actedsooner Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 so I am going on my 10 month of separation. 2 months into the separation I discovered my husband was now seeing a girl he had meet several months prior to our separation, and coincidently she happened to be my boss' exgirlfriend! I knew they had meet at a yoga class previously and helped out their teacher with a project but I never socialized with them together, mostly because I didn't know they were meeting for coffees, and going out for dinners after yoga, my husband just said he and the yoga group were having dinners. then I discovered that she was staying with him at my house while I was out roaming from parents to sisters to house sitting to live as he worked from home and it made more sense for him to stay in our house and could take care of our dog. My husband and I see each other at least every 3 days as we share a dog and neither of us expects the other to give that up as we know how much we each love him. When I found out he had basically cheated on me, not physsically untill we had separated- 1 month into our separation and he was off of weekend getaways with her, but emotionally cheated on me, I did nothing but get upset, we yelled and fought and yelled and cried. she was staying at my house, but I never took her things and threw them on the lawn, I never confronted her to put a face to her BF's wife. Now I know it takes 2 for a marriage to work and or fail. we were in a very bad spot, we had been struggling for over a year financially and living in a house torn apart from renos. he tells me he still loves me and questions if the pain he feels right how is worth the hope that he'll find what was missing in our relationship. I feel I have to maintain a decent relationship with him as we are still splitting up assets and he is trying to buy me out of the house which is the best financial option but we are going on month 6 of him getting his financial crap together. I was in the " i want him back stage" for a long time and I am now in the revenge stage. and all I want to do is make my presence known to his new GF and get in the middle of their relationship. And I feel people should know that this chick went after a married man, was staying with him while his wife's clothes hung in the closet. I want her to feel humiliated, like I do. she preaches she that she is this go do gooder, yoga practicing, organic eating person yet she has no ethics when it comes to dating a married man, I don't care what my husband told her, no one should be involved with a married person untill the writing is clear on the wall and when the wife's belongings are in the house and the wife is still coming by the house the writing ain't done. ANyways so now I'm so angry with my self for not confronting this GF months ago, for not putting my face into her conscience. Apparently she doesn't even feel like she was a mistress! now all I want to do is break them up. Angry at myself for not going crazy earlier and kicking him out of the house, changing the locks, keeping our dog. His life hasn't changed one bit! what do I do?
DuskCrush Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Be glad you didn't do that. At least you have your dignity. I think it's time to give up the dog and move on totally. You need to have NO contact. It's 10 months and your still emotionally invested...this back and forth way is not working. Have you found someone?
Author actedsooner Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 no one new on the horizon and I'm not even looking, not even interested. I never did the dating thing so it's all new to me. We are still dealing with assets etc...so still have frequent contact. I'm not ready to give up my dog as right now he's the only thing that makes me happy. I know it sounds silly to some people but if you haven't had a dog it's hard to understand.
serialgf Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I have a dog. I understand. How long have you had the dog? Reading your post as an obvious outsider it seems to me like you're using the dog as an excuse to maintain contact with your ex. Why did your marriage end? In your post I don't remember reading any details about your relationship with your ex, just about possessions and the OW. Why didn't you react before? Who ended the marriage? So far it just seems like your ego is hurt but there must be more to this story than that.. so... lay it on us... what are the real issues here?
