Should I run for the hills?

[jules123]

I am new here, so hello to you all.

This is my story (very condensed).

 

Out of the blue 3 yrs ago, I was contacted by an old friend (flame).

Both of us now single.

We met up, talked a lot on the phone and even went away for the weekend..I realised my feelings for him hadn't changed.

He was then out of the country for a couple of months and the calls became less frequent.

When he returned we started talking much more often, but did not meet up, he lives 45mins away.

Around this time his ex was diagnosed with a serious illness, he has always been supportive of her and I have no issues with this.

 

Eventually the calls stopped altogether, and I put it down to experience, I kept lots of good memories, but moved on with my life.

Then about 8 weeks ago, he rang again, things are now much more serious with the ex's illness, he is also on the verge of bankruptcy.

 

We have met a couple of times and he has stayed over, I have talked quite bluntly about my feelings for him, and he says he feels the same, we have not used the L word but definately miss each other and say so.

 

The problem is there are children involved and although he has not been with her for 7 yrs, now that she is so ill, he is taking more of a pro active role which I applaud him for totally.

 

But once again our relationship is on the back boiler, his ex nor kids know about me.

He rings me every day, but we are running out of things to talk about, and he says he wants to come over, but never quite makes it for one reason or another.

My heart is telling me to hang on in there, my head is saying cut loose and save any heartache.

 

Just writing this down helps a little....I already know the answer, and I will be hanging in there...

But thanks for listening..

xx

[Madgick1]

The thing that seems worrisome is that you guys run out of things to talk about, and he doesn't come over when he says he will. Also the dead period where he just disappeare without closure or explanation.

 

Why did you choose hanging on rather than slipping away? What does he have to offer you?

[restart]

Well, the money thing can be very stressful, causing him to lose confidence of even being able to be who he has to be to be with you. I went thru similar situation, layoffs, where I did not proceed further into relationships I had started with some women, and finally one of them diagnosed it for me about what was causing it all. It can be self-sabotaging, and you might not really know what's doing it.

At some point you need to just lay things on the line with him? He may realize that already, but again, what have YOU got lose by it? You would have said exactly what will take the burden off your shoulders, and it WILL make you feel better, it always does when you finally let things out.