Hustle10 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Hey guys wanted to run this one by you all to get another perspective. I won't bore with the details but I dated a girl for a year and then we lived together for a couple of months. The resulting breakup was worse than some people's divorces to say the least.. This happened back at the end of August. Since about the middle of October she's been either texting or facebook messaging me about once every 2-3 weeks. It started with a message about returning some things of hers which I immediately took care of. I responded to give her the details of where to collect her things (went through a neutral party) and to let me know if there was anything else. She sent a couple of messages back about both of us being better off and yada yada and she wished me well. I figured that was it. Wrong. A couple of weeks later she texted me and wanted to talk about why we broke up, I never responded. A Couple of weeks after that she somehow found out that my sister had my niece and she messaged me on facebook (we aren't friends on there and she has extremely limited view of my profile). She said something to the extent of congratulations and she was sure that my niece was beautiful and hoped I was doing okay. I again didn't respond. Then she messages me a couple of days ago wishing me a "happy what would of been our anniversary.. hope you're happy with how things turned out!" It's very strange, the breakup was awful and I know it was hard on both of us. At the time it seemed very clear that she didn't want anything to do with me, and it was mutual so no contact ever since hasn't been a problem for me. Despite what happened though, I do have feelings for her still. I'm not sure that I would date her again but I love her deeply and care a lot about her. What is she trying to accomplish with this line of communication?
SmileyGirl Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 She is def. trying to stay involved in your life. She may be having regrets but just remember people like things and people who are "comfortable" to them. You two were together for a fair amount of time and moving on from the relationship is not going to be easy for either one of you. She is probably having a hard time moving on and I can promise you, take it from experience, it is best for BOTH of you not to have contact. In time, when the anger and pain has subsided maybe then you two can attempt a friendship. Not now. Keep doing what your doing and ignore the messages. Good Luck to you!
hoping2heal Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Hey guys wanted to run this one by you all to get another perspective. I won't bore with the details but I dated a girl for a year and then we lived together for a couple of months. The resulting breakup was worse than some people's divorces to say the least.. This happened back at the end of August. Since about the middle of October she's been either texting or facebook messaging me about once every 2-3 weeks. It started with a message about returning some things of hers which I immediately took care of. I responded to give her the details of where to collect her things (went through a neutral party) and to let me know if there was anything else. She sent a couple of messages back about both of us being better off and yada yada and she wished me well. I figured that was it. Wrong. A couple of weeks later she texted me and wanted to talk about why we broke up, I never responded. A Couple of weeks after that she somehow found out that my sister had my niece and she messaged me on facebook (we aren't friends on there and she has extremely limited view of my profile). She said something to the extent of congratulations and she was sure that my niece was beautiful and hoped I was doing okay. I again didn't respond. Then she messages me a couple of days ago wishing me a "happy what would of been our anniversary.. hope you're happy with how things turned out!" It's very strange, the breakup was awful and I know it was hard on both of us. At the time it seemed very clear that she didn't want anything to do with me, and it was mutual so no contact ever since hasn't been a problem for me. Despite what happened though, I do have feelings for her still. I'm not sure that I would date her again but I love her deeply and care a lot about her. What is she trying to accomplish with this line of communication? Pretty obvious she wants you back. However, in what capacity? That's another story. Does she want you back because she genuinely wants to give the RS a shot? Maybe. Does she want you back because no one else wants her, and she needs attention? Maybe I guess since you don't think you want to date her again you can just go ahead and keep on ignoring
bl22 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 Its obvious she stil loves you. Maybe you should tell her how you feel for closure. She probably views you as being cold and sounds heartbroken. I dont no the in's and out's of the relationship though.
Author Hustle10 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 I suppose a small piece of background might be helpful here. She was extremely insecure and lacked self-esteem in our relationship. As a result, she was very (I do mean very) clingy in our relationship. She didn't have a lot of friends of her own and she pissed off most of my friends by being clingy (she would get mad at them/me when I hung out with them). When the night finally came that I decided to end it, she became so furious that she she began ripping items off the walls and throwing things around the apartment in a fit of rage. I told her she was nuts and that we were done and walked out. It gets better though, the next day I got served paperwork by the Sheriff's office for domestic abuse. She filed reports claiming that I threatened her and she was scared for her life and blah blah blah. It all ended up getting thrown out, but hence why my breakup was worse than some people's divorce... I guess the real question here is... why would she go though so much trouble to not talk to me (pursuing legal options, etc) and then come across nice and wanting to talk a few months later. I should mention that there are not any restrictions that keep us from talking to each other.. I just choose not to because I don't know what she might try and say.
FreeNow Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 the next day I got served paperwork by the Sheriff's office for domestic abuse. She tried to control you by false allegations. Now she'll try to find another way. I wouldn't contact this person again. Beware. Print the messages out and store them in a folder with your papers from the dismissed charges. If she tries even more drastic approaches, you might find need of the information. Read up on extinction/extinction burst in Wikipedia's psych section. It'll be an eye opener as to why one should continue NC in situations like these.
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