Author actedsooner Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 no ego here, he left me because he says we werent; on the same love language. i wanted to work on things and give oursleves an honest try. take a few months to really work on us and uf then after a few months we were still unhappy then go our separate ways knowing we had really given it our all, but he just kept saying no, then I found out he was seeing the OW. So I feel he was only saying no because he had my replica right there waiting for him, and they were in the giddy exciting beginning part of a relationship , of course that's more appealing then doing some hard work, and really looking at yourself and your partner. I feel like his giving up our 10 year relationship and all our common history( from the same town, school etcc..) for the hope of finding someone who is more on the same love language as him. I could have acted sooner but I didn't know about the OW till 4 months into our separation and I guess we each looked at the separation as different, he thought we were done and I thought we were thinking about things...other issues are me being nice to him and letting him get his taxes and crap figured out so that he isn;t homeless and can potentially by the house from me as we had been doing renos and to sell it on the makrket would be over a 100,000 financial hit. it a real mess, too complicated to get into but I have been so compliant and respectful as everyone says I should be and i';m tired of it. NOt once have I done anything remotely crazy, shown up as his work, yelled at him, thrown her stuff out of my house.....he and the OW seem to be going strong, and he believes that I will be better off without him, that he wasn;t my true mate, so pretending to be doing great is not going to affect him at all. so now I feel like putting him and the OW through some hurt as I have been. as she is my boss' X I know a bit about her and she thinks she is little miss yoga, organic accountant,perfect ( and by the way she is bland and petite just like me)who now has her man, and I feel people should know she isn;t so perfect. I know my marriage didnt; fail because of her but it wasn;t given a chance because of her adn because I was good and never got my face in her work and told her to back off while my husband and I figured things out. I repeat I am not forgetting the part my husband had in this but it doesn;t mean she doesn;t also have her share in it. ps we have had our labxborder collie 5 years.
hoping2heal Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 so I am going on my 10 month of separation. 2 months into the separation I discovered my husband was now seeing a girl he had meet several months prior to our separation, and coincidently she happened to be my boss' exgirlfriend! I knew they had meet at a yoga class previously and helped out their teacher with a project but I never socialized with them together, mostly because I didn't know they were meeting for coffees, and going out for dinners after yoga, my husband just said he and the yoga group were having dinners. then I discovered that she was staying with him at my house while I was out roaming from parents to sisters to house sitting to live as he worked from home and it made more sense for him to stay in our house and could take care of our dog. My husband and I see each other at least every 3 days as we share a dog and neither of us expects the other to give that up as we know how much we each love him. When I found out he had basically cheated on me, not physsically untill we had separated- 1 month into our separation and he was off of weekend getaways with her, but emotionally cheated on me, I did nothing but get upset, we yelled and fought and yelled and cried. she was staying at my house, but I never took her things and threw them on the lawn, I never confronted her to put a face to her BF's wife. Now I know it takes 2 for a marriage to work and or fail. we were in a very bad spot, we had been struggling for over a year financially and living in a house torn apart from renos. he tells me he still loves me and questions if the pain he feels right how is worth the hope that he'll find what was missing in our relationship. I feel I have to maintain a decent relationship with him as we are still splitting up assets and he is trying to buy me out of the house which is the best financial option but we are going on month 6 of him getting his financial crap together. I was in the " i want him back stage" for a long time and I am now in the revenge stage. and all I want to do is make my presence known to his new GF and get in the middle of their relationship. And I feel people should know that this chick went after a married man, was staying with him while his wife's clothes hung in the closet. I want her to feel humiliated, like I do. she preaches she that she is this go do gooder, yoga practicing, organic eating person yet she has no ethics when it comes to dating a married man, I don't care what my husband told her, no one should be involved with a married person untill the writing is clear on the wall and when the wife's belongings are in the house and the wife is still coming by the house the writing ain't done. ANyways so now I'm so angry with my self for not confronting this GF months ago, for not putting my face into her conscience. Apparently she doesn't even feel like she was a mistress! now all I want to do is break them up. Angry at myself for not going crazy earlier and kicking him out of the house, changing the locks, keeping our dog. His life hasn't changed one bit! what do I do? Making his or her or both of their lives miserable, won't make your unhappiness any less. You are feeling very angry and betrayed and that is okay. Just remember it is no emotion to go acting upon. If she can go on and carry on with a married man and feel no guilt, it is very likely she will feel it having seen your face. In fact, seeing you go all nuts might even feed her ego. Besides, you already have one over her at the moment anyway. Regardless of what she thinks and what an ape he may be - he is still in love with you.
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