Husband Left, Now I'm Scared and Alone with Baby on the Way

[girlygirl505]

I am 32, my husband is 38 and I am certain he is in a full blown midlife crisis. After 11 years together and 6 years of marriage, he decided to go outside of our marriage and start an affair with a younger co-worker. To make matter worse, I found all this out when I was 5 months pregnant with our second child.

 

My husband and I had our ups and downs like any other couple but overall we had a fun, loving marriage. Family meant the world to my husband and I. When we first found out we were pregnant back in April, my husband was excited and told me he was going to take such good care of me, this is the best thing that could happen to us...blah, blah, blah. Then in July, his attitude started to change. He no longer touched me or my belly, he was cold and distant, his daily calls and text messages stopped and talking about the pregnancy/baby became awkward.

 

In mid-August, I found proof of the affair and confronted him, he came clean and gave me the old ILYBNILWY line and told me I never supported his dream of becoming a pro-MMA fighter which he has been pursuing since Dec. 2009. Keep in mind, this was something that came about when he was 36 years old. Its true, I wasnt supportive of him going pro. I was all about the training to stay fit and blow off steam or whatever but PRO cage fighting? He would train for days/nights on end for many hours at a time then travel for his job 3 days a week. He was never home. When he did finally have his first cage fight, he got beat up to the point where he had to have surgery on his ear and miss a week of work (unpaid). How can a wife be supportive of that when he's putting his health and income on the line? After all that, he said he would stop and that he was sorry for what he had put the family through. Then at the end of June 2010, said he'd being doing it again in July. This really pissed me off. This time I was pregnant and didnt care to see my husband getting his a$$ kicked again and potentially miss more work due to injury. This is when he started to talk to OW at work and she thougth the idea of a part time MMA fighter was hot and sexy. Thats all it took for my selfish husband to turn his back on me.

 

Due to my lack of support and a new, younger OW to stroke his ego, he left my son and I. Moved into his own place and we have been separated since (almost 4 months). I am lost and scared to be a single mother of 2 kids. I left my hometown 11 years ago to relocate and start a life with my stbxh. I have no family here and moving back home is not an option. I am due to have my baby in 3 weeks and I am scared and alone. How could he just up and leave us like this knowing that our daughter is on her way? Knowing that he's been my only family here my entire adult life?

 

Is there anyone else out there ever been in this situation and all turned out ok? Pregnant and abandoned by their husband? I just feel like my life is going to consist of nothing more than making sure my kids are happy, healthy and provided for while dad is out running around living the life of a teenager again. I dont see how I'll ever be happy and truly myself again:(

[whichwayisup]

Rely on family and friends. Get a lawyer and divorce him, get child support and go from there. No point in trying to fix a marriage when the other person has no interest.

 

HE has made a HUGE mistake, MLC, instead of getting help, working through it, he chose to go to another woman. THAT is HIS fault, not yours. DO not blame yourself for his selfishness and stupid choices. He owns that all by himself.

[tobydog]

Aww hunni, I feel your pain. Who knows why they do this? I don't think I will ever know. Mine left, well I drove him away and he left me and our 4 year old son, 8 years and 4 IVF's. hardly seen him in 12 weeks, why? Dunno, prolly never will. All I say is take care of you and your children, they won 't forget what he has done. x Hugs x

[girlygirl505]

Thank you for your thoughts and support. I am working on saving up for a good lawyer but in my state, a divorce cannot be finalized until after the baby is born. A case for child support has already been opened and I would expect my first check to arrive Jan. 2011.

 

I have great friends and they have been as supportive as they can be...many of them were mutual friends who cannot believe what my husband has done.

 

The thought of giving birth to my daughter alone is so scary! The thought of my unborn daughter not knowing her daddy the way my son grew to know him, just breaks my heart. Before all this mess, my husband was an amazing father. Seeing him with his son always brought joy to my heart. To our daughter, he will be nothing more than an "every other weekend visitor" and a paycheck.

 

Tobydog, how has your son adjusted to his father leaving and no longer being around everyday? My son is torn up about this and although he (we) are stronger than we were when dad first left, he still misses his dad taking him to school, picking him up, taking him to gym classes, etc. How long has it been since your husband left?

 

I am sad to see how many stories are like mine (minus the baby on the way). How spouses seem to be in love on minute and ready to bail on their family the next over OW/OM. I wasnt even aware of how sour my husbands feelings had turned until I found out he was having an affair. So I never even had a chance to make things work.