carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 LOL, I think I had done my exW's income taxes (I do that kind of stuff) by the time we were dating a couple months...
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 LOL, I think I had done my exW's income taxes (I do that kind of stuff) by the time we were dating a couple months... sneaky....
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 So I should assume it won't work out? If you find you and he have markedly different perspectives on communication and sharing of things like financial styles and particulars, then, yeah, it'll probably be an irreconcilable incompatibility.
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 sneaky.... IIRC, she asked me to. Her exH was a CPA but they had been divorced a couple years at that point. BTW, she made out real well in the divorce, so I guess she got the last laugh
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 If you find you and he have markedly different perspectives on communication and sharing of things like financial styles and particulars, then, yeah, it'll probably be an irreconcilable incompatibility. I'm all for communication! Its just too soon for the questions he asked. I'm very happy to know he is the type of man that is educated about money and spending. I don't spend irresponsibly. The biggest difference between us how much money we make. But I don't see it as a "end all, be all" situation. From everything else I know about this man hopefully he won't either.
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 IIRC, she asked me to. Her exH was a CPA but they had been divorced a couple years at that point. BTW, she made out real well in the divorce, so I guess she got the last laugh I get the feeling people that have been married and divorced feel more strongly about this kind of thing. Almost bitterly. No offense.
musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I sense that it probably wont work out, but I wish you the best Fiona since you sound like a genuinely good person unlike most other women.
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I sense that it probably wont work out, but I wish you the best Fiona since you sound like a genuinely good person unlike most other women. thanks....I think. I'm a little more positive about it.
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I get the feeling people that have been married and divorced feel more strongly about this kind of thing. Almost bitterly. No offense. I didn't get married until I was 41 and have had this perspective all my life. I firmly believe in open and honest communication. No offense taken
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 I didn't get married until I was 41 and have had this perspective all my life. No offense taken I just meant people who have been in marriages and got burned financially. Being financially responsible is a great thing. But everyones lifestyle and financial situation is different and if someone is only willing to settle down with someone who's financial situation is the same as theirs than the parade will pass them by. There are so many more important traits.
musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I just meant people who have been in marriages and got burned financially. Being financially responsible is a great thing. But everyones lifestyle and financial situation is different and if someone is only willing to settle down with someone who's financial situation is the same as theirs than the parade will pass them by. There are so many more important traits. They merely wanna protect themselves and its understandable. If I had a lot of assets, I know I would be wary as well. Remember, when you are in love, its NEVER about money. But once you fall out of love, its ALL about money. As other people already suggested, you should just tell him that you will sign a prenup just to show him that you dont plan to take advantage of him.
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 They merely wanna protect themselves and its understandable. If I had a lot of assets, I know I would be wary as well. Remember, when you are in love, its NEVER about money. But once you fall out of love, its ALL about money. As other people already suggested, you should just tell him that you will sign a prenup just to show him that you dont plan to take advantage of him. Lol, I'm not bringing up a prenup until I get an " I love you + 9 months"
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 As a point of reference, when we met, my exW had a leased car, some furniture and a mountain of debt. I had a successful business, a whole bunch of real and personal assets and a very stable financial life. I'll just say she got a really nice house and anything of real value amongst our personal effects out of the deal. I allowed myself to be burned as much as my callouses could handle without experiencing permanent damage. It was worth it to get her out of my life. And yes, I told her exactly that. Now, if the guy you're dating has never been 'burned', by divorce or otherwise, and is asking pointed questions about financial stuff, it's because such matters are of importance to him. Money and wealth and stability matter to him. That isn't right and it isn't wrong. Your choice to share or not share such information with him is neither right nor wrong. Both are personal preferences and philosophies. IMO, having experienced the dynamic all the way to the end, it's probably prudent to broach such subjects early-on, prior to emotional attachment. If you and he are already having sex and those ILY's are forming on the lips and you're thinking about 'plans', it's soon enough, IMO. You obviously disagree. I'm providing an independent outside viewpoint based on having been where he is and presumably being much older. Hope it works out
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 As a point of reference, when we met, my exW had a leased car, some furniture and a mountain of debt. I had a successful business, a whole bunch of real and personal assets and a very stable financial life. I'll just say she got a really nice house and anything of real value amongst our personal effects out of the deal. I allowed myself to be burned as much as my callouses could handle without experiencing permanent damage. It was worth it to get her out of my life. And yes, I told her exactly that. Now, if the guy you're dating has never been 'burned', by divorce or otherwise, and is asking pointed questions about financial stuff, it's because such matters are of importance to him. Money and wealth and stability matter to him. That isn't right and it isn't wrong. Your choice to share or not share such information with him is neither right nor wrong. Both are personal preferences and philosophies. IMO, having experienced the dynamic all the way to the end, it's probably prudent to broach such subjects early-on, prior to emotional attachment. If you and he are already having sex and those ILY's are forming on the lips and you're thinking about 'plans', it's soon enough, IMO. You obviously disagree. I'm providing an independent outside viewpoint based on having been where he is and presumably being much older. Hope it works out I did tell him I felt it was too soon but I also explained my situation and let him know I don't have a shopping addiction or huge mountain of debt other than a car note. The rest will take time. He is spending Christmas with me and my family. Tomorrow night he is bringing me to his company Christmas party. Yes we have been intimate and he has told me he feels very strongly for me. I feel the same.
