i'm not the one Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 This is a really long story but I’m going to try to be brief for you guys. I was with the same guy for a little over two years. He was my best friend and my first real relationship. He was the first boy I was in love with and the first person I slept with. I told him everything about myself and he still loved me for exactly who I was, and as someone who has struggled with self esteem since junior high, that meant the world to me. We were really supportive of each other and helped each other through some tough times. Things changed though. We had different goals in life, we had trouble spending time apart while I was away at college, and we argued a lot towards the end of our relationship. A few months ago he broke up with me. I was just starting to get over it when he called to tell me that during the last three or four months of our relationship he was in love with my younger sister and cheating on me with her. My parents found out and made them stop and told him to break up with me, but none of them told me what was going on until this phone call. My sister and I are only two years apart so we’ve always been really close. Especially during high school and college we’ve been very close and talk about everything and just act ridiculous when we hang out. It’s so much harder being cheated on when it was with her because she’s family and I can never put it behind me. Plus my ex knew how much she meant to me so what he did is worse because of who it was. It’s been about a month since I found out and I’m still pretty cut up about it. I’m just really lost on how to handle the situation and any advice would be appreciated. My friends have been pretty nice about it but it’s hard for them to understand. And I can’t blame them since I don’t even understand how I feel half the time.
JaneDoe35 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 This is awful. But it can be overcome. Counselling would be a first step. I really feel for you. Betrayal is so painful.
wicar1 Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 This is a really long story but I’m going to try to be brief for you guys. I was with the same guy for a little over two years. He was my best friend and my first real relationship. He was the first boy I was in love with and the first person I slept with. I told him everything about myself and he still loved me for exactly who I was' date=' and as someone who has struggled with self esteem since junior high, that meant the world to me. We were really supportive of each other and helped each other through some tough times. Things changed though. We had different goals in life, we had trouble spending time apart while I was away at college, and we argued a lot towards the end of our relationship. A few months ago he broke up with me. I was just starting to get over it when he called to tell me that during the last three or four months of our relationship he was in love with my younger sister and cheating on me with her. My parents found out and made them stop and told him to break up with me, but none of them told me what was going on until this phone call. My sister and I are only two years apart so we’ve always been really close. Especially during high school and college we’ve been very close and talk about everything and just act ridiculous when we hang out. It’s so much harder being cheated on when it was with her because she’s family and I can never put it behind me. Plus my ex knew how much she meant to me so what he did is worse because of who it was. It’s been about a month since I found out and I’m still pretty cut up about it. I’m just really lost on how to handle the situation and any advice would be appreciated. My friends have been pretty nice about it but it’s hard for them to understand. And I can’t blame them since I don’t even understand how I feel half the time.[/quote'] Dump the guy. He was in a relationship. He cheated on you with your sister. Your sister is worse than him, for god's sake she's your sister. She's your family. How could she do this to you. She had an affair with your bf??? She back stabbed you. If you have the strength, dump your sister too.
BellaBellaBella Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 I understand your betrayal. I understand your outrage. I think seriously you were betrayed by more then the two parties. Your sister, your bf and your parents for hiding it. Have you spoken to them about this? Have you been home? Why didn't your parents tell you? Have you spoken to your sister? Is your sister and your ex still in contact? I feel so sad for you.
skydiveaddict Posted December 7, 2010 Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) There are special places reserved in hell for people like your ex. She was probably unfairly manipulated by this creep, even so, your sister's behavior is hideous as well. I'm sorry for you. Edited December 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 8, 2010 Posted December 8, 2010 I would like to understand exactly HOW LONG it had been between the time your sister was made to stop seeing this guy, and when he finally called you to inform you? A giant mystery is his motive for making that call. Obviously he was mad at someone, but, psycholigically, one can be/feel/seem much nearer to another when being mean to her than he is when far removed and maintaining no contact at all. So is there any prayer on earth that he wants you back? (I'm NOT saying you should even consider it - but un-der-stand-ing his motives for even calling would be of some consolation) It is conventional practice for spurned exes to behave in a manner which is akin to being mean to those who have rejected them. (again, I am NOT in any way defending him, or suggesting you interact with him at all, but understanding as much as you can from the point at which he altered your life with that hurtful phone call, may help you in healing and eventually forgiving your family)
Author i'm not the one Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 thanks for all the quick responses! no worries wicar1, i am not with him anymore. my sister is family though so i can't cut her out of my life. SincereOnlineGuy, it was three months between the time my boyfriend and i broke up (also when my parents found out and they stopped seeing each other) and when he called to tell me. i don't know why he waited so long or why he told me at all. my best guess for his motives is that he deluded himself into thinking that once it was all out in the open, he and my sister could be together. the problem there being that she hates him and that i, of course, would never be okay with that. Bella, i have been home and talked to everyone involved so they all know that i feel betrayed and hurt. i guess i still don't know how to act though or how to start to feeling like i can trust my family again.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 OK, my guess is that he is is hating the emptiness in his world... and to have called and done that horrible thing, let him feel nearer to both you and your sister than he did with pure silence. Can't even tell which of the two of you he wants to be near, but he sounds like bad news at any rate.
BellaBellaBella Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I am sorry. I am going through a different type of betrayal from my sister. She is not a very nice person. She did some horrible things. Including knowing my BF was cheating on me with my best friend. Her most recent betrayals are worse and do not involve sex. However, my parents knew part of what was going on and didn't tell me. So I do understand the betayal. I feel that I don't ever want to go home again. Do your parents understand you feel just as betrayed by them, and what were their reasons for hiding this from you? Did your sister apolgize or explain? My sister accepts no blame for anything. I am beyond furious with her and my parents.
Recommended Posts