeah, I broke down and gave him a call. His phone was off and went straight to voicemail. I found that to be weird. Do you think he turned it off just to avoid me? Whatever, I left him a message asking if he still wants to hang out tomorrow. Now I'm blaming myself for all this. I backed off for the past week to let him work on his stuff but now he probably interpreted it that I was uninterested. I HATE MYSELF I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT. I either come off as clingy or cold. I just don't understand. Last time we talked we were making all of these plans and he seemed totally interested in me. I don't know what the f*** happened. I just want stuff to go my way for once. I hate myself for tricking myself into thinking that he was actually into me
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Someone told me that maybe he was just too tired from school today and he shut off his phone to go to sleep and that he'll contact me tomorrow. I find that extremely hard to believe because that's a big stretch. My gut feeling is usually right and the most logical and plausible explanation is that he lost interest.
GooseChaser Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Yeah, I broke down and gave him a call. His phone was off and went straight to voicemail. I found that to be weird. Do you think he turned it off just to avoid me? Whatever, I left him a message asking if he still wants to hang out tomorrow. Now I'm blaming myself for all this. I backed off for the past week to let him work on his stuff but now he probably interpreted it that I was uninterested. I HATE MYSELF I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT. I either come off as clingy or cold. I just don't understand. Last time we talked we were making all of these plans and he seemed totally interested in me. I don't know what the f*** happened. I just want stuff to go my way for once. I hate myself for tricking myself into thinking that he was actually into me How long have you guys known each other? I have no idea if he was avoiding you by turning his phone off; I don't know him well enough. Maybe, maybe not. Let's just see how this goes. You left him a voicemail now, so the ball is in his court. Don't blame yourself, whatever happens. If he gave up just because you gave him space that he needed, and he then misinterprets it as disinterest, that's his problem, and it is his loss!
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 How long have you guys known each other? I have no idea if he was avoiding you by turning his phone off; I don't know him well enough. Maybe, maybe not. Let's just see how this goes. You left him a voicemail now, so the ball is in his court. Don't blame yourself, whatever happens. If he gave up just because you gave him space that he needed, and he then misinterprets it as disinterest, that's his problem, and it is his loss!We've known each other for a month and a half so not very long. I really got my hopes up with him. I know it's all my fault and shouldn't have done so. I gave him that space because I know he doesn't like clinginess and neediness. He kind of implied during the last time we talked that if he found time in the midst of preparing his project he would call me. So I assumed that since he never called me during that timespan that he was extremely busy. If we had been dating for a year I would have called during that timespan but since we've only been dating a month I figured that would be sort of out-of-line. I'm giving up on guys and dating. I thought I finally found someone who I could trust and interested in me, but apparently not.
hoping2heal Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Yeah, I broke down and gave him a call. His phone was off and went straight to voicemail. I found that to be weird. Do you think he turned it off just to avoid me? Whatever, I left him a message asking if he still wants to hang out tomorrow. Now I'm blaming myself for all this. I backed off for the past week to let him work on his stuff but now he probably interpreted it that I was uninterested. I HATE MYSELF I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT. I either come off as clingy or cold. I just don't understand. Last time we talked we were making all of these plans and he seemed totally interested in me. I don't know what the f*** happened. I just want stuff to go my way for once. I hate myself for tricking myself into thinking that he was actually into me OP, I think this post is a pretty good example of why he likely didn't call back. Are you always this self-depricating? You mentioned in a post that you called but his phone was off and went straight to voicemail..and you asked if anyone thought he did it just to avoid you. Where did that come from? You only called him once, he could not have possibly of known you were calling at X specific time and decided to flip off the phone. I don't know why you are blaming yourself for anything. He may just not feel a spark - that happens and it does not mean anything bad on your part. Or, perhaps you came across as very non-confident, self depricating, and a little unstable - like you just did in this post. I am not trying to pick on you or make you feel bad, I'm trying to give you a heads up on the kind of impression you are making with people.
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 OP, I think this post is a pretty good example of why he likely didn't call back. Are you always this self-depricating? You mentioned in a post that you called but his phone was off and went straight to voicemail..and you asked if anyone thought he did it just to avoid you. Where did that come from? You only called him once, he could not have possibly of known you were calling at X specific time and decided to flip off the phone. I don't know why you are blaming yourself for anything. He may just not feel a spark - that happens and it does not mean anything bad on your part. Or, perhaps you came across as very non-confident, self depricating, and a little unstable - like you just did in this post. I am not trying to pick on you or make you feel bad, I'm trying to give you a heads up on the kind of impression you are making with people.I'm not usually this self-deprecating unless something bad is going on. I do a good job of hiding my lack of confidence when I'm with people, believe it or not. But once I'm alone I unleash it. Like I said earlier, last time we talked he was asking when I was available this month and that he wanted to hang out on either Mon or Tues. He's an extremely blunt and honest guy so I was hoping that during the course of our dating that if he didn't feel anything that he would be upfront and tell me. The way I interpret this situation is that if he genuinely was interested that he would have made time to call.
