dreamer0123 Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Hi Everyone I really need some advice.. Background: My ex and I of three years broke up last October (2009) due to being on different pages. We originally went LC (with him doing all the contacting for the first few months) with me asking him to reconsider in March. He wasn't interested so we went NC... it was hard but I made every effort not to contact him. Fast Forward to Aug- he called me out of the blue - we ended up getting together for drinks and talking about our relationship. He said he had thought I had given up- and wanted to pretty much try things again-- I hesitated and told him I need time to think- We met up once a few weeks later- neither of us brought it up again- and we hung out for a bit. Saw each other after a couple times at mutual friends' parties... and then talk to each other about once a week. So Today he came over- we had brunch at my place- and hooked up. Things heated up pretty fast when I pulled away and asked him what he wanted. He said he wasn't ready to try things again- but he really missed me and wanted a friends for benefit deal- I told him I couldn't do it- because I still cared for him and that just being friends wasn't an option- we kept talking (for hours) and I told him everything on how I was feeling- we even spoke about our experiences dating other people. I also asked him for another chance- and he 'wasn't ready'- he doesn't see what I see in "us" or a future Honestly- I'm such so crushed and frustrated. He wants a friends for benefits deal but I can't pin point why.. I mean we were on NC for 5 months until he called- he's the one that said he wants to get back together- and now suddenly pulling away.. i'm so mad and so hurt and I feel like a fool.... I just don't understand.... (sorry for the long post)
angelboots Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 Im assuming it a case of " i didnt like it in the dating world because there i actually have to maintain interest to get some action but you are something i know and is safe familiar.. and hey i will use your emotions to get some action"~itis on hes behalf towards you, the " i want to work things out" was a ploy to see if your door was open a little bit for the FWB proposition Im sorry to say it but he is a jerk. on the plus side at least he has been honest about hes intentions by stating he "only wants you to be FWB" but do you want to settle for that? i think you deserve better. I would go back NC n leave him alone with hes lonely blue balls.. lol x
Author dreamer0123 Posted December 6, 2010 Author Posted December 6, 2010 I know and agree with what you are saying- I guess I'm just confused.. I mean we had some intimacy issues which also contributed to our breakup but to not speak to someone for 5 months and then says all that stuff... I just feel so hurt that's its' come to this.... I literally feel ill.
durkadurka Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 I think everyone is afraid of rejection, and it ends up being people chasing their own tail. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
angelboots Posted December 6, 2010 Posted December 6, 2010 (edited) Thats why when you go no contact its not always a good thing to break it at anytime until you know with in yourself that no matter what they say, you wont even be tempted or emotionally as "open" to their advances and will be able to see if they are still up to their old tricks.. I broke NC yesterday and today feel like i am back to square one.. my ex wants me to not see other people and be exclusively available to him... but with out any of the other stuff including him being exclusive to me... i cant and wont do it to myself anymore. So Im not even going to play the friends card with him.. friends dont try to sleep with you, they dont put your feelings last... and they are there for you when you need them. That is a friend. My ex is not my friend, and your ex is not your friend. Im sorry that this guy has hurt you, its sometimes hard to comprehend why anyone who once claimed they loved you would suddenly stop caring about your feelings n walk all over them so they can get something out of you, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.. maybe you do need to just have a confrontation for yourself, say exactly how you feel, why you feel that way and tell him that unless he is on board your out.. and if he lets you go then know that it isn't about you, its hes issue, hes wants, what ever it is they are hes feelings and he needs to own them, remember there is nothing lacking about you. Allow your self some time to heal. Who knows, in another 5 months he might come crawling back, but at least by then you will hopefully have completely moved on in your life, and will look at him and think "as if". xx Edited December 6, 2010 by angelboots
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