localboy Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 (edited) Hi there, I'm a bit new to all this, so give me a chance :-) I'm from England and I was with my girlfriend for just under two years. We met 7 years ago when we both worked together, she was 16 and I was 17 at the time, we were way too young and things never really happened. We often met up, and towards the end of my last relationship we became very close. There was barely a gap before I got together with her, and for 18 months we were really happy. However I started to let things get the better of me and became jealous. I had not built up enough of a life for myself away from her and relied heavily on her for a social life. This put enormous strain on our relationship at times because despite the fact that she loved me, she wanted to (quite rightly) spend time with her friends too. About four months ago she started a new job and ended up working very long hours. This put even more frustration and strain on our relationship, and it sent my imagination wild with what she 'must be up-to' and I became obsessed with trying to find signs that your girlfriend is cheating etc. It all got too much and we went from having a really good relationship to barely talking. She has since admitted that she started to stay away more and more as she didn't want to have the inquisition when she got home. I should point out that I had moved in with her at her parents with a view to save money for a house deposit. So we went out for a nice meal as I decided it would be good to try and start again, however when we got home she just wanted to go to sleep. This sent me wild again and we had a massive row. When we woke up she burst into tears and said she wanted some space. I moved out and we agreed we'd give it a week. That was on the Saturday and we didn't talk until Tuesday, at which point we agreed to meet for dinner on the Wednesday night. We did and it was quite a nice evening, she said that she loved me and saw herself marrying me one day but we had to give it time and she didn't want me to move straight back in. We kissed and I walked her to her car. We continued like this for about three weeks, meeting up twice or three times a week but the spark felt like it had gone a bit. We had arranged to go away for the weekend with a big group of people where we'd be staying together. I felt this would be an ideal time to rekindle our romance, however it didn't happen and in the car on the way home we agreed it wasn't working and decided to split up. This was just under a month ago now, and we have seen each other twice when I've been over to collect my things. The first time a week after we were talking and she said she didn't know what she wanted. She still wanted space but couldn't rule out getting back together because she still loved me. Then a couple of times we have spoken on the phone, sometimes initiated by me, some times by her. It's all nice, talking about our days and what we're doing etc but it's not very often (max twice per week). Then yesterday I went round there to get some more stuff. I was only supposed to be there for about 20 minutes but ended up being there for about 4 hours. We chatted about loads of stuff and we got onto this guy that one of my friends noticed was now friends with her friends on Facebook (tenuous I know). Anyway she said nothing was going on and that being with someone else was the last thing she wanted. She said she was enjoying being on her own, but that she missed me at the same time. She said half of her loves me and wants to be with me, but the other half feels angry at the way I treated her and doesn't think I'll change. We got onto what the chances of getting back together were, and she said she didn't know but at the moment she doesn't think we will because she doesn't think I'll change. She says the way I was at times scared her and reminded her of her abusive ex, though she admitted that I am a good person and knows I'd never hurt her. I told her that I thought right now the break up was the right thing and that I was genuinely sorry for the way I treated her. I said that she was secretive sometimes and she agreed, but she said it was for an easier life. I didn't beg for her back or anything but I told her that I didn't want to close the door to it. We then ended up cuddling, and we looked at each other the way we used to, we felt like we wanted to kiss each other but she broke it off saying that it wasn't right. We ended up larking around and she asked for help picking out an outfit to wear to go and see one of her mates. I kept going to leave and she'd kind of ignore it and ask me another question - this could just be me reading too much into it though. I have started working really hard on going out and building up a social life, and she said she had noticed this through facebook and stuff. She asked whether I was doing this to prove something to her and I said that I wasn't that I simply had to sort my life out. She said this was annoying as she had been telling me to do this for over a year. She said she didn't want to cut contact and that if I wanted to call her I could, and she would do the same. However now I don't know what to do, I feel in limbo as I can't decide if there is something there or if I should just latch onto the 'I don't think we will because I don't think you'll change' and move on. Is she letting me down gently or laying the gauntlet for me to prove myself? Sorry for the post length, but I think it's a pretty accurate summation :-) Edited December 6, 2010 by localboy
swfc_77 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 there's nothing there mate by the sounds of it, your relationship mirrors that of mine slightly though my ex treat me a lot worse. you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself for anyone, the reason your being more social now is because theres not much else you can do apart from sit about on your own sulking, which is not good trust me. she sounds like she's keeping you on a string, just in case she doesn't feel better without you. its not fair i know and its not what you expect from someone you love but thats the way it goes. it also sounds like you weren't ready to move in with each other, i was in that exact same position. my ex wanted me to buy a nice house in a nice place with money i didn't have, she even mentioned me gettin a £20,000 loan for a deposit. it was probably rough you two living at her parents, just like it was my ex living here with mine. but if she really wanted it she would have stuck it out and worked with you all the way for a good future. i'v only just realised but i need to get my self sorted first, get some security behind me. its hard enough doing it alone, even harder with someone else. she seems sligthly scared that you'll do better without her than with her, and you probably will mate. i know i do, hard to admit but when my heads clear there's only my own feelings to consider, hit everything at 100mph. dont contact her anymore, she will try and contact you with tears and questions but she only wants to keep tabs on you. there's no point staying friends because in the end either you will be hurt by seeing her move on with someone else, or she'll end up hurt dont believe anything she says, emotions are high and she'll say anything to please you, just like she'll say anything to hurt you when she's upset. cut loose and see this as an opportunity, not a dissapointment
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