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 If you want to recapture his interest, you are going about it the wrong way. The first thing you need to do is: 1) Believe he will contact you at some point in the future (maybe 3-4 weeks from now) 2) Totally focus your attention elsewhere -- invest in a new hobby, focus on your friends, flirt with someone new. Believe me, if you're waiting around for him to call he will be able to sense it and it will be a turn off. In the future, try not to get too emotionally invested in someone you don't know...having too high expectations is what is causing your disappointment...if you had just expected nothing and let things progress naturally you wouldn't be feeling disappointed now. Good Luck.
hannie_1988 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Maybe he needs some space to figure out what he want or perhaps he's probably tired from work or other things. I suggest that you don't bother contacting him and see what happens. If he really likes you and keen to see you again or get to know you more, he'll make most of it. Otherwise there's plenty of guys out there! And some guys likes to see few girls and see which one he likes the most, of course he's not gonna tell you that he may see other girls or not. Guys are mysterious, they likes to keep things to themselves and test waters. I wish you all the best!
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 If you want to recapture his interest, you are going about it the wrong way. The first thing you need to do is: 1) Believe he will contact you at some point in the future (maybe 3-4 weeks from now) 2) Totally focus your attention elsewhere -- invest in a new hobby, focus on your friends, flirt with someone new. Believe me, if you're waiting around for him to call he will be able to sense it and it will be a turn off. In the future, try not to get too emotionally invested in someone you don't know...having too high expectations is what is causing your disappointment...if you had just expected nothing and let things progress naturally you wouldn't be feeling disappointed now. Good Luck.I know, I'm very disappointed in myself for getting my hopes up. He was just so different from other guys I dated. But now this ended the same way as it did last time with the last guy I was with. Everything was fine and then one day he just became cold and ended it. I thought maybe it was because we were moving too fast. I thought things would be better with this new guy because we were moving slower and not rushing and forcing things. Actually, there was no need to force things because it seemed like everything was coming together naturally. I don't want to recapture his interest. If he's not interested right now then that's it, the end. I wish I could just erase him from my memory.
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Maybe he needs some space to figure out what he want or perhaps he's probably tired from work or other things. I suggest that you don't bother contacting him and see what happens. If he really likes you and keen to see you again or get to know you more, he'll make most of it. Otherwise there's plenty of guys out there! And some guys likes to see few girls and see which one he likes the most, of course he's not gonna tell you that he may see other girls or not. Guys are mysterious, they likes to keep things to themselves and test waters. I wish you all the best! Yeah, I'm not going to contact him anymore. I left my message so he can decide what he wants to do with it. He told me he wasn't seeing any other girls, but whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. I wish he could just tell me what happened like if there wasn't any chemistry, or if he met someone else, etc. I really trusted that he'd be upfront with me in that aspect since he's painfully honest and extremely blunt with everything else. I'm just getting so sick and tired of dating and going through the whole process of getting to know someone. Also, it's not like I have a line of guys at my door wanting to date me.
hannie_1988 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Well then now you know what it's like. He's probably not the right guy for you then. If he was, he wouldn't have act so differently.. or maybe he has issues or not being himself. There are many possibilities but hang in there, just wait and see. Do your own things and if you guys are meant to be, it'll happen
hannie_1988 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I totally understand where you're coming from. Guys are absolutely frustrating and annoying but what can we do?! They don't know how to make up their mind, they say things and another minute, they become cold or different. Well a friend of mine says that mostly guys likes to get a girl they like and get her to impress them but after while they get tired and started to become less impressive or something and show who they really are. They are all like that, they don't like to remind them the same things all over again and get sick of it easily. Look, the right guy will come along one day and he will be very different well maybe not too much but yeah he'll know what to expect from you and treat you like a princess I guess it's a time to take a massive break from guys and do things that makes you happy Like I said earlier, it's not the end of the world.
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Well it's been over 12 hours and still not a peep from him. What frustrates me is that he was going on and on about how we are so compatible and blah blah blah. I just don't understand this change.
SignalFlare Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I gave him that space because I know he doesn't like clinginess and neediness.It was a nice gesture, but ultimately you weren't being yourself. I think when you say things like "I HATE MYSELF I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT" it's because you're trying too hard to adapt to the other person in order for them to like you. But that's not the way relationships work. Adaptation is important, but you can't sacrifice who you are or expect to mold yourself into a perfect companion for this person. No matter how awesome they seem in the beginning. If he can't find time to call you, and you're the kind of person who likes to have lots of contact, then that's how it's going to be all the way through. You're better off learning it now. And in future, cut back on the analysis and just be yourself. If it's who you are, it can never be wrong.
