ech Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 We have been dating for almost 2 years. When we first got together my boyfriend would show alot of affection, hold my hand, tell me he loves me, text me alot, and have alot of sex:) NOW he has totally changed. He said its because "he has the girl". So I feel like I got someone totally different. I love him very much, but I feel like he doesnt love me, without the affection and all. Do all guys do this in the beginning?!
tlind Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 We have been dating for almost 2 years. When we first got together my boyfriend would show alot of affection, hold my hand, tell me he loves me, text me alot, and have alot of sex:) NOW he has totally changed. He said its because "he has the girl". So I feel like I got someone totally different. I love him very much, but I feel like he doesnt love me, without the affection and all. Do all guys do this in the beginning?! I can't speak for all guys, only for myself, but if I was with someone I loved...no matter how many years I was with her, I'd make sure she knew she was special...because honestly, she would be, and it would make me happy knowing she knew that. Knowing that "I had the girl" would make me try that much harder to "keep the girl" as well. This is strictly IMO and can't speak for everyone.
make me believe Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 NO, all guys definitely do not do that! I'm surprised that your BF came right out & admitted that he acted a certain way to get you & now that he has you he isn't going to do that stuff anymore. It takes balls to actually say that. And it's not a good thing!! There are plenty of guys out there who will SHOW you that they love you every single day, even after you've been together for years. I would not stand for the way your BF is treating you.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 You must think pretty badly of yourself, if you just accepted, "I have the girl", but he is absolutely correct judging by your response. He does have you, and you've made it so that he doesn't have to do anything to keep you, so, he doesn't do anything. Just start to distance yourself from him, and start going out with your friends more and don't hang out with him every time he wants to. Just use this time to start having fun without him, and he will come running..if he doesn't, well, he wasn't right for you anyway. I doubt you'll truly take my advice, as you seem like a complete doormat, and I don't expect you to have a massive change in character overnight, but good luck.
TaraMaiden Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 We have been dating for almost 2 years. When we first got together my boyfriend would show alot of affection, hold my hand, tell me he loves me, text me alot, and have alot of sex:) NOW he has totally changed. He said its because "he has the girl". So I feel like I got someone totally different. I love him very much, but I feel like he doesnt love me, without the affection and all. Do all guys do this in the beginning?! Yup. Basically he's emotionally lazy, complacent and is taking you for granted. And it's true, while you put up with being adequate, that's all you'll be. The thing to say to him is, "You know you told me you're like this because you 'have the girl'...? Well guess what buddy - you haven't. Go find another doormat, I'm too good for you, and I deserve better. Seeyabye!" And let him chew on that, while you follow BackUpOrGetStung's advice, to the letter. Can you?
Author ech Posted December 7, 2010 Author Posted December 7, 2010 wow maybe I am a doormat. Never took the time to stop and see it that way, but ya'all didnt have to be so rude about it;) And I think I will and DO have the balls to do what you suggested. I have a feeling he wont come a runnin back though.
Mad Max Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 You boyfriend has basically admitted that he put on an act to win you over and that once he stopped, you wouldn't leave him because you're already emotionally invested. Going by your actions, he seems to be right.
TaraMaiden Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 wow maybe I am a doormat. Never took the time to stop and see it that way, but ya'all didnt have to be so rude about it;) And I think I will and DO have the balls to do what you suggested. I have a feeling he wont come a runnin back though. Sometimes shock tactics are the best approach. The fact that you've come back with 'wow' would seem to indicate that we've given you a 'lightbulb moment'. So that worked well, albeit a little abruptly.... Look, while there's still enough light - make a run for it!
terra Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I really love my boyfriend, I'm know he loves me but he did this too a bit.. not to the extent where I questioned that he loves me but he is a lot- how shall I say - comfortable -in our relationship and doesn't do the really cute things he used to when we first started dating. I've talked to him about how effort into little things to show the other they care is super important. He tries but its not like it used to be. So maybe just talk to your boyfriend about how he may have the girl but doesn't mean he gets to keep her. He's still has to put in effort. I'm sure you can do it in a way that doesn't force an ultimatum. But I think that it's normal that in some relationship when the honey moon phase ends,and people get more comfortable and don't try as hard to impress. wow maybe I am a doormat. Never took the time to stop and see it that way, but ya'all didnt have to be so rude about it;) And I think I will and DO have the balls to do what you suggested. I have a feeling he wont come a runnin back though.
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