does this "shy guy" like me? or wants me to leave him alone?

[music3000]

so, i like this guy i work with, but i have no idea what to do about it. i think he's rather shy. he doesn't approach me much, and when i approach him, he acts all confused and starts stammering (not the whole conversation, but he always acts so shocked) we have some pretty awkward moments if you ask me. before i even liked him, i would watch him because i thought he was rather handsome and he would also give me compliments or notice when i did something different with myself (so that made me think that he was interested, especially since he didn't know me and would come up to me to compliment me on my hair, etc). he seemed like such a gentlemen. i asked him for his number one day(which he gave me after some very awkward conversation) and later on asked if it would be alright to call him. needless to say, that didn't go smoothly at all, he basically shot me down, until the next time i saw him and he actually approached me first. it was a very awkward conversation, but i was so happy and content with him approaching me (after seeing him hesitate out the corner of my eye.. he always seems to hesitate) but he has a tendacy to ask me dead end/RANDOM-RANDOM questions or bring up random topics of discussion (that are so random, i don't understand the point he's trying to make with mentioning it). he usually tries to keep the conversation going no matter how nervous he seems... however, i often feel like he has a very hot and cold approach. sometimes, i feel like i shouldn't approach him at all (even though i want to) because i make him nervous or because he doesn't want me to. he seems like a person who is very conscious of how they appear to people and obviously is very into his thoughts. i never see him talking to anyone at work, never seen him in the breakroom, etc, but i REALLY like him. people are telling me to leave it alone because it will go no where, but does he actually like me? or am i reading things wrong? i was telling one of my co-workers about it, and she was asking me "he talks to you? he looks really shy." and i said, "yeah, i know. i'm really trying, but i feel like giving up because it's so awkward." and she laughed. i don't know what to do. please help (and we're both in our 20's!). even saying "hi" or "bye" to him is awkward because of his awkward response or sometimes I feel like i shouldn't even say hi to him! i've tried to hard to break the ice these last couple of months... i get so nervous when i'm around him. i'm usually good with starting conversations and getting people to open up, but it's such a challenge with him. sometimes, he'll walk past me and act like he doesn't see me, and sometimes he acknowledges me. he walked passed me last week and when i looked at him, he turned his head (after the whole day he didn't acknowledge me at all). i feel like it's cool some days, but other days it isn't. i texted him once and he never responded, but later told me that he received my text but he was in class. i really want to call him but i'm afraid he won't answer... WHAT SHOULD I DO? i have such a crush on him, just seeing him brightens up my day, if he does like me, i know that i have to be the one to be the aggressor. i just don't know the next step to get things "going" (if he does like me that way).

[Yer_Blues]

Hesitation, stammering, awkwardness, a seeming desire to NOT WANT TO BE APPROACHED... all too familiar to me.

 

It could be two things:

 

1. He's not interested and you are making him uncomfortable.

2. He has some social phobia.

 

I've always wondered, as a person with pretty bad social phobia, how anybody who may have ever been interested in me would read my signals. Because I become extremely physically/mentally stressed when I am engaged in a situation where I am forced to be social or could be "judged", I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of negative emotions are communicated through my body language or if people think that I don't like them.

 

If he is really that quiet and reserved and gets that awkward, you are going to have to do all of the approaching/take all risk of rejection.

[Seamless74]

No offense but you kinda sound like a guy .. I would say your attempts so far are what most guys would consider EXTREMELY forward, But the whole work thing as you know is tough and for the most part its a bad idea. But that aside he may be extremely shy, or he could be like alot of us not our best self at work because we simply hate being there and theres alot of external stimuli that keeps us from letting our true selves out. and he might not totally understand whether your being friendly or sexual although with asking for his number which like never happens id have a hard time believing that,

 

Do you know his situation? Does he already have somebody? Maybe thats it. Have you tried sending him a text outside of the work environment seeing if hed be willing to meet for a cup of coffee or something?