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 It was a nice gesture, but ultimately you weren't being yourself. I think when you say things like "I HATE MYSELF I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT" it's because you're trying too hard to adapt to the other person in order for them to like you. But that's not the way relationships work. Adaptation is important, but you can't sacrifice who you are or expect to mold yourself into a perfect companion for this person. No matter how awesome they seem in the beginning. If he can't find time to call you, and you're the kind of person who likes to have lots of contact, then that's how it's going to be all the way through. You're better off learning it now. And in future, cut back on the analysis and just be yourself. If it's who you are, it can never be wrong.I understand what you're saying, but how will I know if I need to change? I've already been accused of being too clingy in past relationships and overreacting. I guess clingy is a subjective term, but yes, I have to admit that there were some circumstances where I overreacted and jumped to conclusions and it caused problems in the relationships. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not in this situation, but he still hasn't called me so..... If I am unstable and unhealthy I want to change. Maybe being myself isn't the best thing? If someone is a player, can't one argue that they're being themselves? Or should they change in order to have healthy relationships? That's how I see myself, but I just don't know.. I'm so confused.
Lonely303Girl Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Well it's been over 12 hours and still not a peep from him. What frustrates me is that he was going on and on about how we are so compatible and blah blah blah. I just don't understand this change. Oh my gosh, I'm going through the same thing. When we hung out, all he talked about was how much we had in common and he was making plans for taking me places, and he even asked me to come see where he worked, which I did. He was so excited to see me, and even gave me a hug and kiss when I had to leave. Then on the day we were supposed to hang out, I didn't hear from him all day, and when I texted him to say what's up, he responded with some story about him having to work all night the day before. He never mentioned whether or not he still wanted to hang out, and I just was left hanging. I was crushed. I had gotten my hair done, and was just really looking forward to seeing him again, and then...nothing. I still haven't heard from him. I tried to stop texting him, but I can't. I just...don't get it. I know I have low confidence, but I didn't show any of that in person when we were together. I actually did things I would normally never do because I felt so comfortable with him, and I had never felt that before with anyone. I don't think I will ever date again after being treated like that. It's just so wrong when I did nothing wrong to deserve that. I could totally understand if we had some big argument or just didn't get along, but he just...simply stopped responding to me out of nowhere.
Author Funf Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Oh my gosh, I'm going through the same thing. When we hung out, all he talked about was how much we had in common and he was making plans for taking me places, and he even asked me to come see where he worked, which I did. He was so excited to see me, and even gave me a hug and kiss when I had to leave. Then on the day we were supposed to hang out, I didn't hear from him all day, and when I texted him to say what's up, he responded with some story about him having to work all night the day before. He never mentioned whether or not he still wanted to hang out, and I just was left hanging. I was crushed. I had gotten my hair done, and was just really looking forward to seeing him again, and then...nothing. I still haven't heard from him. I tried to stop texting him, but I can't. I just...don't get it. I know I have low confidence, but I didn't show any of that in person when we were together. I actually did things I would normally never do because I felt so comfortable with him, and I had never felt that before with anyone. I don't think I will ever date again after being treated like that. It's just so wrong when I did nothing wrong to deserve that. I could totally understand if we had some big argument or just didn't get along, but he just...simply stopped responding to me out of nowhere.Yeah, I agree, I think the worst is part of it is being left high and dry. I think I would feel better if he would at least contact me somehow and tell me directly that he's not interested. As I've said multiple times, he's very blunt and direct so I was expecting that if he wasn't interested anymore he would have told me. He has this matter-of-fact approach to relationships. I just don't like sitting here wondering. We haven't slept together so I know he's not ditching me post-sex. We laugh, joked, flirted when we were together last time. He wanted to know which days in the next coming weeks I'd be available to go out with him. WTF Honestly, if he were to call right now, I don't know what I'd say to him. I don't know if I'd go out with him again. I'm just so confused.
Lonely303Girl Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Well, I did make the mistake of sleeping with this guy, but the fact that he invited me to his job and made plans for a future date had to mean something, right? I mean, when he saw me at his job, (he's a bouncer) he was so happy to see me, and when I had to leave (I told him I wasn't the clubbing type, which he loved) he texted me the whole night saying that he couldn't wait to see me again. He is also blunt and direct, so that's why I'm just so confused as to why he just....dropped me like that. For a bouncer, I find it funny that he's just...not even trying to deal with what's going on. I mean, I feel that if he had any balls, he would just tell me straight up that he's not interested. And that's why I'm so pissed.
lolarose Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 OP, I think this post is a pretty good example of why he likely didn't call back. Are you always this self-depricating? You mentioned in a post that you called but his phone was off and went straight to voicemail..and you asked if anyone thought he did it just to avoid you. Where did that come from? You only called him once, he could not have possibly of known you were calling at X specific time and decided to flip off the phone. I don't know why you are blaming yourself for anything. He may just not feel a spark - that happens and it does not mean anything bad on your part. Or, perhaps you came across as very non-confident, self depricating, and a little unstable - like you just did in this post. I am not trying to pick on you or make you feel bad, I'm trying to give you a heads up on the kind of impression you are making with people. thats ridiculous. everyone feels like that when someone doesnt call. they wonder if they did something wrong. its normal. she may have these thoughts in her head but it doesnt mean they were leading her to act a certain way. if she were constantly asking him for reassurance while they were hanging out, then yea, thats a turn-off. i mean, the girl left him alone for a week. non-confident, self-depricating people dont do that. they cling. i doubt he could read her mind and therefore got turned off.
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