About to move in - feeling upside down..

[weeble78]

Hey everyone

 

I've been toying with the idea of coming back and posting here, but haven't wanted to as it kind of means things aren't going great again

 

BF and I have been together 1 year and a few weeks. Moving in together in 2 weeks.

 

During this time we have had ups and downs. There have been issues over things like spitefulness (which I called him out on), him pulling away (to which I've had to become distant myself to pull him back), issues which I feel are over committment e.g. not committing to go away on holiday, freaking when my parents asked him to join in a family thing, freaking for 6 months over moving in together etc.

 

Basically I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster.

 

During this time I have been dealing with an ex who has been blackmailing me and my family, very stressful, finally dealt with last week. Also about 1.5 months ago I had a miscarriage. In short, my world has nearly come crashing down around me. My BF has all but disappeared from my life.

 

I have needed love and support at this time, which I have found in my friends. I feel like everything has fallen apart. I managed the miscarriage and blackmail, even doing all the househunting whilst going through it, with no help from BF. I got angry and fed up that he wasn't there for me, He apologised and said he'd done wrong, and that he'd be there for me. He bought me flowers and took me out for an expensive meal. That was it. He'd not answer telephone calls or texts saying his phone was broken (even though I know it's not) etc. In the end one day I walked out of work and broke down. I broke and called him crying asking for his support and to see him. He'd already arranged to see friends and was mad that I wanted to see him (said I was being demanding etc).

 

It all started when he asked me to move in with him and when I started organising finding a flat. I'm pretty relentless when it comes to stuff like that. He started pulling back. We found an amazing place and celebrated, just after I had the miscarriage. The miscarriage took it's toll on me and up until now I've been very strong, every time I think he's trying to get away with something I don't reply to him until he apologises. Essentially I try and ignore bad behaviour. This time I really needed him to be close to me, particularly at night - I complained we weren't spending enoguh time together. He pulled away.

 

I tried to start a conversation about this last week - as soon as I mentioned it he got ridiculously angry and walked off, refusing to see me that night. The day after was his birthday - I am ashamed to say I called him and asked to see him when I was supposed to leave him alone. We had a little chat but had agreed to meet Saturday night and have a deep chat about everything. Saturday night we went out for dinner, he just said he wants us to be happy, not arguing all the time. He said he wants us to stop walking out when we have an argument, and learn to deal with things. I said I want him to stop being so angry.

 

I feel like I haven't had my say but am scared to bring things up with him. We're seeing each other once a week at the moment. I texted him last night as this weekend was supposed to be the saver - he takes forever to reply - I said goodnight darling, lots of love all over - he replies well yes! have a great sleep!.

 

Anyway, I'm so sorry for rambling. I would really appreciate some input as I feel the last few months of my life have been the worst I've ever been through. AndI have been through it wihtout my boyfriend.

 

Please guys, give me some advice -and if there are any spare hugs or silly jokes out thereI would love to hear them.

 

Thanks xxx

[weeble78]

Basically, I'm concerned this guy sees me as a safety net, I'm worried abotu taking such a big step with somebody who doesn't see me as the love of his life. He spent a whole year with his last girlfriend - who he didn't love and wouldn't tell her he loved her - just because she was somebody who doesn't place any demands or expectations on her.

 

An example of something which has upset me - when deciding to move in, he said he wanted our own xmas day after xmas (as we both have family at opposite ends of the country and won't see each other). I was excited by this and planned a surprise. I asked him saturday night, and said it would be nice to give our gifts together, rather than open them apart, and then spend the day together. He laughed dismissively and said we don't need to see each other's faces and we can have an xmas day next year.

 

Anyway, just some extras..

[ecm]

I don't know if I'd want to live with someone like that. If he acts like this now, and was with someone just bc she didn't expect anything from him, what do you think it will be like when you live together? Have you ASKED him how he feels about moving in? Do you love HIM?