 

But overall sounds like your trying kinda hard I mean it really just sounds like a lust thing. Obviously his personality might leave a little bit to be desired sounds like your just interested in him sexually and nothing else.

[Yer_Blues]

No offense but you kinda sound like a guy .. I would say your attempts so far are what most guys would consider EXTREMELY forward, But the whole work thing as you know is tough and for the most part its a bad idea. But that aside he may be extremely shy, or he could be like alot of us not our best self at work because we simply hate being there and theres alot of external stimuli that keeps us from letting our true selves out. and he might not totally understand whether your being friendly or sexual although with asking for his number which like never happens id have a hard time believing that,

 

Do you know his situation? Does he already have somebody? Maybe thats it. Have you tried sending him a text outside of the work environment seeing if hed be willing to meet for a cup of coffee or something?

 

But overall sounds like your trying kinda hard I mean it really just sounds like a lust thing. Obviously his personality might leave a little bit to be desired sounds like your just interested in him sexually and nothing else.

This post got me thinking. Would you consider this guy to be significantly more attractive than you? That could change the whole picture a bit...

[Seamless74]

Totally......just what i was thinking.. Like ive always said beware of the fox that comes to you...

[music3000]

i'm a chick. wow, i sound like a guy? lol, that's funny considering some circumstances... anyways, i think i'm attractive, i mean i don't think i'm ugly. i get a lot of interest from ppl, so it's surprising when someone turns me down. very, very intriguing...

 

wow, i really didn't think i was trying so hard, i'm just intrigued by "challenges". not really a lust thing to be honest with you. he just seems different, but maybe you're right, i should just back off. in a sea of the "same" kind of people, he just stands out to me.

[Yer_Blues]

i'm a chick. wow, i sound like a guy? lol, that's funny considering some circumstances... anyways, i think i'm attractive, i mean i don't think i'm ugly. i get a lot of interest from ppl, so it's surprising when someone turns me down. very, very intriguing...

 

wow, i really didn't think i was trying so hard, i'm just intrigued by "challenges". not really a lust thing to be honest with you. he just seems different, but maybe you're right, i should just back off. in a sea of the "same" kind of people, he just stands out to me.

lol the reason I ask is because I suddenly had this vision of this flustered business professional with a 6pack trying anything he can do to gently get the not-so-hot-perhaps-slightly-overweight girl from the office to stop pursuing him

 

If he has any interest at all and is really THAT shy, you would be deserving of a community service award by taking the more active, aggressive role in the process. And you never know, you might find a diamond in the rough. I find the quiet type who lack confidence to often think on a deeper level and do more self analysis more attractive than the more social animal. But I am biased to the extreme degree, because I am shy and introverted.

[music3000]

lol the reason I ask is because I suddenly had this vision of this flustered business professional with a 6pack trying anything he can do to gently get the not-so-hot-perhaps-slightly-overweight girl from the office to stop pursuing him

 

If he has any interest at all and is really THAT shy, you would be deserving of a community service award by taking the more active, aggressive role in the process. And you never know, you might find a diamond in the rough. I find the quiet type who lack confidence to often think on a deeper level and do more self analysis more attractive than the more social animal. But I am biased to the extreme degree, because I am shy and introverted.

 

lol NO NO NO, that description doesn't describe me at all! lmfaooooo. if anything, a lot of men at work pursue me/are interested in me, that i do not like on those levels! ... but yes, i find those types more attractive myself, it's just hard getting close to the shy guys, so the more outgoing ones win. i might've obviously made him uncomfortable, but i'm not really use to taking the more aggressive role unless i have an innocent, real attraction to somebody. might just have to take the 'L' (loss).

[Yer_Blues]

lol NO NO NO, that description doesn't describe me at all! lmfaooooo. if anything, a lot of men at work pursue me/are interested in me, that i do not like on those levels! ... but yes, i find those types more attractive myself, it's just hard getting close to the shy guys, so the more outgoing ones win. i might've obviously made him uncomfortable, but i'm not really use to taking the more aggressive role unless i have an innocent, real attraction to somebody. might just have to take the 'L' (loss).

