Try to get her back?

[Dedalus]

I am now 25. A few months ago I broke up with a girl I met a girl towards the end of my time at university, when I was 22.

 

This is the story:

 

It was a one-night stand, but we ended up seeing more and more of each other and after a couple of months we were 'in a relationship'.

 

At the time, I felt my life was somewhat in a state of flux. I think - although I didn't go to the doctor, so cannot be sure - that I had mild depression; I loved my friends at uni, loved my life, loved the course I was doing... and all that was about to change and I felt this constant heaviness in my heart at that prospect. Friends moved to different countries, I moved away, I started a job I didn't like very much.

 

All this time, I stayed with this girl. We got on well, although - even then - I perhaps never really felt the passion, the love that I should have done.

 

We moved in together after a few months. Me doing this job I wasn't that keen on, her working too. I started having doubts about the relationship: am I too young? is she the right one for me? where is my life going? what am I doing career-wise? why are none of my friends living with their partner? etc, etc.

 

This translated into little arguments about stupid things, mostly started by me (and certainly I did little to prevent them). Now, I cared about this girl a huge amount, but there were times I felt so trapped I wanted to scream. One moment particularly stands out; we were watching a film in our apartment, it was a bit depressing and bleak and I had to hold back to stop myself running out of the room. As you can probably tell, this was my problem and not really to do with her.

 

At this point I should say this girl is, I think, pretty damn amazing. She is beautiful, intelligent and caring and she loved me so much. She really put herself second in a way that doesn't happen much and which I didn't fully appreciate at the time. She was patient with my spells of feeling down, etc.

 

But I started almost resenting her, as awful as that sounds. I would get impatient with her and preferred spending time with my friends.

 

Then a hot girl started at work. Absolutely not suited to me at all, but smoking hot and full of flirtatious chat. We used to hang out a fair bit at work, but I never cheated on my gf.

 

However, after almost three years I ended the relationship with my girlfriend and pretty soon started seeing this new girl, who said she wanted casual sex and that was it (fine by me).

 

At first I felt relieved that I had finally taken the plunge and ended the relationship; that lasted about two weeks.

 

Then I felt fear. What if I have done the wrong thing? This was crippling at times, really horrible emotional pain. The only thing that would stop it? Going to sleep with this new girl. I started spending more time with her, but have kept it a secret from everyone (including my ex). I am worried she is now falling for me, even though she said she didn't want a relationship and only wanted a casual fling.

 

Recently though the doubts have been resurfacing - I started thinking about my ex every day. I have realised that this new girl and I have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, etc. I compare her with my ex and my ex seems so well suited to me.

 

Then, a week ago, I saw my ex. She has been seeing some guy for a few weeks, but I think it's a rebound thing. Part of me wants to ask her to get back with me, but I am scared that I am still the same old guy and that I will just start having doubts again.

 

I have met dozens of attractive girls since breaking up a few months ago. I am not interested in any of them. The only girl I keep thinking about regularly is my ex...

 

Please tell me why I am so confused! What does love feel like, or will I just know it? I am 25 ffs... I want to love my ex and be happy settling down with her...

[chloe56]

Hi, it would be a good idea to read the replies by Graceful to your previous threads. It would be an even better idea to actually follow the advice given. It would help immensely. Those that advice on here have been through heartache, and most that do, give first rate advice from personal experience.

 

My 2p worth to this, is that you need to find out why you wanted out, be brutally honest with yourself, you just might realise it was for the best you ended it. After all, if you really love someone, you DO NOT make them feel miserable,push them away or not communicate no matter how wonderful they are to you. Just my personal opinion.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

It sounds more like to me your having the "I want what I can't have" syndrome. Shes with someone new and you don't like that.

 

Just leave her alone.. You left her she is moving on and so she should.. You broke up with her.

 

You just said you don't know if your the same old guy that might have doubts again. In my opionion that means you are..

[alwayshoping]

I agree with the other posters.

 

Mate, It really does sound like you want what you cant have. Its not fair to your ex if you get back with her to only dump her because the doubts resurface.

 

Either figure out what you want or leave the poor girl. Either way, if you truly love her you wont want to see her hurt again and will be sure before making any moves.

 

If you do decide you want her and wont have doubts then tell her. But be sure.

Even then she may not take you back but its always nice for dumpees to hear the break up was a mistake. Whatever you decide be sure of the decision, because this poor girl doesnt deserve her heart broken twice.

 

Good luck x

[alwayshoping]

ps when you love someone, they are you world and other girls seem insignificant! No one will be hotter, they may look prettier but you will look again and notice everything the girl your with has thats better.

 

When your in love you just know. No other girl will be able to compete period, doubts just mean you perhaps havent found the right girl yet.

 

Sure you dont like any girls yet, thats fine, its not a race!

 

Take your time, you will find someone that removes the doubts, and you can sleep happy.

 

your only thinking of your ex because you havent found someone you can connect with on an emotional level yet. Thats not a reason to get her back though, im afraid.

 

Take your time and see what happens.