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Guys with girlfriends

DuskCrush

By DuskCrush
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DuskCrush Established Member

DuskCrush

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I started flirting with this guy...I thought he was soo into me.

I figured it was just a matter of time before he asked me out or something

but then I found out that he has a girlfriend.

I was shocked...I was already a bit emotionally invested...he really didn't give off a-guy-with-a-girlfriend vibe.

So here is a question: why do men with girlfriends do that?!

also...can a guy really like you if he has a girlfriend?

 

thanks

Seamless74 Established Member

Seamless74

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1.) same reason girls with boyfriends do it..

 

2.) second question is very silly..:rolleyes:

Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

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Meh, I had a guy do that to me last year. He was all flirty and friendly, but turned out to have a live-in gf and a shared mortgage. I don't doubt that he was genuinely attracted to me, but he definitely was not on the market. I think everyone is a little flirty with someone who they find really attractive. It's annoying when you think someone is really interested when they're not, but at least you know you're attractive :)

MJ2 Member

MJ2

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Married men do this also.

 

Some men are attention whores. They like the ego boost. ;-)

musemaj11 Established Member

musemaj11

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Married men do this also.

 

Some men are attention whores. They like the ego boost. ;-)

Arent we all attention whores?

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DuskCrush Established Member

DuskCrush

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Seamless...don't be a jerk.

 

Eeyore - yes it is annoying and disappointing too...he acted like he didn't have a girlfriend, he said he was too busy for relationships. *I was so dumb. I was infatuated for months. I figured he was just shy...LOL!

BorderRogue Member

BorderRogue

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Ego boost. For some guys and probably girls as well, need it, it's worse then crack. Just got have it and it feels pretty good when someone responds.

green_tea Established Member

green_tea

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Seamless...don't be a jerk.

 

Eeyore - yes it is annoying and disappointing too...he acted like he didn't have a girlfriend, he said he was too busy for relationships. *I was so dumb. I was infatuated for months. I figured he was just shy...LOL!

 

Wow months! I can imagine you'd be feeling a little low after building up for that long. I too had a similar experience with a guy at work - and I too thought he was just shy. I finally spotted a wedding ring.. doh.. but it's only been a few weeks so I'm over it! But I don't know why people who are taken have to indulge in these flirtations, it is just confusing for the single ones like me.

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DuskCrush Established Member

DuskCrush

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Yes Greentea--it really is totally confusing but mainly because when he approached me three times in the beginning I was nervous, acted like a teenager and was cold and distant due to fear...so I kept making excuses for him and blaming it on myself. Until I found out he had a gf...so maybe the fear was kinda based on instinct.

harmfulsweetz Established Member

harmfulsweetz

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Sadly we've all been there. :(

 

I think a lot of the time it's just an ego boost, maybe something to pass the time or tell them they've still got 'it'.

Leandro Established Member

Leandro

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Yea I think it's a ego boost for some. Whenever I'm in a relationship I stop flirting with every one except my gf. If I have to talk to girls, I keep it friendly and try to make sure there is no flirting at all.

SignalFlare Member

SignalFlare

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For your second question, it's definitely possible to like someone else while you're in a relationship. But you have to allow yourself to do it. And if you're allowing yourself to look elsewhere, then it's probably because you want out of your current relationship.

 

On the receiving end though, do you really want to go out with a guy who has a girlfriend? He could end up doing the same thing to you...

carhill Established Member

carhill

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So here is a question: why do men with girlfriends do that?!

also...can a guy really like you if he has a girlfriend?

 

One off, single episodes can be situational ego/id feeds. In your case, with it going on for months, he's probably the type of personality who is polyamorous. This presumes he doesn't have any mental/personality disorders.

 

Yes, a man with a girlfriend or wife can like you and he can be attracted to you. How he handles those dynamics says a lot about his personality and boundaries.

 

Lastly, how you feel has standing in the dynamic as well. Someone can be friendly and open and, if you are attracted or have a crush on them, you'll perceive those behaviors/words in different ways than if you didn't.

 

My solution for this dynamic is, as a man, if I'm interested/attracted, to immediately ask the lady out on a date. Her answer solves any ambiguity. For yourself, if you are not asked out on a date and choose not to ask him out, presume that he has insufficient interest and/or attraction and/or is unavailable to date, then process it and move on. This prevents emotional attachment and investment. Works great. Good luck :)

Gypsy_Soul Established Member

Gypsy_Soul

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One off, single episodes can be situational ego/id feeds. In your case, with it going on for months, he's probably the type of personality who is polyamorous. This presumes he doesn't have any mental/personality disorders.

 

Yes, a man with a girlfriend or wife can like you and he can be attracted to you. How he handles those dynamics says a lot about his personality and boundaries.

 

Lastly, how you feel has standing in the dynamic as well. Someone can be friendly and open and, if you are attracted or have a crush on them, you'll perceive those behaviors/words in different ways than if you didn't.

 

My solution for this dynamic is, as a man, if I'm interested/attracted, to immediately ask the lady out on a date. Her answer solves any ambiguity. For yourself, if you are not asked out on a date and choose not to ask him out, presume that he has insufficient interest and/or attraction and/or is unavailable to date, then process it and move on. This prevents emotional attachment and investment. Works great. Good luck :)

 

I have a major problem with this. I can't just be friendly and open with anyone. They start to think that I'm romantically interested in them, just because they are in me. Even the married ones.

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DuskCrush Established Member

DuskCrush

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Carhill & OTHERS---this is what happened the shortened version:

 

We started eyef*cking for a week...then he tried to approach me but I gave him a dirty look out of fear...but he kept staring at me. Then I realized that he was looking to see if it was safe to approach. So the next time I sense his interest. I moved into the kitchen and two seconds later he came into the room.

And then he dropped the "how you doin'" line with a flirty voice. It totally turned me off and I screwed up my face and he just turn around and left.

 

A week later. I sensed his interest again and went to the kitchen...he immediately came into the kitchen. But he was looking at me all lovey-doveyish and I got scared and left quickly.

 

Third time - I went into the kitchen and he followed. This time--> we had an awesome conversation. He just asked -how are you? And about my life and hobbies and so on. I was so psyched but then we had to get back to work. I felt I didn't show enough interest so after leaving the kitchen. I brought him a report (fake excuse to show interest). Then he brought me a report right after. Then he started to breathe hard and stare at my breast. I was kinda like --oh no is he just looking for a fling?

We cut off the conversation. I don't remember how exactly but I didn't really respond.

 

Anyway---he started talking to me after that but I started resenting the conversations because I was like --omgod is he using work as a way to date me instead of actually dating me? That's what it felt like...also the conversation felt more like a question and answer session other than one with real rapport. It was kinda awkward and not fun...also he started acted irritated because one I zoned out a bit. Anyway a little after that I sensed a change in his vibe. He just wasn't the guy who would follow me into a kitchen anymore. So one day while he was making a two minute chitchat I flat out asked: Do you have a girlfriend.

He: ....*pause*....Now?

Me: Do you have a girlfriend?

He: Actually I have

Me: Oh, you have...*pause*

so how come you don't mention spending time with her?

He: oh well she gets off work late so we don't get to spend time together.

Me: oh (*reeling with the knowledge but trying to act unphased) well you should still spend time with her.

He: Um, actually yesterday I met her

Me: oh....

He: Well, what about you?

*And this is the part where I get saved cause my supervisor asked me to do something!!

 

End of conversation.

 

So what do you think of that whole thing?

Was he ever interested in dating me...do you think he always had a girlfriend?

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