See, I don't think most women find shy/nervous guys attractive at all. So while you may think they are harder to get close to, keep in mind they tend to be more desperate. Desperation eventually causes you to leave yourself open a bit. Shy people aren't all closed up once they are comfortable with someone, it's just the physiological reaction to a perceived threat when having to interact with people they are unsure of.

[music3000]

See, I don't think most women find shy/nervous guys attractive at all. So while you may think they are harder to get close to, keep in mind they tend to be more desperate. Desperation eventually causes you to leave yourself open a bit. Shy people aren't all closed up once they are comfortable with someone, it's just the physiological reaction to a perceived threat when having to interact with people they are unsure of.

 

it's not that the "shyness" makes them attractive, it could be other things, and shyness could be a part of it... if that makes sense? like, i like him because he's handsome and i like his "aura", he just happens to be shy, and that quality can be kind of endearing, but not necessarily the reason for my attraction. not all shy people are desperate though, i use to be one of those (could barely talk without stuttering) and i was never desperate. desperation can come in many, many forms not just shy... but all in all, i don't have any problem with shy/nervous guys if they seem like nice people, it's just hard trying to "get close" to them.

[Yer_Blues]

it's not that the "shyness" makes them attractive, it could be other things, and shyness could be a part of it... if that makes sense? like, i like him because he's handsome and i like his "aura", he just happens to be shy, and that quality can be kind of endearing, but not necessarily the reason for my attraction. not all shy people are desperate though, i use to be one of those (could barely talk without stuttering) and i was never desperate. desperation can come in many, many forms not just shy... but all in all, i don't have any problem with shy/nervous guys if they seem like nice people, it's just hard trying to "get close" to them.

I think I know exactly what you mean, that's the exact way I would describe my attraction for the female counterpart. It's pretty much all physical attraction, but there is this sense of mystery with the whole shyness mixed in. I think that roughly equates to the "aura" you perceive.

 

But you have to bridge the gender gap... theoretically, I'm predisposed to being attracted to the more shy, reserved qualities in a mate, where as females are inclined to like the more extroverted, dominant social behavior. Passive males are desperate if they are not above average in attractiveness and are horny, because girls do not approach/initiate often, and the type that do are aiming high.

 

This may just be bitter or sexist, but in most cases, I feel any female who is a) young b) average to slightly below average even

 

can ALWAYS find attention and sex without very much effort. Even if you are a bit large, you can put on a tight outfit and theres bound to be somebody to make an approach. Guys don't have that luxury.

[fishtaco]

Kudos for you for being forward. Women don't do that normally, but the ones that do, have my respect. It's not easy, as you have experienced, and takes self confidence to pull it off.

 

But generally, to date a shy person, you have to put in a lot of work. A shy person doesn't know how to communicate how they feel or what they want. So the only way is to keep going forward until you reach your goal or they call the cops on you.

 

I'm over it. When a woman starts behaving that way (shy), I drop them and move on. I do what I'm supposed to do, and I expect the same out of them. They have the easy part -- they just have to respond positively, just like this guy in your situation. If they can't even do that, then I'm really not interested.

 

Best of luck to you.

[music3000]

I think I know exactly what you mean, that's the exact way I would describe my attraction for the female counterpart. It's pretty much all physical attraction, but there is this sense of mystery with the whole shyness mixed in. I think that roughly equates to the "aura" you perceive.

 

But you have to bridge the gender gap... theoretically, I'm predisposed to being attracted to the more shy, reserved qualities in a mate, where as females are inclined to like the more extroverted, dominant social behavior. Passive males are desperate if they are not above average in attractiveness and are horny, because girls do not approach/initiate often, and the type that do are aiming high.