musemaj11 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 Lol, I'm not bringing up a prenup until I get an " I love you + 9 months" Im just saying if you sense that he is still hung up on the financial issue, simply tell him along the line, "Look buddy, Im not interested in your money. I like you because you treat me well. If we ever go to that stage, I will even sign a prenup to show you that I have zero interest in your material possession." That will immediately put him at ease.
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Im just saying if you sense that he is still hung up on the financial issue, simply tell him along the line, "Look buddy, Im not interested in your money. I like you because you treat me well. If we ever go to that stage, I will even sign a prenup to show you that I have zero interest in your material possession." That will immediately put him at ease. Thats pretty good...thanks I will..
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 As a point of reference, when we met, my exW had a leased car, some furniture and a mountain of debt. I had a successful business, a whole bunch of real and personal assets and a very stable financial life. I'll just say she got a really nice house and anything of real value amongst our personal effects out of the deal. I allowed myself to be burned as much as my callouses could handle without experiencing permanent damage. It was worth it to get her out of my life. And yes, I told her exactly that. Now, if the guy you're dating has never been 'burned', by divorce or otherwise, and is asking pointed questions about financial stuff, it's because such matters are of importance to him. Money and wealth and stability matter to him. That isn't right and it isn't wrong. Your choice to share or not share such information with him is neither right nor wrong. Both are personal preferences and philosophies. IMO, having experienced the dynamic all the way to the end, it's probably prudent to broach such subjects early-on, prior to emotional attachment. If you and he are already having sex and those ILY's are forming on the lips and you're thinking about 'plans', it's soon enough, IMO. You obviously disagree. I'm providing an independent outside viewpoint based on having been where he is and presumably being much older. Hope it works out Guess I will have to point out that I'm not a gold digger.
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 As someone who has friends far wealthier than himself, I'll gently suggest to let your actions speak for you in that regard. Good luck
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 As someone who has friends far wealthier than himself, I'll gently suggest to let your actions speak for you in that regard. Good luck How? By paying for dinner here and there?
carhill Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) Proactive generosity *commensurate* with your financial wherewithal is one suggestion. Being forthright and proactive about what you believe in for yourself, financially, rather than being reactive. For example, I believe in dying broke and living life to the fullest, even if those philosophies injure my ability to achieve measurable wealth. I put people before money. My actions every day underscore those philosophies. I don't talk about them. People are perceptive. Lastly, listening. I can't emphasize this enough. This man will tell you a lot about himself if you listen. It's important that he be compatible for you, as well. It's entirely possible that his philosophies about finance and money could be markedly different than your own, relative to relationship dynamics. For example, some people view money as power; others view it as freedom. Each descriptor carries with it other related philosophies and behaviors. I always like to say that money gives you the power or freedom to be who you really are. Watch that carefully Edited December 7, 2010 by carhill
Author Fionah Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 Proactive generosity *commensurate* with your financial wherewithal is one suggestion. Being forthright and proactive about what you believe in for yourself, financially, rather than being reactive. For example, I believe in dying broke and living life to the fullest, even if those philosophies injure my ability to achieve measurable wealth. I put people before money. My actions every day underscore those philosophies. I don't talk about them. People are perceptive. Lastly, listening. I can't emphasize this enough. This man will tell you a lot about himself if you listen. It's important that he be compatible for you, as well. It's entirely possible that his philosophies about finance and money could be markedly different than your own, relative to relationship dynamics. For example, some people view money as power; others view it as freedom. Each descriptor carries with it other related philosophies and behaviors. I always like to say that money gives you the power or freedom to be who you really are. Watch that carefully Thanks Carhill.
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