Dilemagirl2 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 I am 27 and I have been with my partner for nearly 4 years, this will be our fourth christmas together. We are very close and I do love him very much. we have been through a lot over the course of our relationship, but my partner doesnt discuss our relationship, when I ask him about jobs or kids or marriage or anything to do with our relationship he just says " I dont like planning things that havent happened yet" and stuff like that. All I want to know is that he has aspirations for our relationship. any little thing that goes wrong is my fault, I know he is a loving and affectionate man, but i find myself struggling to be intimate with him because i feel that he might not want the same thing i want in the future. (although he said he wants a family.) he wants a family as he has told me, marriage he doesnt talk about unless i bring it up. But i just dont know what to do. if i try and talk to him about it he just gets arsy and says he doesnt want to plan, money is an issue, its not the right time. any advice
samantha_123 Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) I am 27 and I have been with my partner for nearly 4 years, this will be our fourth christmas together. We are very close and I do love him very much. we have been through a lot over the course of our relationship, but my partner doesnt discuss our relationship, when I ask him about jobs or kids or marriage or anything to do with our relationship he just says " I dont like planning things that havent happened yet" and stuff like that. All I want to know is that he has aspirations for our relationship. any little thing that goes wrong is my fault, I know he is a loving and affectionate man, but i find myself struggling to be intimate with him because i feel that he might not want the same thing i want in the future. (although he said he wants a family.) he wants a family as he has told me, marriage he doesnt talk about unless i bring it up. But i just dont know what to do. if i try and talk to him about it he just gets arsy and says he doesnt want to plan, money is an issue, its not the right time. any advice Sounds like my ex bf he would never talk about marrige or having kids . You should put yourself first and not him . I went out with my ex for six and half years and he broke it off. It was such a waste of my time . I should have left him a long time ago instead of waiting to see what if he was going to propose to me. He would tell me when I’m financial secure we will get married. I asked him lets move in together he said I didn’t have a stable job … they are just excuses … now its over and im left in the dark with nothing because there was no “real committed to me” He putting himself first and his feelings … Ive learned ive got to be selfish .. you need to be was well. My advice to you would be have serious talk about marriage and kids.. Its been four years you should have a propoasl by now. If that doesn’t work as much as you love this guy you might have to leave him. Those are his issues not yours. Remember as much as you try you can not change somebody you got to accept them or leave. If you stay him there might be a chance you will end up like me heartbroken and lost. Edited December 8, 2010 by samantha_123
Author Dilemagirl2 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 Thank you. I was at work on night last night, i just feel sick and sad that he cant see whats happening. we live together, have done for nearly 4 years. I was upset with him when i left last night, because he never asks how i am, never asks how my day was, never cooks, cleans, wont even walk the dogs now. i work my ass off like him and i just feel so left outand not respected or valued.. i made the decision last night i am going to stay with my best friend for a few days, i text my partner last night from work and said "we need to talk when you get home from work tomorrow" (today) he replied, WHY? WHAT ABOUT. i said about our relationship, I dint get a reply. so i dont think he will see what his attitude is doing to us. he is just annoyed that i wont have sex. wont let him touch me. but if after 4 years he cant discuss or plan any of our future, whats the point in me waiting. after 4 years he should feel settled and love me for who i am. he says i plan too much and over analyze the relationship. but im 28 in march, if he doesnt want the same AS me, ive wasted 4 years of my life. i adore this man. but Its make or break for him. nothing will change that i love him. but maybe its not enough now. i need committment. ive been messed around all my adult life by men. thought he would be the one i could grow old with. im not saying im perfect, i just want to know what he wants, if its not me, fine il move on, move out and live my life, but i shouldnt have to walk away to get his attention. im totally stuck, im now packing clothes. and waiting till 6 when he gets home.
samantha_123 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) Thank you. I was at work on night last night, i just feel sick and sad that he cant see whats happening. we live together, have done for nearly 4 years. I was upset with him when i left last night, because he never asks how i am, never asks how my day was, never cooks, cleans, wont even walk the dogs now. i work my ass off like him and i just feel so left outand not respected or valued.. i made the decision last night i am going to stay with my best friend for a few days, i text my partner last night from work and said "we need to talk when you get home from work tomorrow" (today) he replied, WHY? WHAT ABOUT. i said about our relationship, I dint get a reply. so i dont think he will see what his attitude is doing to us. he is just annoyed that i wont have sex. wont let him touch me. but if after 4 years he cant discuss or plan any of our future, whats the point in me waiting. after 4 years he should feel settled and love me for who i am. he says i plan too much and over analyze the relationship. but im 28 in march, if he doesnt want the same AS me, ive wasted 4 years of my life. i adore this man. but Its make or break for him. nothing will change that i love him. but maybe its not enough now. i need committment. ive been messed around all my adult life by men. thought he would be the one i could grow old with. im not saying im perfect, i just want to know what he wants, if its not me, fine il move on, move out and live my life, but i shouldnt have to walk away to get his attention. im totally stuck, im now packing clothes. and waiting till 6 when he gets home. It sounds like to me he is taking you for granted. He reminds me of my ex in many ways it was always about him and never about me.( he was always the victim in the our fights , never wrong, always perfect) I wasted six and half years of my life with this guy (since I was 18 and now 25) still wasting my time on him getting over the brake up. I was always in hopes that he would give me a ring …. But it was always something …. I asked him for a promise right and he blew it off saying he doesn’t have to prove anything. I never put myself first in the relationship He told me horrible rude things when we broke up and this is the guy who I loved and cared about? The brake up to him was like nothing “ he said ill make new memory’s to move on” also that “ weird why is this so hard (the brake up) for you we weren’t really a couple we didn’t even hug or kiss” . You should look up narcissism I believe that my ex was in many ways. Maybe that will help you figure out if your bf is a narcissist. Hes with other girls as we speck sounds heart broken right? You got to love yourself first before you love somebody else. I also loved my ex very deeply but that wasn’t enough. Ive learned not to ever get treated like that to put myself first you should as well. Please keep me updated….. Remember these are his insecuritys and his issues not yours… Your doing the right thing right now your putting yourself first and not him... You want to know the answers and soon enough you will..... Edited December 9, 2010 by samantha_123
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