 

This may just be bitter or sexist, but in most cases, I feel any female who is a) young b) average to slightly below average even

 

can ALWAYS find attention and sex without very much effort. Even if you are a bit large, you can put on a tight outfit and theres bound to be somebody to make an approach. Guys don't have that luxury.

 

i understand what you mean... but i just don't like those "qualities" that you listed in males. those things always run me away and makes me feel uncomfortable. it's not like i don't get attention, it's just that i like a very, very specific kind of man (tried lowering my standards a few times but it failed...MISERABLY). i'm pretty shy about dating... until i really like you (which doesn't happen very often), and aggressiveness always makes me have mixed feelings about someone. it is very hard trying to find someone to date here... very, very hard & i'm definitely not aiming too high, i hardly ever do. to be quite honest, i feel like i would be an upgrade.

 

as far as that goes, i really feel like men have it easier. just learn the things that women "like" & they definitely will chase you. it's really not hard. especially not here... if i wanted someone i felt mediocre about, i could just choose someone that has been "friend-zoned" instead, i go after the ones i have the "spark" for. i honestly feel like men get to choose while women wait to get chosen.

[Sarah1977]

people are telling me to leave it alone because it will go no where, but does he actually like me?

 

This is the red flag for me. If your co-workers know you're crushing on him, 9 times out of 10, they have ran to him and told him hoping to play matchmaker. If he was interested, they would have told you to go for it. Instead, they're saying to leave it alone. That doesn't bode well for a favorable response from him.

[music3000]

This is the red flag for me. If your co-workers know you're crushing on him, 9 times out of 10, they have ran to him and told him hoping to play matchmaker. If he was interested, they would have told you to go for it. Instead, they're saying to leave it alone. That doesn't bode well for a favorable response from him.

 

my co-workers do not know. i don't share with them like that. i just mentioned it to one. she didn't tell me to leave it alone... that right there was something i spoke with my mother about when i told her the whole situation. trust me when i say, no one "ran" to him because no one knows i like him (besides one and she wouldn't do that).

[Sarah1977]

my co-workers do not know. i don't share with them like that. i just mentioned it to one. she didn't tell me to leave it alone... that right there was something i spoke with my mother about when i told her the whole situation. trust me when i say, no one "ran" to him because no one knows i like him (besides one and she wouldn't do that).

 

Then who told you to leave it alone?

[music3000]

Kudos for you for being forward. Women don't do that normally, but the ones that do, have my respect. It's not easy, as you have experienced, and takes self confidence to pull it off.

 

But generally, to date a shy person, you have to put in a lot of work. A shy person doesn't know how to communicate how they feel or what they want. So the only way is to keep going forward until you reach your goal or they call the cops on you.

 

I'm over it. When a woman starts behaving that way (shy), I drop them and move on. I do what I'm supposed to do, and I expect the same out of them. They have the easy part -- they just have to respond positively, just like this guy in your situation. If they can't even do that, then I'm really not interested.

 

Best of luck to you.

 

Thank you ... i know i'd prob have to put in a lot of work with this guy, which im willing to do, but im kind of clueless if i should or shouldn't or how i would go about doing it. spoke with my mom about this and she believes it's a lost cause, so maybe she's right.

[music3000]

Then who told you to leave it alone?

 

was talking to my mom about it.... im way too embarrassed to mention the crush to my co-workers.. im always reluctant & embarrassed to admit my crushes to ppl

[Surrealist]

He sounds a bit like myself, except I am not all that shy around people in general, only with girls I like. Also should point out that comment above about re shy people are desperate is simply not true of all cases. FWIW I see three possibilities:

 

1. Sounds like he may have some social anxiety. From personal experience, he may be feeling like he cannot believe someone would be interested in him, even if he does consciously see the cures, his inner being is saying otherwise, which is making him react in the way he does.
   
2. He may be feeling ambivalent about it, he may like you but understands that workplace romances are a no no and hesitates accordingly.
   
3. Having said that there is also the possibility he isn't interested and finds it difficult to try and maintain a professional corporate relationship with you all the while try to communicate he is not interested - I have been in this situation as well, and frankly it is very annoying.
   

Hope this helps, however it only raises more uncertainties than it does answers I guess.

[O'Malley]

 

1. Sounds like he may have some social anxiety. From personal experience, he may be feeling like he cannot believe someone would be interested in him, even if he does consciously see the cures, his inner being is saying otherwise, which is making him react in the way he does.
   
2. He may be feeling ambivalent about it, he may like you but understands that workplace romances are a no no and hesitates accordingly.
   
3. Having said that there is also the possibility he isn't interested and finds it difficult to try and maintain a professional corporate relationship with you all the while try to communicate he is not interested - I have been in this situation as well, and frankly it is very annoying.
   

 

 

I agree. If he doesn't go out of his way to talk to coworkers, but is initiating some (non-work related) conversations with you, that's a good sign.

 

Having dated (and currently involved with) more introverted men, the fact is you are going to have to initiate much more. I've known my boyfriend for over 15 years and while I can figure out his moods and reactions now, he was very unreadable at first. More importantly, if you aren't comfortable playing more of a dominant role in the relationship, this type of individual probably isn't for you.

 

I see nothing wrong with talking to him at work, and at some point casually asking him (as you're leaving work) if he'd like to grab a bite to eat with you. And I'd write him off as a lost cause if he still won't step up to the plate and say yes.

[Yer_Blues]

i understand what you mean... but i just don't like those "qualities" that you listed in males. those things always run me away and makes me feel uncomfortable. it's not like i don't get attention, it's just that i like a very, very specific kind of man (tried lowering my standards a few times but it failed...MISERABLY). i'm pretty shy about dating... until i really like you (which doesn't happen very often), and aggressiveness always makes me have mixed feelings about someone. it is very hard trying to find someone to date here... very, very hard & i'm definitely not aiming too high, i hardly ever do. to be quite honest, i feel like i would be an upgrade.

 

as far as that goes, i really feel like men have it easier. just learn the things that women "like" & they definitely will chase you. it's really not hard. especially not here... if i wanted someone i felt mediocre about, i could just choose someone that has been "friend-zoned" instead, i go after the ones i have the "spark" for. i honestly feel like men get to choose while women wait to get chosen.

Learn to be over six feet tall, have rock hard abs and exude confidence constantly while being able to read signals/body language is not exactly something you just learn. Men get to "choose", but also have all the pressure placed on them.

[tylo]

It's possible that he could be love-shy and never had a girlfriend before. He could like you but his anxiety could be getting in the way.

 

 

It will take some time but don't give up on him.

[DuskCrush]

Sorry Music, it sounds like he's not interested.

If he was just shy and didn't know how to approach you he would have jumped at the opportunity when you asked for his number or at least encouraged you a bit more.

More than likely, he likes the attention and doesn't want to lose that so he keeps you dangling to feed his ego.

I could be wrong but that's what the situation sounds like to me.

Just back off completely and don't be angry. He doesn't owe you anything.

Your expectations were too high.

Good luck finding love.

[music3000]

hey, you guys. havent been on here for a few days...busy with work and things... anyway, things seem to be moving forward slightly. i do think that he is interested in me (seems that it is highly likely)... seems to be the type that doesn't push the issue... i just have to take things slow and make sure that i continuously go up to him and start conversation since that seems to make him feel more comfortable to do the same (i tend to get super nervous right before i approach him for some reason, but im always welcomed even got so nervous once i walked into something ... let's just say i was HIGHLY embarrassed )... thanks for the advice you guys! this definitely will be a work in progress... but i AM patient and i believe the rewards will be amazing. just have to swallow that nervous feeling thats in the bottom of my stomach.

[amagordos]

Good keep doing that. I think it's a good idea if you are friends with him first. Discuss your likes and dislikes and open yourself to him and he might start sharing more stuff about him with you. Im a really shy person and I could tell you that if he really likes you he needs to feel like he could trust you first and then he will open up.